RESOURCES TO GET HELP
For many here, you are in a desperate situation. Please, get help. I want you first to consider, if this very situation in which you find yourself were happening to a loved one or a best friend, consider what you would want that person to do. You are worthy of receiving the very same help. As much as you love someone, someone loves you that much. Maybe right now you don't feel that that person is your spouse, but I guarantee you that someone loves you very deeply. Before doing something drastic, post a message on this board and let someone know that you are hurting. Someone is always here, even if it is two or three in the morning. Stay and talk it out. You deserve help.
IF YOU ARE SUICIDAL
If you are considering suicide, we know what intense pain you are feeling. The majority of people on this message board have considered suicide at some point, so please, just call someone. Call a parent, a cousin, your best friend, or someone you love. If you feel seriously on the verge, please call 911. They will respond lovingly and care for you. If you prefer anonymity, you can call the suicide hot line:
If you are feeling suicidal, there is a website that you should read first, if you are afraid to make that call. Visit it here: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ Please read this website before doing anything drastic. There are some wonderful resources and a very caring person took the time to let you know that you are NOT alone.
IF YOU ARE HELPING A SUICIDAL PERSON:
You may find yourself (along with several others or alone) in the situation where a person's very life rests in your gentle hands. Here is a brief webpage with direct and to-the-point information for helping someone who is suicidal:
IF YOU ARE IN A DOMESTIC ABUSE SITUATION
For many women, and a lot more men than most people realize, domestic abuse is a daily part of life. A great deal of people do not even know that they are being abused domestically, because the controlling has gone on for so long.
SIGNS OF DOMESTIC ABUSE:
If your partner calls you names, makes derogatory racial or sexuality driven comments to you or makes constant criticisms regarding your ability to parent or be a "good spouse", that is emotional and psychological abuse. This also goes for the "overprotective" or "overly jealous" spouse... this goes more for the Wayward Spouse acting this way to the Betrayed Spouse, not usually the other way around. Someone who has just found out they have been cheated on will of course act this way for a while.
Does your spouse "hate" or constantly berate your family, friends and not allow you to have many if any outside relationships? Does your spouse control where you go, when and how? Try to embarrass you in front of others? This is also a form of domestic abuse.
SIGNS OF ECONOMIC CONTROL AS DOMESTIC ABUSE
If your spouse controls all of the finances all of the time, and not allow you any access to the finances, he or she is using economic control as a form of domestic abuse. Other forms of this include forcing you to account, to a scrutinous degree, for every amount of money you've spent, not allowing you to go to school or get a job, or even limiting your access to health or medication.
Threats are a commonly used form of domestic abuse. This includes of course, threatening to harm you physically, but also includes threats such as turning you in for child abuse which you have not committed. This may also include threats to kidnap your children, or using scare tactics such as making statements like "I'm going to get angry" or giving you what you both know is "a look" to frighten you. If you are gay or lesbian, your partner may even threaten to "expose" your homosexuality to family or work associates as a way of controlling you. Or, if it applies, you may have gotten threats of reporting you to immigration or INS.
These are only a few signs of domestic abuse. If you feel extremely controlled (again, this does not include the regaining of control from a BS to a WS, in which case the BS is just trying to ensure their own personal level of knowledge that there is no cheating going on) please contact http://www.ndvh.org/. If you would like to speak to someone by phone, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.
DRUG AND ALCOHOL ABUSE HELP
For many in this situation, it seems all too easy to turn to drugs or alcohol to "self-medicate" as some like to describe. However, the abuse of drugs and alcohol can lead to serious problems, both physically and emotionally, and could very well lead to the end of your life.
If you OR a loved one is suffering from a drug or alcohol problem, please visit http://www.addictioncareoptions.com/. To call and speak with a live representative, the telephone number is 1 800 784 6776. If you have a loved one who is an alcoholic and would like support, please visit the alanon/alateen website at:
When dealing with infidelity, as in many facets of life, depression is a common side effect that over 20 million Americans suffer from. You don't have to live with the pain of every day depression. Please, if you do not visit a physician for diagnosis, at the very least, take the time to visit this helpful website for further details on depression:
FYI Depression is a disinterest in regular life and daily activities, or an overall feeling of "sadness" for two weeks or more. You do not have to feel this way. Please get help!
It is my hope that anyone who experiences any of these problems will, at the very least, come to the boards and voice your problems. Please remember, no matter what your situation, we all care about you here. You are among friends, and you deserve to live in a happy and healthy home and situation. You are worth more than you realize. Please, get help.
National Domestic Violence Hotline # 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
OR 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)