Like everyone else, I have been watching the reports of last weeks
TSUNAMI. I keep looking at pictures and hearing numbers thrown out
like "greater than 150,000 dead" and "millions homeless."
This event seems SO BIG, SO HUGE, and the destruction SO COMPLETE, it is
truly hard to imagine what kind of pain and loss is going on over there.
The more I think about this and the more video/film I see on TV, I can't
help but make an analogy to what it is like for the BS to experience
Infidelity seems like an awkward word that is a little difficult to wrap
our minds around. But, TSUNAMI...now that conjures up some pictures.
I believe that finding out your husband or wife, your best friend, your
mate, your lover, the mother/father of your children, the person you share
your hopes, dreams, and future with, and the person you want to hold you
when you die, CREATES a MASSIVE undersea earthquake when they decide to be
unfaithful and to emotionally and physically join themselves to another
person. The result is a TSUNAMI! This TSUNAMI is traveling 500 mph under
water toward the BS...who may have felt some tremors or even a quake, but
who has NO IDEA of the WAVE OF DESTRUCTION SPEEDING IN THEIR DIRECTION!
The BS is standing on the shoreline going about their business when
strange sounds and a flurry of activity suddenly catch their attention.
BUT IT IS TOO LATE!
The TSUNAMI is sweeping its weight and power to shore and the BS is
caught COMPLETELY off guard. AT first one stands there, just for a moment,
in complete disbelief. "This can't be happening." It's not a yell or
scream...it's a statement of disconnect. But, then, the wave is DEFINITELY
coming, and in an instant the BS starts to run like hell! It dawns on them
that this is about survival. They simultaneously run and look for ANY kind
of shelter. But, there is NONE to be found. As the BS runs, they look over
their shoulder and watch hopelessly and helplessly as the wave closes in.
It is not just the wall of power coming at you. It's the knowledge that
you CANNOT do anything about this catastrophy that is about to overtake
you. And it is the horror that you were left so unprepared...so
vulnerable...if ONLY a warning system would have been sounded. Why didn't
I have any WARNING? "I could have run inland. I could have taken shelter.
I could have protected my family and my most precious belongings." And,
unfortunately, the WS, the one who not only caused the earthquake and
Tsunami, CHOSE NOT TO WARN! They decided to keep this information tucked
away for another day. However, TSUNAMI'S don't wait for better days. They
blast forward with all of their power and might and don't stop their
destruction until every ounce of energy is spent. It is an energy spent
against the BS.
Many BS's never stood a chance. The wave overtook them and they are simply
listed as unknown fatalities. Others are so permanently injured they will
never be the same. "What happened to so and so? I don't know for sure. I
heard she moved away...I heard he has a problem with alcohol now."
And, yet, others some how managed to make it into a hotel or other
structure that offered JUST enough protection that life was sustained. As
they watch the spent energy of the wave stop...there is STILLNESS. There
is a VERY CREEPY and HORRIFYING QUIET that lasts just for a moment.
Because NOW the final push of destruction is about to begin.
Now the wave is starting to move backwards. Instead of pushing and plowing
over everything in it's path...now it is PULLING and SUCKING EVERYTHING in
its wake back into the sea. There is NOTHING that can be done but to
watch. The BS WATCHES as their home, their most treasured belongings,
their family, their hopes, and their dreams are RIPPED apart and dragged
out with such force that it seems like nothing is left. It only takes a
few minutes...and life is changed forever!
The BS can't hardly believe they are alive. And, now, standing in this
water-logged, muddy pile of debris, there is nothing left to resemble the
previous life that seemed to exist so soundly just one half hour ago.
The BS stands there in true honest to goodness disbelief.
"If there was EVER something I couldn't believe...this is it." The BS
doesn't even know where to start. There is numbness. It is a novocaine
numbness that permeates the whole body. But, as the scene of chaos stands
VERY REAL before them, feelings return. Feelings so intense and strong
from this NEW reality...that it seems crying is the ONLY thing that can be
done. In fact, crying is too soft. It is SOBBING...the kind of gut
wrenching sobbing that that makes others hurt and turn away. It is a
sobbing born from loss one NEVER expected or NEVER deserved. In fact, as
more information comes to light...it is a sobbing born from a pain that
can only come from those that one loved and trusted with their very life.
It is the pain Jesus felt when Judas betrayed him with a kiss.
As the BS falls to the ground, too tired, too hurt, too cold, too
destroyed, to stand further...there is a simple but profound knowledge
that life will be forever changed. No matter what happens. Life will be
DIFFERENT from now on.
Sometimes it starts with stupid and fogged out WS's driving up to the BS
in their 4 wheel drive SUV, decked out in nice clothes, and cell phone in
hand, hollering something like:"Are you okay?" The BS is laying there
barely alive and thinking: "Sure...I almost always have my life COMPLETELY
SHATTERED AND SHREDDED BEFORE MY VERY EYES. But, thanks for asking."
Other WS's have been heard to say things like: "You see this? YOU did
this!" or "Knock it off and get your act together!" or "I'll be back to go
through the mud and take what's mine...you can count on that." On occasion
they look at the destruction and state:"I'm sorry...but excuse me...I need
to take this call from my OP now. See ya!" And, even more rare, is the WS
who so allows themselves to contemplate the pain before them that they
weep. They realize THEY caused the earthquake. They realize THEY caused
the TSUNAMI...and they crawl into the mud and hold their spouse...and they
cry together. Thank You to the WS's who do not feel sorry for what they
did...but for FEELING the PAIN of what they CAUSED.
Eventually, clean up crews arrive and start to offer support. It just
seems like too little too late. These friends, family, counselors, support
groups, etc., really are part of the clean up crew. But, the BS can't help
but wish that someone, anyone, especially the WS would have just sounded
that DAMN WARNING SYSTEM BEFORE this happened!
Would it REALLY have been that much trouble to be spared this tragedy? But
asking questions like this does not heal the reality before them...so they
dig around in the mud and look for ways to rebuild. And low and behold,
there are some things worth keeping. Not many, but some. There are the
kids who need a strong parent and a HOME to live in. There are sunsets to
enjoy and family members to hug you. There are friends that will still
harass you and make you laugh. And YOU ARE ALIVE!
And in time...the BS can heal from a place of being alive...to a place
where they are LIVING again. A place to EMBRACE and ENJOY life...But
DAMN!!! It sure takes time!
Take care my friends,