I wish I had a magic formula or words of wisdom I could give to everyone
suffering from infidelity. But the truth is it's just plain hard work if
the couple wants to reconcile. It can't be just one of the partners doing
all the work. It has to be BOTH partners working together to save the
marriage. This mess we call infidelity is so damaging to all parties,
BS,WS and OP but the difference between WS/OP and the BS is we didn't give
our permission for the affair to take place.
The BS's are the victim but we have to be part of the solution in order
for a successful reconciliation; just as the WS have to be part of the
You need to take care of yourself; you need to be strong for whatever
actions you need to take. You could do everything right and still the
reconciliation might not work out if your spouse is not willing to do
everything in their power to set things right within your marriage.
Maintain your dignity, because that may be the only thing you have left at
the end of the day.
I know you're scared and afraid to be vulnerable but in my opinion, if
you love someone; you are already vulnerable to that person. That's why we
are hurt so badly by the people we love the most. That's also why that
same person can just look at us and say something nice and our hearts beat
a mile a minute. We respond to the people we love.
All I can say is tell your spouse how you feel. You're so afraid to be
vulnerable to them again. Tell them that triggers are a part of the
healing process. You will have the triggers with or without them in your
life. You need to be free to express your hurt/pain and
as time passes so will your need to express it. The triggers will come
less and less. As long as your spouse is there for you to support you and
show remorse for their action, the two of you can get thru this.
There are MANY examples of successful couples that have survived
infidelity on SI alone.
Take care and remember that you will survive this nightmare. Good