SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
I Can Relate
User Topic: "I Can Relate" Forum
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, April 2nd (Monday)

Each new thread must be submitted to and recieve Moderator approval before being started.
No new threads or groups will be posted in here by anyone other than a Moderator. This will protect against duplication and ensure that equal support is given to each situation.

Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
madseason
Member
Member # 13224
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, April 2nd (Monday)

Thanks for the new forum!!


Lose my breath in waves
Knowing that every crash is bleeding the hourglass
And taking the stride
From all our lives

*Somewhere, far away from here, I saw stars. Stars that I could reach.*


Posts: 10284 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Southeast of Disorder
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, April 2nd (Monday)

Awesome!


Me: 41
Two boys: 17 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25509 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Snapdragon
Member
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, April 2nd (Monday)

Thank you for this new forum!!

Can you please give specific instructions on how to request a topic? (who to send a PM to, etc.)

[This message edited by Snapdragon at 6:55 PM, April 2nd (Monday)]


Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink


Posts: 3077 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
kdny
Member
Member # 760
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, April 2nd (Monday)

You can PM SI Staff by clicking on the two happy faces in the post above.


Whether we remain ash or become phoenix is up to us.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes the fine line between a nervous breakdown and knowing things will be okay is a pair of furry pants~unfound

Posts: 81335 | Registered: Dec 2002 | From: Slightly left of center, standing on my head
DigDug
Member
Member # 10117
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, April 2nd (Monday)

Thanks a lot for doing this!


~DigDug~

A BS who is divorced after four years of giving it my best.

Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch. ~ Cathy Carlyle


Posts: 468 | Registered: Mar 2006
just_s
Member
Member # 13240
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, April 2nd (Monday)


Seek JOY

DDay - 12/14/06


Posts: 647 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: North Carolina
pebbles
Member
Member # 13870
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, April 2nd (Monday)

Thanks Mods!!


me: BS
Dday 7/23/05
This former rock has been blasted into a mound of pebbles.

Posts: 1283 | Registered: Mar 2007
cjonesjag
Member
Member # 10617
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, April 2nd (Monday)

Thanks for this, and thanks for all you do...Much appreciated..



Me (BS):50
Him(WTFH):51 Married: 05/26/2002
DD#1: 09/2005 (EA) DD#2: 09/2006
Mini-DDays: Many. Mostly online
DIVORCED 10/20/10
It's not what you've got, it's what you give.
It ain't the life you choose, it's the life you live

Posts: 6400 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Michigan
strike2
Member
Member # 12398
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, April 2nd (Monday)

kiss ass


Me: FWS (30)
Her: FBS (30)
Children: 2: boy and girl
Dday#1 Oct 05
Dday#2 Sept 06
Online EA
Working on R together

"life is short.. don't fuck it up"


Posts: 901 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Midwest
Basic_Guy
Member
Member # 4396
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, April 2nd (Monday)

Very nice idea. I see you have made several changes recently.

This should save a lot of lost hurting souls. In the past there were so many cries for help that were so close to the other cries that you could only answer some of them, and some of them went unanswered... Now you have a central location to reach out for the ones trying to catch someones attention.

This is a very good idea.


Courage does not always come with blinding flashes of light....sometimes you only notice it after it passes...

My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost
He's always off somewhere when I need him most.


Posts: 32886 | Registered: May 2004
forgivenotforget
Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, April 2nd (Monday)

I was wondering if you considered the topic of double betrayal. This is especially painful when you discover that the OP that a WS engaged in the A with is not only someone you know, but many times a close friend or family member. This situation has so many levels and just reading some of the responses that were posted in general makes me think there might be a need for this. Thanks again for your constant support and continued commitment to all of us here at SI.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, April 2nd (Monday)

Please PM the SI Staff for any thread requests.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197050 | Registered: May 2002
FreedomRoad
Member
Member # 13961
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, April 2nd (Monday)

It feels like Christmas all over again! Thank you MH, DS and all the SI Staff


Conduct your blooming in the noise and the whip of the whirlwind - Gwendolyn Brooks

Posts: 5286 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: East Coast
Maia
Member
Member # 8268
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, April 2nd (Monday)

muah muah muah ...thank you!!!!!!

and tell MH that the new bold and italic and quote buttons are AWESOME and wonderful and nifty and he is just... a total hero!!!


We will miss you Unicornsearcher. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Xf-Lesrkuc

Posts: 6152 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: I am a Bluegrass-American
rainedon
Member
Member # 12230
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, April 2nd (Monday)

YEA!!! This is so super-cool. I know it doesn't take much to get me all excited and happy, but this really did it!!! Thanks!


"I know you're fed up, life don't let up for us...When I look around, I see blue skies, I see butterflies for us." Macy Gray

Posts: 7609 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: New Mexico
MUSICMAN
Member
Member # 2728
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, April 2nd (Monday)

I like this new forum


Lot of water under the bridge...lot of other stuff too....Bob Dylan

Posts: 318 | Registered: Nov 2003 | From: South Carolina
incrisis
Member
Member # 12945
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, April 3rd (Tuesday)

Truly, truly, truly appreciate this. Thank you. And Pax.


BW: 40 (34 on DDay)
WH: 39 (33 on Dday, LTA and PAs)
M: 11 years, together 14, at time of S
3 kids
D-nial: 11/01/06
S: 07/21/07
D-ing! (very slowly)
--

Posts: 913 | Registered: Dec 2006
drowninginsorrow
Member
Member # 4545
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, April 3rd (Tuesday)

what a great forum

thank you...you guys have really been working especially hard lately... sure appreciate all the new stuff


Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.- Matt Groening
"I've found the secret to life. I'm ok when everything is not ok"- Tori Amos lyrics

Posts: 56712 | Registered: Jun 2004 | From: canuckistan
HurtinCutie
Member
Member # 7798
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, April 3rd (Tuesday)

Seriously, where have i been?? I just saw this here now. When was it posted??

TY for this thread Mods!!! Hugs!


That's the thing about needs. Sometimes when you get them met, you don't need them anymore.
Can you get to your future if your past is present?
~Carrie Bradshaw Sex and the City

Posts: 3889 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Canada
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday)

Dis...

It's MH that should be getting all the praises...without him, we wouldn't have all these cool new features

HC...

We just implemented this forum last night


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197050 | Registered: May 2002
weepy
Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday)

This is really great guys. All the new bells and whistles. MH is super!


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
HurtinCutie
Member
Member # 7798
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday)

LOL!! I'm more tired than I though. I was on earlier this morning and didnt see it. I didn't see it until I posted in it. I'm losin' it! lol

MH - YOU ROCK!!!!!! Incase you haven't heard it lately (I'm sure you have tho)


That's the thing about needs. Sometimes when you get them met, you don't need them anymore.
Can you get to your future if your past is present?
~Carrie Bradshaw Sex and the City

Posts: 3889 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Canada
really trying
Member
Member # 5311
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday)

Thanks MH for everything!


Me: late 40's
XH: A parasite and that might be a compliment
My S-23, Our D-15
Married 5/93 D-Day: 11/18/03
Divorced 5/19/08

The future's so bright - I got to wear shades

Plant Seeds of Kindness


Posts: 10390 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: California
Queeny4082
Member
Member # 5903
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday)

I know this is terribly Obsessive-Compulsive on my part, but have you Mod's noticed the "C" in "Can" is lower case? You wouldn't believe the trouble I go through to get the angles of my furniture just right! I also count stairs and add up the numbers on license plates. I'm sick, sick, sick!

Regardless of the "C", the forum is great!


FBW- Me, 29 + 1
FWS- H, 33, SA and working hard in recovery

Forgiveness is giving up the HOPE that anything in the past could have been any different.


Posts: 1583 | Registered: Nov 2004
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday)

There is just one thing bothering me about the new forum...

The "can" in "I can Relate"..is there a possibility in it getting a capital C instead of remaining lower case? I'm so anal rententive aren't I?

Does this bother anyone else or is it just me?


Me: 41
Two boys: 17 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25509 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
jsh2329
Member
Member # 12719
Happy  Posted: 6:37 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday)

Thanks Mods! You are so awesome!!!!


Me: FBS, 34, H: FWS, 34
Married 9/1/02
DDay #1: 10/15/06
2 Amazing Kids, 4 (DS) & 2 (DD) year old.
Worked on R, but Separated 11/07.
"I'll never trust anyone more than I trust myself."

Posts: 2559 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Arizona
ToddC
Member
Member # 9314
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday)

Does this bother anyone else or is it just me?

No, it is not just you.


Posts: 18524 | Registered: Jan 2006
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday)

Hey its fixed! I can breathe now.


Me: 41
Two boys: 17 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25509 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
MangledHeart
Webmaster
Member # 1
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday)

Does this bother anyone else or is it just me?

It was bothering me too.


Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength. ~Corrie Ten Boom

Posts: 4997 | Registered: May 2002 | From: Texas
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday)

Nevermind...I wasn't being very mice. I took something personal and shouldn't have

[This message edited by Deeply Scared at 8:46 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday)]


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197050 | Registered: May 2002
JoePike
Member
Member # 13207
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, April 4th (Wednesday)

DS & MH and all the mods

Words are not enough for the gratitude I feel for your relentless work on this site and the support it has been for me.

My only regret is that it took 2 months for me to find it post d-day.

Thank you again.


"Do or do not. There is no Try" - Yoda.

"The term “mistake” infers a level of ignorance, innocence and naivety. And a lack of intent and planning." - Craig Harper


Posts: 3952 | Registered: Jan 2007
incrisis
Member
Member # 12945
Default  Posted: 3:12 AM, April 5th (Thursday)

As a copywriter/editor...thanks for fixing the "C". You guys totally rock.


BW: 40 (34 on DDay)
WH: 39 (33 on Dday, LTA and PAs)
M: 11 years, together 14, at time of S
3 kids
D-nial: 11/01/06
S: 07/21/07
D-ing! (very slowly)
--

Posts: 913 | Registered: Dec 2006
Inchoate
Member
Member # 9065
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, April 5th (Thursday)

What a brilliant idea for a forum. And I love the editing buttons I am just now noticing!

MH and DS, you rock.


Former Wayward Ninja, recovered
"The shadows tell us where the light is" (my DD@3)
"Growing up is hard. If it were easy, everyone would do it." (Agliarept)

Posts: 5057 | Registered: Dec 2005
bailey36
Member
Member # 7287
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, April 11th (Wednesday)

Is it possible to have a thread on those of us who are divorcing with children? My time is getting closer and closer and i would love some input on the difficulties i'm going to face in preparing my kids for this, and what i might possibly have to deal with later?


Married 11 yrs.
3 kids
Two D-days less than 8 months apart. Same OW. Waiting on the 3rd now.

Posts: 174 | Registered: Jun 2005
paulb
Member
Member # 4936
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, April 19th (Thursday)

And another suggestion for an "I Can Relate" thread ... "Surviving with an STD from the affair"


"Some say life will beat you down, break your heart, steal your crown"
"I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings"
"but not me baby, I've got you to save me"
Tom Petty

Posts: 2982 | Registered: Jul 2004
despondentsW
New Member
Member # 13675
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, April 24th (Tuesday)

Can anyone relate?

We are such a pair. I am a WS/BS and so is he.

I am the perpertrator of a LTA and he is the perpertrator of multiple ONSs.

Pleae respond if you can relate - or have any insight into this type of situation.

Thanks!


Posts: 33 | Registered: Feb 2007
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, April 24th (Tuesday)

despondentsW...

Please send SI Staff a PM with a request of what you're needing in this forum and the Moderators will discuss it and get back to you.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197050 | Registered: May 2002
Nodicei
Member
Member # 14403
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, April 27th (Friday)

In January 2007, I broke down and got DSL for the house since my daughter received a laptop computer for x-mas. I also was interested in e-bill paying through my bank. Long story short...I paid my wife's cell phone bill (which she has also been very protective of) on line. I wanted to verify that the bill was paid and thus opened an account on the cell phone company site posing as my wife. After I confirmed that the bill was paid I realized that I could also access the call history as far back as July 2005. Well I could not resist to take a look. One particular number kept popping up at around the time my wife of 20 years gets to work shortly after 6 AM. The same number would also appear throughout the day and around the time she would leave work. What bothered me is that the number was never called before or after work. I did not jump to conclusion right away. However, I played this one smart. I got home and acted like nothing happended. I secretly took her cell phone to check whose's name was associated with number in her cell phone's speed dial. There was none. So I typed the suspicious number into her phone. I went back downstairs and did like I was interested in her phone and tried to compare it with mine. I then asked who the suspicious number belonged to. She denied that she knew the number, and at that point I knew something was up since she called this number for nearly two years on daily basis and multiple times during the work day. Never or rarely from the house or an weekends. I went upstairs, got the laptop with the evidence and calmly showed her the same number on her cell phone call history. I could see by her trembling hands that she knew the gig was up. She contritely said "It's Rick's number" and then "I'm sorry". At that point I knew exactly who Rick was. I stormed out of the house. She tried to call me several times that night. I didn't get home until 11:00. I WAS DEVASTATED!! My wife had secretly been calling this B****** at least since June /July 2005 behind my back nearly everyday. Since 2005 I stopped drinking with no help or support from my wife at all. I would not join my wife on friday nights when she would claim to go out and party with her co-workers. She generally would not invite me anyhow and say "I'm just hanging out with my girlfriend's from work". Through the years I never really felt comfortable with her going out. However because my wife always accussed me(for no good reason) of trying to control her life I never really put up a fight about her going out. Now I wonder what really happended on all those friday nights? She now claims that she did see him Rick (OP) on occaison in the company of her friends when she went out but that nothing ever happpened sexually between the two of them and that he is only a friend (heard that on before anyone?)This guy had interupted our lives before several years earlier(2000). My wife was working nights. I was working day time. We drifted apart. He was a co-worker she befriended him during our martial struggle to lean for support. She would talk to him on the phone at home in front of me.(She later claims she did it to make me jealous). When I asked her who she was talking to she would reply that it was her boss or a friend. I soon realized that this A****** was on his way to getting into my wife's pants. At one point my wife and I reconciled hoping the the calls would cease. I don't remember how but I realized she was still talking to him on the phone after we had made up back in late 2000. I got mad, demanded his telephone number from my wife which she reluctantly gave me. I called him on a saturday morning and in no uncertain terms I made it clear to him that if he ever spoke to my wife again I would find him and do him in. Again, this was a very trying time for me which included a four day stint in the "whack ward" after a suicide attempt on my part after our first near break up. We hung up on each other cursing. I made my wife promise to cease all contact with him. She then started working during the day (OP) remained on nightshift and I thought this matter was closed and things started to improve or so I thought until March 2, 2007 when I found the years worth of calls she made to this mother******. I really don't know now if she ever stopped calling him. I've been searching high and low on the internet to try and get my head around this situation. This is the best site ever and thus helped figure out what I was up against.
Here is what I've learned so far...I believe my wife had/has an emotional affair with this guy. The sex part I'm not so sure of. The emotional addiction to OP is present without a doubt. She (wife) has all the symptoms depression and anger. She denies wholeheartedly any physical involvement. Regardless with all the lies I've heard from her until now it's hard for me to believe anything she says.

For years I had my suspicions. Everytime I would broach the topic of the OP from the previous incident she claimed I was paranoid, that she had not seen him for so many years, and that I'm just starting a fight for purpose of starting a fight. Then she accused me of controlling her life. Get this: I brought my wife from the Philippines in 1991 where I met and lived with her for several years. I helped her get a job immediately so she could make some money unlike most other GI Joes who liberate a Filipina and then "chain them to the house". I then helped her get her driver's license so she could be more mobile and feel what its like to free in the U.S.. Then I bought her a brand new car so she could work where she met this Mother******. At one point I got so tired of her constant complaining about how I handled our money I forced her to open her own bank account where she could have access of the money she made. She goes as she pleases. Parties into the wee hours of the night YET I"M CONTROLLING HER!! Talk about gas lighting somebody.

These days its constant arguing, fighting, let's split up,let's not, let's get a divorce, let's not. On top of all this our 20 th wedding anniversary is on 5/27/2007 and I (the fool I am still was still considering buying her a one carat ring for the occaison). After reading what this website advises...maybe not so fast.

After the discovery she tried to spin the reason for her affair on me...I did not meet her needs...he's nice...he never argues with her...he too has a girlfriend...so how could she(my wife) be cheating on me if he(OP) already has a girlfriend? She did break down and cry severely a day or two after the discovery and admitted what she did was wrong, that I'm a good man and she repents of what she did to mean... blah blah blah. However, one minute she says sorry the next it's not that big of a deal...let it go...he's only a friend, don't always remind me...blah, blah, blah Oh this is the best...she claims that a week before I discovered the affair she had called him one last time to sever ties with him...WOW WHAT A COINCIDENCE!!! She also claims that she was starting to feel bad about the whole thing and that she was ready to come clean and reveal the affair to me around the time I found out.

Here's another little piece of trivia: I asked her what her access PIN number to her voicemail is. It turns out they are the EXACT SAME DIGIT'S AS THE MOTHER******'s last four digits of his cell number. AGAIN...WHAT A CO-INCIDENCE!!

HERE IS WHERE I'M AT NOW:

Constant fights with her.
Name calling... B**** and W*****. Twelve year old in the middle of this combat zone...constantly paranoid about what other things I'll discover. My wife will only admit to to things for which I have overwhelming evidence to and nothing more. Accuses me of "Identity Theft" for having posed as her when I opened the cell phone acount on the website the day of the discovery.

By the way, the paper bill for her cell phone stopped coming to our house several months ago. I wonder why??? Whenever, I quizzed her about it she would become defensive and start with the "Controlling Crap". So I let it go. I should have pursued this matter right then and there.

I don't know if I can forgive for this and save the marriage. She is currently kinda self rightious at at times claiming she knows her right and refuses to move out of the house and that I should move out.

One small piece of hope is that after the discovery she did in fact not call (OP) from her cell phone anymore (1 and 1/2 months now). However, since I now have caller ID and she calls me and daughter at home in the morning I can see that she uses the company landline from work. When I question her about it she claims that sometimes her cell phone does not work from her job. HOW ODD...SHE DIDN'T HAVE PROBLEMS BEFORE WITH THE SAME PHONE!!

It leads me to believe she is still talking to this M******** behind my back without me being able to monitor.


I'm exhausted now...I can't write anymore...does any body have the same experience or am I the only one?


George(BS) 41

Dina (W/S) 45

One daughter (12)

D-DAY 3/2/2007...Man it felt like the real "D-DAY" June 6, 1944 I probably would have rather been there than at my house.

Could not find this website sooner that's the reason for the delay.

Married for nearly 20 years


[This message edited by Nodicei at 3:47 PM


Posts: 121 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Laurel, Maryland
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, April 27th (Friday)

Nodicei...

Please feel free to re-post this in the JFO forum or General.

This thread and forum are for specific on-going support threads.

DS


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197050 | Registered: May 2002
discombobulated
Member
Member # 6580
Default  Posted: 11:43 PM, June 23rd (Saturday)

Suggestion for the I Can Relate Forum - Dealing with fear and anxiety, success stories on overcoming fear,working through it, inspiration for those paralyzed by it. Sharing the victories will fortify, resolve and strengthen us when we're shakin' in our boots. We waste so much time wallowing in the fear of "What if?"

Thanks for your consideration.

Great topics in this forum!


BS - age 52- married 27 years, in IC, support groups
WH - age 57 - sex addict/porn addict, NPD
Children 2 boys, 19 & 16
D-day #1 2/2/05, D-day #2: 1/22/06
R 4/21/05, but that was another lie, just a game.
D-day #3 11/06
Divorce final may 09

Posts: 2151 | Registered: Mar 2005 | From: Florida
25wimsey
Member
Member # 7816
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, June 25th (Monday)

Thank you for this forum--just thank you...

Posts: 695 | Registered: Aug 2005
whyus
Member
Member # 14733
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, July 5th (Thursday)

Where do I belong?

I don't know if I belong in the ONS forum or in the multiple affairs forum.

My H had 4 ONSs (or 1-2 night stands) since we've been married. Also he's had a ONS when we were engaged and then some others while we were dating - but broken up for a few weeks.

Does his behavior count as ONS or multiple affairs - there doesn't seem to be a place for multiple ONSs? I don't want to split hairs here so that's why I'm asking.

Anyone got any insight on how I should view and approach this situation.

Any help would be appreciated.


Posts: 81 | Registered: May 2007 | From: southeastofdisorder
since1989
New Member
Member # 15128
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, July 11th (Wednesday)

[This message edited by since1989 at 12:31 AM, February 25th (Monday)]


Posts: 11 | Registered: Jun 2007
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, July 11th (Wednesday)

since1989...

This thread is for suggestions/ideas for this forum.

Please start a new thread in JFO or in General and I'm confident you'll get the support you're needing.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197050 | Registered: May 2002
father of 4
Member
Member # 5866
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, August 2nd (Thursday)

Support for Spouses with Same Gender APs.

Please! Or something better worded. It seems like there is a new member about once a week that signs up with this sort of peculiar issue. And they are all searching desperately for someone in their particular type of predicament. It is a very lonely feeling when this happens... because when you are in this situation, you feel as though this is a freakish occurrence and you have very little chance of ever finding any one else in the same boat.

I realize this request is poorly worded, but please consider it! Thanks so much, DS (and the rest of the Marvelous "Mod Squad" too!)

Yours truly, f 4

(By the way, the "please" has sugar on top... and a cherry!)

[This message edited by father of 4 at 1:01 PM, August 2nd (Thursday)]


"It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust." -Samuel Johnson

Posts: 7816 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: 32°01'22" N 81°06'05" W
father of 4
Member
Member # 5866
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, August 2nd (Thursday)

Can a pinned thread be bumped?

Hmmmm.... This is one to ponder.... like a koan or something.


"It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust." -Samuel Johnson

Posts: 7816 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: 32°01'22" N 81°06'05" W
Feeling so alone
Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 6:54 AM, August 22nd (Wednesday)

Sorry to say anything but I'm going through withdrawals with LTA shut down.
I've got a big mouth and nowhere to use it right now.
Thanks for making SI and LTA possible.


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
neverendinghurt
Member
Member # 15859
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, August 28th (Tuesday)

Revenge

Is revenge a suitable topic for the "I can relate" forum?


The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it.
James M. Barrie

Posts: 26040 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: Seattle
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, August 28th (Tuesday)

This site is not about revenge.

Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
dreamlife
Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, August 28th (Tuesday)

Agree with father of 4...please??

Many thanks for your understanding of the human condition.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25407 | Registered: Sep 2005
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, August 28th (Tuesday)

So sorry, I missed F0f4's request.

I will bring it into the Mod forum so they can discuss it.


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
queequeg
Member
Member # 15395
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, August 29th (Wednesday)

I would like to hear from any BSs whose WSs left them to marry the AP to live happily ever after, rather than becoming remorseful or breaking up with the AP.

In the latter cases, it would seem easier to believe in "fogginess."

Has the outcome affected your ability to accept the "fogginess" concept?

Does this outcome still make you feel that you were somehow responsible for alienating WS?

Are there two possible kinds of WSs?

Just wondering how others with this type of WS have understood what happened to them.


Posts: 1030 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: maryland
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, August 29th (Wednesday)

Please use this thread:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=159081


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197050 | Registered: May 2002
cvfsnej
New Member
Member # 15055
Helpless  Posted: 6:33 PM, August 31st (Friday)

My wife and I have been together for 23 years and have 2 girls and 1 boy. I caught her with another woman. She said that she has had been with women before we were married and wanted to have that feeling again. I can’t get the pictures out of my mind of what they did. She say’s that she wants to stay, but I feel that it’s only because she doesn’t want our kids to find out or the other woman's family to know. She wants to stay friends with the women and that it won’t happen again. They would go on trips together and I feel that things may have happen. Also there was too much feeling in what I saw them do. I have caught her talking with the woman on the phone and told her that for us to stay together she needs to stop having contact with her. She say's that she has ended it, but now she is all depressed. Can I believer her that she won’t do this again with the woman? I know she needs friends and I can’t stand seeing her so depressed.

She said that both of them talked about it and that this was not what either one wanted to continue. I can help not believing her. When I first confronted her on what she did, she said that they only kissed. Then I told her what I saw, and they were in our daughter’s room with the door opened, our 12 year old son could have opened his door and seen them. She said it was no big deal it’s not like they had sex (what is sex between to women?).

She keeps saying that if I want to get a divorce that she understands and loves me very much and knows that she has hurt me. She said that she will not fight me for the house or anything.


What Should I do?


Posts: 7 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: SoCal
doctordoug
New Member
Member # 16418
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, September 30th (Sunday)

New and dumb. WS and myself have counseling set up for this week. We are currently separated. My question is will counseling do any good as long as she will not let SO go? She wants 2 months and 8 sessions to make her decision. I think I have made mine.

Posts: 3 | Registered: Sep 2007
charlotte
Member
Member # 3663
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, September 30th (Sunday)

doctordoug you will get more responses if you post in Just Found Out.


Posts: 3983 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: Maryland ES
kdny
Member
Member # 760
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, September 30th (Sunday)

Hi, I think if you put this question in the Just found out or General forum you will get the responses you want. Welcome.

[This message edited by kdny at 8:44 PM, September 30th (Sunday)]


Whether we remain ash or become phoenix is up to us.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes the fine line between a nervous breakdown and knowing things will be okay is a pair of furry pants~unfound

Posts: 81335 | Registered: Dec 2002 | From: Slightly left of center, standing on my head
LisaP
Member
Member # 15088
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, October 19th (Friday)

I didn't see anything relating to this nor did I see a reguest...but trust that I apparently miss alot!!

Can there be something for the BS who's SO is spending time with Prostitutes, in Strip Clubs, and Massage Parlors?

I have noticed that this is something that is becoming a norm lately...

Thank you...


Me BS

Divorced!

~Feel your emotions, but control your behavior~ Unknown


Posts: 2180 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Oregon
STAND
Member
Member # 16442
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, October 29th (Monday)

Can there be something for the BS who's SO is spending time with Prostitutes, in Strip Clubs, and Massage Parlors?

PM'd SI Staff regarding adding what LisaP suggested.

Please!


"Is my life a comedy or a tragedy? If only I could decide than I could dress accordingly." - Ashleigh Brilliant

Posts: 938 | Registered: Oct 2007
so_sad_bs
Member
Member # 15636
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, November 12th (Monday)

Suggestion: Can we have a thread started on EAs? On a recent thread, Lalagirl (and several others including me) thought a separate forum might be nice, but until then, or instead, I think maybe an "I Can Relate" thread would suffice.

Thanks!

[This message edited by so_sad_bs at 4:44 PM, November 12th (Monday)]


BS (me), 35
FWH, 35
OW, married "friend" with 1 child
EA - 32 days
DDay - 8/2/2007
M 10 years, no kids
R in progress

Posts: 90 | Registered: Aug 2007
kxm00
Member
Member # 14075
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, November 16th (Friday)

New Betrayed Men needed, please.


D-day: 6/25/06
D-day #2: 8/16/07 Found out for sure she was seeing another OM while we were deciding to divorce, separate or work on the marriage.

Divorced 3/5/08.


Posts: 183 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: PA
Equalizing
New Member
Member # 16895
Default  Posted: 6:01 AM, November 19th (Monday)

have you started a new thread on LTA's? i don't see it here.


Be kinder than neccesary.

Posts: 12 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: fl
STAND
Member
Member # 16442
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, November 19th (Monday)

Can I ask for this again?

Can there be something for the BS who's SO is spending time with Prostitutes, in Strip Clubs, and Massage Parlors??

ONS's just doesn't cut it for me. There's no OW around to deal with. There's just a history of hookers.


"Is my life a comedy or a tragedy? If only I could decide than I could dress accordingly." - Ashleigh Brilliant

Posts: 938 | Registered: Oct 2007
painfullylost
New Member
Member # 18000
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, January 31st (Thursday)

Is there ANYBODY out there that has had to deal with mental illness and infidelity? Borderline Personality Disorder?


Posts: 5 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Michigan
jolene
Member
Member # 17993
Default  Posted: 5:30 AM, February 24th (Sunday)

What about infidelity in which there is a CHILD who is disabled/has chronic illness?

I know that is quite the buzzkill, but it's what I'm facing.


Divorced 10/2013! Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!

Posts: 2189 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: btn rock and hard place
FeistyWoman
Member
Member # 19093
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, April 11th (Friday)

I see a couple of requests for a thread relating to SO's going to prostitutes, massage parlors, etc.

I could really use some support from others who have been through this. Could we get one started?


Me - BS
Him - WH (SA)
Dday #1 3-20-08 Dday #2 4-9-08
2 children
Married 11 years, together 20
Him-3 massage parlor visits starting 1996; 1 yr arrangement w/prostitute;6 ONS(women); 1 full massage with man
Me-Totally clueless until 3-20-08

Posts: 111 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Midwest
Carmela
New Member
Member # 19527
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, May 14th (Wednesday)

I don't know how to be to my spouse now that I have found out about the affair. How do I act? Mad, sad, mean, nice, not sure what is best!

Posts: 1 | Registered: May 2008
Fallen
Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, May 14th (Wednesday)

(((Carmela))) Welcome to SI.

You might want to post your story in the Just Found Out forum so that more people will see it.

Is the A over?


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23478 | Registered: May 2004
dorada
New Member
Member # 19866
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, June 13th (Friday)

my h had a baby with his A in front of my eyes..not knowing it was his of course...she is 28 and i am 46...he is 40...she is young and pretty and im overweight...and i can no longer have children ( three and a first divorce was enouwgh).she was pretending to be my friend as she was having my H`s baby....making me feel her belly as the baby grew...now pease tell that is the sickest thing possible...we are back together again ,the baby is a year old, but things are going good for us...it`s just that i still feel humiliation at being so stupid when in fact i had doughts. they spent 9 months with straight faces and i cant beleive 2 people can do that...she breast fed in my home...i found out the baby was 9 months old....she is no longer in his life and lives in another country so i know there`s nc, but i still feel fat and ugly and old...has someone else`s H had a baby with his A. tell me how you felt about all of it...thanks
Posts: 4 | Registered: Jun 2008

Posts: 44 | Registered: Jun 2008
auntcis
Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, June 13th (Friday)

There is a thread here for BW who's H had another child from the A. There are quite a few of us. My H had OC from his A we have no contact with OW/OC. It has made R very tough, since now there will froever be a reminder of H A. The women in the OC thread have helped me quite a bit. Stop by there if you need to.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
Dreamboat
Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, June 20th (Friday)

Mods,
I would like to request a thread for Parents whose X's have abandoned kids (or maybe "Absent Parent" or something like that). There seems to be many of us in D/S dealing with this, or whose X's seem to be headed that way.

I feel like this thread could be a place where we can support each other and trade ideas to help our kids deal with the pain of having an absent parent.

I would like this because it is hard to remember which parents are dealing with an absent parent and it is hard to tell which threads are focused on that (from the title anyway).

Thank you for taking this into consideration.
DreamBoat


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17605 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Dreamboat
Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, June 20th (Friday)

Mods,
I would like to request a thread for Parents whose X's have abandoned kids (or maybe "Absent Parent" or something like that). There seems to be many of us in D/S dealing with this, or whose X's seem to be headed that way.

I feel like this thread could be a place where we can support each other and trade ideas to help our kids deal with the pain of having an absent parent.

I would like this because it is hard to remember which parents are dealing with an absent parent and it is hard to tell which threads are focused on that (from the title anyway).

Thank you for taking this into consideration.
DreamBoat

In addition there are also several posters how had a parent leave them behind. I know several who have helped me in the past, so I would not want to create a thread where they did not feel comfortable posting.


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17605 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
lonely&depressed
Member
Member # 19779
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)

Mods.........I think a Retaliatory Affair thread should be added.

Posts: 157 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: New York
sickwith4kids
Member
Member # 16585
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, July 30th (Wednesday)

A thread for people who had an addiction to texting/chatting? Not emotional affairs just addicted to the communication?


me (BS)-34 Him (FWH)-35
married 11 years (together 14)

DDay 10/07/2007
trickle truth for one month
kids S-9 D-7 S-5 D-2
...because it was us baby way before them and we're still together. ~REO Speedwagon~


Posts: 350 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: Ohio
lonely&depressed
Member
Member # 19779
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, July 31st (Thursday)

What about the topic of retalitory affairs.

Posts: 157 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: New York
beach
Member
Member # 7533
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, October 24th (Friday)

Can we have a new thread to work on "Low Self-esteem" for many of us? Please let me know.

Thanks!

[This message edited by beach at 12:54 PM, October 24th (Friday)]


If you don't find peace with yourself, you cannot find anywhere else.
Appreciate and cherish what I have.

Posts: 8680 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: midwest
gburg
New Member
Member # 21400
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, October 27th (Monday)

I'm sorry folks but how can I send a message to the moderator to post. I have a problem and would like opinions and help but don't know how to post it.

Posts: 16 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: USA
deeplysad
Member
Member # 16590
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, October 27th (Monday)

Go into the General Forum and ask to have a mod send you a PM (private message) and whoever is "on duty" will contact you.


Me: BW - I'm much too young to feel this damn old
Him: FWH - Midlife crisis with a pathetic porn wannabe
D-Day: August 2004; Lots of false R until February 2005.

It takes all kinds of kinds....Miranda Lambert


Posts: 3223 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: So Calif
HoBeGone
New Member
Member # 21567
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, November 11th (Tuesday)

I would like to make a suggestion.

When a new thread is started on a topic - can a link to the "old" thread be posted in the first message?

And perhaps a link to the NEW thread on the 'old' one before locking it?



Me - 35F - BS - Smart, Beautiful, Faithful
Him - 29M - WS - Asshole, Diagnosed Sex Addict
Son - 5
Together 7.5 years, Married 5.5 years



Posts: 31 | Registered: Nov 2008
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, November 11th (Tuesday)

We can put a link to the old thread in any news ones on the same subject, however, when the forum is archived, the old thread would be gone so the link wouldn't serve any purpose at that point.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197050 | Registered: May 2002
Ibelieveinlove
Member
Member # 20921
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, December 11th (Thursday)

Hi Mods,

Would it be possible to have a "Mad Hatters" thread? This topic gets very touchy when posted in the General section but I think it would be great to have an "I Can Relate" thread.

Thanks!


Posts: 276 | Registered: Sep 2008
Star727
Member
Member # 22026
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, December 20th (Saturday)

Long Term Emotional Affairs.
If your spouse had an EA lasting several years that is now out in the open, do you think its love and they will not stop, or could they really just be friends and abruptly stop the contact because the BS demanded that it stop?


Me 55, H 60, Married 25 yrs
2 Kids, 19 & 24
H had long term EA with coworker.


"It ain't about love anymore."


Posts: 765 | Registered: Dec 2008
Thanos
Member
Member # 22131
Default  Posted: 11:39 PM, December 21st (Sunday)

I'm new here today and not sure if I'm posting in the right place or not ..
I'm a single dad of two wonderful children aged 6 and 10. Our second Christmas since our seperation is approaching and unfortunatly my ex will have our children this time...i guess it's her turn.
I just cannot imagine celibrating the holiday without my kids. I've been invited by family and friends to join them but I really don't feel like that is where I want to be. I just think sitting around with a bunch of people and not haveing my children with me would make me feel like such a loser and make me feel very sad. So my plan is to simply not celibrate the holiday this year...my Christmas will be next year when I can enjoy it. I will go skiing for the day and do my best to have a fun day and not think to much about what day it is.
Does this seem unreasonable or can anyone see where I'm comeing from here?




Posts: 255 | Registered: Dec 2008
tmcmullan
New Member
Member # 22271
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, January 6th (Tuesday)

My D-day was over 6 weeks ago and there has still been no definitive NC letter. My WS is still dealing with how to present things to OW and seems to be catering to her needs (It's her birthday, New Years, Vacation, blah, blah, blah). He says he loves me and everything is going to be fine...He just needs to do it his way. I explained how painful delay is. He accuses me of pressuring him and starts to retreat. When I asked him what he was talking about in hushed tones to his friend who knows about OW while at a dinner party, he also got very defensive. I explained my need for transparency. He accepted somewhat regretfully. We are both in IC and MC. He has Appointment to figure out how to sort out his mess with his therapist this week. I am really feeling like he's just not feeling the remorse thing very much. Any thoughts out there?
T

Posts: 7 | Registered: Jan 2009
drowninginsorrow
Member
Member # 4545
Default  Posted: 7:12 AM, January 6th (Tuesday)

there is a thread in here titled BS questions for WS... you can copy this question onto that thread

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=262990

this is the thread

[This message edited by drowninginsorrow at 7:13 AM, January 6th (Tuesday)]


Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.- Matt Groening
"I've found the secret to life. I'm ok when everything is not ok"- Tori Amos lyrics

Posts: 56712 | Registered: Jun 2004 | From: canuckistan
tk59194
New Member
Member # 20874
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, January 7th (Wednesday)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[This message edited by tk59194 at 12:40 PM, January 7th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 49 | Registered: Sep 2008 | From: San Marcos Texas
cantbelieve
Member
Member # 22028
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, January 21st (Wednesday)

Is there a thread somewhere about Spouses of Workaholics?


Me: BS (58)
Him: WS (58)
LTA 4 years with co-worker
DS(26)
DD(23)
DD(20)
Married 29 years
D-day1 5/08
D-day2 11/08
Status: 6 yrs and wondering if I'll ever be truly happy again

Posts: 1059 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: DFW
countrygirl2001
Member
Member # 18040
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, January 29th (Thursday)

I just saw the NPD thread. Is there a BPD thread?

Posts: 131 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Cincinnati, OH
cd103
Member
Member # 1713
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, February 17th (Tuesday)

Free seminar in boston re BPD

If you live in or near Boston, it would be great to see you this Thursday at
McLean Hospital at the seminar I'm doing for the New England Personality
Disorder Association. Note: the seminar is FREE. Please introduce yourself
to me at the reception! Here's the original post.

On Thursday, February 19, 2009, well known "Stop Walking on Eggshells"
coauthor Randi Kreger will be giving a free one-hour presentation called
"Power Tools for Positive Change." It is from 6 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. at McLean
Hospital, 115 Mill St., Belmont, MA. The seminar is being sponsored by the
New England Personality Disorder Association (NEPDA). A reception will
follow.

During the meeting, Kreger, will present five powerful tools from her new
book, "The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New
Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells." These tools enable
family members to organize their thinking, learn specific skills, and focus
on what they need to do instead of becoming overwhelmed.

Blaise Aguirre, MD, Medical Director of the Adolescent Dialectical Behavior
Therapy Center at McLean Hospital, says of the book, "Randi Kreger has done
it again! With her new book, she continues to make the dynamics of
borderline personality disorder readily accessible to those of us who love,
live with, and treat people who suffer from this complex condition."

The seminar is for both family members whose loved one is in treatment, and
those who high-functioning loved one refuses help and is critical or
blaming.

The web site for NEPDA is www.nepda.org. The site for McLean Hospital is

http://www.mclean. harvard.edu <http://www.mclean. harvard.edu/> . For more
information, contact Maureen Smith at 617-855-2420.

Randi Kreger

Randi @BPDCentral. com

Author, The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder

(Available at www.BPDCentral. com for 20% off. Your purchase supports this
free community!)


To Do No Harm

Posts: 5608 | Registered: Jul 2003 | From: planet earth
1Forward1Back
Member
Member # 11057
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, April 5th (Sunday)

Mods,

We need a new Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts thread. We is full to the brim!

Many thanks.


Me: 60 Yrs. (BS)
Him: 60 Yrs.(FWH- life long sex addict)
-2 ONSs followed by an A-2005/06
-cheated while we were engaged
-seems to stray every 30 years or so
D-Day-June 10, 2006
Working on own recovery. His is his!
Married: 37 yrs. Grown ch

Posts: 966 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Canada
Star727
Member
Member # 22026
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, April 15th (Wednesday)

How about a thread about "Living Like Roommates".

I'm living that life. I'm wondering how many others are doing this also.

Its a way to live when no other decision is easy, acceptable and inexpensive.

My husband and I live like this because we truly like each other deeply. He won't apologize for his affair and I won't forgive and forget his affair so we are at a stalemate in our relationship.

Everything else we do is good. We have friends and family who look at us and think we are such a loving couple and some younger relatives want to be like us. Our children are thriving and wouldnt if we were separated.

He takes of things in and around the house that I can't or do not want to do and I do the same. We have our jobs in our relationship and things work out fine.

The only problem we have - he got himself emotionally involved with someone I know and I will never get past it.

I'm not in a position to get divorced. Not enough money saved, we let our daughter take our second car back to college with her so we only have one car and have to save up to get another one.

Our monthly bills are so co-mingled, it would be a major problem trying to separate bills for a break up. Its easier for us to put our money in the pot (bank) and just keep paying bills until their paid off.

Husband and I are league bowlers. We bowl three nights a week, have a lot of friends and responsibilities in our bowling world. This is the glue thats holding us together right now. We have a love for bowling - I never think about the affair doing that time. When D-Day came and we argued all day, that evening he suggested we go to the bowling alley to practice (to get the affair off our minds) and it worked for me. I felt better and more composed when we got home.

So "Living Like Roommates" works for me right now. My blood pressure has gone down and I'm not worrying about my future anymore. I'm taking one day at a time.

When its time for us to go our separate ways, I think we will equally know when its time.


Me 55, H 60, Married 25 yrs
2 Kids, 19 & 24
H had long term EA with coworker.


"It ain't about love anymore."


Posts: 765 | Registered: Dec 2008
kristy175
Member
Member # 24125
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, June 9th (Tuesday)

i have just found this site and it is so wonderful. Some one here called me a madhatter and i had no idea what that meant. seems i am wearing two hats--the bs and the ws. are there any forums for this? is there anywhere to talk about this on this site?

Posts: 99 | Registered: May 2009 | From: ohio
stepqueen
New Member
Member # 24897
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, July 26th (Sunday)

Hi Everyone,

I've been reading most of the posts and I'm hoping that I can get some advice.

It's been 3 weeks since I found out that the WS had a one time affair which resulted in a child. We are going to try and make things work but I'm not sure where this is going to end.

It's been a absolute roller coaster ride but the crying and anger has subsided.

For those of you that have been here, how do you handle the OC? Are you able to be part of their life should you and your WS decide to make a go of it? How do you tell your family and friends that this has happened?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


Could this be a nightmare.....

Posts: 5 | Registered: Jul 2009
Rellymom3
New Member
Member # 24966
Exclaimation  Posted: 3:44 PM, July 27th (Monday)

You are not the only feeling angry or pain. Just hold on and pray.

Posts: 17 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: U.S
kdny
Member
Member # 760
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, July 27th (Monday)

This thread is for informational purposes only.

Please post for support in the forum that best fits the description of your situation.


Whether we remain ash or become phoenix is up to us.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes the fine line between a nervous breakdown and knowing things will be okay is a pair of furry pants~unfound

Posts: 81335 | Registered: Dec 2002 | From: Slightly left of center, standing on my head
Topic Posts: 96