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Wayward Side
User Topic: Helpful Books for WSes
Fallen
Member
Member # 4313
Stop  Posted: 2:48 PM, September 28th (Monday)

At the request of someone who is struggling, I'm starting this thread to ask the WSes here to list some books that have helped you heal.

Infidelity and the Internet: Virtual Relationships, Real Betrayal
(My A was mostly conducted online. This helped me to see I wasn't alone- and that the A wasn't special)

His Needs, Her Needs

Relationship Rescue

Tempted Women (now out of print, written by Carol Botwin. Another book that made me realize that other people had been through what I was going through. Not necessarily helpful for R, but was good to see other women who were as confused and hurting as I was)

Facing Codependence- (Helped me understand why I acted like I did) (thanks for the title correction, EmptyCup)

Codependent No More

Five Languages of Love (A must read if you are in R)

Should I Stay or Go? (Made me realize I didn't want to go)

Making Peace With Your Parents

Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin - (LOVED this one.)

Unattended Sorrow (About grief and the loss of a loved one. This book taught me the concept of self mercy" It doesn't only apply to death- but to past pain as well. It taught me to let go of old pain)

The Four Agreements This book made me think about my choices and my reactions to other people.

Please add any books that helped you. A short explanation as to why would be helpful too. Thanks!

[This message edited by Fallen at 2:27 PM, April 9th (Saturday)]


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23489 | Registered: May 2004
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, September 28th (Monday)

www.aftertheaffair.net

Not Just Friends

Relationship Rescue

All three of those were very helpful towards me understanding and accepting what I had done.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198800 | Registered: May 2002
beach
Member
Member # 7533
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, September 28th (Monday)

"Journey from abandonment to healing" and "Journey from heartbreak to connection" by Susan Anderson

"the language of letting go" by Melody Beattie.

Fallen, I am just reading "Boundaries" by Anne Katherine and I also like this book.


If you don't find peace with yourself, you cannot find anywhere else.
Appreciate and cherish what I have.

Posts: 8680 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: midwest
citigirl
Member
Member # 13840
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, September 28th (Monday)

Passionate Marriage

It helped me to understand that I was responsible for my own feelings, behavior, etc., and that it was not up to my husband, OM or anyone else to "make" me feel anything.

It also helped me be assertive in expressing my feelings about our marriage and how I needed it to change. I had done a lot of aggressive expressing and some passive expressing, but not much assertive. This book was tremendous in helping me to understand me.

MC was the most important thing we did aside from re-committing to each other.


FWW - Me - 35
FBS - H - 41
C-Day 1/1/07

Change occurs when staying where you are becomes more painful than moving forward.


Posts: 522 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: South
Listeningclosely
Member
Member # 16472
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, September 28th (Monday)

"The Assertiveness Workbook" by Randy Paterson. This book includes a number of exercises to deal with achieving a balanced approach to asserting yourself in a healthy way.

If one of the challenges you discover you have is being angry or defensive, this book will help you shift that behavior to being firm with your beliefs while not running over the person you are interacting with.

For people like me for whom conflict avoidance is the reason you did not approach your BS with the things in your M that you were unhappy about, this is a must read. It helped me to understand how to change my beliefs from relying upon external validation to define myself and to to find a place where I could express my feelings with confidence.


BW(her)- 45, FWH (me) 48
4 month Online EA
M 24 years, together for 28
4 Daughters - 21, 18, 14 and 12
d-day 6/2/07, in R
FORGIVENESS 1/1/2008!!!
"Action expresses priorities." -
Mohandas Gandhi

Posts: 4471 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: One Particular Harbour
MissesJai
Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, September 28th (Monday)

Not Just Friends
The Five Love Languages
After the Affair


FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 6023 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
1DLW
Member
Member # 21971
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, September 28th (Monday)

There are so many good ones.

After the Affair
...this was major for me. really helped get to my core issues.

Not Just Friends great for building healthy boundaries.

How Can I Forgive You really helped me to understand what I had done to my BH, we never can know exactly how they feel, but this book helped me to get a better idea.

The Five Languages of Love...just wonderful for everyone. I have the book and audio version. It is really great to listen to it in his voice.

[This message edited by 1DLW at 4:16 PM, September 28th (Monday)]


WS 42

Posts: 483 | Registered: Dec 2008
HUFI-PUFI
Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 11:55 PM, September 28th (Monday)

I initially purchased the book, Getting Past the Affair by D. Snyder, the day after D-day for my own knowledge and as I put some things from that book into practice in the next days (NC etc), then a week later, my wife bought a copy for herself so she would have it before I left for my overseas contract.

Since then I have downloaded the e-book by Katie Coston, Infidelity Crisis: How to Gain Forgiveness and Respect After Your Affair.

My wife has ordered the Fireproof video and work book from Amazon.com which we will look at when I get home.

She has also ordered two copies each of the 5 Love Languages and Not just Friends. We had to order two sets, as she will keep one at home with her and I will take the other one overseas with me.

At least right now, we are talking from the same books and using the same words/phrases and that helps to keep the discussions focussed.

I also feel that the SI site has a ton of resources in The Healing Library and of course, the best support network out there. Shameless plug for SI.


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3282 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
leftoolate
Member
Member # 22658
Default  Posted: 1:57 AM, September 29th (Tuesday)

The info on the website of an Australian therapist. Must admit I didn't follow his advice from day one, though. Still, it's not just insightful, it's comprehensive, compassionate and to the point. I highly recommend it.

http://peterfox.com.au/fidelity.html

Some of the books most popular around here have some very good ideas in them, but I don't really use them. For changing my behaviour and tracking my thoughts and emotions I use some psychological tools I learned in college. Other than that, I've found real support in a Dutch 'how to'-book for (professional) coaches: HOE-boek voor de coach, by Joost Crasborn & Ellis Buis. It's probably not available in English, but there must be tons of coaching-advice out there that is.

The benefit of these sources for me is that they are very specific in their instructions, so I feel confident I can follow them. Also, they speak rather plainly on faults, flaws, mistakes, which has helped me separating the guilt and shame from the changes I need to make.

For me, it's also a relief to find resources that are not that 'spirit oriented'. I'm woman enough to see the value in some of Dobson's or Chapman's or any shaman's words, but I don't feel comfortable with them. The writings that I mentioned judge my behaviour by human ethics. That works really well for us.

~L.


If you came this far, you're looking for something. - Jrazz

Posts: 817 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Europe
Maia
Member
Member # 8268
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, September 29th (Tuesday)

Addiction and Grace - Gerald May

The Four Loves - CS Lewis

The Screwtape Letters - CS Lewis (quite a bit on relationships that is eye opening in these, do not dismiss them)

Wild at Heart, Waking the Dead, Desire, Captivating - John Eldredge

Wounded Heart, Bold Love - Dan Allender

The Art of Forgiveness - Lewis B Smedes

When the Heart Waits - Sue Monk Kidd

He's Just Not That Into You

[This message edited by Maia at 7:28 AM, September 29th (Tuesday)]


We will miss you Unicornsearcher. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Xf-Lesrkuc

Posts: 6158 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: I am a Bluegrass-American
Copeland
Member
Member # 21005
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, September 29th (Tuesday)

Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Committment by Gay Hendricks


Male 49-No longer defining myself by fidelity roles...been both. Time for a new start.
"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."-Leonard Cohen

Posts: 854 | Registered: Sep 2008 | From: Midwest
looking forward
Member
Member # 25238
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, September 29th (Tuesday)

Forgiveness (Simon & Simon)
Living the Truth (Ablow)
The Secret of Letting Go (Finley)
Intimate Partners: Patterns in Love and Marriage (Scarf)
The Art of Being Together (Wade)
The Dance of Deception (Lerner)
P.S. I tried Dr. Phil books and wasn't impressed......


Memory and hope; one looks backward, and the other forward; one is of today, the other of tomorrow.
"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain." (Joseph Campbell)

Posts: 2855 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Where a river runs through it
jen1781
New Member
Member # 25615
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, September 30th (Wednesday)

How to Get the Love You Want,(has really helped me understand the effects your childhood has on your adult life)
After the Affair,
The Five Love Languages

[This message edited by jen1781 at 9:43 AM, September 30th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 5 | Registered: Sep 2009
beach
Member
Member # 7533
Default  Posted: 12:59 AM, October 2nd (Friday)

I forgot some more books.

"Women, Sex, and addiction" by Charlotte Kasl Davis

"How to break an addiction to a person"

"Addiction to love" by Pea Melody....



If you don't find peace with yourself, you cannot find anywhere else.
Appreciate and cherish what I have.

Posts: 8680 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: midwest
figureitout
Member
Member # 23997
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, October 9th (Friday)

Thanks so much for this list!

I am reading as much as I can, and it is good to know know of books that fit the needs of our relationship.

The book suggested, Boundries- Where You End and I Begin, has really hit several points hard that are playing out in our M. I always knew that FOO of physical, sexual, emotional, and spending all those years just trying to 'survive', had had effects on me but this book ties them together in understanding.



M-35+ yr
Dday 8/09

Posts: 309 | Registered: May 2009
Kwills
Member
Member # 13172
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, October 9th (Friday)

Not Just Friends

Sexual Detours by Holly Hein--not mentioned much here but one of my favorites

Adultery the Forgiveable Sin by Bonnie Eaker Weil, again not much mentioned her but good b/c it helps people understand FOO issues

Kwills


Posts: 1052 | Registered: Jan 2007
leftoolate
Member
Member # 22658
Default  Posted: 4:39 AM, October 14th (Wednesday)

Bump for Whatanidiot, good luck.

~L.


If you came this far, you're looking for something. - Jrazz

Posts: 817 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Europe
HUFI-PUFI
Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 1:35 AM, October 31st (Saturday)

Bumpity Bump cause I came here to find some more books and figured out that others might find some good reading suggestions too.


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3282 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
JustDone
Member
Member # 9742
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, December 20th (Sunday)

Bump for the newbies.


Forgiveness is giving up the possibility of a better past.

Nobody forgets what happens, the secret is learning to live with it.


Posts: 2807 | Registered: Feb 2006
Fallen
Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, December 20th (Sunday)

Adding a couple of other books:

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Simplistic, yes, but also helpful to me and my H in the early days of R when we were trying to figure things out. It's not about how to recover from infidelity, but was very helpful to me in understanding when to give my H space. I'd always had a tendency to go after him and push him to talk. This book really helped me see that I only made him pull away more when I did that.

Also:

Warming the Stone Child by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. This is an audio book and I have listened to it many times. It really helped me see that part of my FoO dysfunction was a feeling of abandonment. It was a healing audiobook for me. Every time I listen, I hear something new. Well worth checking out from the library or buying.

PS... If you click on the Amazon link from SI and then purchase books on Amazon, it helps fund SI by sending a small percentage back to SI.

[This message edited by Fallen at 7:49 PM, December 20th (Sunday)]


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23489 | Registered: May 2004
Hope24
Member
Member # 9344
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, December 30th (Wednesday)

Bumping for newbies.


She packed up her potential and all she had learned and headed out to change a few things.

Posts: 7605 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Poolside
grace09
Member
Member # 26808
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, December 31st (Thursday)

Getting Past Guilt - Embracing God's Forgiveness


Me - FWW
Dday 7/09
MC began the week of D-Day, but not yet forgiven

Posts: 161 | Registered: Dec 2009
Dagny07
Member
Member # 16928
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, December 31st (Thursday)

WS Only

[This message edited by Deeply Scared at 6:37 AM, February 2nd (Tuesday)]


Me:BW Him: FWH E/A
M: 29 years, together 36 : both guilty of PAs 20+ years ago
CDay#1 Oct 06 (false); DDay#2 Oct 07 (truth from OW's BH)
R: Tenaciously optimistic

Posts: 837 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Midwest
Nelum
Member
Member # 13158
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, January 17th (Sunday)

Great thread--deserves a bump.

Posts: 60 | Registered: Jan 2007
HUFI-PUFI
Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 12:41 AM, February 2nd (Tuesday)

a great example of the wisdom and support that Fallen has provided to the WS forum and a great reason that she gets the Mod job!

Bump for the new ones on the site.


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3282 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
HUFI-PUFI
Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, February 22nd (Monday)

Bump again so I can shameless plug a book that I am reading on Forgiveness ... something that I think that every remorseful WS will need to achieve in their sturggle to reconcile the act of betrayal against their self-image issues.

Forgiveness, How to Make Peace with Your Past and Get on with Your Life by Dr. Sidney B. Simon and Suzanne Simon.

I've done a lot of reading in the last year and of all the books, this is the one that is touching me inside more than the others. It really drives home the need to come to terms with your past and achieve some self-forgiveness as the only way to start a healing process.

On a scale of 1-10, this one gets a 12 for have given me some perceptions on my behaviour that are just shy of being miraculous.

I highly recommend this book to any WS who is struggling with the issue of self forgiveness.

HUFI

BE STRONG. BE LION STRONG. ROAAR!


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3282 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
FallenTimber
New Member
Member # 27615
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, March 8th (Monday)

Bump for the PeterFox website I found amazing.

Posts: 20 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Southern USA
Wishful Thinking
Member
Member # 27137
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, March 9th (Tuesday)

double bump!- the peter fox website has tools, exercises, activities, something we haven't gotten to in MC just yet.

Great recommendation!


"To Thine Own Self Be True"
FWW: 38 (me)
BS: 40 (him)
Married 14 years, seperated since D-day. Moved back 9/6/10.
The whole truth: D-Day 12/24/09
Nothing But the Truth: Now, always
Working on me to save us, hoping to reconcile with the

Posts: 303 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: MN
Fallen
Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, March 21st (Sunday)

Bumping for atesenaotie's WW.


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23489 | Registered: May 2004
dying in remorse
New Member
Member # 27518
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, March 21st (Sunday)

Currently 1/2 way through Not "Just Friends" by Shirley P. Glass

I am finding it very insightful and it is giving me so much to think on. I have started several of the other books on the list above but this one I can connect with more.

A must read if you are in this situation


FWW 30 (ME)
BH 34 (My Love)
Married 7 years
Together 9 1/2 years
D-day 2-1-10
Children
2 boys - ages 12 & 7
1 girl - age 5

Our abusers may have thought they broke us, beat us, dominated and manipulated us, but they strengthened us.


Posts: 47 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Iowa
CookiesAZ
Member
Member # 20897
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, March 21st (Sunday)

I really need to read that book, "Should I stay or should I go". That's where I am. Thanks Fallen.

I've got the book "The Love Dare", great if both spouses are willing to do it together, so I've heard...

[This message edited by CookiesAZ at 3:44 PM, March 21st (Sunday)]


me FWW-40's
him BS-41
M-8 yrs.(together 10 yrs.)
1 dog (my baby) no children
DDay-7-25-08
Came home after 7 weeks, and in R since-7-28-08.

Posts: 1004 | Registered: Sep 2008 | From: Arizona
Card
Member
Member # 23667
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, March 21st (Sunday)

Best book I've read for helping overcome an A, and a must for both BS and WS (IMVHO)

Surviving An Affair, by Dr. Willard Harley, Jr.

After that,

Fall In Love, Stay In Love, by the same author.

After that,

Boundaries, by Cloud & Townsend

My all time favorite..... The Book of Proverbs, found in The Bible!



WH (me)
BS (her)

D-Days April - Oct. 2007 Recovery started Nov. 2007

"Found Myself", I was right there in my shoes all along!
Search for self called off!

Why Repentance Is Necessary? Because Undeserved Mercy Empowers Entitlement/Sin


Posts: 570 | Registered: Apr 2009
CookiesAZ
Member
Member # 20897
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, March 21st (Sunday)

I personally am not a big reader. I prefer talking and listening than reading, but I have found a few books that have been listed here very helpful.


me FWW-40's
him BS-41
M-8 yrs.(together 10 yrs.)
1 dog (my baby) no children
DDay-7-25-08
Came home after 7 weeks, and in R since-7-28-08.

Posts: 1004 | Registered: Sep 2008 | From: Arizona
HUFI-PUFI
Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, June 1st (Tuesday)

T/J for CookiesAZ

Your right in noting that not everyone is comfortable with reading books. Whether itís an issue of reading skills or perhaps vision impairment, there are a lot of reasons for people to seek out alternative delivery methods.

Amazon for instance has audio books such as the following books.

After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful by Janis A. Spring

How Can I Forgive You - The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To by Janis Spring.

Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity after Infidelity by Shirley Glass.

Whether is audio or visual or any combination thereof, what is important that we can gain so much knowledge and support from the experiences of others in a variety of formats to suit our needs.

And the good news is that if you purchase anything via Amason.com by using the link to the left, then SI gains some financial support.

HUFI


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3282 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
Iamsooscared
Member
Member # 24319
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, June 1st (Tuesday)

The three books I've found to be most helpful are:

Not Just Friends.
Almost a guidebook for both BS and WS to infidelity and dealing with it.

The 5 Love Languages.
I started this book thinking I had no love language, and BH has all 5, but it really clarified mine and his, and I use things I learned in it every day. Serious help.

The Seven Levels of Intimacy by Matthew Kelly.
Just opened my eyes as to what real intimacy with my BH is, and how to make it stronger.

I think these have all been mentioned but wanted to add my 2 cents as to what worked for me.


Me: Forgiven WW (40's)
He: BH (40's)
DDay 05/01/09 - see profile for details.
Kids - DD & DS
Working on R
Character: Its what you do when no one is looking.

Posts: 495 | Registered: Jun 2009
Fallen
Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, June 7th (Monday)

Cookies, I found the audiobooks by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes very helpful- and her voice is so soothing and calming.

Besides Warming The Stone Child she has another good one called The Red Shoes

I've listening to both of those several times- it just felt like someone understood my pain and the fact that they are audiobooks was like therapy. I cried a lot when I listened to them, but that was a good thing. Check them out.


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23489 | Registered: May 2004
BrokenRoad
Member
Member # 15334
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, June 10th (Thursday)

Adding my two cents:

"Get out of that Pit" by Beth Moore. Especially Chapter 3.

See http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=359215
for the explanation of why chapter 3.


--BR


{Him}FBH - 43 (WifeHad5)
{Me} FWW - 44
2 kids 7 & 12
Reconciled :)
Beauty and folly are old companions.--Benjamin Franklin

Posts: 10770 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Midwest
Fallen
Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, June 16th (Wednesday)


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23489 | Registered: May 2004
wincings_sparkle
Member
Member # 27129
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, July 3rd (Saturday)

bump


"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."
- Catherine Ponder
Me-FWW. BH-wincing_at_light

Posts: 1594 | Registered: Jan 2010
Fallen
Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, July 18th (Sunday)

Bumping for new members


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23489 | Registered: May 2004
Hope24
Member
Member # 9344
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, July 29th (Thursday)


She packed up her potential and all she had learned and headed out to change a few things.

Posts: 7605 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Poolside
Hope24
Member
Member # 9344
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, August 2nd (Monday)

Bumping for CrushedHim.


She packed up her potential and all she had learned and headed out to change a few things.

Posts: 7605 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Poolside
wincings_sparkle
Member
Member # 27129
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, September 3rd (Friday)


"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."
- Catherine Ponder
Me-FWW. BH-wincing_at_light

Posts: 1594 | Registered: Jan 2010
HUFI-PUFI
Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, September 30th (Thursday)

bump


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3282 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
HUFI-PUFI
Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, October 28th (Thursday)

This gets bumped because I wanted to add another book.

The Ten Things to Do When Your Life DFalls Apart by Daphne Rose Kingma.

Inpsirational and instructional. Which are they way that good books should be. A good mixture of homilies for self healing for both the WS and the BS.


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3282 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
Fallen
Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, October 31st (Sunday)

Bumping for a new member.


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23489 | Registered: May 2004
Lost68
Member
Member # 27515
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, November 12th (Friday)

Bump

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Sevilla
Fallen
Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, December 3rd (Friday)


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23489 | Registered: May 2004
WhatHaveIDone??
Member
Member # 30054
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, December 5th (Sunday)

What a wonderful thread! This should be a permanent bump on the Wayward side! Any chance of getting this added to the Healing Library so it is always readily available?

Thank you to everyone for the input. I have read some and will add others to my list.


Posts: 342 | Registered: Nov 2010
hurtful
New Member
Member # 30173
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, December 5th (Sunday)

1DLW
Where did you get audio version, I have major attention issues and have a hard time reading, but have had great luck with audio books. I would love to get this.
Thanks.

Posts: 19 | Registered: Nov 2010
WhatHaveIDone??
Member
Member # 30054
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, December 13th (Monday)

Bump for nohonor.

Posts: 342 | Registered: Nov 2010
HUFI-PUFI
Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, December 17th (Friday)

I know that I am not the only WS who has issues with the fights in our marriage. Itís not just arguments over the A but at times, it seems like all disagreements turn into arguments which ten escalate into fights and it seems that they just donít end until she storms off and I sit there in stony silence wondering what the fuck?

ihurtforher - One thing that I struggle with is that when we have an argument, often times we both get angry and end up saying things that we later regret. I would like to quell these situations before they escalate, but it is difficult when we start to get into an emotion overload.

Well, I found a book recently that promises a way to defuse the situation and turn the fight back into a discussion by encouraging you to deal with the ďtrue underlyingĒ cause of the hurt and anger and fear that these fights reveal about you.

Talk to Me Like Iím Someone You Love: Relationship Repair in a Flash by Nancy Dreyfus.

Iím only one chapter into the book but not unlike other books like 5 love languages, this one too seems to be one of those ďahaĒ books that make sense from the moment that you pick it up. Yesterday as we argued over the Christmas decorations, the advice from chapter one is what allowed me to defuse the situation with ease and get us back on track. Canít wait to read the whole damn book.

HUFI

[This message edited by HUFI-PUFI at 12:57 PM, December 17th (Friday)]


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3282 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
WhatHaveIDone??
Member
Member # 30054
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, December 30th (Thursday)

Bump for new SIers.

Posts: 342 | Registered: Nov 2010
Lost68
Member
Member # 27515
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, January 2nd (Sunday)

Bump

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Sevilla
WhatHaveIDone??
Member
Member # 30054
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, January 5th (Wednesday)

Bump again..

Posts: 342 | Registered: Nov 2010
Fallen
Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, February 6th (Sunday)



You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23489 | Registered: May 2004
noheroes
New Member
Member # 31064
Default  Posted: 12:28 AM, February 7th (Monday)

Highly, highly recommend When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron.


http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Fall-Apart-Difficult/dp/1570629692/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1297060045&sr=8-1


Posts: 4 | Registered: Feb 2011
HUFI-PUFI
Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, March 10th (Thursday)

It was time to bump this back to the front where it might be read again and the wisdom in it shared once more. BUMP!


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3282 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
Fallen
Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, March 16th (Wednesday)


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23489 | Registered: May 2004
Clarrissa
Member
Member # 21886
Default  Posted: 6:33 AM, March 19th (Saturday)

I'd like to add a recommendation for new, remorseful WS.

I just finished reading How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair by Linda MacDonald.

It's great for those who really don't like to read. Only about 100 pages. A WS doesn't get the impression that the book is trying to psychoanalyze them somehow (which is admittedly why I haven't read some of the other recommendations). It gets straight to the point: THIS is what you need to do to have the best chance of repairing your M. THIS is what your BS needs. THIS is the best way to handle a certain situation.

I found it very helpful because it also lists some "predetermining factors". It listed a few things that it never occurred to me as being such. So it can also be the source of "aha" moments as well.

(Thank you to GeauxTiger for the recommendation. My H saw it on his thread and decided to check it out. )


BH Cee64D - 48
WW (me) - 49


All affairs are variations on a theme. No one has 'Beethoven's 5th' to everyone else's 'Chopsticks'.


Posts: 5896 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: A better place
Nowna
New Member
Member # 31074
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, March 19th (Saturday)

This book helped me understand myself...how my behaviors stemmed from my irrational thinking and what caused the wrong or what I'd consider in hindsight "insane" thinking...

Power of Now by Ekart Tolle

[This message edited by Nowna at 11:02 AM, March 19th (Saturday)]


Me-WW-37
Him-BH-38
D-Day 1-10/12/10 (EA/PA 4 mths prior)
D-Day 2-10/13/10 (EA/PA 14 yrs ago)
Together for 17 yrs
S-6, D-5, D-5
How to end internal suffering: http://www.eckharttolletv.com/eckharttolle.com


Posts: 27 | Registered: Feb 2011
WhatHaveIDone??
Member
Member # 30054
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, April 2nd (Saturday)

Great thread! Seems like we have a couple newbies on the Wayward Side who might find this helpful. I continue to work my way thru the list. Most recent finish was "Boundaries - Where you do end and I begin". For someone who has realized how poor my boundaries have been, this was a GREAT book. Highly recommend.

Posts: 342 | Registered: Nov 2010
Fallen
Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, April 9th (Saturday)

I added another book to the list: The Four Agreements. It was so helpful with my control and esteem issues.


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23489 | Registered: May 2004
Fightingspirit
Member
Member # 31652
Default  Posted: 6:38 AM, April 12th (Tuesday)

[This message edited by Fightingspirit at 6:40 AM, April 12th (Tuesday)]


BW 37
WS Who cares...
DD 3 yrs old
DDAY1 2/17/11
DDAY2 3/11/11
DDAY3 6/26/11
DDAY4 8/2011

Divorce finalized 7/2012


Posts: 88 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Maryland
Fallen
Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 12:02 AM, April 22nd (Friday)


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23489 | Registered: May 2004
Fallen
Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 11:45 PM, July 3rd (Sunday)

Bumping for newbies.


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23489 | Registered: May 2004
helpemegetoverit
Member
Member # 30242
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, July 12th (Tuesday)

I just ordered a few. A friend who went through this actually gave us a lot of them after DDay1 and I read....but was in such a heavy fog it didn't do any good.

Hoping for better this time!


Me: WW
Him: BH

"You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world...but you do have some say in who hurts you."
John Green


Posts: 882 | Registered: Nov 2010
Fallen
Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, August 21st (Sunday)


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23489 | Registered: May 2004
beautifulmess
Member
Member # 32130
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, August 21st (Sunday)

Didn't see this book listed
Healing the shame that binds you

It is a slow read very detailed but I am learning so much about myself and my family history that sort of payed the ground work for ms to get where I am

Great topic lots of books I don't yet have on my list to read thanks


WW-31(me) BH-38
Beautiful 2 year old daughter
Together since 2002
Married 08/03/2007
D-day 04/25/11 TT for about 6 weeks after that. Working on R.

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.


Posts: 87 | Registered: May 2011 | From: CA
Hope24
Member
Member # 9344
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, September 21st (Wednesday)

Bump


She packed up her potential and all she had learned and headed out to change a few things.

Posts: 7605 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Poolside
Louise2011
Member
Member # 33383
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, September 21st (Wednesday)

Thanks for the bump! :)


Me: BW Him:fWH M 5 years July
DDay: Sept 4,2011 to Oct 3rd (Continuous NC Breaking)
2 DS's - almost 2 and 3.5 years
"All I have in this world is my balls and my word - and I don't break them for no one." Tony Montana, Scarface
&

Posts: 195 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: British Columbia
BaxtersBFF
Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, October 8th (Saturday)

Bump


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6103 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
Fallen
Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, October 26th (Wednesday)

for so_wrong


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23489 | Registered: May 2004
so-wrong
Member
Member # 33653
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, October 27th (Thursday)

Thanks so much! This list is almost overwhelming ......

I think for me ..... i need to work on understanding me so the boundaries book sounds interesting.
Many of the WS also mention how can I forgive..... and that it helps understand BS pain so I might try that as well.....

Lastly the 5 apology languages.....


- I made some really bad choices and now I need to make it right. And along the way, I will make me better too.....

Posts: 171 | Registered: Oct 2011
wincings_sparkle
Member
Member # 27129
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, October 27th (Thursday)

"Beauty from Ashes" by Joyce Meyer was instrumental for me. I wish I had read it years ago.


"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."
- Catherine Ponder
Me-FWW. BH-wincing_at_light

Posts: 1594 | Registered: Jan 2010
Sandcrab
Member
Member # 10067
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, November 22nd (Tuesday)

bump


I ♥ LostJim

Adopt a chihuahua in your area
http://adopt-a-chihuahua.adoptapet.com/


Posts: 5618 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: wishing I was on an ocean beach somewhere...
Sandcrab
Member
Member # 10067
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, December 15th (Thursday)

bumping again


I ♥ LostJim

Adopt a chihuahua in your area
http://adopt-a-chihuahua.adoptapet.com/


Posts: 5618 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: wishing I was on an ocean beach somewhere...
Sandcrab
Member
Member # 10067
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, January 23rd (Monday)

Bump


I ♥ LostJim

Adopt a chihuahua in your area
http://adopt-a-chihuahua.adoptapet.com/


Posts: 5618 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: wishing I was on an ocean beach somewhere...
BaxtersBFF
Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, February 4th (Saturday)

Bump


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6103 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
Sandcrab
Member
Member # 10067
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, February 23rd (Thursday)

bumping


I ♥ LostJim

Adopt a chihuahua in your area
http://adopt-a-chihuahua.adoptapet.com/


Posts: 5618 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: wishing I was on an ocean beach somewhere...
NPDMagnet
New Member
Member # 34909
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, February 28th (Tuesday)

Have not started it yet but it was highly recommended to me by my OMA (technically my BFF's mom but my "Other Mother" & "Other Grandmother" to my son).

She has been a practicing psychologist for over 40 years:

Your Erroneous Zones by Wayne W. Dyer



What part of an inverse tangent function approaching an asymptote don't you understand?

Posts: 8 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Native Am vessel w/o propulsion on River Excrement
BaxtersBFF
Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, March 12th (Monday)

bump


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6103 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
Fallen
Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, April 2nd (Monday)

For Openbook.


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23489 | Registered: May 2004
Fallen
Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, June 14th (Thursday)


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23489 | Registered: May 2004
nealos
Member
Member # 35284
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, June 15th (Friday)

Different "genre" of book-- I personally had experienced intimacy problems because porn was a part of my life, and I found these books helpful. I'm sharing in case anyone else is curious about it too. I don't pretend to know how everyone got to this site.

The Porn Trap: The Essential Guide to Overcoming Problems Caused by Pornography
-Maltz

Porn Nation: Conquering America's #1 Addiction
-Leahy


31yo WS-SA

ďWhen we disclose the thought and intents of our hearts in surrender, we identify with one another at depth.Ē


Posts: 258 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: 5280'
BaxtersBFF
Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, September 11th (Tuesday)

bump


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6103 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
heartstabber
Member
Member # 34079
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, September 12th (Wednesday)

Thanks for the bump. Lot's of good information - many books and websites I wasn't aware of.


Me: WW
Married: 15 years
DD: November 2011

Let's eat Grandma. Let's eat, Grandma. Commas save lives.


Posts: 164 | Registered: Dec 2011
BaxtersBFF
Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 6:31 AM, November 8th (Thursday)

Bump


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6103 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
BaxtersBFF
Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, December 9th (Sunday)

Bump for sohowamI.


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6103 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
BaxtersBFF
Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, December 28th (Friday)

bump


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6103 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
cinnamongurl
Member
Member # 37879
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, December 28th (Friday)

Thank you so much for this thread!! Such a wealth of information. I look forward to reading many of these. I picked up 'NOT just friends' today, and also ordered 'sexual detours' online. Thanks again!


Me: 36 fWGF He: 35 BBF and my heart
Together 18 yrs. Many ddays, last one late 8/12 "Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." Tori Amos



Posts: 514 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: home with my heart.
BaxtersBFF
Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, January 20th (Sunday)

Bump.


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6103 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
knightsbff
Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, January 21st (Monday)

A few more I didn't see on the list that have been important for me:

As A Man Thinketh by James Allen - Very old and old fashioned but very good. It's short so read it all then decide what you think.

The Miracle of Forgiveness by Spencer W. Kimble - very religious but priceless for anyone of any Christian faith.

The Self-Centered Marriage by Hal Runkle, I took his instructor course in Scream Free Parenting for my job and couldn't believe how much of it was applicable to my sitch. Check out the Scream Free website. Amazing stuff.

ETA
The Mindfulness Solution: everyday practices for everyday problems, by Ronald Siegel. Helps me to deal.

[This message edited by knightsbff at 9:00 AM, January 21st (Monday)]


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

I edit often because I make a lot of typos. ☺️


Posts: 1509 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, January 26th (Saturday)

bump


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38647 | Registered: Sep 2007
uncertainone
Member
Member # 28108
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, February 10th (Sunday)

Bump


Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth


Posts: 6795 | Registered: Mar 2010
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, February 10th (Sunday)

Edited: Oh my gosh...you already bumped it!

[This message edited by Deeply Scared at 6:53 PM, February 10th (Sunday)]


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198800 | Registered: May 2002
SandAway
Member
Member # 37775
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, March 15th (Friday)

bump


fWW
BH Tred
M 16yrs
DDay Nov. 2011

Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people


Posts: 439 | Registered: Dec 2012
BaxtersBFF
Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, April 7th (Sunday)

Bump


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6103 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
heartbroken0903
Member
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, May 19th (Sunday)

Bump


Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

We remarried in 2014.


Posts: 2316 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
sickandtired630
New Member
Member # 39291
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

bumping for later.

Posts: 7 | Registered: May 2013
BaxtersBFF
Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, July 8th (Monday)

Bump


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6103 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

Bump

Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
HUFI-PUFI
Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, October 24th (Thursday)

As strange as it sounds, bumping this thread for shithead ...


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3282 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
Maia
Member
Member # 8268
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, November 8th (Friday)

bump


We will miss you Unicornsearcher. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Xf-Lesrkuc

Posts: 6158 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: I am a Bluegrass-American
floridaredman
Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, November 14th (Thursday)

bump


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2540 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, January 13th (Monday)

Bump for newbies


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6426 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
DanteJace
New Member
Member # 42017
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, January 13th (Monday)

Thank you.


.

Posts: 49 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: northeast US
HUFI-PUFI
Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, February 6th (Thursday)

Bump for the newbies ...

Even if you are seeing IC or MC, or perhaps more importantly, if you don't have that option, reading these books can give you tools to determine the why of the affair and also show you a path to self-healing. For all of us as human beings, self-understanding comes from self-examination and in that journey, these books can be invaluable.

Good Reading!


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3282 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
Wayflost
Member
Member # 41583
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, February 6th (Thursday)

I just finished reading:

Shame & Guilt: Masters of Disguise by Jane Middelton=Moz

It's realistically a short read, unless you connect with it emotionally. It was painful because I see myself in the pages. But it was totally worth reading.


Me: WW
Him: BH (totalheartbreak)
Both: 30s

Posts: 488 | Registered: Dec 2013
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, April 24th (Thursday)

Bump.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6426 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
brokeback
Member
Member # 41726
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, April 24th (Thursday)

Thank you for the bump.


ME 43
BS 38
1 Child 3 years old
Married 18 years
DDay - 10/2013. EA 9 months. PA 4 months. Ended the affair 11/2014



Posts: 69 | Registered: Dec 2013
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, May 30th (Friday)

Bump


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6426 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
BaxtersBFF
Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, July 24th (Thursday)

bump


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6103 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
HUFI-PUFI
Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, August 28th (Thursday)

Bumped because not all of these books are mentioned in the Healing Library ... all of these books are helpful to the WS community ... obviously, some might not apply to your situation but then again, without opening up and reviewing the material, you might never know.


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3282 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, September 9th (Tuesday)

Bump


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6426 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
lovemywife4ever
Member
Member # 42834
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, September 9th (Tuesday)

Thank you! I have read How to help your spouse heal and codependent no more as well as online web reading. I am reading After the Affair but looking for more.


Me-WS
Her-BS (deena04)
Upper 30s and kids at home (hers/mine/ours)
Cheater-me 2.5 years into relationship, 2 months before engagement, 1.5 year before M...this is not an excuse but a timeline of our life

Posts: 249 | Registered: Mar 2014
corner
New Member
Member # 43433
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, September 11th (Thursday)

Thank you so much! This is amazing.

Posts: 23 | Registered: May 2014
corner
New Member
Member # 43433
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, September 11th (Thursday)

Bump

Posts: 23 | Registered: May 2014
beyondbelief13
Member
Member # 41080
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, October 13th (Monday)

WS Only

[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:01 PM, October 13th (Monday)]


BS: 60 WS: 55
DS: 19 DD: 11
M:25 years
Polygraph 4/27/13 revealed A #1 (ons)only 7 weeks after wedding and A #2 7 month love of his life A
*TT for 18 MONTHS... Damned It!!!
Reconciling? Divorcing? I guess only time will tell?

Posts: 52 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: California
Neznayou
Member
Member # 40654
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, October 15th (Wednesday)

NOT Just Friends... I haven''t finished it yet, but so far it seems like a day late and a dollar short. It should be required reading for newlyweds. I have trouble reading it because it points out (so far) all the things that I should have done, didn''t do, and made our recovery/ reconciliation that much more painful.

I have found Brene Brown''s work on Shame and Vulnerability to be very insightful, even though it is not specifically directed towards infidelity. Check her out on TedTalks. I''m reading Daring Greatly right now. It''s a good thing it''s a library book I think I would have underlined every other paragraph by now!

I''ve also picked up Talking to Depression by Claudia Strauss. Both my BH and I are/ have suffered from Depression. It is designed for those living with someone who has Depression and offers practical, everyday tips. One of the first reviews I read on Amazon.com was written by someone who both has Depression and recognized the benefit of the advice her family took from the book.

If you are a light reader or need something for the "throne room", I like Marc and Angel Hack Life. They have a blog, they''re on Facebook, and they''ve published several books which are all written in list/ blog/ article style. I can''t say that I agree with all their tidbits of advice, but they have some pretty good lists.

And, for my future reading list, a counselor suggested reading works about personal evolution and recommended The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck. I haven''t even looked at a preview of it, so I can''t really say anything more about it.

Does anyone have any recommendations for overcoming one''s own Passive-Aggressive behaviours or any books about a Passive-Aggressive woman? Most of what I''ve looked at so far are focused on the men because, apparently, women aren''t passive-aggressive. Not that those couldn''t be valuable resources anyway, but I''m throwing the question out there. Thanks.


Me: WW
Caught at AP's house: 10 Aug 2012
Admitted PA: 12 Aug 2012
TT ended: Jan 2014

"Power, Lincoln, real power comes not from hate, but from truth."


Posts: 324 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: America to Europe
Topic Posts: 120