The Book Club
User Topic: Love must be tough by James Dobson
Member # 30428
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, December 28th (Tuesday)

Has anone tried this and it worked?

Posts: 85 | Registered: Dec 2010
Member # 30428
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, December 28th (Tuesday)


Posts: 85 | Registered: Dec 2010
Member # 3522
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, December 28th (Tuesday)

I've never read the book, although I've heard the premise of it.

H and I had to practice tough love on one of our DD's. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

That was over 5 years ago. We now have a great relationship with her and she has thanked us for loving her enough to not let her self-destruct.

DD: 2/10/02

Me: BS - 50 (seriously???)
Him: FWS - 52

Fully reconciled.
I ♥ my Husband!!!

When life hands you lemons - break out the tequila and salt!

Yesterday is not today. Today is not forever.

Posts: 17763 | Registered: Feb 2004 | From: Here AND There! :-)
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, December 28th (Tuesday)

It's rather a cousin to the 180 and Plan B.

I think it makes a LOT of sense. You have to draw your boundaries and have (and enact) consequences for boundary violation.

But you're asking if it "works." What do you mean by "works." There is no foolproof way to get a person to stay in a relationship if they truly do not want to stay. None.

But there are ways to regain YOUR self-respect, YOUR equilibrium and make YOUR needs known. Whether it happens in your current relationship or not, you are much healthier for being true to you.

I think when we focus on the WS, we lose focus on what is important and that is YOU.

Did you know that most WSs say that they had MORE respect for the person who stood up for themselves and made it clear what they would and would not deal with than those who tried to "out-nice" them?

Out-nicing is a NO-WIN scenario.

You're much better off packing his things in lovely matching Hefties and telling him to scramola until he corrects his rectal-cranial inversion.


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29680 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 28761
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, December 28th (Tuesday)

Don't know if I would say it "works" or not. I think it runs along the lines of 180.

I read it, and I agree with a lot of what he says ('course, I agree with a lot of what Dobson says!!)

And in my early days, it certainly helped me gain some clarity in my situation. It helped me make a stand and to realize that I COULD and SHOULD stick to it.

In the end, what "works" on one WS won't necessarily make a difference on another. But I think anything that gives the BS the strength and the resources to make their best choices is really all that matters.

D-day: May 6, 2010
TT ever since

Looking for peace among the madness

Posts: 436 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Texas
Member # 9344
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, December 29th (Wednesday)

Great book. Strong religious themes, but can be overlooked if that's not your "thing". Very empowering for the BS.

She packed up her potential and all she had learned and headed out to change a few things.

Posts: 7605 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Poolside
Topic Posts: 6