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The Book Club
User Topic: Torn Asunder
letmego
Member
Member # 30381
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, May 20th (Friday)

Has anyone read Torn Asunder by Dave Carder? My new IC wants me to read it.


As of Oct, 2010:
BW(me) 35; WH 36; employee OW 21 Together 18 years, married 9 (onlies..until OW)
DD 3, DS 7;
D-day 7/2010
D Final Nov 30, 2011

Posts: 650 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: FL
jollum
Member
Member # 25152
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, May 20th (Friday)

I began reading it early on during my reading frenzy after DDay. Unfortunately for me Dave Carder wording triggered me terribly and I gave up on the book and workbook. He mentioned several times how the BS had to own up to "their part in the affair" and I just did not want to read any more of what he had to say. A couple of people in my BAN group have read it and were able (with struggle) to get past that and say it is very good. Just be forewarned.

Posts: 269 | Registered: Aug 2009
wifehad5
Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, May 20th (Friday)

This was one of the first books I read that gave me hope. I don't remember the blame thing now, but in my defense, I read it at the point where I wasn't able to sleep because it was all so new

Overall, I think it was more helpful than harmful


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 36428 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
Newtwood
Member
Member # 21154
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, May 21st (Saturday)

I'm with jollum. I had to chuck it. I refused to take any blame in my H's A. Not then-Not Ever.


Faithful Wife of 24+ yrs: Me
WS: Him
OW(s): AFF Skanks/GRANDMOTHERS!!!

Status: Struggling Everday to
Survive

what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another-Anatole France


Posts: 2181 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: North Carolina
Myheartstillhurt
Member
Member # 32430
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, June 8th (Wednesday)

I also started reading this shortly after the discovery. Hate this book. Like you said, wants me to own up to my part. Which part would that be I wonder? Maybe the part where I was sacrificing everything for his dream to get through school and supporting the whole family? Maybe the part where I got seriously ill with my last daughter and diagnosed with a heart problem? I think this guy can shove it. Liked the book until it tried to tell me I was at fault. Eff that! My WS and I had a much better relationship when he apparently thought it was bad than we do now.


BS(me) 32
fWH 36 (Epicallyfailedu)
OW/xBFF of 28 years
Four girls under 11
DDay: 6/5/2010

Posts: 2010 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Michigan
Etexas
Member
Member # 29567
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, June 8th (Wednesday)

I am with Jollum, started reading it and didnt agree with it my part of the affair. None of it was my fault.


Me-BS 36
Her--WW 35

D-Day 9-1-10---she spent the whole summer talking to him

Stuggling through R


Posts: 179 | Registered: Sep 2010
Hearthache again
Member
Member # 28564
Default  Posted: 10:46 PM, June 23rd (Thursday)

I read it most of it. I didn't get the blame feeling from it though. I did like how he described the different kind of affairs.


Me-BS(32)
Him-WS(35)
Married-12 years together 13
Kids 4: 15, 12, 8, and 3
DDay#1 9-26-2008 Dday#2 4-26-2010
We have R!!! But I still hate the number 26!

This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!


Posts: 871 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Michigan
Topic Posts: 7