"Get Your Loved One Sober - Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading and Threatening" by Robert J. Meyers and Brenda L. Wolfe.
Anyone read this? I just got it yesterday. It's based on the CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) approach to subastance abuse treatment. They were saying that most alcoholics and addicts who seek treatment only have success when *they* want to go (makes sense) and this is an approach to encourage them to seek treatment. A lot of it is observing behavior and behavior modification. It fits fine with Alanon etc. principles and it's not controlling but it is *smart* and they say that this method has led 74% of alcoholics and 69% of substance abusers who are partners/children/etc. of the person using to seek treatment, and that the treatment is also more successful because it's the user who has sought it.
Also, there is a part about evaulating whether you've really done all you can do so you know when you really need to walk away and you can do that with a clear head.
I skimmed through but have not read the whole book yet. I did see healthy behavior in the examples though.
Case in point:
Wife notices that Husband always winds up stopping at a bar on the way home and having too many drinks when Husband's Friend needs a ride home. (Husband's Friend has an unreliable car and needs rides rather often.)
Wife considers options and decides that since Husband likes family dinners and is proud of the family, she might be able to prevent the next stop at a bar by changing her reaction to the phone call when Husband says he's taking Friend home.
Next time Husband calls to say Friend's car has broken, Wife invites Friend to dinner but says they must be there by 5:30 (which leaves not enough time for them to stop at a bar.) They stop at the bar, and get home at 6:30. Wife is gone with the kids but has left delicious dinner for them and a nice note that says "Sorry we missed you, we waited until 6:00 but the kids have a playdate."
Next time Friend needs a ride, she invites again and Husband and Friend are there on time.
Now -- this worked for her, but it might not have, depending. Point is, it's not controlling (because 5:30 is normal dinnertime)
Other examples: Wife and Husband usually have fight if he comes home tipsy. Wife decides on new plan -- husband comes home tipsy. Wife says I'm glad you're home. Husband is pleasantly surprised that she isn't starting fight and asks her to watch a ballgame with her. Wife thanks him for the invitation and says but I don't like to be around you when you've been drinking so I'm going to take a bath and read before bed and that's what she does. Next day, when he comes home sober she watches a game with him and makes it really fun.
I think the really important point in this system is: make it FUN to be sober for the addict.
Anyone familiar with any of this? Tried it?