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User Topic: Why Men Love Bitches
OnceInALifetime
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Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, July 10th (Sunday)

I keep hearing about this book on SI. Anyone read it who can sum up the answer to the book's question?

[This message edited by OnceInALifetime at 2:01 PM, July 10th (Sunday)]


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
Helen of Troy
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Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, July 10th (Sunday)

I don't have the book, borrowed from the library. What I can remember about it is that it said women should not be doormats and also not be too available during the dating stage. Make him chase you type of thing.

Do men really like bitches? I mean aside from the book (because this wasn't what it was about IIRC) just in general do they like to be ordered around by a domineering woman partner? I wouldn't like that if I were a guy. I don't like being ordered around by anyone or loud opinated domineering type people.


Posts: 4703 | Registered: Dec 2009
OnceInALifetime
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Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, July 10th (Sunday)

I see, it's basically a provocative title. No, I don't think men generally like bitches (although I married one).

[This message edited by OnceInALifetime at 2:41 PM, July 10th (Sunday)]


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
LineInTheSand
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Member # 20399
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, July 10th (Sunday)

I, too, was curious about the content of this book.

[This message edited by LineInTheSand at 3:50 PM, July 28th (Saturday)]


Posts: 495 | Registered: Jul 2008
Red Sox Nation
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Member # 26358
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, July 10th (Sunday)

- no to the being ordered around part

- no to the chasing during the dating stage (perhaps I've ended things too soon in a couple of instances because they read this book).

I've heard people mention this book on several occasions. I think it belongs, along with "The Rules," in the wastebaskets of women who are in love with players who barely know they exist.


When someone tells you who she is, listen; when someone shows you who she is, listen carefully.

Posts: 1868 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Midwest
Catwoman
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Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, July 10th (Sunday)

I've read the book.

I don't agree with some of the content, but the basic message is don't lose yourself in a relationship and value yourself. It deals a lot with women who have been dealing with players, obviously.

Basically, it says that real men love a woman who is true to herself and isn't going through contortion after contortion to be what she thinks a man wants in a relationship.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29609 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
dreamlife
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Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 4:27 AM, July 11th (Monday)


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25429 | Registered: Sep 2005
nikiseval
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Member # 26102
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, July 11th (Monday)

I never read that book. But from what I've seen, men do not appear to love bitches.

What they do appear to love, is crazy women.

Kidding, in case that's not obvious.


Me: fBW 41
DS: 7
Done. Moved on.

This sentence no verb.


Posts: 1353 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: New York City
heart_in_a_blend
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Member # 24191
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, July 11th (Monday)

I have the book so I'll type out some of the introductions.

The woman I'm describing is kind yet strong. She has a strength that is ever so subtle. She doesn't give up her life, and she won't chase a man. She won't let a man think he has a 100 percent "hold" on her. And she'll stand up for herself when he steps over the line.

She knows what she wants but won't compromise herself to get it. But she's feminine, like a "Steel Magnolia" -- flowery on the outside and steel on the inside. She uses this very femininity to her own advantage.

Back cover: It is hilarious real-life relationship scenarios, offbeat "she says/he thinks" tables, and the author's unique "attraction Principles," It helps you to know who you are, stand your ground, and relate to men on a whole new level. Once you've discovered the feisty attitude men find so magnetic, you'll not only increase the romantic chemistry on the relationship -- you'll gain your man's love and respect with far less effort.

I enjoyed reading it.

[This message edited by heart_in_a_blend at 2:03 PM, July 11th (Monday)]


In life, much of what one grieves one never had.

Posts: 3036 | Registered: May 2009
takilasunrise
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Member # 29786
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, July 11th (Monday)

I started to read it but my daughter took it back because she wanted to read it again.....

Anyway, it's "lesson" is NOT to be a mean, manipulative "bitch". Some of the guidelines are alot like our 180 guidelines when it comes to dating....don't pursue, no frequent phone calls, be CONFIDENT, Cheerful, strong, outgoing, independent, Don't sit around waiting on them...just like the other poster said, don't be a doormat, leave something to the imagination, let him chase you.....


BW - Me, 49 years old
WH - Him, 51 years old)
D-Day July 2010 (several D-days to follow)
Divorced February 7, 2012

Denial isn't the way to forgiveness. The Karma for screwing over a good girl is the Bitch you end up with.


Posts: 978 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: WI
Red Sox Nation
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Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, July 11th (Monday)

I don't think I could love someone who is steel on the inside. I find "feisty" rather annoying. And doormats aren't much fun.

Treat yourself with respect, and don't change yourself to fit either a man or some wealthy author's perception of a woman.


When someone tells you who she is, listen; when someone shows you who she is, listen carefully.

Posts: 1868 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Midwest
dreamlife
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Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, July 11th (Monday)

Well said, RSN!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25429 | Registered: Sep 2005
hurtstoomuch
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Member # 17976
Default  Posted: 6:49 AM, July 12th (Tuesday)

I have read this book and i think the title is a little misleading and was most likely chosen so that people would pick it up and talk about it. It's not about being a bitch like most people would think. It's about not standing up for yourself. Basically men will treat a woman like they are allowed to treat them. It's about not letting your life revolve around a man and you will gain a lot more respect. Not waiting for that phone call, but getting on with your life. Too many women drop everything when they are involved with a man. Both partners need to have outside interests and hobbies. It's still about being kind, but not being a doormat, being clear about your needs. Anyway, that was my take on it.


no emotional connection left

Now in R


Posts: 436 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Kansas
SierraGrace
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Default  Posted: 12:52 AM, July 13th (Wednesday)

I read it and actually REALLY liked it. And yes, the title was catchy, I'm sure on purpose. Many of you did sum it up very well. It's about boundaries, self-respect, and not becoming enmeshed in relationship...my summation, a lot of common sense but good to be reminded.

It actually resonated with me and the relationship that brought me to SI and some things I should NOT have done....live and learn.


BSO(me): 50-ish! How did THAT happen?
~♥~ Fur-kids: 5 Cats ~♥~
Adopt a pet! Save a life!

Posts: 1577 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Sunrises to Sunsets
Hope24
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Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, July 13th (Wednesday)

The overall message was a good one, but I thought the game playing she advocates was over the top.

The funniest, to me, was how she recommended that a woman pretend she can't cook - burn the popcorn, serve frozen pizza. That goes *so* against my instincts and upbringing.

Like anything else, take what serves you and leave the rest.


She packed up her potential and all she had learned and headed out to change a few things.

Posts: 7605 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Poolside
ladyvorkosigan
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Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, July 13th (Wednesday)

Basically men will treat a woman like they are allowed to treat them
Will they really?

Truly, my experience with men has not indicated to me that the only thing standing between me and their ill-treatment is their belief that I will not tolerate it. It has been that they are not sadistic, so just don't feel like being abusive to me or anyone else.


It nagged him, in particular, that none of the girls he’d known so far had given him a sense of unalloyed triumph.

Posts: 14226 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Florida
SierraGrace
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Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, July 13th (Wednesday)

To go a little further, what I didn't like was: per the book, it seems it doesn't pay to be nice. I was raised to be a nice, kind, caring person.

I think with the right guy, there's nothing wrong with that. With my marriage, the type of guy he was, that was fine because he was genuinely a nice guy too. With the relaitonsip that brought me here, that was taken advantage of.

So it truly probably is more for women who have had the displeasure to be with a playa'

[This message edited by SierraGrace at 7:52 AM, July 13th (Wednesday)]


BSO(me): 50-ish! How did THAT happen?
~♥~ Fur-kids: 5 Cats ~♥~
Adopt a pet! Save a life!

Posts: 1577 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Sunrises to Sunsets
hurtstoomuch
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Member # 17976
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, July 14th (Thursday)

Another way to look at it is that we are responsible for the patterns that are establish in relationships. Some women go overboard trying to please a man and then end up being taken for granted. If we allow bad behavior it will continue and that's where boundaries are important


no emotional connection left

Now in R


Posts: 436 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Kansas
dreamlife
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Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, July 17th (Sunday)

In retrospect, I do think there are some men who truly do love "bitches". Maybe they are satisfying a masochistic urge?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25429 | Registered: Sep 2005
StillGoing
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Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, July 18th (Monday)

Well, nobody complains if you shut the bitch in a crate if she starts yapping.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7444 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
ruinedandbroken
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Default  Posted: 11:39 PM, July 18th (Monday)

I read the book and I liked it. I didn't agree with everything but I liked the overall message and it was light and funny and easy to read.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
island_girl
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Default  Posted: 12:09 AM, July 19th (Tuesday)

There was a lot I ignored in the book, but there was also a lot of good in it. Basically it reminded women that you shouldn't give up things for yourself just to get a man/be in a relationship. Do what you do and if the man fits in your life, awesome. If not, that's awesome too. You'll find one who does.


Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. - Mahatma Gandhi

Posts: 2760 | Registered: Jan 2009
FutureChanged
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Member # 32965
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, August 8th (Monday)

if love, sacrifice and the desire to do things for your SO isn't a part of what you think is a healthy relationship for women AND MEN then you are going to have a difficult road. for the record, plenty of men change who they are for women. now if she wrote a counterpart to the book for men, something like, "don't be an ass-hat" I'd take her more seriously....but then it would be a world of selfish selfish people no?


Dday: 12/21/2010
Wish I hadn't stayed......

Posts: 75 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Nor Cal
silverhopes
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Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, November 24th (Saturday)

I've read her other book, "Why Men Marry B*tches". I do think the title is just written that way to catch your attention. Here's what she said in her intro about the B-word:

When I use the word b*tch, the woman I'm describing is not cruel or mean. Throughout this book, as well as in my first release, Why Men Marry B*tches, I use b*tch in a tongue-in-cheek way. The term is intended to be satirical, and does not take itself too seriously. I use it to describe a strong woman who has her own identity and is secure with who she is. She is plenty happy giving him "space" because she enjoys having hers. She is clear about what she will or will not accept. She'll back away at the slightest whiff of disrespect, and this makes her more exciting to a man, not less. That's the woman he dreams of marrying.

Sometimes I see here on SI encouragement for a BS who is being disrespected to get on their "b*tch boots". I think the author means it in the same way, I could be wrong though.

It definitely has the feeling of speaking to woman who have been involved with players - or people who play games in dating. That's not everyone's experience or cup of tea, but it can be helpful for the people who keep attracting that kind of person (*raising hand sheepishly*). The book is some percent about "playing the game back", and a huge percentage about respecting yourself.

if love, sacrifice and the desire to do things for your SO isn't a part of what you think is a healthy relationship for women AND MEN then you are going to have a difficult road.

Agreed. I don't think the book's message is to not be giving. I think it's more along the lines of, if you're in a relationship where someone's trying to take advantage of you or not being respectful (an unhealthy relationship), here's how to have a backbone about it and not be treated like a doormat. In a lighthearted fashion. I think it addresses a specific set of experiences with a certain audience, to be sure.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3905 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Sharpie4
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Member # 35905
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, December 17th (Monday)

The title is tongue in cheek. It's about not losing yourself in a relationship. I really liked it. I wish I had found it sooner - I probably wouldn't be here.


Me: 43
Him: 46
I still don't know what's going on.

Posts: 193 | Registered: Jun 2012
Topic Posts: 25