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User Topic: "Codependant No More" has anyone read it?
TryingForgivenes
Member
Member # 29566
Default  Posted: 11:32 PM, December 3rd (Saturday)

I have been thinking about getting the book "Codependent No More". I wanted to know what other people thought of it, and if it helped anyone. Thanks :)


Finally respecting him again.I believe that time heals almost all, wish I could fast forward time.
"Hate the sin, Love the sinner" ~Gandhi
Me:31-BS & Him:25-fWS (Irish_guy)
Dday:3/12/10, tt: 4/4/10, 5/22/10
R'ing, & planning our future!

Posts: 870 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Northern California
suddenlyisee
Member
Member # 32689
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, December 4th (Sunday)

My former wife read ten pages of it and put it in a drawer....

Posts: 367 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Michigan
Fighting2Survive
Member
Member # 28410
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, December 4th (Sunday)

I read it, and I continue to go back to it when I need to. It was the first book (aside from "Not Just Friends") that hit me over the head like a ton of bricks after D-day, and it was THE book that started me on my own path to personal healing.

It is one that I recommend often to people here.


Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well

"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces


Posts: 7279 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: NC
imagoodwitch
Member
Member # 23375
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, December 4th (Sunday)

I read it and I should probably read it again.

You have to be really honest with yourself when you read it.

I would recommend it.


I am just your ordinary average everyday sane psycho supergoddess - Liz Phair

It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.


Posts: 5136 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Munchkinland
ScribblingMum
Member
Member # 20097
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, December 4th (Sunday)

excellent...should be required reading...:)


~ScribblingMum~
D-D 1: 12/23/06 - Porn (dd bust him on-line)
D-D 2: 4-25-08 - Massage P.'s(new act. in pretend recov.)
D-D 3:9-9-08 Caught call m. girl
D-Day 4: 6/30/09 -: free MP g.f./prost.
D-Day 5: 1-10-10: new mp prost's.
~DONE!


Posts: 1529 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: S .CALIF.
TryingForgivenes
Member
Member # 29566
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, December 4th (Sunday)

Great! Thanks everyone for the reviews. I will be downloading it today!


Finally respecting him again.I believe that time heals almost all, wish I could fast forward time.
"Hate the sin, Love the sinner" ~Gandhi
Me:31-BS & Him:25-fWS (Irish_guy)
Dday:3/12/10, tt: 4/4/10, 5/22/10
R'ing, & planning our future!

Posts: 870 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Northern California
imagoodwitch
Member
Member # 23375
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, December 4th (Sunday)

Promise me you will be honest with yourself.

It's going to hurt to read but in the long run you will be better for it.


I am just your ordinary average everyday sane psycho supergoddess - Liz Phair

It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.


Posts: 5136 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Munchkinland
TryingForgivenes
Member
Member # 29566
Default  Posted: 11:35 PM, December 4th (Sunday)

imagoodwitch, I will be honest with myself. I am willing to see the hard truth if it will help at all.


Finally respecting him again.I believe that time heals almost all, wish I could fast forward time.
"Hate the sin, Love the sinner" ~Gandhi
Me:31-BS & Him:25-fWS (Irish_guy)
Dday:3/12/10, tt: 4/4/10, 5/22/10
R'ing, & planning our future!

Posts: 870 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Northern California
Fighting2Survive
Member
Member # 28410
Default  Posted: 11:43 PM, December 4th (Sunday)

After you finish "Codependent No More" and if you find that it rings true for you, there's an additional book that I would recommend, "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend. It's a Biblically-based guide to personal boundaries. I read both books in that order after our first MC recommended them to me.

Both hit me hard, but they helped move me into taking inventory of myself.

imagoodwitch is right about the codependent book. It does require sometimes brutal honesty, and it made me very uncomfortable the first time I read it. It was worth the experience though.

[This message edited by Fighting2Survive at 10:49 AM, December 5th (Monday)]


Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well

"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces


Posts: 7279 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: NC
why2008
Member
Member # 18378
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, December 5th (Monday)

I echo what the others have said. For me, the brutal honesty part of it was accepting that there was/is a "payback" that I receive in overdoing for people. For me, it was recognizing how being the child of an alcoholic set me up perfectly to be the caretaker of my WS and how I willingly accepted, embraced and facilitated the arrangement. Another way to think of it was how I contributed to

The odd thing is that once you no longer feel like the "victim" and take your part in changing your part of the dynamic the healthier you will be. I'm not saying that we own the responsibility for the infidelity that has been foisted upon us, but rather how we live our lives from here on out "Boundaries" from Cloud and Thompson.

Also I'm not very religious and found the Boundaries book to be very helpful. Cloud and Thompson are real psychologists/family therapists and their advice is spot on.

http://www.cloudtownsend.com/about/cloud.php


Me - BS - 46
Him - WS - 44
Two daughters / 10 and 7

Posts: 4072 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Maryland / DC
tatters
Member
Member # 34187
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, December 16th (Friday)

I read it years ago (when it was only slightly appropriate to me). I just reread it yesterday and today when it is TOTALLY appropriate to me, now that my husband is abusing painkillers.

I am in a lot of ways a classic codependent, so it has definitely helped me recognize what I need to do for myself to detach from my husband's addiction and his behavior and nurture myself.


Me - BW 37
Him - WH 36
15 years
DDay 12/9/11
RDay 1/16/12
Trying to R
"I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough."

Posts: 1347 | Registered: Dec 2011
Melody3
Member
Member # 33591
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, December 16th (Friday)

Very good book.

I read it last fall and just picked it up at the library again this week.


BS (me): 37
WH: 37
Separated: 9/2/2010
DDay: 10/2010 PA with OW. Married 13 yrs, Together 20
Two kids, 7 (daughter) & 3(son)
Divorced 12/2013

Posts: 752 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Midwest
Myheartstillhurt
Member
Member # 32430
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, December 20th (Tuesday)

I want to read this next after I am done reading "intimacy after infidelity".

I just realized this past week that my fWH and I are very much in a codependant relationship.


BS(me) 32
fWH 36 (Epicallyfailedu)
OW/xBFF of 28 years
Four girls under 11
DDay: 6/5/2010

Posts: 2009 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Michigan
whatdoto
Member
Member # 28555
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, December 20th (Tuesday)

I just received my copy. I will be reading this over the holidays.

WH and I are also in a very codependent relationship. Not to mention he is Passive-Aggressive to boot.

I can't wait to start reading it!

[This message edited by whatdoto at 10:13 AM, December 20th (Tuesday)]


"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".

Posts: 1187 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Texas
WhiteWolfWinning
Member
Member # 12475
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, December 20th (Tuesday)

I found this book to be amazingly helpful. I also agree that Boundaries is a good followup read.
Wolf


Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply, Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God

Thank you, Lord, for the lightness of my burdens


Posts: 8233 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 15