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New Beginnings
User Topic: Non-Dating NBs
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)

I've seen a few folks in the D/S crowd lately mention that they aren't ready for NB yet, and I an making the assumption that they mean they aren't ready to date.

While dating has been a big part of my NB, it wasn't where I started, and certainly hasn't been the only thing.

I thought we could all share some of the non-dating NB stuff we have done or are doing, as encouragement to newer members or lurkers in NB that there is a lot of awesome stuff that goes on in healing, not just dating.

Starting during separation, my first step of NB was nesting. I got all new furniture and hung my own style of artwork on the walls (XH was anti art-on-the-walls).

Later, I started to paint again, and started taking dance classes, which was an old hobby I used to love. Now I go dancing at least once a week!

Also during S, I traveled quite a bit; much more than XH and I would have been able to afford with his spending habits. I went to Chicago, NYC, Michigan, Arizona, and spent a considerable amount of time up in Baltimore. It was awesome!

I also just submitted my application to go back to school and do some post-grad work that will build on the job I currently have. I'm nervously waiting for my transcripts to all get there, but excited about the possibilities this will open.

So...what about you? What non-dating NB have you had?

[This message edited by Amazonia at 1:19 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
quedagh
Member
Member # 24195
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)

This is perfect... thanks Amazonia- I am a looong way from dating. On-line scares the snot out of me (thanks NB ) and meeting women who aren't my students or married mom's of my athletes is very rare.

I picked up another MA. This one in education (still didn't help job-wise, though. Small city, low pop state, stay at home dad for nine years- a tough nut to crack)

Took another coaching job- makes three. Took on more classes at the college- now I am full time adjunct. Substitute taught a few times, too.

Made some new friends. They are nice and fun to do things with- I do feel odd being the only unmarried one.

Revived my favorite hobby (building simple things with wood).
Revived skiing because my littles go every week in winter.
Tried to train for a 5 K- and will try again- running is horribly painful. Would rather swim 20,000 yards than run walk for a half hour.
Read several pulpy book series.
Hooked myself on some television shows, too (never really watched before).

In next couple of weeks, I start a new business. My office is a 28 sec. meander from my front door, I can work much of it at home, and don't have to give up other gigs for awhile. The best part is I don't have to alter my summer time with the littles very much. And, it is all supplemental income because I already can cover all expenses. I hope it works out. I am tired of living poverty line.(should have taken the alimony)

I am going to actually buy something for me, a kayak, this spring so I can take on another hobby (if I can keep from talking myself out of spending the money). And, I am finally going to get lasik eye surgery (been wanting to for ten years) if I can keep from talking myself out of spending the money.

Gluing life back together after all of this has been a difficult road. But one foot in front of the other, eh.

thanks for the thread. It felt good to actually write this out.

On a side note- my walls are covered in the art work of my littles. Makes my seven days without them easier to handle.

[This message edited by quedagh at 1:54 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)]


Divorced and safer, mostly.


Posts: 803 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Recovery Land
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)

I forgot running!! I took up running too, and love it!

Also started doing yoga, but that got too expensive to maintain.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
timeforchange
Member
Member # 27454
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)

On the day I confronted ex and asked him to leave I went round the house and gathered up all the truly horrible gifts we had received over the years from his parents. They were all banished to the recycling centre!!!!

Then I repainted every room in my taste.

I refinanced and bought him out of the house.

I lost 30 lbs.

I took up running and now love it.

I became happy once more.

I have travelled to Asia twice with the kids and this summer we are heading to the USA (we are British and living in Germany). Ex hated travelling and we love it.

My kids and I regrouped and became a solid, happy family.. Just us 3. We call ourselves the dreamteam.

The kids have healed.
I have healed.

I learnt how to put down boundaries with the ex and he now behaves like a good little boy. He knows his days of bullying are over and he now bends over backwards to behave around me.

I fell in love with a new guy and experienced a healthy relationship! He had to PCS, I detached beautifully (thanks SI) I survived :)

I discovered Internet "meeting".

I have laughed so very much.

I have learnt how to do home maintenance.

I bought a brand new car and have kept on top of looking after it.

All 3 of us have survived and thrived.

I joined a single parents group. The group was useless but I made a great friend so we started our own 2 person support group complete with loads of gossiping and wine

I am happier than at any other time in my adult life.

On D Day I decided to seize the day and use this a a chance to change my life (hence my user name).

It has been the worst of times and the best of times.

And I now look back on D Day with gratitude as my life is 1000 times happier than 2 years ago.

Infidelity need not be the end of the world it can be the beginning of a whole new and better life.

Edited: I was on my iphone and making a mess of this so finished it on the laptop.

[This message edited by timeforchange at 2:42 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)]


Me = BS aged 43
2 boys, 13 and 9
DDay 1/19/10
Confronted him 2/16/10
Finally Divorced 8/29/12

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”


Posts: 726 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Expats in Europe
traicionada
Member
Member # 10310
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)

Let's see, I...
(1) Started practicing my RC faith openly
(2) Finished my undergrad degree
(3)Took a management job at a non-profit
(4)Started speaking Spanish at home again
(5) Last but not least made some awesome new friends
Oh, yeah! I learned that the dating thing is NOT my thing


Real love is a CHOICE, NOT a feeling...

Posts: 3288 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Dallas, Texas
NoLongerWantHim
Member
Member # 19934
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)

I went back to school.
I managed *the Tree Remodel*
I got GWADW help with her ADHD
I cut my utility bills by 80%



Me & the kids are having the malignancy removed.

If I went to Hogwarts, my Patronus would be my Big Sister - GWADW


Posts: 4123 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Where I want to be, on the road to the future
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)

I've found a yoga studio in the town I plan to move to, and have taken two classes there so far. I plan to continue that - I really liked how I felt, both mind and body wise, afterwards.

I've made a list of things I would like to pursue. Things like learning about wine and photography (I've got a fancy digital camera and don't know how to really use it).

I've updated my wardrobe - that was fun!


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2589 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)

Oh, and I am researching and planning a solo vacation!


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2589 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
noone
Member
Member # 34455
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)

Not dating and not even close to trying. Nor do I have a desire to.
I started taking online classes through my DDs university but can't commit or afford FT schooling right now...already working 2 jobs to get by.
I'm saving money in anticipation of moving home (Seattle) when my son graduates next year.
Started working out and eating right and finally taking care of ME! Lost 19 pounds and have done some serious toning since Dday (hints of a 6 pack and biceps already!) It feels AMAZING! (I still have a LONG way to go but the results are happening)
Started being very selfish with my time. When DS is with his dad on weekends I eat what I want, watch tv or movies I want, listen to music I enjoy..sometimes REALLY loud!, maybe have a drink or sometimes do nothing at all.
I've been healing and empowering myself emotionally and physically and people are noticing. Twice this week I've had people tell me they just love me and really enjoy being with me because I'm so happy and my outlook is fun! Yeah, sometimes it's the fake it till you make it mode but more often than not, it's real! I'm excited about my future! I recently saw a pic of him with his kids taken by her and sadly there was no warmth between he and the kids..they just stood at his sides, the look on his face was more squinty (like the sun was in his face except he was wearing dark sunglasses) and he looked dumpy. His belly was VERY visable through his t-shirt and he always took pride in his slender body and worked hard to keep it. He really looked kind of pitiful. Oh well... his life, his mistake. Me? I'm smiling and shining!
My new theme song is "I make my own sunshine" By Alyssa Bonagura

[This message edited by noone at 4:02 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)]


what the caterpillar believes is the end of life, the butterfly knows is just the beginning

Posts: 444 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Hell
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)

Oh! I forgot to mention this - yesterday I bought a brand new fancy tempur pedic mattress! It gets delivered Wednesday and the old one gets hauled away, and it will take some of the bad juju with it.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2589 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)

Well, I bought a house! My own little bungalow. :) I have been holding onto magazines and pulling out design and color ideas for inspiration. I have also been collaborating with my family members as to what I might need-- they have been so great. I'm getting so many hand-me-downs so that I can save money!

I am reading again. I put it on the back burner for some time since I was always too busy, but I have actually been enjoying works that I have been meaning to get to.

I have actually been taking better care of me. I take more pride in my appearance, especially at work. I am finally getting rid of junky old clothing that I've kept for forever.

In my moving process, I have cleared out TONS of junk. I cleaned out my book collection and helped my kids do the same with theirs. We cleaned out the toy box and got rid of all the unused and broken toys. I am preparing a pile of useless stuff to take to the Goodwill. It's liberating to think about how much less will be moving with me.

There is more that I'd like to do, but I'm still stuck in limbo, and STBX is never really around to watch the kids (unless I put in a specific request because I have plans). I'm hoping that will change once I move and our official visitation set up begins. Then, I can fill those weekends with whatever I want!

[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 4:40 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)]


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3575 | Registered: Oct 2011
better4me
Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)

Traveling! San Diego, CA and West Virginia last year with friends and Savannah, Georgia with my sis this spring. (So much cheaper to fly, eat, sleep when you are only paying for one person instead of as a married couple).

Exploring a new business venture with some talented women friends.

Painted and redecorated a couple of rooms the way I wanted to (no consultations with grumpy spouse necessary-yea)

Landscaping my yard the way I wanted to (see above parenthesis)

Singing in my church choir.

Cooking new foods that ex wouldn't have even tried--vegetarian, Thai, anything other than the BORING meat and potatoes dishes he would eat. Making dinner for and with friends.

Spending time with friends when I want to for as long as I want to. I have more time to nurture old friendships and to make new friendships.

Eating better, exercising more, taking fitness classes

Bought sexy lingerie.

Learned home maintenance and hot tub maintenance skills.

I absolutely love not having to check in with anyone about anything! I absolutely love going to do things I want to do when I want to do them. I absolutely love not having to put up with someone else's bad mood!

Learned to love and value myself again!

Learned how strong I really am!

This thread has helped me realize I still need to
make a list of other things I would like to pursue--and do them, not just think of them. A new beginning can become a new way of living!


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3095 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)

Thanks for this thread. ALthough not divorced yet (fingers crossed it gets finalized in June), I feel like I'm in the process of my new beginning. I've been lurking but I won't be dating for a LONG time!
So here are my new beginnings:

Finishing up all the half-baked projects that my WH left. The one I'm proudest of so far is refinishing my kitchen cabinets. I got to pick the color and the knobs that I wanted!

Repainting every room in this house a lighter color. WH was into dark and dramatic. But now everything is lighter and brighter

I was a runner and marathoner before. But now I have a new found zeal for training. My pace has picked up by roughly 2 min/mile since D-day. I'm running the Chicago Marathon this fall and I'm thinking I'm going to have a very good time

And finally, I've started to get job apps in. Looking to teach again.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4610 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
trumanshow
Member
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)

I agree-I have absolutely no desire to date.


Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed


Posts: 1745 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)

Truman, what have you done for you?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)

I bought my WXH out of my house, and totally re-decorated it. New flooring, new curtains, painted my bedroom, and new bed.

I have re-established contact with some great friends, and joined a gym.

I created a new life for myself. It's so much better.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7557 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)

Slight t/j:

Also started doing yoga, but that got too expensive to maintain

LA Fitness-$25/month; other gyms are probably comparable. Once you get the hang of it, you do it on your own; videos are excellent but I don't recommend practicing alone until you've worked with a yogi for a while.

My NB:

New home
Old dogs (retrieved from the X)
New job
New furniture
Old hobbies (that I didn't have time for while M)
New Friends (SI)
Old Friends (renewed friendships that the X has eschewed)

All good


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20027 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
trumanshow
Member
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)

Amazonia-

Lost 80 pounds
Joined meet up groups-book clubs,game nights
Planning more vacations-taking 1 next month with my daughter


Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed


Posts: 1745 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
justkate
Member
Member # 32488
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)

I bought my new car, bought new beds for myself and two oldest, bought a new washing machine when the one he had bought used died.

We (kids and i) have cut expenses by a huge amount and had so much fun together going places and just hanging out. I am doing more with friends and goals for next year is getting house stuff done and then perhaps the year after buying a new house. Oh I forgot that I really-financed the house on my own which due to rates so low right now I cut my mortgage in half!

I am looking forward to having fun in my nb and exploring things for myself again.


me - 46 betrayed
him - 44 cheater/compulsive liar
04 05 12 completed part 1 of Divorce application.
04 05 12 he was served notice of my application for divorce
05 06 12 part 2 completed and submitted
28 12 12 Divorce final
2013 the world is mine!

Posts: 97 | Registered: Jun 2011
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:16 AM, April 23rd (Monday)

I've enjoyed watching my kids jaws drop & hearing them exclaim "WHOA!" when I do yet another task that WH told them (and me) I couldn't do, only he could do. There is so much I can do!!! I love that I can now show the kids what it's like to have a strong, capable mother!!! I can change batteries. I can program thermostats. I can reboot the garbage disposal. I can take out the trash. I can clean the deck. I can get the car serviced. I can talk to utility companies on the phone & make arrangements for service/repair. I can conduct business.

I CAN!!!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9529 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
timeforchange
Member
Member # 27454
Default  Posted: 2:43 AM, April 23rd (Monday)

Reading everyones accomplishments I feel like a proud mother.

Yup I am really proud of you all.

I think the biggest benefit of all these changes is that I rebuilt my self esteem and confidence. Never again will I believe someone when they try to put me down.

I can do anything if I try hard enough. You do not know what you can accomplish until you try.

I also think we are all teaching our kids a valuable message.... About how to handle problems in life. And getting back up after every fall :)

[This message edited by timeforchange at 2:48 AM, April 23rd (Monday)]


Me = BS aged 43
2 boys, 13 and 9
DDay 1/19/10
Confronted him 2/16/10
Finally Divorced 8/29/12

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”


Posts: 726 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Expats in Europe
stronger08
Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 3:27 AM, April 23rd (Monday)

Great topic. I always thought that this forum was for dating advice and such for the most part. I personally jumped into thw dating pool way too early and discovered I was certainly not ready for it. I had some horrible experiences dating. Including dating a woman who tells me on the 3rd date she was married. But it was OK cause she and her H have an open M.

After that I personally threw myself into my work. I was able to secure myself 2 promotions and almost doubled my salary in 3 years. Not to mention the sizable increase in bonus at a higher level. I made corporate VP and was doing very well financially. My ney years resolution for 2011 was to get myself together totally. I took the whole year of 2011 working on myself. I did not date or have any flings. It was all about me and where I wanted to go in life. I went back to IC to achieve this. I had learned that my whole life has been spent sacfificing my self hapiness for someone elses. That I could not enjoy the fruits of my labor as I was constantly doing things for someone else. I also was working like a dog. 60 work weeks were the norm for me. The stress of working too many hours dealing with the fallout of my XWW A(s) the subsequent S/D and the continuing saga of custody issues and CS took a big toll on me. I was not taking care of myself. After D-day I pick up a bad habit of drinking to self medicate and kept that up till last year. I was not a full blown alcoholic. But I could see that I was heading in that direction. I gave that up also during this time.

Late last December I realized that hey your gonna be 50 in 2012 and what have you done to enjoy your life ? Pretty much nothing. I wanted to cut back on my work and start to enjoy life again. but they did not see it this way. So I was let go. I'm not sorry about taking this stand as I will take the entire year of 2012 off to decompress and enjoy things. I have the resources to live off of thanks to 32 years of hard work. My exit was so amicable with my employer I was invited to apply for a position again once I am ready. While I'm not having much success in the dating life. I'm also not out there looking for one. I have a certain criteria that I need in a date and will stick to it. Its going to be about me for awhile. I plan on a road trip this summer to see the many beautifull things this country has to offer. All by myself. I have moved into a new home in a new area. Still getting settled into it. I plan on eventually getting a place in the mountains for retirement once I go back to work. Everyone I know thinks Im nuts for what I have done. But I just know this is what I need to do. For the first time in my adult life I have direction and Im happy being me.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5612 | Registered: Nov 2007
LS_Betrayed
Member
Member # 33697
Default  Posted: 6:31 AM, April 23rd (Monday)

I have a job interview Tuesday, that I hope leads me to a path of a calmer more predicatable schedule.

Also, I started riding my daughter's horse, and running 5 days a week.


Me (BS) - 49
WS - 51
Daughters 18, 13 and 12
Married 24 years, currently divorcing-- not soon enough

Posts: 5018 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: New England
LS_Betrayed
Member
Member # 33697
Default  Posted: 6:33 AM, April 23rd (Monday)

Oh! I forgot to mention this - yesterday I bought a brand new fancy tempur pedic mattress! It gets delivered Wednesday and the old one gets hauled away, and it will take some of the bad juju with it.

I love mine!!!


Me (BS) - 49
WS - 51
Daughters 18, 13 and 12
Married 24 years, currently divorcing-- not soon enough

Posts: 5018 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: New England
jiax
Member
Member # 32396
Default  Posted: 7:00 AM, April 23rd (Monday)

I have tried online dating, but i am going to pull my profile I think. I might attempt it again later this summer when the divorce is finalized.

Since the separation in July:
- Bought a new house, and have almost completely renovated it
- lost 80 pounds. I run 10k every day.
- embraced a much healthier lifestyle/food choices
- most importantly, I have become a great dad.


Me: 40BH
Her: 39WW
DD: May 23,2011
Together 15 years; married 8
Separated July 18, 2011
Divorce date: TBD


Posts: 58 | Registered: Jun 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, April 23rd (Monday)

LS! You didn't mention the beamer! That's definitely a NB if I ever saw one!


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
LS_Betrayed
Member
Member # 33697
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, April 23rd (Monday)

So true Amazonia!!! I adore the Beamer.... I feel classy... LOL and you know what I AM classy!!!


Me (BS) - 49
WS - 51
Daughters 18, 13 and 12
Married 24 years, currently divorcing-- not soon enough

Posts: 5018 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: New England
ARae2
Member
Member # 30619
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, April 23rd (Monday)

My NB really started when I took off to France. Best and most liberating vacation I have ever taken.

I also have posted a few times about my non-dating new beginning. I'm in the process of becoming self sufficent in my home. I was on my own for the first time ever. I'm redoing my house by painting, landscaping, learning how to take care of it, etc. Its a huge accomplishment that I can now mow my yard.

I also have a much stronger faith and am much more involved in my church.

I refocused on my family/friends and have a stronger relationship with my parents, brother and nephew than ever before. I don't turn down invitations to dinner and just spending time with the people who matter.

My NB is so much more than dating. Its refocusing on myself and finding myself for the first time. This NB form has allowed me to realize that its okay to just be me and its okay to make mistakes.


Me: 31

Divorced 12/12/11

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best"


Posts: 528 | Registered: Jan 2011
deanab
Member
Member # 16427
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, April 23rd (Monday)

Mine involved mostly working on being okay with myself by myself.

I've always had a fear of being alone. I've always went from guy to guy. I knew after my D that this would be something I'd struggle with BUT wanted to overcome.

So for my NB, I practiced being alone. I would stay home and watch a movie being miserable but I did.. over time it was enjoyable and I even look forward to it now.

I also threw away a lot of things around my apt that reminded me of my ex. One night at 12am I decided I hated my comforter set that I shared with the ex so I got up from bed, pulled the comforter off the bed, put the shams, all the fancy pillows etc into the comforter and grabbed it like a huge bag like I was Santa Claus. I dragged it from my bedroom all the way to the dumpster like that. LOL I don't know if anybody saw that but I'm sure people that I was throwing away a body!

I've thrown away other things here and there. I've sold furniture. I sold all the jewelry he gave me to have money for my new place.

I will be moving into my own new apt in a week which I will decorate my style!!

I've branched out and have made new friends whom I see often. I've went to salsa lessons, concerts, shows, all things that my EX would have either not done or done because he had to.

It's been a blast!!

But most of all, my NB involved loving myself. I can say with no hesitation I love me!!! I'm fantastic and know my worth for the first time in my life. This has changed everything in my life. From the smile I wear everyday to the way I date now.


BS: 33 (me)
No kids.
D-day: August 2007
Divorced.

Posts: 529 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: Texas
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, April 23rd (Monday)

Aside from the 280 lbs of loser, I got rid of a house that was costing me a fortune every month, and recycled my ancient Honda Civic in exchange for a year's free use of CarShare.

Downsized to a 700 sq ft condo, got rid of piles and piles of junk that we had been hauling around for years.

Working on the last couple of boxes right now

Started back at university to work on finishing honours history so I can get an MA before I 'retire' in a few years.

In 41 more sleeps I'll be getting on a plane for 3.5 weeks vacay in the UK, Ireland and Portugal visiting friends and cousins.

Have some winter pounds to lose, so have to get back to yoga and some weight training again.

The first couple of years were difficult, but I took lots of short amazing trips to beautiful places to ease the pain.

Painted my accent walls apple-green and had a green glass tile backsplash installed in the kitchen. Ex *hated* anything colourful, everything had to be white or navy blue.

Have my down moments like everyone else, but for the most part life is pretty good at the moment.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17340 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, April 23rd (Monday)

I’ve done a lot of things for myself, made some necessary changes, splurged, taken on new and old hobbies, and spent more time with friends and family, but honestly, I don’t think I am much different than when I was married. Trying new things, going new places, keeping active, etc, have always been priorities. I feel like I’ve just been keeping on, living life. Things perhaps just feel easier now that I’ve quit trying to drag him along with me.

Posts: 3343 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
juliette
Member
Member # 9635
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, April 23rd (Monday)

I kept my house, refinanced it and with the help of my family, renovated it.

I am slowly starting to drive in town (only on Sunday afternoon when there is no traffic though )

Planning a trip with Romeo to the town we love most.

Planning to go back to school in 2013.

Made new friends


Me : BS - 40
Have a son (Romeo) - 14 years


Well this April's Fools Day joke sucked big time.


Posts: 11472 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: ontario
NaiveAgain
Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, April 23rd (Monday)

I went back to college. I am on the Dean's list with a 3.95 GPA. I am a member of several clubs and organizations at school, including the honor society. I just got elected President of our Student Government.

I am starting to dabble in politics.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15193 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
stretch13
Member
Member # 26894
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, April 23rd (Monday)

my first NB was opening my business and starting a blog. oh, and quitting smoking for good.

i wouldn't have been anywhere near ready to date peterpan without the NBs that were mine all mine all mine.


http://www.facebook.com/hardheadpress
http://www.amazon.com/Eli-Ely-Ezekiel-Tyrus/dp/0986042900/

http://hardheadpress.com/

life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac


Posts: 3929 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: east coast
IrishLass518
Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, April 23rd (Monday)

I am not dating and not nearly ready too. I am experiencing my NB.

I started working at a lube shop and have 1 promotion and the 2nd is imminent (all in under a year).
I moved into a shared home with my sister and brother-in-law and I have built in childcare for my son :).
I started writing lyrics and I have shared a few with local songwriters and they liked them.
I do my own decorating and my room and house look the way I like.
I bbq and so it well.
I build the campfires.
I am teaching my son gun safety and how to shoot his pellet rifle.
I do my car maintenance and even installed a new car stereo on my own over the last weekend.
I start college again in the fall.
I provide for my son and I do it well. He may not have everything but he has everything he needs.
I joined a family wellness group with my son and we both do IC.
I play football with my son.
I garden with my son.
I have taken my son and all of his siblings to Great Wolf Lodge for his birthday....on my dime.
We are making plans for more family outings and trips.
This is my time, my kids' time. WE finally get to be a family without the stain and strain of his A.
I am so happy


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1726 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
IrishLass518
Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, April 23rd (Monday)

Double post sorry

[This message edited by IrishLass518 at 4:57 PM, April 23rd (Monday)]


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1726 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
IrishLass518
Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, April 23rd (Monday)

Stupid computer

[This message edited by IrishLass518 at 4:56 PM, April 23rd (Monday)]


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1726 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, April 26th (Thursday)

Bump for new-to-NB folks and lurkers


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
ImNellNow
Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, April 26th (Thursday)

My NB begins in full on May 22. My offer on a townhouse was accepted this morning and I will be moving from The Marital House into Nell's Home!!!


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
Lola2kids
Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, April 26th (Thursday)

Not ready to date. Nope. Hope I might get asked on a date someday and that is a step for me.

My accomplishments?
1. Lurker here and this in now my second post in NB. Yay!
2. Getting the house in my name and making it more MINE day by day, purging his junk and his stank from the place.
3. Building a new safe place for my twin girls that doesn't include him.
4. Building my confidence that I never needed him, he needed me and it's his loss.
5. Going to Las Vegas with the girls because I wanted to see the Grand Canyon and share that with them.
6. Planning a trip to the beach for when school ends.
7. Taking control of my life and not letting him keep me under his thumb.
8. Getting my self-esteem back after years of verbal abuse. IC was a hard step for me to take. I still keep it a secret from dumbass and my family. It's something I am doing for me.
9. Getting back into my work with more concentration that I have had in the last year since DDay.
10. I can do a lot! I just did the drain for my sister's new kitchen sink. It wasn't that hard. I can fix more things than he can for sure.

10 for now is good I think.


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
WS: Him 49 (Together 12 years)
D-Day April 18, 2011, Him:out Sept. 11, 2011..moved June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1364 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, April 26th (Thursday)

Oh! I forgot to mention this in my earlier post....but I used to love camping...would take off for weekend hiking trips before I was married. And while WH would always talk about camping...we just never did it.

This summer I am taking Teslet camping...just a quick overnight at a local place. I am so excited to start doing this with him and hopefully get him built up for longer and longer trips


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4610 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
lostmommy
Member
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, April 26th (Thursday)

I love this!

Since STBX left me in August I:

- Moved out of my parents home with my son and my dog to prove to myself that I could do it all alone.

- Took my son on vacation for a week in Disney. This was a healing process for me too because I realized that I wanted a divorce while I was away.

- Lost almost 60lbs and I keep melting

- Started getting my financial house in order. It's slow going, but I'm getting there.

- I dipped my toes into the online dating pool (oh boy) starting in November/December. Met a few "winners" and in the beginning of February, a wonderful guy found me. It's so nice to be treated as I deserve to be treated, and to have someone appreciate every little thing you do for them as well as the big.

My son is thriving, I have great friends, an amazing family, and a healthy relationship. I honestly haven't been this happy in an extremely long time.


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, April 26th (Thursday)

Lola, I maaaaaay have bumped this for you

Glad you are coming into your NB! There is great life to be had in the "beyond" divorce.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
Lola2kids
Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, April 26th (Thursday)

Thanks, Ama!

I have been a regular in D/S for a while. It's nice to see so many familiar names here.

Although I am not divorced since I was never married to DA (aka dumbass). I still want that new beginning for me and my kids.

This thread inspired me to really think about how we are better off now. I love reading every one else's responses. It's inspiring.

Hugs.


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
WS: Him 49 (Together 12 years)
D-Day April 18, 2011, Him:out Sept. 11, 2011..moved June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1364 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
LadyQ
Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, April 26th (Thursday)

My best NB is that I've gone back to college. I never knew what I wanted to be "when I grew up", and since I was happily married and would have this great retirement from the military, it wasn't a big deal that I didn't have a career. We were both ok with my "low rent" job.

Since my hand was forced by his actions and I'm now facing the prospects of living off my "low rent" job, I've had to do some serious re-arranging of my life! I won't lie, it's been stressful!! But it's forced me out of my comfort zone and into pursuing my dream!!


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
HappilyUnMarried
Member
Member # 21299
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, April 26th (Thursday)

I took a few oil painting classes and realized that it is very relaxing for me.


True happiness comes from within, not from someone else.  Don’t make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy

Posts: 1291 | Registered: Oct 2008
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Content  Posted: 6:56 AM, May 26th (Saturday)

Bump


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
gardenparty
Member
Member # 12050
Default  Posted: 7:20 AM, May 26th (Saturday)

6 years out now and my NB has included:

Changing careers which involved going back to college and becoming an apprentice plumber. I am now the lead hand field plumber for a large construction company and pull in almost 6 figures a year. Being able to financially take care of myself and put my 2 DD's through university without student loans has been by far the most important part of my NB.

Travelled, some for work, some for fun.

Completely redecorated my old house including installing all new flooring on the main floor (did this myself ).

Bought myself my first new vehicle ever which a year later I still love every time I get in it.

Made some fabulous new friends and learned how to laugh and cry with them.

My life is 180 degrees different from what it used to be and I feel that I am living truer to myself than I ever did while I was married.


divorced!

Posts: 2664 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: newfoundland
Brandon808
Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, May 26th (Saturday)

Seeing friends more often.
Sometimes I just get in the car and drive. I don't feel like I have a leash anymore (WS would text/call all the time if I was running errands).
See more movies.
See my family more.

I'm not ready to date yet, but I want to be. Sometimes I get excited about dating again and sometimes I get a little


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3727 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
noone
Member
Member # 34455
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, May 26th (Saturday)

I started taking care of ME! I've been eating better and working out and have lost almost 30 pounds. I've started writing again, gone back to school, got a new job, am enjoying what I want on TV with no apologies, don't feel guilty doing "nothing" if that's what I feel like doing, and my biggest change is I'm saving every dime I can to move back to Seattle!


what the caterpillar believes is the end of life, the butterfly knows is just the beginning

Posts: 444 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Hell
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, June 30th (Saturday)

I'm adding to my list...
-Going back to school to further my career
-Joined a Bocce team (for the summer - won't have time once school starts)
-Made new friends at a MeetUp and have plans to see 3 of them again, plus just had lunch with a 4th!


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, June 30th (Saturday)

I may have signed up to join the local friends of historic preservation group today.

And I've been looking into some basic gardening classes to try to cure my infamous black thumb.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25047 | Registered: Aug 2011
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, June 30th (Saturday)

Thanks for starting this!

I'm actually doing a lot of things that we did together while married, only better. For example, going to races and then staying after to chat with people.

I've taken up painting.

Reconnected with a bunch of friends.

Got a new, amazing job (XWH started his affair a month after I found out I was losing my previous job.)


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
time2grow
Member
Member # 35983
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, June 30th (Saturday)

Learning to take care of myself: physically, mentally and spiritually. Starting with a self-inventory of things I know I want changed in my life/behavior.

I returned to college full time, changed my degree in turn changing my career.

I am learning two foreign languages.

Doing the stuff I want to do because all the WW did was bitch and belittle.


Posts: 1719 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Missouri
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, June 30th (Saturday)

!great post!

downsized house & decorated
bought a new car
took first vacation (Florida) in years
bought new wardrobe
slept in first time in years
discovered new movies
reconnected with myself
breathed


Posts: 475 | Registered: Jun 2012
booger bear
Member
Member # 26584
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, June 30th (Saturday)

I still don't consider anything I have done since d-day a nb ...

An no I do not think a nb is related to having a new guy in my life.

I just feel like everything I have done is survival ... It was either sink or swim ... I'm kinda doing a very poor dog paddle ...

Leaving CO was me running away ... School survival, I wouldn't want to do anything else but b a nurse, even if it did not mean survival, if it was just me staying busy.

New rental house some new furniture ... Still survival being closer to my gma to help with her.

The meetup.com thing is just what I thought I'm pose to do next ... Socialize meet new people do new things ... Seemed like the next step I was suppose to do ...

Still no idea what a nb is pose to b or look like ... For me anyway ...


I am fiercely independent and I won’t apologize for it. I'd rather be single than settled.

Posts: 18751 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: OK - Hot as hell here !!!!!!
Tictac
Member
Member # 23993
Default  Posted: 6:01 AM, July 1st (Sunday)

I bought a new house, my first mortgage on my own, and am keeping house & garden under some kind of control!

I have just ordered some new flooring for it, and am currently doing some painting.

I changed to a full-time job, which cuts down on the free time I have, but is much better for financial security.

I have just booked my first solo holiday, I am going to go trekking in Nepal, with a small tour group.

My two French Bulldogs have died (old age) since WH left, I currently have a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, but am maintaining contact with my French Bulldog Group friends, and hope to be able to get another Frenchie in the future.

Full-time work mean't I have been unable to spend as much time riding & caring for my horse, who lived at my parents property & they are getting too old for that responsibility, so I made the decision to locate a retirement place for him where he is well cared for & I can visit regularly.

I started dating about 6 months after WH left, the relationship is 2 years old, but BF is currently depressed & it has got extremely difficult. As a couple we have been members of the local Harley Owners Group & I have been learning to ride a motorcycle. I am continuing with that, as I'd like to get my licence, to show I can do it if nothing else. Whether I stay in the HOG club, who knows, although there are many nice people there.

Alot of what I do I do for survival, as someone else here has said. I work, I pay the bills, I take care of myself & my animals & help out my parents as well as I can. My dad has just been diagnosed with Parkinsons Disease so I try to help out around their property, with stuff like cleaning out the chimney etc. Don't want Dad getting on the roof!

[This message edited by Tictac at 6:05 AM, July 1st (Sunday)]


Me : BS 42 - Him : WS 47
OW 32
Married 16 years - no kids
D-Day 15th April 2009
Separated November 2009.
Divorced August 2011
WH moved 3000km to be with OW. Must be "true luuurve"!! I think 3000km is a fairly good distance!

Posts: 217 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Australia
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:15 AM, July 1st (Sunday)

bb, I know a lot of the things I've done have been very conscious choices on my part. I am in a big, ugly, unhappy rut right now with the way things ended with G, so I pushed myself to join a meetup group, pushed myself to make dinner plans with the women I met there, pushed myself to join the bocce team. None of it comes naturally for me, but it's like taking medicine - I may not like it on the onset, but I know the result is worth it.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
beingmiranda
Member
Member # 32519
Default  Posted: 7:10 AM, July 1st (Sunday)

After XH split, I bought him out of the house and refinanced to me. I undertook a massive project of "getting the XH out". I re-painted EVERY SINGLE ROOM. Including the basement and garage. XH was a terrible packrat almost hoarders type style. I cleared out the de-cluttered and reorganized everything.

Currently in the works in the outside of my home. Doing landscaping and getting it pretty. ALL BY MYSELF! Ok, so DS7 likes to help putter with me.

I did some financial planning. Very important. One salary now and wanted to make sure my retirement and DS's college education would be squared away. XH refused to commit to DS's college in our divorce agreement. He currently has no responsibility agreed to it.

I started reading a lot about affairs and infedelity. That is how I found SI. I did a lot of self-help. I've been able to heal and move forward. Still hate my XH but I am happy with how my life is now.

AND! Most importantly, the bond with DS is just like superglue. Been a great mom overall I think. We love each other so much. He frequently says "it's us against the world, mom." THAT'S RIGHT KID AND WE CAN TAKE IT ON NOW!


Me: now 38
Him: up and left for OW
OW: old maid mid thirties with biological clock ticking, desparate for a man.
Divorced the cheater - 8/2011
Married the most AMAZING man - 10/2013

Posts: 792 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: NJ
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, July 1st (Sunday)

i started with re-focusing on a hobby and making a small business out of it. i got laid off shortly after i separated so I focused a lot on career.

now i'm continuing to work on upgrading my career (trying to come up with a 5 year plan). i'm learning more about budgeting and investing. i continue to focus on trying new things that i've always wanted to (planning a trip to learn to surf and one to skydive). i'm trying some meetup groups in my new home town so i can meet new friends.

basically, even though i have an SO, i have continued to try and focus on stuff for me. keeping my life full and rounded


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8439 | Registered: Apr 2008
PlainsGirl29
Member
Member # 33520
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, July 1st (Sunday)

Right after dday I was so insecure it is like my normal insecurities *100. So right now I am learning to love me, all of me, the good and bad. I have always hates my legs, they are thicker and pasture ghost white, swear they retract sunlight lol, but this summer I am showing them off, and they look a lot better than I have been telling myself all these years, they are long and with a short skirt or dress looking good so I have bought more dresses and more heels, lol.

I applied for college and got accepted.

I am feeling the urge to rediscovery religious beliefs, stbx is an atheist, I went from a devout Christian to the verge of athesism in the past 7 years, so I am reconnecting with old.Christian friends, may even go to church next Sunday..

I am a decluttering mofo

That is all I got for now...


Posts: 1146 | Registered: Oct 2011
roseguide
Member
Member # 35697
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, July 2nd (Monday)

Thanks for this post!


In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of the things not meant for you. – Buddhist saying

Posts: 206 | Registered: May 2012 | From: New Jersey
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, July 2nd (Monday)

Still no idea what a nb is pose to b or look like ... For me anyway ...

Kinda with you there, perhaps for different reasons. I don’t really feel like anything I have done is that radical or outside what I would have done while married.

When I was married, I worked, went to school, ran, did yoga, bowled, traveled, and volunteered at an animal shelter. Phased out the shelter before the D, kept the rest up after the D except school, kinda reached an impasse, and haven’t decided where to go with that. I have been trying to cook more, I like the experience and the results, but I’m not entirely enamored with the hobby. Might replace running with dance or tennis lessons as I am growing weary of that endeavor. Recently put in an application to volunteer at a women’s foundation, how much time I can commit remains to be seen.

Mostly I just want to relax into my life and quit trying to prove something to this mythical arbitrator of life worth that lives in my head. I love to try new things, but sometimes I think I get more joy out of the idea than the experience itself.


Posts: 3343 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
k94ever
Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, July 2nd (Monday)

For the first time in my life I have no one to think about but myself. So I'm learning that it's OK to buy a new wardrobe (mine was from the '80's...yup shoulder pads and all), name brand cosmetics instead of the Wallmart brand, re-program the DVR to all the shows I like.

I'm currently leasing a horse to see if I have the time to devote to it and taking riding lessons. I'm learning how to run the light and sound systems at our local Performing Arts Theater. During the winter I volunteer two days a week at our Library.

I'm seriously considering taking a kick-boxing class just to see if I like it. I ride my bike two to three times a week with my neighbor and we have a great time talking about life as we do our ten mile ride.

I eat what and when I want. I go to bed whenever I feel like it.

I'm working on being a better person. Doing lots of self-reflection and working on issues.

I'm reaching out to old friends and making new ones.

Eventually I'd like to date but the big issue here is that the deer outnumber eligable men. I'm going to have to import someone...........

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6518 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
roseguide
Member
Member # 35697
Default  Posted: 7:00 AM, July 3rd (Tuesday)

pushed myself to join a meetup group, pushed myself to make dinner plans with the women I met there, pushed myself to join the bocce team. None of it comes naturally for me, but it's like taking medicine - I may not like it on the onset, but I know the result is worth it.

I have a hard time with this one. My STBXH was the social butterfly and I just followed him around. Now I have to go out and actually talk to people. Yikes!

I've joined a few meet up groups, just to have someplace to go if I'm out of sorts.

I'm hiking more - without guilt.

Haven't been back to the gym since this happened but renewed my membership and going to go back.

Making plans to fix up the house but waiting until the divorce is final and I know it's actually mine.

Started working in the yard and on the outside though. It was/looked horrible but he never let me do anything with the outside of the house.

Lots of self help reading and started meditating again.

Trying to get rid of the clutter.

Spending more time with my (grown) kids.


In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of the things not meant for you. – Buddhist saying

Posts: 206 | Registered: May 2012 | From: New Jersey
NoLongerWantHim
Member
Member # 19934
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, July 3rd (Tuesday)

erm....

I retired from the Army Reserve - means I took off the boots for the first time in 34 years.

I got a degree and the qualifications for a new career.

I decluttered - my house, my life, my finances.

I make time for me, and frequently me first.

I eat healthier, sleep better and finally learned to turn off *the voice* that tells me I'm old, boring, tired, fat, stupid. The X's favorite term was "retarded" - Funny, he had an older brother his parents put away when the kid was little, and he stayed away till he passed away at 60.


Me & the kids are having the malignancy removed.

If I went to Hogwarts, my Patronus would be my Big Sister - GWADW


Posts: 4123 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Where I want to be, on the road to the future
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, July 3rd (Tuesday)

I drove, by myself, in the big city near me, one known for it's wicked crazy drivahs, and I did ok!!

That is very, very huge for me since about a year ago I could barely drive on the local roads without having a panic attack.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2589 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
miadianna
Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, July 3rd (Tuesday)

That is very, very huge for me since about a year ago I could barely drive on the local roads without having a panic attack.

That was a big one for me. For 20 years I didn't drive on the expressway because of fear and panic after something happened to me when I was 21, but I knew if I wanted to see my kids in college, I would have to do it and I made myself. It was one of the hardest things I ever did. I still don't like it and never will be calm about it, but I "can" do it if I have to. I really hate driving long distances, I find nothing relaxing about it like others do.

[This message edited by miadianna at 4:52 PM, July 3rd (Tuesday)]


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7468 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
thebighurt
Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 12:47 AM, July 4th (Wednesday)

My life is very different and so much calmer than during M. Being alone was scary at first, but now I love it! I do have some worries and an occasional panic attack over things that go wrong, but all-in-all, it is so much better! Funny how many of us make that same statement!

I no longer have the constant stress of xpos around or have the emotional and verbal abuse he rained on me. I have traveled to visit friends and family, driving myself either alone or with a friend. It is so much easier and stress-free, even though I now drive and only rode before. I'm hopeful I can drive to a G2G with some SI friends! The drives seem so much shorter now without his constant dialog berating every other driver and pushing them with his road rage. And I can listen to whatever I want along the way, stop whenever I want or wherever I want. The drive with a friend to her brother's house 5 hours away was loads of fun and laughter, even though neither of us felt really well. Who you are with can make such a difference! When I get there, we do things now that are much more fun than previous trips. He was so disapproving of everything and would not participate or go along with things everyone wanted to do.

I have seen so much more of friends (old friends and new) and family (including my grown kids who don't have much or anything to do with xpos) and enjoying it so much! I have reconnected with old friends and had girlfriends' weekends (another coming up mid-week next week; I've gone to the movies with friends, family or alone; started reading again; visit with friends in person or on the phone whenever I choose; grab a wine single or bottle of water and pop over to visit the neighbors who sit outside and get the neighborhood news and gossip; take a neighbor who is unable to drive shopping; cook whatever and whenever I want; eat out or do take-out whenever I choose; make all my own decisions about what and with whom I do things. (Xpos told me I would do anything for anyone, even people I did not know - meaning soldiers I adopted, but NEVER did ANYTHING for HIM!! - while stabbing his finger out at me for emphasis. Poor baby!)

I got rid of some furniture he picked out and now the room seems so much bigger and brighter with them replaced. They were big and dark. Got a new mattress. Making plans to paint and do other things around the house now that I know it is mine and he cannot come here any longer. The flowers outside this year are colors I chose. We still have some business to settle together before this is all over, so things will get even better once that is done and I can be rid of him.

Working on ME with IC. She says I'm "luke-warm ready" for dating. Been putting out some feelers but unsure how it would go if I actually get a date. I have been doing lots of reading about xpos' issues and am hopeful I would recognize if a date had the same ones. I see red flags all the time with people I see places (in their interactions), so I'm hoping I wouldn't be blind to it with a date.

Still have to clean out and declutter, and DD and DGD encouraging me to join meet-up groups, so still have lots to work on to keep me busy and fill my time. And I have SI whenever I feel the urge or need.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2280 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, July 19th (Thursday)

Bump for the NB Newbies


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:06 AM, July 29th (Sunday)


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
josie11
Member
Member # 31648
Default  Posted: 3:34 AM, July 30th (Monday)

1. Finished BA magna cum laude, after decades away from academia.

2. Tried not to kick myself for falling short of summa.

3. Launched myself into very competitive Master's program as my best chance at finding a job afterward at age 50+ years.

4. Made my best effort at blocking out the terror of ending up a bag lady if, despite earning a professional graduate degree, I can't find work.

5. Cared for my kids as we healed and supported each other in the aftermath of the divorce trauma. Sought professional counseling to cope as a single parent with no help from my ex.

6. Once a year after D-Day, traveled alone to my favorite place in the world, as a special reward for caring for my kids and studying at university 24/7.

7. Tried not to think about what happened and why. Tried not to agonize, wondering why he threw me away. Succeeded at not thinking about it for a bit every day.

8. Enjoyed never hearing a sports event or news on TV or radio broadcast ever ever. This is a big relief.

9. Survived.

10. Stayed sane (mostly).


BS: me
XWH: Dead to me, after spending half our lives together
2 teenagers
"I get it now; I didn't get it then. That life is about losing and about doing it as gracefully as possible... and enjoying everything in between."-Mia Farrow

Posts: 394 | Registered: Mar 2011
josie11
Member
Member # 31648
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, July 30th (Monday)

8. Enjoyed never hearing a sports event or news on TV or radio broadcast ever ever. This is a big relief.

To clarify: Enjoyed never hearing a TV sports event or TV sports news or sports talk radio ever ever again.

I have no problem with radio or TV in general. It's just sports programs that annoy me. Those loud noises/voices distract me when I'm trying to read.


BS: me
XWH: Dead to me, after spending half our lives together
2 teenagers
"I get it now; I didn't get it then. That life is about losing and about doing it as gracefully as possible... and enjoying everything in between."-Mia Farrow

Posts: 394 | Registered: Mar 2011
pbjkiki
Member
Member # 35145
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, August 10th (Friday)

I have a frequent need to entertain the thought of leaving my FWSO...8 and 10 months post DDays and nowhere near over it. Obviously I'm not staying for the happy healthy relationship. I'm staying out of dreading the alternative.

However, a lot of the non-dating NBs involve money. (going back to school, wardrobe change, a cosmetic change, redecorating, moving, new car, new new new....)

I'm in a ZERO DOLLARS TO SPARE stage. I'm not exaggerating. I can't take my car anywhere but work, and after diapers and formula, I have about $15 a week for my groceries.

My NBs have to be free. I'm just trying to think of things that I could do...

My office has a fitness room. I could start working out on my lunch breaks. No gym membership needed.

I have a storage closet full of incredible fabrics and papers and craft tools I never use. I could engage my creative side.

I have a wonderful blog, an SLR camera, and writing skills I've put on the back shelf. No need to let those go to waste.

A lot of my debt is from trips I took after my fiance died. Humanitarian/adventure, etc. I have a lot of pictures, but nothing's framed. Instead of going on more trips, I suppose I could go back and savor the trips I already took. I sorta blasted through them, and then after unpacking, just kinda went on with life. What a waste of all those thousands of dollars.

I have cleaning to do that I've neglected for -literally- years.

I have shelves books I've never read.

I have a great Britax stroller for my baby, and live in a safe, beautiful downtown city neighborhood. I could walk, explore, fraternize with the homeless, haha...

A big one for me is digging my way out of some medical bills (from having my baby) and paying off some silly indulgences I never shoulda considered (at one time, they themselves were my New Beginnings - now they're just debt). It will not happen without an increase in salary...I have decided I need to spend a couple days a week serving sushi or something, or I'll never make it out of this pit.

Off-brand coffee and dollar store cleaning products are in my future. After that...peace.


Posts: 333 | Registered: Mar 2012
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 5:54 AM, August 31st (Friday)


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, October 7th (Sunday)

Since the invitation to come over from D/S got bumped, this probably should too, just to prove we're not all about dating only.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, October 31st (Wednesday)

Yesterday, I was at work and got a text from a friend.

We already had plans to go to a volunteer dinner together, but she told me she had concert tickets to see a band in big city 90 miles away, act went on at 10:30, would I be interested in going after dinner?

Old me never would have gone, as I would have worried about getting home so XWH wasn't lonely without me, but new me jumped at the chance.

I had a great time, and was introduced to new music which I liked so much I bought their CD. And I picked up some new dance moves :) Plus, band members were working the merchandise area, so I got to meet all of them.

Yay for new friends, new experiences, and new beginnings!!!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, November 5th (Monday)

So fun, phmh! I'm glad you went out.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 8:09 PM, November 5th (Monday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
damncutekitty
Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, November 5th (Monday)

I am almost 8 years out from my D and only just now in my first serious relationship.

I had a LOT of other amazing things I did before I met my SO though.

I formed some amazing friendships. I ran 2 triathlons. I discovered new hobbies and activities. I spent lots and LOTS of time in therapy.

And I'm glad for all of it.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49468 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
npain
Member
Member # 33539
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, November 6th (Tuesday)

I am decluttering big time. I have moved out 99% of all of WH stuff and put them in the garage so I dont have to look at them everyday.

I took some computer classes this fall to upgrade my job skills.

I repainted, rearranged furniture and redecorated my bedroom, and living room. I have more plans to change some more things in time for Christmas.

I bought new beds for my children.

I lost 40lbs and bought a whole new wardrobe.

I went on 3 mini vacations this year: Las Vegas, Florida to take my kids to Disney and St. Thomas for my big sis birthday.

I plan on replacing all of the marriage furniture that he could have possibly screwed her on (which would probably be everything)and will make a great ceremony of pushing the offending pieces out the door!


S,beginning D

Posts: 508 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: New York
IrishLass518
Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, November 7th (Wednesday)

Just came across this thread and I am amazed at how far we have all come.
Update for me:
I am still not dating but am thinking it might happen someday in my future. I have no one in mind and I am quite happy with my single life but you never know who will walk in your life.
I have a new job starting on the 14th of Nov. Better pay, better benefits and better future for me. I now have a 2-5 year plan in place for the rebuilding of my credit and the purchase of property and the building of a new home
I am so very happy now and I am so glad I walked that long road to recovery.


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1726 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
cinamon
New Member
Member # 37380
Default  Posted: 6:14 AM, November 9th (Friday)

When my ex moved out his stuff one day before divorce hearing, the house looked like it had been ransacked. I painted, had carpet laid to cover up holes in the floor, and bought a few pieces of furniture. I now have a soothing atmosphere to come home to. I also took my sister on a tropical vacation, something my ex didn't want to do. All through this I had his voice in my head saying "NO", but I went ahead anyway. It was liberating.


Cinamon

Posts: 29 | Registered: Nov 2012
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, November 21st (Wednesday)

Always fun to bump this one up as well, as there is so much more to NB than dating!!!

I believe I mentioned somewhere that I went to a concert in Big City 2 hours away a few weeks back. My friend's friend had backed out at the last minute. I had never heard of the artist (Father John Misty) but he is fabulous. I bought the CD and every single song is great. Listening to it right now, in fact. Love it!

New me is more spontaneous!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, December 10th (Monday)


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
WontStop
Member
Member # 36246
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, December 10th (Monday)

I'm just starting my NB and I'm already kicking ass and taking names:

1. Started a BAN group in Fairfax, VA. Our first meeting is coming up this weekend.
2. I am looking for a nice town home and plan to really make it my place. I will be getting paintings and furniture throughout the next few years to create my feel to the place.
3. I am going to get professional pictures with my kids to create family pictures in the new house.
4. I have joined toastmasters to improve my speaking skills.
5. I've taken the lead position in my tech group at work.
6. I'm reading tons of self help books to improve myself.

All in all, I'm keeping busy and enjoying my NB.


D-Day 5/18/2012
Me-42 WW-46
D-13 S-9
Status: Divorced

Posts: 223 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Northern Virginia
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, December 19th (Wednesday)

1. My XWH was a major grinch, so I have my first Christmas tree up in over a decade!

2. Just went to a movie by myself, and it was absolutely fantastic. I can't wait to do this more often!

3. Had a wonderful day at work. It was the day of my review, and I wish I could relive it many times over. Or at least have it on videotape.

4. I bought a fabulous bright purple winter coat, and three strangers have stopped me on the street to compliment me on it.

5. I made a new friend last month who is willing to wake up really early and run with me before work. I am too lazy to go by myself, but will get up to meet her. This frees up my evenings and knocks me down to one shower per day!

6. Drinks tomorrow after work with one of my best friends!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, December 20th (Thursday)

I'm not dating...and am concentrating on spendning time with my 4 month old daughter...and on my running! I am trying to get my mileage up so I can run a half marathon or full marathon in April!!! I ran 2 marathons the year that I got pregnant...in fact was 3 weeks preggo during the 2nd one! haha! Unbeknownst to me! But, I have no desire to date right now...just enjoying my ME time with baby girl!!!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2717 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, December 20th (Thursday)

Just went to a movie by myself, and it was absolutely fantastic.

I LOVE going to the movies alone! I actually prefer it ... now I find I get annoyed when I go with someone else!


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
nightswimming
Member
Member # 27565
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, December 20th (Thursday)

I've only dated a few guys, and it certainly hasn't been #1 or a big part of my NB.

- Getting out of my comfort zone. If I expect different results, I have to take action. (Hard to do sometimes!)

- Hired for and started a great job last week, but it is something I have never done before and I feel stupid - huge learning curve. This is probably the most difficult NB I've had besides the obvious one.

- Refinanced my house so it is mine, and XWH has no more ties to it.

- Repainted most of the rooms in my house. It is mine and my kids' house. Trying to remove all traces of XWH.

- Actually started the work to finish my basement, instead of just talking about it for three years.

- Started running again. Trained for and ran 2 5Ks last year and this year. Hope to run more races next year since I am not working weekends anymore.

- I have healed.

- My kids have healed.

- I am trying to make new friends, starting with my neighbors. This is kind of hard for me because I like my alone time.

- Maintaining my health, physically and mentally. I feel younger than I am, and that's all I can hope for. Well, besides wishing I looked 10 years younger.

- I think just starting this new life with my kids. That's my favorite NB of all.


Me: BW-44
XWH-doesn't matter
3 DS 19,16,9
Dday 11/11/09
D 3/1/11

Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson


Posts: 1090 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Kansas
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 5:57 AM, January 20th (Sunday)


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
Loyalty2Liberty
Member
Member # 36714
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, January 20th (Sunday)


Nowadays I finally get to go to school, where I meet new people every day. I like what I'm learning to do well enough, and some days I even dare to think I might be getting good at it. The odds of me earning a modest independant living in the future are actually better than virtually nil (providing I can make it through the time it takes to graduate and pay off my student loans, that is).

Best of all, I have no passive aggressive dark cloud hanging his threatened-feeling resentment over my head for daring to try something that has a chance at working.

New life, new career. Not a bad start if I do say so myself.


me:BW
him:stbxWh


Posts: 236 | Registered: Sep 2012
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, January 20th (Sunday)

My hair was growing out, and I chopped it all off again! STBX hated my short hair and loved it long. He said that "only lesbians" have short hair. Nice, huh?

I love doing things for me and not experiencing any criticism.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3575 | Registered: Oct 2011
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, January 20th (Sunday)

I just got word Friday that I have been pre-approved for a mortgage, so it's likely I'll buy a house in the next few months.

I started my new job a few months after D-Day, so I've been there 9 months now, and things just keep getting better for me there.

My life is exactly how I want it and completely different from how it was when I was married. When I was married, I really thought the life we led was what I wanted (never going out, sleeping by 9, living in the suburbs) but now I realize that I just went with what he wanted.

Life is really, really good!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
ISPIFFD
Member
Member # 26367
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, January 20th (Sunday)

Great thread!

I can't even imagine dating - just the thought makes my stomach turn - so that won't be in my future, not for a long time if ever.

I just bought and moved into a new house. I need to do a lot of decorating, which I've never done in my life. It's one of those situations where I'm so overwhelmed by where on earth to start that I often just don't do anything. But, yesterday I bought a new lamp - yay! And I was forced to buy a new couch so I'd have somewhere to fall asleep while I watch football on TV. I'm hoping the rest of the furnishings find me as I attend estate auctions and sales this coming spring and summer.

I'm back at my previous job but I negotiated for 3 days/week instead of FT. I was losing myself at work, feeling like I was ALWAYS there, and couldn't do that anymore.

My hormones and grief over losing my father after moving to be with him last year still make me a weepy mess, sometimes just out of the blue. It's a lot like how I felt the entire rest of the year after kicking my XH out back in March of 2011 and then breaking my foot so I was literally stuck and alone. My foot hasn't healed right, so there are still a lot of days when I feel stuck and lonely. Some days I handle better than others.

I've joined 2 meetup groups that are suddenly not doing anything (this must be some variation on being a forum thread-killer, right?)

I've reached out to a couple old friends/acquaintances and asked to meet up for coffee or lunch, and tried not to sound too desperate about it

So I am trying to do NB stuff, but sometimes I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and nothing really changes.

I do absolutely love eating what I want when I want. I love that I can hang a picture I like on any wall I want. Stuff like that is damn fun!

Seriously wish I lived closer to some of you. My recent thread about "the friend problem" was a very verbose rant about how lonely I still feel here. I have such a hard time making friends. But I'll keep trying!

Can't wait for spring/summer -- I may not be able to walk, run, climb or do anything else that involves weight on my feet, but I can swim! And I can attend estate auctions! And I can go to gardening shows! Can't wait!!


Me: BW (54)
Him: WH (61)
7/14/11 - Divorced

Posts: 1814 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: another world
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, January 20th (Sunday)

So I am trying to do NB stuff, but sometimes I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and nothing really changes.

Even if that's how you feel, it's a true NB.

In my NB, many things were the same as my marriage, only better. Because it's exactly what you want.

I believe that so many of us BSs put up with BS from our WS (ha!) and our NB is an opportunity for us to live our life exactly the way we want to.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
Survivor3512
Member
Member # 37946
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, January 20th (Sunday)

I love this thread! I'm relatively new here and I'm just starting my NB.

My biggest thing I've got going on right now is I'm building a house. I'm so excited. It's kept me busy picking out colors, cabinets, countertops, etc. it should be finished in another 3-4 weeks!

Since d-day I've lost close to 50 pounds. I've started exercising 3-4 days per week. I've been getting lots of compliments on my looks, so that's been a huge boost to my self esteem- which took a beating after d-day.

I took my boys on a long weekend trip to Atlanta. It was somewhere we've never been- and although it was hard, we did have a great time together.

We are currently planning a Disney cruise for spring break. I have never been anywhere tropical and I've always wanted to go on a cruise, so I'm going and taking my boys!

I've also reconnected with old friends. We've had a lot of laughs and dinners in the past few months. I'm so happy I have them.

I still have a long way to go, but I feel like I'm finally heading in the right direction.


Me (BS)- 36
Divorced
----------------------------------------------------------
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S.
9years
Member
Member # 21212
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, January 21st (Monday)

Thanks for the uplifting reads you guys!! Made me remember some of the things I have given up and will be pursuing again soon. I am most looking forward to seeing the change in my kiddos.


Just say yes to the rest

Posts: 1926 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: BC, Canada
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, March 2nd (Saturday)


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, March 2nd (Saturday)

I think I'm going on a trip with a friend between semesters! First vacation I've taken since XH and my honeymoon that wasn't to see family/go to someone's wedding.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, March 2nd (Saturday)

Yay, Ama, that should be a lot of fun!

I went looking at houses today. Of course I fell in love with one at the upper range of what I wanted to pay. It has a copper ceiling in the kitchen and a turret. A turret! Still trying to decide what to do...I could afford it, but things would be tight until bonuses get paid next January. Plus, it's rather big for one person. But it is absolutely fabulous.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
Survivor3512
Member
Member # 37946
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, March 2nd (Saturday)

Well, I moved into my new house last weekend! I'm still unpacking and I'm looking forward to decorating. I'm also going to spend next weekend in Atlanta with one of my friends. Just going out, shopping, dinners, etc. I'm excited- it should be a lot of fun. Then, the next weekend is the Disney cruise with my kids. So, lots to look forward to! I still have bad times, but they are happening less often and are less intense. I'm looking forward to the day when I don't think about my x or the ow at all!


Me (BS)- 36
Divorced
----------------------------------------------------------
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S.
heartbroken_kk
Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, March 3rd (Sunday)

Well kk is being a recluse lately. I live near the Silicon Valley but my home is fairly remote in the mountains and I've been enjoying spring and getting back out in my garden.

I've been working hard taking care of a bunch of deferred maintenance and getting good muscles in my back arms and shoulders. But my weight is up 15 pounds over this time last year and I need to ride by bike more.

I know I should do more socializing but when I think about it, I'd really rather be alone with my dog. So today im declining a party invite and doing more chores.

Everything is budding out. I love my yard


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1124 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
peacelovetea
Member
Member # 26071
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, March 3rd (Sunday)

I'm in my 2nd year of my doctorate, and have started clinical training. This is my full-time job at this point, basically, which will only get worse as the clinical piece increases. But I adore it. I love the intellectual stimulation after being a SAHM for more than a decade, I am meeting tons of new people and loving it, and have an adult life -- both socially and professionally -- while my kids are with their dad.

I have overcome my paralyzing fear of driving on the highway because of my commute for school. I also now can navigate the regional bus system, and know my way around the city we have lived in the outskirts of for 10 years but which I never went to.

I am refinancing and have redecorated my bedroom and living room in the former marital home. Its my house now!

I am still the primary parent to my 3 kids, and play mom most days after school. They are all adjusting pretty well, better than I thought. My ex is one of those who realized what he'd been missing all these years with the kids while he was off being a workaholic, so they actually get a lot more of him than they used it. (Too bad he couldn't have done that 10 years ago, but I am glad he did it now for the kids' sake.)

I love my life now, even thought its busy and I have a student budget supporting 4 of us, but I am growing and blossoming in ways I never did before.


BW, SAHM
D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final

Posts: 542 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)

I teach my parrots to do tricks as part of keeping their minds active and focused on good things instead of misbehaving, and one of them just really got a new trick we've been working on for a year! It clicked; I could see it, and she had so much fun. She did it 5 times in a row and wanted to do more, but I made her do other tricks in order to keep her wanting to do it again tomorrow.

I am so excited!!!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
ISPIFFD
Member
Member # 26367
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)

@phmh, that sounds so cool! Can you describe the trick that your parrot finally got after a year?


Me: BW (54)
Him: WH (61)
7/14/11 - Divorced

Posts: 1814 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: another world
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)

It's kind of tough to explain, but she's standing on a perch, and when I tell her to "dive" (she doesn't quite yet have it on cue,) she flings herself forward, still holding on to the perch, so that she winds up hanging upside down. She'd been scared to fling herself down, but she was loving it tonight.

It's part of our routine (that I do just for myself and very close friends) where I tell her she needs to start earning her keep and I ask her what kind of job she wants. We go through her options. Among her choices:

Walmart greeter (she waves)
Crossing guard (she puts her foot up like a stop sign)
Boxer (she balls her foot up and sticks it out)
Actress (she takes a bow)
Ballerina (she turns around)
Fisherman (she puts her ear to the ground to listen for worms)
Philosopher (she puts her foot up and strokes the place a beard would be)
Gang enforcer (she extends her wings so she looks bigger)
Politician (she shakes my hand)

Since she knows dive now, I may have to try to come up with other sports ones to have her learn. She will put a ball in a cup, so I need to craft a little basketball hoop.

It's really a lot of fun. Sadly, my other two parrots aren't quite as bright, so they don't have nearly as many tricks.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)

OMG phmh! I was giggling imagining the gang enforcer!
I wish you could post a video of it!

Ooh, I have a non-dating NB. Tonight, Teslet and I went out and made our first ever snow man... AT NIGHT

We had so much fun playing in the snow and Lie Lie was having a blast running around the yard and coming over to have snow thrown on her. This scene would not have happened back in my married days. It was a good evening


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4610 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)

How's Teslet's arm healing?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)

Good as new. No breaks, no hairline fractures...just needed a few days immobolized in a splint while the swelling went down.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4610 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)

tesla,

Sounds fantastic! Playing in the snow at night is magical!

I'm still thinking that someday you can run a race up here, and then she can do her tricks for you. She'll live another 40 years or so, so there's no rush :)


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)

She'll live another 40 years or so, so there's no rush :)


Damn, but I might not make it another 40!!!

If I don't make it into a certain marathon (waiting to see if I get the lottery drawing entry...stupid marathon can't keep their site from fucking up on registration day...grrrrrr!) fate might just be telling me something


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4610 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)

If you don't get in, you are welcome to come north and stay at my place. Our marathon is a week earlier, and just slightly smaller

Speaking of, and another non-dating NB, my parents and one of my coworkers who is knowledgeable about such things are looking at the house I want to buy on Friday. If all goes well, I'll then put in an offer.

I hope it works out, but I'm still trying to not get too excited in case it doesn't! I never liked the other houses I owned with XWH (I acquiesced to what he wanted -- a common theme in our relationship!) and this one fits my personality so perfectly!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)

Very glad to hear about the arm.

Phmh, you should post a pic of your parrots on the pet thread in F&G!


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)

I pretty much never go into F&G. I will have to find pics and post them!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:54 AM, March 15th (Friday)

This weekend marks the one year anniversary of me moving out of our marital house and getting my own apartment.

So many things have changed in this past year. I am happier than I could have imagined. I've made new friends and reconnected with old ones. My job I've had for 11 months now is absolutely amazing in every aspect. I'm probably going to buy a house this spring/summer.

Life is fantastic!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, March 26th (Tuesday)


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
Luvlyla
Member
Member # 38692
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, March 26th (Tuesday)

I like this thread, its full of optimism and love for LIFE, whereas JFO is so sad. its like watching all this wasted love just hanging in the air waiting to see who will be the first to reclaim it and stuff it back in a polythene bag until its a grey sickly version of itself.

My NB is v.new, but also, i was a single parent for a few years previous to my last relationship, so i already learned how to drill, put up shelves, fix leaky toilets and taps, put up wallpaper, plaster a wall(actually that one didnt go so good), fix my car etc

This time i am learning how to fix me and my life. to meditate, decorating MY house - really been nesting recently, getting a new dining room and study, and clearing ALL the clutter out!!

bought a whole new wardrobe that i cant afford, and may turn out to look a bit young for me, but damn it ill wear it anyway even if i cringe in a few years looking at photos.

have been drinking a lot less now that WXBF isnt here drinking every night, and enjoying actually going out and not being hungover the next day.

have been enjoying having nights in, not just feeling like im waiting for him to come home, its MY TIME.

i dont see alone time as being time wasted anymore (it used to be like, i was that hypothetical tree that fell in a forest a noone was there to hear it, so did i really watch that movie / read that magazine / etc cs noone was here).

I'm reading about what i want to learn about. plus i have all his books to read too since he doesnt want them back, and he just bought the top 100 classics, so that'll make a nice year of learning.

i bought s1&2 of boardwalk empire for whenever i get lonely and bored.

i intend to make more friends over the next few months, I'm going to be a more open person but protect my boundaries at the same time.

and eventually start dating again when the time is right.But
I will never hand responsibility for my life over to anyone else.

and i am enjoying having more daughter and mummy nights out for dinner.

Oh and i am booking a holiday to Iceland for my birthday, and taking my daughter on a holiday to London.



When he's your Romeo,
and you're not his Juliet,
it means you are Rosaline
- and you survive the play.

Posts: 202 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
soulsearcher4
Member
Member # 29540
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, March 26th (Tuesday)

I went to a concert by myself.

The Big 4! (Metallica, Megadeth, Anthrax, Slayer.)

General Admission.

I got as close as I could get (VIP area barrier.)

The crowd was intense. I'll never forget this. I was my own person. After the first band played, the crowd dispersed a bit as everyone went to get food etc. I turned around, saw actually how far there was to go and how many people to fight through and decided, right there, that I would just stay put and move closer. There was no whining about being thirsty or hungry. I only had myself to answer to. It was so liberating!

I did go to the gym a lot and did my own thing.

Joined a band.

Rediscovered my family.

But that concert. That was the biggest thing.

I didn't have to walk on eggshells with everything. I could just go and do what I wanted. Took my pillow, some toiletries and change of clothes for the weekend and just was a nomad at my friends' houses.


Me: BS
Her: WS

Divorced.

Remarried to a supremely wonderful person!


Posts: 170 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: So.Cal.
curiouswiz
Member
Member # 34405
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, March 26th (Tuesday)

This. Yes. This.

Thank you.

I'm trying but not hard enough. I really want to be me again. A better me. A truly free and grown up me. (60 this June!?? WTF?)

Thank you. I've feel so fortunate to have found all of you and here is another lesson. But. I want to learn this lesson now, not later. Please keep bumping this for lurking newbies to NB.


God bless us, everyone.

Posts: 633 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Boston
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, March 28th (Thursday)

Yesterday I signed up for another color run 5K. I did one last fall and it was so awesome! I'm excited. It's in June, so I have time to get back into running after the semester ends and hopefully run the whole thing without a walk break this time.

Ama = wannabe runner

AND I just signed up for another bocce team with two of my coworker buddies! I'm really excited about this, because I loved my league last summer, but it was still a little hard to get to know people. So it'll be nice to do it with two coworkers (one of whom has been playing in the league a long time and knows everybody). It's not in my neighborhood this time either, so it won't be as easy to show up late and slink out of the bar early, which is good.... I need to get myself out there more.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, April 16th (Tuesday)

bump for Jo2Love


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, April 16th (Tuesday)

Today is the one year anniversary of my fabulous new job. My coworkers put signs up around my office and almost everyone stopped by to thank me for being part of their team.

Interestingly enough, about half of the people said something like, "A year already? I can't believe it's been that long!" and the other half said "It's only been a year? Feels like much longer!" I told both groups of people I was taking their comment as a compliment

Also, I have found a wonderful house in my price range. Perfect location, tons of charm (stained glass windows, beautiful built-ins, fabulous fireplace.) I'm trying to keep my emotions in check since there's still lots that could go wrong, but I am hopeful it will work out! (If not, I'll find another house, but I am so ready to get away from this apartment and my loud, college neighbors and their wild parties.)


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
Snapdragon
Member
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, April 16th (Tuesday)

One of the most amazing aspects of my NB (which isn't new anymore!) is the travel I've been able to do. It is directly related to my job. I get to travel for my job AND because of my job. If I had remained w/ the ex he never would have tolerated me in this job. It would have taken away too much time from him.

So, the list of places I've traveled:
Ghana
China
India

My next personal trip is booked and I'll be going back to India for a week, a couple days in Germany, and a week in Macedonia. In the fall I'll be back in China for work.

Next year will be Japan and possible going back to Ghana.

Not a single hotel room will be used except for work trips. I'll be staying with friends and they will be showing me their country. It just doesn't get much better than that!

Take THAT exH! He always bitched that I didn't make enough money. I consider myself still pretty poor. But I'm certainly rich in friendships and experiences and a global "family".


Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink


Posts: 3077 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
CharlieFoxtrot
Member
Member # 38010
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, April 16th (Tuesday)

I have two non-dating NB's...


Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, April 17th (Wednesday)

Thank you, Ama.


Congrats, phmh. Fingers crossed that everything goes well with the house. Stained glass windows are beautiful.

Snapdragon, Wow! That is awesome.

Charlie, Your dogs are so cute. Love those happy, furry faces.


Posts: 34709 | Registered: Mar 2011
Survivor3512
Member
Member # 37946
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, April 17th (Wednesday)

Loving your non dating NB, Charlie! Too cute!

I am having a small party at my new house this Saturday night for my girlfriends. It'll be the first party in my new home. I'm excited to see everyone and have them see my new place!

And we got a new puppy last weekend. She is the sweetest, cutest thing. The kids and I are in love!!!


ETA: I am also attending a handgun safety class Saturday morning. I don't own a gun, or know if I want to, but I'm hoping this class and learning more a out them will help me decide.

[This message edited by Survivor3512 at 9:20 AM, April 17th (Wednesday)]


Me (BS)- 36
Divorced
----------------------------------------------------------
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S.
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

I don't want to let this thread fall too far off of the front of the forum!

My home inspection is Wednesday, and if all goes well there, I will own it by June 15. So excited to finally be out of this apartment!

Additionally, I have figured out a way to clip the nails of 2 of my 3 parrots by myself. This is HUGE. Now I just have to work on the third, but she's a bit strong-willed and also slightly bigger than the other two.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

I love hearing about your parrots I never knew you had to clip their nails!


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

Yes -- in the wild, their nails wear down naturally, but in captivity they don't.

I was having my mom help me, but the parrots don't know her well enough, so it stressed them out. This is much easier!

I just put them to bed -- one is whistling "charge" (like at a baseball game), another keeps saying "Hello?" and the third keeps repeating "Pretty baby!" They can be fun, but so much work!

ETA: this is the one who will not let me do her nails:

URL=http://s179.photobucket.com/user/mcdrb/media/Max/IMG_2536.jpg.html][/URL]

[This message edited by phmh at 7:50 PM, April 27th (Saturday)]


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

pretty!

Do they make scratching posts for bird?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

They actually do have perches that are supposed to help keep the nails down, but all it ever did on my birds was give them sores on their feet. Perhaps they were using them incorrectly

Did not mean to thread-jack about the parrots!

To bring this back on topic, my dad asked me last week if I'd like to start home brewing with him once I have a house. That's a hobby XWH and I did together, so I'm excited to start doing it with my parents.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
jilted12
Member
Member # 35640
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

I'm going to jump in since my D was just finalized last week & dating is definitely not something I have any desire to do right now. But today I reserved a lot to build a new home! Going to do the final pricing on Thursday & if it fits in my budget, I'm going to go for it. I will get to choose everything myself which will be awesome & overwhelming. I have always been really bad at decision making but this will be another part of my NB. One with a happy ending I hope!

Survivor...would love to hear how your class went. I have debated getting a gun for protection as right now is not the best time for a dog but I also worry about a gun in the house with little ones though Charlie's dogs are super cute & I miss having one.

phmh...fingers crossed all goes well with your inspection!


Me: BS 40
Him: WS 39
Married 10 yrs, together 13
DS-8, DD-5, DS-2
D-Day 5/9/12, 2 days before #3 was born
Filed for D 8/12; D final 4/13

"I used to be married but I'm better now"


Posts: 188 | Registered: May 2012
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, April 28th (Sunday)

Just over a year ago, I posted my non-dating NB on this thread...time for an update.

Original post:

Finishing up all the half-baked projects that my WH left. The one I'm proudest of so far is refinishing my kitchen cabinets. I got to pick the color and the knobs that I wanted!

Repainting every room in this house a lighter color. WH was into dark and dramatic. But now everything is lighter and brighter

I was a runner and marathoner before. But now I have a new found zeal for training. My pace has picked up by roughly 2 min/mile since D-day. I'm running the Chicago Marathon this fall and I'm thinking I'm going to have a very good time

And finally, I've started to get job apps in. Looking to teach again.

Half-baked projects- 80% complete.

Repainting house- 1 room left.

That marathon I ran in- kicked its ass.

Teaching job - got 2!

I think my non-dating NB, while still working on my house and running, is going to start shifting to joining interest groups. I have a book club eyed for the summer and a running group that I'd like to start showing up to their weekly runs this summer.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4610 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, April 28th (Sunday)

t/j
beautiful bird, phmh!

Also, I used to brew beer. I actually have some buckets of brew sitting downstairs...been there for over a year...they are the last remains of a time when I was with ex-shat. I really need to either dump them out or bottle them.

You know what...I think I need to dump them out and start brewing again. When my heart isn't in something, the result is usually bad...I bet that beer tastes like shit.
end t/j.

Ok, non-dating NB addendum:
I will start brewing beer again this summer.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4610 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
dlmos
Member
Member # 36839
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

So if brewing beer is a NB (and frankly a pretty cool one), does drinking beer count?

I had only had a couple mixed drinks in my life until the Housten gtg, and never beer, but now I'm really enjoying trying out all the differant kinds

:edited for a typo:

[This message edited by dlmos at 3:09 PM, April 28th (Sunday)]


BH (32)
DS - 7, DD - 6
Divorced

Posts: 461 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Fort Worth,Texas
Survivor3512
Member
Member # 37946
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

Hi jilted! Congrats on the new house!! I just moved into my new home at the end of February. I'm loving it. Everything about it was picked by me, and I think it looks pretty great!

The handgun class was actually really good. The instructor was great. I had never even held one before and I came away knowing how to load, unload, etc. The best part was target shooting. I got all 50 out of 50 rounds in the "appropriate" place on the target. I haven't made up my mind if I'm going to get one or not, but I feel much more comfortable and knowledgable about them now. I'd definitely recommend the class if you have interest.


Me (BS)- 36
Divorced
----------------------------------------------------------
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S.
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

I was thinking about giving all of my brewing stuff away so I don't have to move it. Haven't brewed a batch in a long time.

I think I'm really starting to hit my stride. I'm actually enjoying doing things on my own now. I spent the morning fixing a few problems with my motorcycle and decided to test it out by riding to this little burger joint downtown that is supposed to be really good. It was!


Posts: 1656 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

Thank you for this thread.

I have an old vehicle and I don't want a car payment again, so I rent a car from a neighborhood Enterprise Car rental every other weekend.(they pick me up) It is $10.00 a day and 100 mile a day limit on the weekend. It is supposed to be a compact car, but I reserve the car early in the week for 5pm pickup. They are always out of compact cars by that time and I usually get something like a Camry. I know this sounds dumb, but it's so nice to drive around to events, etc in a nice vehicle with no thought of what to do if it breaks down. I sometimes go to a city about an hour away and meet a great friend there for lunch and shopping.

My XWH thinks it's a dumb idea bc he tells my children it is. So sad, too bad, it's my life now!

Also, XH was always groping me so I wore baggy clothes.
Now I wear nice fitting clothes.

I also went to a tanning bed for a week to jump start my tan-- I look awful in winter. It really made me feel great in just a week! The smell of suntan lotion, music, a fan and I felt like I was in Key West!

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 4:45 PM, April 28th (Sunday)]


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2062 | Registered: Jan 2012
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, May 31st (Friday)


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, May 31st (Friday)

I finally have something to add to this thread.

I started working out at a Kettlebell Gym last Thursday, it's similar to crossfit, though no huge powerlifting, and in my experience, the kettlebell workout is hard, but you push yourself at your own pace, and it's less intimidating than the crossfit gym I went to.

Though there's WAY more to it than kettle bells - I've been to three classes and already have done lots of work with big firehoses, swung an ax to bounce off a huge tire, lifted multiple types of weights, thrown some running around the building in, it's been hard, and SO MUCH FUN. And I am SO SORE the next day - it's awesome. I really think this is the workout I've been looking for motivation and results.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4470 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, May 31st (Friday)

That's awesome Persevere! Piper's sperm donor is into the whole crossfit fad with getting big and stuff.... but I agree, that the kettlebell things sounds more up my alley! I run and do bodypump for my weights but its always good to try new things! You go girl!!!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2717 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)

Bumping up for any lurkers who think that NB = new relationship and therefore feel they don't belong down here. Welcome! There is more to NB than dating!

Nothing much to report here -- I close on my house a week from Friday, so I should have an exciting entry next week!

I got an unexpected and unsolicited job offer yesterday. After much soul-searching I decided to stay where I am. It could have been very interesting working for a hedge fund, but since I am the sole breadwinner for my parrots and me, I'm better off staying where I'm at, at a company with less volatility. Plus, I do love my current job.

Now I just need to get in gear with my packing...


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
GreenMom
Member
Member # 36385
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, June 6th (Thursday)

I have been way too dating focused so I'm glad to read this thread since I really need to work on myself and my own NB.

I've reached out to some meetup groups, rekindled a friendship with someone XWH couldn't stand, joined a gamikng group, and am getting back into exercise.

Hopefully in 6 months I'll have more exciting things to share on this thread.


DD#1 6/14/12
DD#2 7/29/12
Reconcilation attempt didn't last long...WH moved out 8/10/12
Divorcing... hoping to be done soon
Making a fantastic NB for myself and my family!

Posts: 535 | Registered: Aug 2012
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, July 15th (Monday)

I just realized last week that I have a queen bed, but am still only sleeping on one side of it. So I have taken it upon myself to spread out over the entire bed. I love it!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, July 16th (Tuesday)

phmh, I switched sides when my XH left, and eventually moved to the middle. Then I got a body pillow. I now pretty much take up the entire bed. I had to share it with someone recently and realized how selfish I've become about my space when I sleep!


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, July 16th (Tuesday)

I registered today to volunteer with Habitat for Humanity.

There's a local build I want to get in on, but all the volunteer spots are taken through the next several weeks. But at the end of August? I am ON IT!


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25047 | Registered: Aug 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, July 22nd (Monday)

NIK, that's cool! Do you get to know the family you're building for?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

NIK - are you getting excited for Habitat???

Here, things continue to go well. My parents helped me do a bunch of stuff around my house last weekend. I am handier than I gave myself credit for!

Signed up for a couple of 50K races this fall.

Painted a picture for my sister to take to grad school with her (she's been asking for one, but I hadn't been happy enough with any of them to give to someone other than me!)

Made a delicious ratatouille last night.

Took an Excel class at work today and learned some super cool things about conditional formatting that will enhance my Excel experience.

Volunteering at the parrot rescue this weekend as photographer and petfinder updater.

What non-dating things are going on with you guys???


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
suckstobeme
Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Ok, I'm ready to jump in.

I started taking golf lessons with three other girlfriends. We get to bring "beverages" for our next lesson, which has to do with something called "chipping".

I decided to redo the kids bathroom. New floor, vanity, toilet, tub and tile on the shower walls. I get to pick it all by myself and design it down to the towel hooks and toilet paper holder.

I am looking at an overnight trip with the kids for fall. Boston is looking good. One of the coolest things I've ever done was a humpback whale watch off of cape cod. I would love for them to have that memory. Apparently, you can take one right out of Boston harbor so early fall is probably a great time.

That's about it for now.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2765 | Registered: Jan 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

I have TEN DAYS left until having another certifications to my name (and boy has it been a long freaking year), seven more days in the job that got me through separation, and less than a month until my new dream job starts. I'm so excited for this new chapter of my new beginning!!


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

Bump for newcomers to NB


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

Ama is rocking it!

I'm sitting in my antique apartment on this thunderstormy evening, snuggled up to my history reading on my IPad, enjoying a glass of cabernet and the relative peace and quiet of this beautiful old house -- I say relative because the last rock festival of the summer is wafting up from down the hill.

Life
Is
Good.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17340 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, October 20th (Sunday)

It's been far too long since this has been bumped up.

I don't have anything specifically. Things are great. Working on my list of 2014 goals. Maybe I should start a new post for that.

2013 so far has exceeded my expectations. Life is wonderful!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
jemimapd
Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, October 20th (Sunday)

Thanks for bumping! This is just what I need after a long weekend of in-misery-house separation.

Here is my wish list:

Weekends away with my DD
Re-painting
Changing the exterior color of my house from dirt brown
Cooking lighter, healthier meals
Saving money on utility bills, food, health insurance
Keeping my savings
Taking up tennis again
Running seriously again
Reading in bed
Buying a sewing machine and taking some classes
Growing my own veggies
Baking for Christmas gifts


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
Ellejay
Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, October 21st (Monday)

Excellent thread

Still getting used to being single after almost three years. Have had no desire to even begin to look for a new partner. Simply not interested at this stage but maybe one day before my boobs and bum hit the floor.

Started an Advanced Diploma in Professional Writing this year. I have achieved 'A's for most of my assignments. Really enjoying it.

I threw out all the presents my ex idiot H's family had ever given me. I chucked all the clothes I had worn to special events (with HIM) into the trash. Bought new ones. Gradually replacing the furniture, only the sofas to go now but it will cost too much to replace them just yet.

I kept our Queen size bed (the one he had shagged the neighbor in) because the base of it comes apart into two pieces which is brilliant when you live in a double story house and anyway the bloody thing cost about $2500 dollars (Australian). I brought a new woolen underlay for it though, new quilt, sheets, pillows etc. I've still got the old underlay in the garage tied up with a velvet ribbon. I am so tempted to throw it up OW1's driveway. I performed a Reiki "cleansing" ritual on the mattress complete with candles and prayers. I must have looked like a complete nutcase but I felt pleased that I'd managed it all without setting the bed on fire.

I got a new job back at my "old" company. Lovely supportive workmates. Need more money though.

Bought a beautiful little Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, he is the only man in my life now.

Came off anti-depressants for awhile then went back on them again. Oh well, it's a process.

Stopped having dreams where I commit horrific acts of violence against Sir Shagalot and his other women. Today I even woke up without the bedside lamp raised above my head. Another major step forward.

Getting ready for no 1 son's wedding early next year. I'll post a pic of my once I've bought my dress and managed to machete the hair from my arms and legs.

Hopefully more wonderful non-dating moments to report soon.


Love and peace to you all

Ellejay xxx

[This message edited by Ellejay at 8:00 AM, October 21st (Monday)]


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1094 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, October 21st (Monday)

Ellejay - your post gave me such a smile this morning. Thank you. Needed that.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25047 | Registered: Aug 2011
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, October 21st (Monday)

School. is. kicking. my. ass.

But I'll be damned if I'm going to not succeed.

I am simultaneously working on my Masters and Associate degree in the same field. My masters is harder than I ever imagined, but an A in one class and a B in another, plus an A in my associates degree.

Never thought I could do it...but look at me!


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4113 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Bluebird26
Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 5:21 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

I recently started an online course to do in my 'spare time' yeah what was I thinking I don't really have much of that. It was related to my job, but I don't need to do the course to do my job.

I have decided it's not for me and that is ok.

In the past I would never have given up, I committed to doing this I was going to finish it etc. Now this is not a bad thing being committed to something but in the past even if something wasn't working I would continue doing it as I didn't want to fail or show people I had failed or not succeeded.

If anything this journey has shown me that it's ok to not continue with something that clearly isn't working. Now things have changed and it's ok to not succeed at everything, life's too short to do things you really don't want to do.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1321 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
lynnm1947
Member
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

When I left the serial philanderer 15 years ago, I made big changes--probably too many. If you look on the list of indicators for future mental illness, I think I had 80% of them, yet here I am, pretty sane. (I think. Feel free to disagree!)

I left the philanderer, the dream house I shared with him, the dream job that was our business together and the small city where I'd lived and worked for more than a decade. I moved to the big city (Toronto), rented a waterfront condo, started my own PR/marketing firm and completely changed my way of life. I was known as a hostess who could easily handle 50-100 people events at my house; I now had dinner parties for no more than 6 people (me included). I'd spent 12 years travelling all over the world promoting my business; for five years, I travelled no further than back to that small city to get my hair cut! Talk about pendulum swings. (I've since gradually reverted back to type somewhat. I now have 35-person-plus New Year's Day levees every two years. And I recently took a southern vacation.)

I did all the things I never had time for when I ran the business with the X:

1) Became a member of The Art Gallery of Ontario and haunted the place on weekends,

2) Did fun things with my now-grown children who now lived not far from mw.

3) Joined a dancing group. I've since had to give that up, alas, because of arthritis behind my right big toe. Excruciating. Still occasionally wear my flats and hang out at our neighbourhood pub on Friday or Saturday night, though, when they have live rock.

4)In the first year, I wrote a complete novel. And lots of poetry. Got included in a couple of anthologies.

5)Became part of the social committee of my condo building, helped plan special events, and along with another woman, provided entertainment (singing along to her guitar)at condo parties.

6) Took singing lessons after a 30-year hiatus. Subsequently nailed Patsy Cline's "Crazy" at a bar karaoke contest!

7) I went back to painting, although I still didn't allow anyone outside my family see my work until 2011. I've now had several solo shows, with two major ones upcoming in December and April.

8) Attended theatre, dance and musical events I'd never have been aware of if I'd stayed in small city.

9) Edited and wrote some copy for a coffee table book on famous Canadian chefs and their favourite recipes.

10) Started a cooking blog.

Oh yeah, leaving the X was good for me. I'd have never had such a rich life (although I'd now be globetrotting in style) because everyone's attention HAS to be on him ALL the time. Best of all, I don't have to worry about where my man is when he isn't with me. That in itself was worth the move! Does it sound like I tried to throw myself into a whack of things to keep the wobblies away? Nope. I decided to do all the things I always wanted to do but never could. I've probably forgotten to list a bunch. But....now I just turned 66 and I have to say, there aren't too many things left on my bucket list.

[This message edited by lynnm1947 at 12:59 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks


Posts: 7180 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, November 3rd (Sunday)

I'm going to learn how to make mead. Super excited about this! XWH and I brewed beer together and made some mead-like beverages, but with him driving the process. This will be all me.

Plus, I have a connect for some honey. I love history and can't wait to make one of the older fermented beverages in the world. Yay!!! Class is in two weeks and then, watch out!!!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
BrokenDaisy
Member
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, November 3rd (Sunday)

Can I intrude in here? I am not planning on dating any time soon. For now it is just my son and I! Exactly how I want it to be! I want to become more active on here so I have another support system but I rarely feel like I can add anything significant to the conversations or have the wisdom for advice and often feel like I'm the awkward social one intruding on a conversation.

Phmh that sounds exciting and very interesting! Enjoy!

I started running again today (I was an avid runner most of my life. Had to stop when I was undergoing fertility treatments and for the pregnancy. Dday happened. Single parenting.... Circumstances) so it was great to get out! I'm as unfit as can be but just happy to get started again. I'll only be able to run 3 mornings a week at this stage (not ideal but it's something. It's the only time someone can look after my son for a short while) but after months of NO me-time it is huge for me. I also went to my first IC session last friday here in the new city we moved to. So first session in 3 months. Miss my old IC but this new one seems nice too.


Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Divorced!!

Posts: 245 | Registered: Oct 2012
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:37 AM, November 4th (Monday)

BrokenDaisy,

Please contribute more often!!!

NB is about so much more than dating. I didn't date for at least a year and still wrote on here like crazy.

Great job starting to run again. That was one of the things that helped me to heal after D-Day and divorce. Supposedly it's as potent to help you heal as anti-depressants.

Welcome, and please contribute more often! We love to see you down here!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, November 24th (Sunday)

Don't want this one to fall too far from the top!

Made a couple of new acquaintances this week that may turn into friends -- we'll see!

What have others been doing?


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, November 24th (Sunday)

I'm working on friendships. I'm becoming close to a couple of co-workers...I haven't had friendships like this in over 10 years!
Also reaching out occassionally to new people and finding acceptance. It's so wonderful.

Working hard on the master's degree.

Rediscovering weekend down time...watching reruns of my favorite comedy series.

My NB is pretty simple but I love it


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4610 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
blue8888
New Member
Member # 40896
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, November 25th (Monday)

I went back to school. I was already in the process of signing up when D-day hit but didn't let it stop me and have high As in both my classes so far.

I am buying a new wardrobe, new bed, and bedding just for me.

I am working out again and eating healthy.

I have been decluttering and reorganizing parts of the house. Separated our files and paperwork.


Me- BW 31, WH- 29
M 11 yrs Together 13
2 kids (special needs)
Last Dday 9/26/13 EA w/ 19 yr old OW, too many prior EAs to list, one he kissed
Divorcing
My value hasn't decreased based on his inability to see my worth.

Posts: 38 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United States
PhoenixRising88
Member
Member # 35214
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, November 25th (Monday)

Blue8888 - LOVE your tag line!!!....

I myself have finished packing and just waiting on Sunday to get here so I can move out and on and restart my life, lived for me this time. No interest whatsoever in anything even remotely resembling dating anytime soon at all. The waters need to calm first. I need to calm first. I need to soothe and heal me first.

I want to be able to focus on and finish my Masters. I want to be able to read when I want to read and eat when I want to and go where I want to and by God put what's best for ME first for a while. Because we see where putting my husband first got me!!!


Me: BS (43)Him: EX, aka "The Dink"(50)
D-Day#1 12/22/11. D-Day#2 5/23/2013.

Divorce final 2/10/14.

Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack.


Posts: 426 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: North Texas
rsm46
Member
Member # 34957
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

I've reconnected with old friends and family I haven't seen in years. I spend more time at the gym and even started playing volleyball again. I love playing because it's great exercise but I don't have to think about anything, and I get to hang around other people who have similar a similar interest as me.

The one thing I wish I had more time for was reading. I love getting lost in a good book!


Happy days are here again:)

Posts: 158 | Registered: Feb 2012
BrokenDaisy
Member
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

Phmh Thank you for the kind welcome

Running again is doing me wonders! Other than that I am working very hard on myself in IC. I am determined to heal properly and completely from this. I'm venturing out with my son more often too, going to parks and playgrounds etc so we're not always just at home. Small steps forward.


Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Divorced!!

Posts: 245 | Registered: Oct 2012
Decimated
Member
Member # 31656
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, November 29th (Friday)

After my XWW's betrayal I divorced her, bought her out of the house and put my focus on my children...and myself. My first instinct was to get out and start dating when the kids were with my ex. I joined a OL dating site. After meeting a handful of women I realized I wasn't ready. I just didn't seem to be attracted to any of them...no desire to get to know them is this normal? I guess it didn't help that my ex always still seems to be around. I feel as if she is trying to keep me close as her backup plan.

I bought myself a new car...a nice one too. I bought a new wardrobe of clothes. I then started the nesting thing. I have re-done almost every room in my house...new paint and furniture...etc. As a designer, this keeps me busy, creative and helps to keep my mind off everything that's happened over the last few years. Also, because I never really got the truth from her I must assume that her posom was in my house at some point. This drives me to change everything and reclaim it for myself.

The divorce was final about a year ago but I still have a lot of work to do on myself. I still have major trust issues and I feel that any relationship I enter now would be doomed. I see so much betrayal and infidelity around me that I don't feel safe becoming emotionally attached. I am successful, fit and handsome, or at least that's what I've been told, but women don't seem to be beating a path to my door. I think I must be giving off a leave me alone vibe. I guess it doesn't help that I can't seem to initiate anything...take a chance. I guess that makes non-dating the only choice I have right now.


Decimated
Me -BH 48
Her-WW 40
D Day #1 9/09 (found out about friendship, she promised NC...she lied)
D day #2 1/11 (found out EA on going...she lied)
D day #3 4/11 (found out EA was a PA...still lying)
M 16 years, 3 kids
Divorced - 1/13

Posts: 106 | Registered: Mar 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, December 26th (Thursday)


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
IrishLass518
Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, December 27th (Friday)

Well, it's been awhile. My NB has not included any dating. It did start small, with pink sheets. I had wanted them forever and I saved up and got the whole bed set. Then it was taking all of my kids to a special place for IrishLad's birthday. We had a blast,I paid for it all and it has become an annual tradition. I worked a low pay no benefits job for a year and a half in order to rebuild my skills and then took a temporary job for more skills and that led to a State job. I took IrishLad to Disneyland, bought a new car after my bankruptcy was discharged and am rebuilding credit in order to buy a house for IrishLad and myself. I am proud of what I have done and where I am going.
Right now I seem to be at a crossroads. I am thinking more about wanting to be in a relationship again but still don't want to go date a bunch of people. I am okay with waiting until I am completely ready. I also feel like I don't really belong in D/S anymore (it's been my go to area in SI for so long) yet I don't know that I am really in NB either. I've been hanging out between D/S, General and NB lately but really don't feel like I am settled anywhere. Just going through another change I suppose.
PS I also wrote a ton of song lyrics in the pink sheet stage. They weren't terrible


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1726 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, January 11th (Saturday)

Bumping up as we've some new people lately -- NB is about so much more than dating!

Tonight I had people over at my house, which is something that XWH never allowed. We played board games and I made dinner and it was fantastic!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
Helen of Troy
Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, January 12th (Sunday)

Paying off debt.
Went to a health retreat, experienced Reiki and new foods.
Started ADs.
Inching closer to having this degree I've been working on.
Decided never to date or have a SO again, will satisfy my sexual needs by myself. It's just not worth it.
Getting house ready to sell in a year. We have lived here 12 years.
Hosting a neighborhood social for first time ever, this is huge for an introvert.

Posts: 4693 | Registered: Dec 2009
AppalachianGal
Member
Member # 31672
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, January 12th (Sunday)

This thread is awesome! Just what I needed to read. I'm not divorced or separated, very close to d-day but wondering if there was life out there for someone like me -- a 41 yo woman that had never really done anything except be a wife & mother. Thank you all for sharing!


BS (me) 41; WS, 44
DD#1- 09/07/10 secret cell found, texting ho-worker. Denies EA/PA
DD#2- 12/29/13 admitted ONS (1993) with bar slut 3 yrs into marriage
DD#3- 01/21/14 ho-worker from 2010 involved "one-time BJ."

Posts: 447 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: TN
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, January 12th (Sunday)

I went house hunting with one of my motorcycle riding buddies today. We found a few really decent looking places near the University and then he suggested that we go look in a really cool historic neighborhood near downtown. We found a few great houses but the one I'm most intrigued by is the one we found in Armory Park (the downtown neighborhood) that's a small two bedroom, one bathroom in probably the coolest neighborhood in town, within walking distance from one of my favorite breweries.

I hadn't considered getting a roommate until this guy decided he wanted to change his current living situation and the possibilities it's opening up are really cool.

I'm thinking it might be getting closer to time to start a dating New Beginning and this is a good first step.

[This message edited by h0peless at 8:35 PM, January 12th (Sunday)]


Posts: 1656 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
littlefoggy
Member
Member # 41429
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, January 12th (Sunday)

I made cookies for my neighbors.

I was so isolated with STBX. I am going out and making friends.


Me: BW 30
WH 37
DDay 11/12/13
Divorcing

Posts: 492 | Registered: Nov 2013
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, February 6th (Thursday)

1. No one else showed for my yoga class tonight, so my teacher and I had an amazing private class. She has changed my life. I was able to tell her this, and we had a great evening. I so recommend yoga to everyone. It's amazing -- the breathing that I learned has helped me through so many bad situations, and I'm getting so much stronger and even happier than before. Amazing.

2. I finally ordered a rowing machine -- I'd been thinking about getting one for years. I'm going to put it together tonight.

3. I realized that I'm a pretty good cook. XWH always did everything he could to make me feel bad about myself, including telling me how terrible my food was (while eating a lot of it!) and now that I don't have him around, I'm creating all sorts of fun meals.

4. Seeing one of my favorite singer-songwriters in concert tomorrow night. So excited!!!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
still confounded
Member
Member # 7826
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, February 10th (Monday)

I'm so grateful for this thread! It's been a long time since I visited the SI site, and even longer since I posted anything. But this morning I got triggered by a Facebook post by my ex's daughter (from his first marriage)… and I started slipping into a "Blues in a Minor Key" mood.
I jumped onto SI just to write in my online journal here, then looked at the forums, thinking, "But where do I belong? I'm long past the divorce, and I do not have any interest in dating ever again" (I did try it; no dice). NB at first glance, judging by most of the subjects of posts, was all about dating ...
And then I found this thread, for NB without the 'hooking up' factor! Yay. I read a lot of the posts and now feel reassured, recentered, clear-headed and clear-hearted!
One comment rang so true: I am much, much happier today than I was in the years (how many? gads!) leading up to D-day.
Mostly what I treasure today is my freedom (from anxiety, from abuse, from hurt, from constant criticism and negativity) and the love of family and friends.
And I am having lots of fun -- guilt-free fun!


"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

Posts: 1291 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, March 5th (Wednesday)

Bumping for gypsybird.

NB is so much more than dating -- it's finding yourself and moving on with your life!

My non-dating NB has been fantastic lately -- full of friend activities.

Trying to figure out logistics around an adventure race around the city. I want to do it with my parents and with a friend of mine, but my parents are hesitating because they're worried they'll have to climb a rock wall. Weird!

And, I just found out that I'm going to the first round games of the NCAA tournament in a few weeks. Yay! I have not been to the tournament since 1993 when a Jason Kidd-led Cal shocked Duke. 21 years ago (when I was 14) -- it's about time to go again!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
gypsybird87
Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, March 7th (Friday)

phmh,

Thanks for bumping this for me. What a great thread! I do feel I'm doing pretty good with non-dating NB's. I think I tried to read in here a little too soon, and though it IS about more than dating, the dating-related posts made me feel sad and alone. I'm definitely in a better place now, with currently ZERO interest in dating. I'm genuinely happy for those that are ready, and I know I'll get there eventually.

Thanks for the warm welcome; I will definitely spend more time in here!


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. ~ JK Rowling


Posts: 749 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
still confounded
Member
Member # 7826
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, March 14th (Friday)

Bumping for "new beginnings' who aren't dating now, yet, or even ever again...


"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

Posts: 1291 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
littlefoggy
Member
Member # 41429
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, March 14th (Friday)

I started a blog. It is about being a single working mom.

I couldn't find any resources when all this started so I decided to make my own.

It has one post.


Me: BW 30
WH 37
DDay 11/12/13
Divorcing

Posts: 492 | Registered: Nov 2013
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, March 14th (Friday)

That's a great idea, littlefoggy! I hope it is filled with many entries soon.

I need to get back into self-care mode. I've been so focused on work lately that I'm letting a lot of things slide.

I bought an elliptical and now I need to find the motivation to get on the darn thing daily.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)

I used to play the guitar in middle school and barely into high school. For some reason, I stopped. I found my old Stratocaster when I was going through stuff in my Dad's garage, brought it home, re-strung it and bought a cheap amp and have been spending an hour or so a day re-learning how to play. It feels really natural in my hands. I remember why I used to love it so much.

Posts: 1656 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, April 4th (Friday)

Bumping for all the recent graduates


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, May 9th (Friday)

oh who are we kidding? I LOVE being with me!

[This message edited by Amazonia at 11:31 PM, May 9th (Friday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, May 10th (Saturday)

I am still happily in a non-dating NB!
Recently invited a young married couple over for dinner. While it appears that they have a good marriage, I was reminded of many small things that I don't miss about being in a relationship: the general give and take, the 'coupleness'.

So happy to be able to do what I want, when I want.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4610 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, May 10th (Saturday)

So happy to be able to do what I want, when I want.

Me too!!!

Even when it means being crazy and moving halfway around the world (much to my parents' disappointment )


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, May 10th (Saturday)

Thank you, I like this thread.

I am warrior now, lone survivor battling life and single motherhood.

But there are many ups to combat the downs.

I take full credit for my kids growth.

I take pride in all the belongings that I wrested from the house and "saved" from Perv and Mrs. Perv.

And I move on now. Searching for things to fill my soul that can never be stolen away again.

Music. True friends.

And things fill my heart that are not guy related, though a date would be nice.

Just to dress up and not do kid things would be ok...someday.

Peace and children fill my heart.

Yes, I relocated old friends too, some I knew well before Perv as a kid.

There is one gal who for whatever reason, she and I spend most of our time in laughter-at ourselves or nothing-so I try to see her often because there isn't anyone else I know like this.

This is true laughter from the belly, at nothing...rolling on the ground, tears in my eyes...two adults, it's amazing.

One laugh was because a goat ate our shirts when we turned around to get grass for it. How do you not laugh at this?

Or playing music together and making such awful mistakes the instruments actually honk like a goose. And you're a grown up.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2204 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
peacelovetea
Member
Member # 26071
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, May 10th (Saturday)

I am building a career, which I have never had -- was a SAHM and dabbled in this and that, but now I am about 70% done with my doctorate! Today I put on an event at school that was kind of a big deal that went off without a hitch, and got me noticed in a big way by the new president of the university, who approached me after and said I need to work with him on a project he is starting.

I am finding things I never knew I could be good at and doing better than I expect. I am -- and its so funny for me to say this, I never used to believe it -- seriously stinking PROUD of myself.


BW, SAHM
D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final

Posts: 542 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 2:58 AM, May 14th (Wednesday)

I bought a kitchenaid mixer last week. I used it yesterday to make a flan for a potluck.

I've missed baking.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, May 20th (Tuesday)

Took care of a parrot health crisis all on my own. WXH was a physician, so he was in charge of the animals' health and would typically medicate them, etc.

I noticed one of my caique parrots wasn't doing well, so I took him to the emergency vet and have been administering his medication, set up a hospital cage, etc.

Looks like he'll pull through and once again, it's something that really wasn't that tough to do!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, May 21st (Wednesday)

I hosted a "Thanksgiving in May" potluck tonight. 14 people came. My bff made a turkey and stuffing; I made spiced cranberry pecan sauce, sweet honey laced dinner rolls, roasted veggies and a pumpkin pie. We threw the leaves in my dining room table, added a few folding tables, and youtubed how to carve a turkey (using a bread knife).

It went wonderfully. I love having a full house, as much as I love living alone (and sending them all out with tupperware of leftovers at the end of night lol), hearing laughter and conversation. I split up anyone who came together, told them they couldn't sit together, and a few people brought new friends who just moved to town, and it was so wonderful hearing all the laughter and stories and joy.

Wonderful. Just wonderful.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, June 15th (Sunday)

Bumping for Salt


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, June 15th (Sunday)

I'm taking another dating hiatus.

Earlier in this thread, I'd posted about weathering a health crisis with a parrot. Turns out it was short-lived, as I had to have him euthanized this afternoon. So, so sad. I'd had him 8 years and he was only 16 -- he should live to at least 30. My house is so silent.

But, I managed to make the right decision and take care of things by myself.

In happier news, I set up my hammock today and managed to recode my garage door so I can use a code instead of the clicker.

Also, yesterday was the one year anniversary of when I closed on my house.

Things continue to look up, with a sad interlude.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3315 | Registered: Dec 2011
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, August 22nd (Friday)

Bumping for the newer NB members.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25047 | Registered: Aug 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, August 22nd (Friday)

My latest have been more travel, and looking at picking up another degree, although not immediately. My goal is to stay overseas, so I'm looking at international MBA programs, and will hopefully find a job wherever I find a program I like! Not the most traditional way to do it, but I think it'll work out for me, especially since I'm patient with the timing.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
Riskybusiness
Member
Member # 43475
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, August 23rd (Saturday)

My new beginning over the last 11 months has included:
Losing 50 pounds
Beginning a new job
Making new friends
Taking divorce care and grief classes
Self-care
Jogging
Making fun memories with my kids


Me-39
EX-41
Married 21 years
DD-19, DD-17, DS-15, DD-11
DIVORCED

Rejoice in hope, persevere in tribulation, be devoted to prayer. Romans 12:12


Posts: 60 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Pacific Northwest
Topic Posts: 198