The Book Club
User Topic: Patrick Carnes
New Member
Member # 35042
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, April 23rd (Monday)

I have recently purchased Out of the Shadows and Open Hearts. For anyone who has read these, any comments?
I think that SA may be an issue for me and am looking into this further. Any other women who are SA, have you read these?

Married 12 years
DD-14, DS-7
D-day: 8/28/2011
Working towards R
** Everything you say and do,
is a reflection of the inner you **

Posts: 32 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, May 2nd (Wednesday)

I've read all of his books. He is amazing and his work gave me such insight...I think you will become much more enlightened about SA as a result of his books. Don't Call It Love is another awesome one but Out of the Shadows is a great place to start. Feel free to PM me if you like...

FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 6023 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, May 2nd (Wednesday)

I have also read most of his books but I feel he really nails it with "Don't Call it Love". He also has great "work books"!

~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25435 | Registered: Sep 2005
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 5:50 AM, May 3rd (Thursday)

I should add that when I gave a copy of the SA workbook to my WH, he only completed the first few "easy" pages.
He no longer wanted to answer ANY questions relating to SA honesty/activities which are extremely thought provoking in the work book.

~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25435 | Registered: Sep 2005
Member # 35284
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, May 3rd (Thursday)

Sorry, didn't realize you suspect SA of yourself AND you only asked for advice from females. Maybe I'll read the first post better next time

[This message edited by nealos at 8:38 AM, May 4th (Friday)]

31yo WS-SA

“When we disclose the thought and intents of our hearts in surrender, we identify with one another at depth.”

Posts: 258 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: 5280'
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, May 11th (Friday)

My WS is SA, and Out of the Shadows was a hard read (as in triggery), but very informative and very enlightening into the minds of sex addiction.

Whether you are SA or not, you will learn a lot from that book. I haven't read Open Hearts.

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 1:12 PM, May 11th (Friday)]

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15399 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Member # 2365
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, June 17th (Sunday)

I could term myself an SA, back in the day before there was the term. I'm of the flower child generation & we thought we'd invented the opening of "free love". But in spite of our generation's turnabout on sexuality with no negative responses or judgments from others within our generation, I realized negative consequences within my own self & that I had a problem.

Not a surprise this had consequences in who I chose for my first marriage & possibly my second. I've read extensively on the subject because, although I did confront myself & did the addicts choose addicts..the negative consequences also came out in the men I chose.

So if you ever want to talk frankly or have ??'s, feel free to PM me, you'll find no judgment from me..maybe only warnings on how you might continue to hurt yourself.

“When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”

― Maya Angelou

Posts: 3277 | Registered: Oct 2003 | From: Sunny Arizona
Topic Posts: 7