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User Topic: Anyone read "No More Mr. Nice Guy"
PanicAttack53
Member
Member # 34195
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, July 12th (Thursday)

Just ordered No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover. Anyone else read this and if so, did it help any?


Me-BH Her-XWW | B/ 60 | D final on 10/1/13 I'm Lovin' life again!
Rest of the story really doesn't matter any more.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Posts: 868 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Midwest
TrustedHer
Member
Member # 23328
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, July 16th (Monday)

Someone bumped the thread for you, here in the Book Club.

I liked it, and got a lot out of it. It actually explained a lot to me about myself.

Why I had several of the attitudes and weaknesses I had.

Others didn't like it, or the message, so much.

[This message edited by TrustedHer at 12:30 PM, July 16th (Monday)]


Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Posts: 5121 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
PanicAttack53
Member
Member # 34195
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, July 16th (Monday)

Thank you Trusted, much appreciated.

Don't think I'll be in the latter category as I'm currently on my own little "whatever it takes to change" crusade.

[This message edited by PanicAttack53 at 3:12 PM, July 16th (Monday)]


Me-BH Her-XWW | B/ 60 | D final on 10/1/13 I'm Lovin' life again!
Rest of the story really doesn't matter any more.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Posts: 868 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Midwest
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, July 16th (Monday)

t/j - I hear Alice Cooper every time I skim over this topic.

It's actually pretty awesome.

end t/j


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16471 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
LearningToFly
Member
Member # 39073
Default  Posted: 12:41 AM, July 26th (Saturday)

When our MC told us that she had done everything she could and couldn't help us anymore, she recommended the book to WH. She recommended that I read it too. I read it and saw my WH very clearly. He is also slightly NPD. So the books scares me because we are still trying to R. He has still not been able to grasp how deeply he has hurt me and our MC told me she didn't think he could. I am working through healing on my own.

I of course want my WS to work on his dishonesty, passiveness, lack of ability to say no (to anyone but me), his porn addiction and unspoken expectations for when he does something nice - it has strings attached but I often don't know what they are and he feels like a victim.

The part of the book that scares me is that it tells men that they can demand sex, threaten to leave if they don't get it, be selfish, etc. As someone recovering from his cheating and lying as well as the effects of a giant porn addiction...I feel a lot of pressure to not take care of my own emotional needs because he is being told that its okay to expect me to give him what he wants no matter how I'm feeling.

There is a NMMNG forum and I have read some of it. Most of the men over there sound abusive and selfish. I almost cry when I read some of the threads about how wives don't give them the sex they want. . . the men sound emotionally abusive and I don't know how the women survive. (Maybe thats why so many of the men are divorcing their wives at the end of long threads). They are calling their wives all kinds of names that sound unloving, uncaring, and cold. It seems that those "nice guys" are not nice AT ALL.


Me - BS (53) Him-WS(58)
Her OW(55) HighSchoolGirlfriend
Together 30 years Married 28 Kids 24,21,18
D day Feb 26 2013 after 20 months
D day March 4 they met again "to say goodbye"
D day April 2 found out about secret email

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013
mhca
Member
Member # 41920
Default  Posted: 12:55 AM, July 26th (Saturday)

I think it's a very good book. The title is a bit weird and the ideas in it can definitely be abused by the misogynistic out there, but in general it's a good message: be a strong man, say what you mean, take care of yourself, sexual urges are natural and healthy, avoid passive aggressiveness and codependency, etc.

It actually helped me quite a bit when I was struggling with false R to make me realize that I didn't have to put up with her insane and abusive behavior.


Me: BH 47
Her: STBXWW 47 - Lklb5
Married 19 years
DDay 1: Dec 24 2013
TT/Broke NC/False R
DDay 2: April 15, 2014
TT Bombshells 4/23, 4/24, 5/31, 7/19
Divorcing

DS 15, DS 10


Posts: 244 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
atsenaotie
Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, July 26th (Saturday)

I read it, and while I do not believe that I was a "Nice Guy" aspects of it certainly applied to me and I profited from reading it.

ETA:

It seems that those "nice guys" are not nice AT ALL.

I think that is the point of the title, that the Nice Guy approach is manipulative, conflict avoiding, and neither helthy or nice.

As for sex, I tried for years to be a better husband in hopes of being rewarded with sex. I did things for stbx, I indulged her, I ignored my needs and wants. really, when sex between us dropped to once a month or less I should have seen thta as a sign that she was no longer in love with me, and if we were not able to work out our (her) issues, then I should have left the M back then. I think thta point is that is sex is important to one of the partners it should be a part of the M, not just something one partner does as a reward or to apease the other.

[This message edited by atsenaotie at 9:48 AM, July 28th (Monday)]


LTA BS 53
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Separated and Divorcing

Posts: 4090 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Topic Posts: 7