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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: New Beginnings and You
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Target  Posted: 7:06 AM, July 29th (Sunday)

Hey D/S friends! I wanted to pop over and give a little PSA about the New Beginnings forum.

I know that a lot of the stuff that is posted over there is about dating, and that if you aren't ready to date, you may feel like that forum isn't for you.

New Beginnings aren't about dating though. New Beginnings are about you and the ways you find life after separation or divorce. A new beginning can be a new car. It can be going back to school. It can be getting a surgery you've been putting off. It can be redecorating your home, or creating new traditions for holidays with your children for the holidays. Heck, it can be finally finding the time that read that novel that you've been putting off for the last five years. And yes, eventually for many of us, it can also be about finding someone new - but that comes best after you've found yourself and your life.

As you extricate your STBX from your life, you'll find there is leftover space, time and energy that s/he would have filled. That space, time and energy is now yours! What an amazing silver lining to getting a divorce! You can choose to make whatever you want of your life from this point forward.

Your new beginning is all about you!

Don't be afraid to venture over and visit us. If you're not ready to date, don't open the dating threads; they can certainly wait. But as you discover ways to invest in yourself, to love yourself the way you deserve to be loved, feel free to share them with us in NB, because we want to celebrate with you! And if you're struggling to love yourself, you are welcome to share that too, because a lot of us have been there, and we remember how bewildering it can be to suddenly find yourself in new territory, sometimes after decades of answering to and prioritizing someone else, and we want to encourage you and help you remember that you are worth loving as well.

Don't be afraid to venture over and say hi when you have a chance. We don't bite, and the bus is actually a pretty great crowd of people.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 7:07 AM, July 29th (Sunday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, July 29th (Sunday)

This is such a great post, I had to chime in to agree.

I'm not yet dating, but gain a lot of inspiration down in NB, and talk about other things that are going on.

It's way more fun down there than in S/D!!!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3406 | Registered: Dec 2011
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, July 29th (Sunday)

Great post, Ama.

Your NB can be anything at all. When you shift your focus from the past and start looking at your future, NB is the place to do it. Even if you are just at the point of "now what?"

There are better days ahead and sunshine to be found.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25746 | Registered: Aug 2011
inconnu
Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, July 29th (Sunday)

and I just want to chime in with a don't think you have to be in one or the other. it's okay to jump back and forth between D/S and NB. I do it all the time.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12166 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
damncutekitty
Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, July 29th (Sunday)

Awesome post!!! Thanks for this Ama.

I definitely agree. There is so much more to post D life than finding someone new.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
gma56
Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, July 29th (Sunday)

NB is time for a changes and start overs.
Also we share the disappointments and confusion that we sometimes experience with our NB. The wisdom and support of SI continues.....
Hugs and many of us are in 2-3 other forums so it's not exclusive.
gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20383 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, July 29th (Sunday)

I think that what I've taken away from NB (spend most of my time there and D/S) is that it doesn't have to be about dating at all. I know it hasn't been for me! It's a great board to be on because it helps you realize that you do have a future that spans beyond your STBX/XS and that your experience with infidelity doesn't have to define you.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, July 29th (Sunday)

don't think you have to be in one or the other. it's okay to jump back and forth between D/S and NB.

Yes! I totally meant to say this! Thank you for remembering when I forgot.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, July 29th (Sunday)

It is inspiring. I think reading about where you aren't... yet.... brings the possibility of that into your mind.

I can remember reading and shying away, and coming back. Certain threads would capture my interest and I would read but not have the courage to post.

Also, the timeline is your own. Plenty of names came here after me and went to NB before me.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5859 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
gahurts
Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, July 29th (Sunday)

Well said Ama.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3432 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, July 29th (Sunday)

For someone just dipping her toes into NB I am so happy to read this post. Thank you Amazonia!!


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1670 | Registered: Mar 2004
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, July 29th (Sunday)

I love reading down in NB.
Thanks for the great post Ama.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4687 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 5:53 AM, August 31st (Friday)


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
GreenMom
Member
Member # 36385
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, August 31st (Friday)

I love the NB forum, it gives me hope to see so many people leading happy lives post infidelity.


DD#1 6/14/12
DD#2 7/29/12
Reconcilation attempt didn't last long...WH moved out 8/10/12
Divorcing... hoping to be done soon
Making a fantastic NB for myself and my family!

Posts: 535 | Registered: Aug 2012
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, August 31st (Friday)

I just posted there again. I posted a few times but thought because I was not dating no one responded. So I stayed over here.
Thanks for telling us to come over!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
wonderingbull
Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, August 31st (Friday)

Ama, you're so right...

I've been in NB for quite some time and it's refreshing to have watched so many go from the fetal position to actually standing up and moving forward...

The diversity in where everyone is at on their timeline of NB is a great teacher... Some are way ahead, some are where you are and some are where you've been...

The shared experiences and understanding in NB keep us all on our toes... We're there as an example of what has worked, what's working and what doesn't do a damn bit of good...

Come on and jump in the water... We're all learning to swim... Wouldn't it be great to swim with a bunch of people who show you that every tomorrow offers the opportunity to a happy future?

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5983 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
Hope24
Member
Member # 9344
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, October 7th (Sunday)

Bumpety-bump


She packed up her potential and all she had learned and headed out to change a few things.

Posts: 7605 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Poolside
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, October 7th (Sunday)

So lovely. I don't know why but this brought tears to my eyes.

I have lurked over there quite a bit lately like a naughty kid peeking at what the bigger kids are doing....


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, November 5th (Monday)

Bumping for Tesla and any other lurkers.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, December 10th (Monday)


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
need_hope
Member
Member # 23989
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, December 10th (Monday)



Me - happily single
Him - no longer matters
Married 28 yrs
Filed for D 1/10
DIVORCED 12/12

Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.


Posts: 1741 | Registered: May 2009 | From: East Coast
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, March 7th (Thursday)


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, April 21st (Sunday)


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, April 21st (Sunday)


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4205 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
jackie89
Member
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, April 21st (Sunday)

Thanks, I never ventured down there bc I did think it was geared more toward new relationships, and I knew that I was nowhere near there!

I will be posting there next weekend...


Separated/divorcing

"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~


Posts: 509 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:52 AM, April 22nd (Monday)

I remember being too nervous to post in NB where all the big kids played.

Then I saw a thread just like this and mosied on over. I realised I WAS in my NB. So many positive and incremental changes. From little things big things grow.

They can't get rid of me now.

I have a wander through NB, D/S, General. I'm just wild like that.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 5:53 AM, April 22nd (Monday)]


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
CrappyLife
Member
Member # 37630
Default  Posted: 6:16 AM, April 22nd (Monday)

Awesome. I just needed a thread like this today. And thanks for bumping.

It gives me hope that I can have a life beyond the infidelity drama that has become my life.


BBF-turned-BH: 28 (Me)
WGF-turned-WW: 28 (EmotionalFool)
POS1: a 'friend'? WW believed it was my 'best friend'!
POS2: her senior at work!
Together - 6 years
Married - 1.5 years
D-Day- 15/10/12

Don't know where we are headed..


Posts: 276 | Registered: Nov 2012
curiouswiz
Member
Member # 34405
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, April 22nd (Monday)

Thank for this one Amazonia..I jump around in and out of different waters depending on my mood. Lately I've been avoiding JFO, it hurts to much and after the bombing in my hometown I've been a bit raw and so sad it wouldn't do me or anyone any good to go there.

I usually dip my toes in general then on to D/S or I can relate for the NPD fun in my life though I started there because of long term affair and sometimes NB and just recently testing the waters in fun and games..that's a tougher one for me to go to but I always get a chuckle whether I like it or not!


God bless us, everyone.

Posts: 633 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Boston
curiouswiz
Member
Member # 34405
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, April 22nd (Monday)

oops..doubles

[This message edited by curiouswiz at 7:38 AM, April 22nd (Monday)]


God bless us, everyone.

Posts: 633 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Boston
SweetheartVixen
Member
Member # 4956
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, April 22nd (Monday)

Thanks for this post, a good reminder for us newbies to venture in there.
I was told by STBX that I am dating and have a guy since I told daughter I was "peaceful" without the lies.

Truth be known, its very difficult especially when I have had all these medical issues that dont stop. Its hard not to have a support system or a body to hug when I am feeling so alone and scared.


BS/60s WS/60s Divorcing and not soon enough~!
Its nice to be important, but its more important to be nice...

DD 6-14


Posts: 3102 | Registered: Jul 2004 | From: somewhere over the rainbow
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, June 18th (Tuesday)


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, July 15th (Monday)


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3406 | Registered: Dec 2011
dindy
Member
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 3:58 AM, July 16th (Tuesday)

Great post!

My new beginnings are getting better by the day. Recently I've been able to read a book without feeling distracted in my mind, something I used to do a lot.

Even though I'm on a nice plateau regarding my healing at them moment, I'm really enjoying my own company again.

Long may it continue for us! :)


Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, November 14th (Thursday)

Wanted to bump this. I know that the holidays can be a tough time for a lot of people, but they can also be an opportunity for fresh starts, new beginnings, reclaiming life and making it your own!


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, November 14th (Thursday)


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4205 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Thefly559
Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 6:44 AM, November 15th (Friday)

Great positive post. But I have to say that going into new beginnings for me is almost like going into jfo. I get pain from jfo sometimes when I read the pain that I once experienced. I get jealous of the new beginnings because I read of the success after divorce that I do not have yet. Heaven and hell. I am still in purgatory. I do understand and I do venture once in awhile. Hopefully ill be there full time soon. Thank you for the post and great explanation.


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 679 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Lost15
Member
Member # 40898
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, November 15th (Friday)


me(BS)-34 him(WS)-32 DS-15
Married 15 years
Blindsided with divorce 07-12-13
DD-08-1-13 OW-40ish,married 20 yrs, with 4 kids she abandoned
Divorcing and trying to move one tiny step forward at a time.

Posts: 114 | Registered: Oct 2013
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, November 23rd (Saturday)


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4205 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, February 3rd (Monday)


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4205 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

^^^^^^ LOVE It!!!!!


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5272 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, August 9th (Saturday)

Bumping up because lots of new faces in D/S!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3406 | Registered: Dec 2011
Topic Posts: 41