The Book Club
User Topic: Looking for a good self help book.
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, January 28th (Monday)

Most of the book listed are for dealing with infidelity and we are reading “not, just friends”. However I also want to work on me. While I do not consider myself to be a terrible person, I cannot say I am the person I want to be.

One of my biggest issues is my lack of empathy or selfishness. And that has impacted many of my relationships. It lead to us having a terrible M. While I don’t expect my heart to grow 3 sizes I do wish to learn to care about others. I also hold back too much, not only in sharing my feelings but also in just living life. I would be fine sitting on the coach watching TV with the wife and kids every night. I don’t enjoy socializing with other people I don’t know. I don’t even like large gatherings with family and friends. While not as bad as Sheldon on Big Bang Theory, somewhat similar. So any good book suggestions would be great. I will admit just writing these things down has already helped, however I am hoping some good reading will provide me with tools to help me live the life I want.

Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 675 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, January 28th (Monday)

I do wish to learn to care about others.

Chapman's 5 Love Languages was an epiphany for FWW and I. Short and easy to read book, but taught us a lot about expressing love to others.

dday 10.5.09
Separated and Divorcing

Posts: 4140 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, January 28th (Monday)

Do you have any FOO issues? If so, it might be wise to start there... for instance, if abandonment or trauma was a part of your childhood.

It sounds to me like you would like to live a life of more compassion and humility. If so, use those as key words on Amazon...

I really liked Living the Truth by Albom.. I found it, ironically, the day after I told my husband the truth..
I also like the 4 Agreements by Ruiz....

[This message edited by rachelc at 12:20 PM, January 28th (Monday)]

his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”

Posts: 5343 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
looking forward
Member # 25238
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, January 28th (Monday)

Living the Truth by Keith Ablow, MD (ISBN 0-316-01782-5) ~ Dr. Keith Ablow, bestselling author and host of a new daily one-hour daytime-TV talk show, presents his first self-help book. Based on more than 20 years of clinical experience and highlighting stories from his own practice, Ablow shows how ignoring or burying painful memories and experiences can negatively affect every aspect of our lives, and he presents strategies to help the reader transform the pain of the past into the power of the future. In a world where short-term talk therapy and medication are the latest trends to "fixing" an unhappy life, Ablow's message is controversial. But though examining the past can be daunting, LIVING THE TRUTH is as comforting and rewarding as it is transformative. And through Ablow's fine storytelling skills, empathetic voice, and straight-up advice, the experience of reading this extraordinary book becomes the first step to living a truly authentic life.

This book has lots of great Journal exercises, too.

Forgiveness ~ How To Make Peace With Your Past And Get On With Your Life by Dr. Sidney B. Simon and Suzanne Simon (ISBN 0-446-39259-6) ~ Based on their
popular "Forgiveness" seminar, the author of Getting Unstuck and his wife designed to help readers let go of their pain and get on with their lives.

Memory and hope; one looks backward, and the other forward; one is of today, the other of tomorrow.
"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain." (Joseph Campbell)

Posts: 2855 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Where a river runs through it
Member # 37632
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, January 28th (Monday)

I always love to read Wayne Dyer. He has lots of books out there. Start with Your Erroneous Zones. It is a good book and is about finding the truth in yourself.

D-DAY 11-20-12
BW - 59, soon to be 60
WH - 63, soon to be 64

Posts: 175 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Crestline, CA
Member # 33834
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, March 2nd (Saturday)

The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz.

This book changed my life!

m BS/ FWBF/ F pill addict binge drinker 33 h FWW/ BGF 34
d 5 s 3
My A: ONS 2003 other inappropriate behavior/ poor boundaries
Her A: 5 month EA/PA 2011
DDay 8/30/11 (I caught her and confessed to mine)
married 3 years, together 15 working on R/

Posts: 397 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: right behind you
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, March 2nd (Saturday)

My brother swears by the journey from abandonment to healing.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7781 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, March 2nd (Saturday)

A couple of my favorites are:

The Tao of Pooh by Ben Hoff

Deep and Simple by Bo Lozoff

BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2647 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 33834
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, March 3rd (Sunday)

I'll second The Tao of Pooh! Also along those lines "Relax, You're Already Home" by Raymond Barnett

m BS/ FWBF/ F pill addict binge drinker 33 h FWW/ BGF 34
d 5 s 3
My A: ONS 2003 other inappropriate behavior/ poor boundaries
Her A: 5 month EA/PA 2011
DDay 8/30/11 (I caught her and confessed to mine)
married 3 years, together 15 working on R/

Posts: 397 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: right behind you
Member # 38597
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, March 22nd (Friday)

I just started When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron.

She became a Buddhist nun after her husband left her for another woman. She understands the pain, but recognized that it was the time to look inward.

DDay Feb. 28, 2013
"I am pretty sure enforcing the boundary is the most important part of the boundary"- Jerry Seinfeld
Can't wait to D, but stuck financially until I find a way out of this SAHM position I'm in.

Posts: 791 | Registered: Mar 2013
Topic Posts: 10