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The Book Club
User Topic: Rec - Book for learning to disagree 'well'?
Fidelia
Member
Member # 38345
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, February 16th (Saturday)

Both WH and I have communication issues, esp when arguing. We both have times when we conflict avoid before things bubble over. When in an argument, I often feel entrenched and find it hard to back down.

WH has been told to stand up for himself more and now in arguments he's started doing the same unhealthy stance as me...not a good idea!

We both need a book that helps us with communication and especially how to disagree healthily and respectfully.

I'd love it if it were an easy read, too


Me: BW 36
Him: WH 36 (randomusername)

"lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed" Heb12v13

"Oh God give me


Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2013
WakingFromADream
Member
Member # 33934
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, February 19th (Tuesday)

I actually have three recommendations for you. I didn't find them easy since I had to stop frequently to consider what was written.

"Fighting for your Marriage" by Howard Markham

This deals with many aspects of M. I feel that it has some really great insights into communication in a M and some of the dynamics that can occur.


"Crucial Conversations" and "Crucial Confrontations" by Kerry Patterson and Joseph Grenny

I really like these because they really give a nice way to break down confrontations into understandable chunks and gives you a starting point to be able to work through it.


Me(35) XWW(36) DS(7) DD 11/16/11 EA(PA?) M 11y D 9/3/13

Don't make anyone a priority when you are only an option.


Posts: 1148 | Registered: Nov 2011
Fidelia
Member
Member # 38345
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, February 19th (Tuesday)

Thank you


Me: BW 36
Him: WH 36 (randomusername)

"lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed" Heb12v13

"Oh God give me


Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2013
PippaPeach6
Member
Member # 37523
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, February 20th (Wednesday)

The book that helped us the most was Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman. Complete eye-opener, especially for H. Our communication has improved 1000%. He also has DVDs of his seminars with wife Julie available on his website, if you're not readers -

eta: "respectfully" was key in improving our "discussions" and when/how to back down

[This message edited by PippaPeach6 at 11:32 AM, February 20th (Wednesday)]


Us: 50ish, madhatters, married 20 odd yrs
TT: May 2009 'til June
DDay for both: June 17, 2009
Me: 2x, same person, 1991
Him: 1.5 year PA (EA?) 2007-2009
Reconciled

Honey Badger don't care. - Randall


Posts: 386 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Flyover chic
AFrayedKnot
Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 6:25 AM, February 21st (Thursday)

We found "The Marriage you have always dreamed of" By Greg Smalley, very useful. It is an overall relationship book but much of it is about communication. Lots of great techniques.

It is a very christian focused book, which we were hesitant about at first but we got over it pretty quickly.


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2553 | Registered: Aug 2012
PlainsGirl29
Member
Member # 33520
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)

Check out marriage builders books by dr. Harley, "His Needs, her Needs" and "Lovebusters" may be a good start.

Posts: 1146 | Registered: Oct 2011
Helen of Troy
Member
Member # 26419
Target  Posted: 11:52 AM, March 7th (Thursday)

NonViolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. This book can be life changing.

Posts: 4693 | Registered: Dec 2009
atsenaotie
Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, March 7th (Thursday)

Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

Written for business, but works well for me in family communications too.


LTA BS 53
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Separated and Divorcing

Posts: 4109 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Topic Posts: 8