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User Topic: He has a girlfriend - and keeps trying to "hang out"
stupidstupidme
Member
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, February 26th (Tuesday)

UGH... I swear people just disappoint me.

Someone I met last summer and got to know a bit - the guy that goes to my gym (still, unfortunately) keeps texting me now and then. Always to fish to see if I'm available for booty call. Honestly, one time many months ago I did - it was nice, mutually understood that was all it was, and I haven't seen him since, although he still messages and tries once a week or every other week or so. I've actually told him that I suspect he has a GF and is trying to cheat with me, and I'm totally not down for that. Crickets. FWB, booty call, whatever... time and a place for it maybe - but this dude is too shady. Told him that too. I'll just go without sex...

We have some mutual friends via FB, which is how I actually met him in the first place. He no longer has a profile, but a girl I've seen on his (back several months ago) does, and her profile pic is a cute snuggly pic of the two of them together - just put up a few days ago. I looked through all of them, and there's a pic of them at what looks to be a Xmas party back in December, and a couple others.

He did tell me once that he was "hanging out" with is ex, but then a couple weeks later messaged me again, saying no they never did get back together.

Creepy little lying asshole.

Poor girl.


Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19714 | Registered: Aug 2006
betrayedfriend
Member
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, February 26th (Tuesday)

if he continues, you need to out him, send her a message introducing yourself, where you know him from that you slept with him once (give her a date and time, and that he keeps trying to get back with you when you've made it clear you are not interested. after you send that message, block his number or make it very very clear that you want NC... he's a loser and a creep.


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 865 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
stupidstupidme
Member
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, February 26th (Tuesday)

As much as I'd love to "out" him, I really just don't think I should. I am pretty sure I'll hear from him again, and I will not engage... but I'm too old for the FB drama... and well, this drama period. I really feel bad for her, and he is definitely an asshole, but probably won't message her.


Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19714 | Registered: Aug 2006
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, February 26th (Tuesday)

Can you just block him?

This further confirms my theory that no one else will enforce our boundaries for us.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
stupidstupidme
Member
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, February 26th (Tuesday)

Oh yeah - that's not really the point, though. I have no intention of seeing him at all, unless I run into him at the gym, where I ignore him

It is just that I'm about him doing this over... 5 MONTHS!

I'm not looking for a solution to a problem (him). He isn't a problem for me... I'm just posting about it because, well... we are all here for this reason and being on this side of it after what I was put through - infuriating...


Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19714 | Registered: Aug 2006
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, February 26th (Tuesday)

Why do you think he no longer has a profile? Is it possible he blocked you to lessen the odds of you making a connection and outing him?


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4473 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
OnceInALifetime
Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 5:50 AM, February 27th (Wednesday)

The notion of outing him does raise questions. Way back when all I ever posted in was JFO and General, I would have very strongly argued that we have an imperative moral duty to out anyone who was cheating. I saw infidelity as about as cruel as rape, and to turn a blind eye was the next thing to condoning it.

Guess I still carry those sentiments, minus all the passion around them. Would I always out someone now? I'd like to believe so, but these things can be messy, and one might argue that all of us have already spent enough time in the infidelity sewers.


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
Betrayal
Member
Member # 9898
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, February 27th (Wednesday)

if he continues, you need to out him, send her a message introducing yourself, where you know him from that you slept with him once (give her a date and time, and that he keeps trying to get back with you when you've made it clear you are not interested. after you send that message, block his number or make it very very clear that you want NC... he's a loser and a creep.

I actually agree with this 100%, and if you do message her, you can just block her, they can deal with the mess, and at least MAYBE the poor girl won't get herself invested in him and be able to move on, think about it, she probably has already had a few red flags that have been ignored-didn't we all? So you may end up reaffirming her thoughts as well.


Me,38 BS
Divorced
Married
DS Born 9/6/10

Posts: 2220 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: IL
stupidstupidme
Member
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, February 28th (Thursday)

I have another, anonymous account. He isn't on FB at all.

I don't know. I really do understand telling - several years ago, I would have without question. Now... I just don't know if I want to be involved in the drama, when really - I haven't seen him since October. Yes, he has tried several (many) times, and I have the text proof - but it hasn't happened.


Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19714 | Registered: Aug 2006
idkam
Member
Member # 18375
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, February 28th (Thursday)

Im against outing him because you and him go to the same gym and he could hurt you....sure you can change gyms but who wants to do all that?? Just ignore him block him or whatever....i wouldnt put my life in danger just to out someone....,Does he know where you live?? If he does this is even more of a reason not too...

My .02


People come into your life for a Reason, Season or a Lifetime..
Divorced

Posts: 1783 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Texas
PlainsGirl29
Member
Member # 33520
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, February 28th (Thursday)

I had a male friend that did this on fb about a year ago. it was during that 2 months period of attempted R for me and the xwh. My friend was engaged, but I did not out him. I never met his fiance, and I did get xwh involved who also threatened to out the friend, but in the end xwh and i both deleted and blocked him on FB. I was pretty sad about it, i lost a friend I had since high school and what a groomsmen in my wedding. But it had to be done.

Posts: 1146 | Registered: Oct 2011
stupidstupidme
Member
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, April 15th (Monday)

Updating this: More stuff happened, and I told the GF.

Got confirmation of the relationship, and he tried again. Boom.

Story in General. And the denial is OUTRAGEOUS.


Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19714 | Registered: Aug 2006
Topic Posts: 12