User Topic: How do you refer to AP?
Member # 36796
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, March 4th (Monday)

When you and WS are discussing A, how do you refer to AP?

I started of calling OM her boyfriend...she got upset and said "I don't have a boyfriend!". Yes, but you did.

Then I started calling OM just 'him'. That worked for me and didn't upset me.

She called him by name once and that pissed me off!

Lately, I've been referring to OM as 'you friend'. She has said she has no feelings for him but doesn't want to see him any harm. Also, if it weren't for NC and she say him, she would like to appologize. To me that's still qualifies him as a friend.

There has been NC since D-Day and she is doing the right things. I'm pretty confident he will never attempt to contact her again, but we still talk about A.

D-Day 1: Feb 1990
D-Day 2: 3 Sep 2012 (3 month EA/3 week PA)
BS 49, fWW 43 (Amibroken)
OP- Police Chief (Age 37)
M 25 Yrs, 3 Kids (17, 14, 11)
I initated the relationship at the Railway Tavern, she tried to end it at Scrap Tavern

Posts: 489 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Delmarva
Member # 37949
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, March 4th (Monday)

We have very rarely said OW's name. WH had the same reaction as your WS when I referred to her as his girlfriend. Mostly we say "her" or "that girl".

BW - me, 39
WH - him, 49
Married 13 yrs, together 17 yrs, 1 son

D-Day: 12/6/2012, confronted him 12/7
Admitted to 2 month EA: 12/14/2012

Posts: 161 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Texas
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, March 4th (Monday)

Ah, well, im not nearly as nice as yall are...."that bytch..."...yeah, childish I know, but that is where I am with it at this point.

"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, March 4th (Monday)

Funny, I used to call him all manner of things I cant repeat here.... But now, I dont. Never do. He doesnt exist. He is so meaningless and irrelevant to my life. However,
If I ever see him, He will definately never exist ever again.

D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1909 | Registered: Nov 2010
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, March 4th (Monday)

At first I referred to her as his "Girl Friend" as that is what she referred to herself as. He never liked me calling her that and said he didn't have a GF. Yeah, whatever!!

Now I just refer to her as "his whore" or "that whore", just accrding to what kind of bad mood he puts me in at that moment in time.

M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Member # 29244
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, March 4th (Monday)

For about the first year or so after the A ended, when talking with FWW, I referred to OM as "your boyfriend." It pissed her off when I did, but frankly I didn't care. Eventually that got old. Since around 2nd antiversary, I simply call him by his given name.

FWW still will only refer to him as "you know who."

I guess it reminded me too much of how in the Harry Potter books everyone was scared to say the name Voldemort and would refer to him as "he must not be named." As Dumbledore would say "fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself." I guess I no longer feared OM, so stopped fearing his name.

(Of course, I recognize the need to use abbreviations on this site to respect the privacy of participants -- so don't believe referring to OM as "OM" here reflects a fear of his name)

Me - BH (47)
Her - FWW (46)
Married 17 years
Together 19 years
3 kids
DDay #1 - 12/8/09 (EA)
DDay #2 - 12/18/09 (PA)
A ended - 2/21/10

Posts: 548 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Metro DC
Member # 32935
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, March 4th (Monday)

I call her whorebag. And that is with a lower case w, not capital. MrKOKO has even refered to her as that before.

Usually if she is ever brought up now it is typically "that girl" or just "her". I have also said "your whore" or "your girlfriend".

whorebag shares the same name as a line of luxury jewelry that MrKOKO use to buy me often. Of course she spells it the trashtastic way of adding an "i" to the end instead of the "y". I just about threw up in my mouth even talking about the jewelry recently. I cannot even say that.

I have a rose bush that I had pre-A that shares the same name as the jewelry and I renamed it to Any Other Name Rose. My IC was pleased with that because she is often working with me to reframe things that are hurtful. My IC also encourages me to actually say whorebag's name, at least in sessions as it is a safe place, because this takes away whorebag's power.

[This message edited by keeponkeepingon at 9:02 AM, March 4th (Monday)]

"I know you and you know me and I know you can see. So help me get my way back to you"

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: On the corner of Grey St at the end of the world
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, March 4th (Monday)

Since there are so many, I refer to them by their names usually.

Sometimes I refer to the two that hurt the most as Skelewhore and Whordes.

BS - Me
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking

Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, March 4th (Monday)

It varies with my mood, basically I just call her AP "him" when I'm discussing her affair - I don't have to amplify who "him" is as my fWW gets it. When I'm triggering or pissed off I've referred to him as "your lover" and "your boyfriend" as both were true statements for a long time; he was both her secret lover and boyfriend. I hate using his name, but every now and then I'll slip and use it. I've never had a nickname that was really derogatory to refer to him, but the one that would fit him would be "the player", as that is what he was. But the bottom line is my wife wanted to be played and used, and got exactly what she was looking for and never saw it coming. He just used her like a sex toy and never gave a shit about her, was f'ing multiple women as well, plus him and his wife were swingers with a few other couples, so no telling how many different women he was f'ing while my W thought she had something special with him that was worth destroying our marriage.

[This message edited by Tred at 9:04 AM, March 4th (Monday)]

Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4003 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, March 4th (Monday)

Well, I used to refer to the OW's as girlfriends. But then I realized how ridiculous that sounded....I started to feel as if I was his *friend* who was discussing his love life. And yes, that is technically what it was, but I just couldn't say that word anymore because it walked too close to *legitimizing* his outside relationship. After all, married people don't get to date, for fucks sake!

So I just started referring to them by location or season. There is Iowa slut, (town)girl/who is also Fallgirl. There is (state)slut. Oh and then there's also Elevator Girl. Yea, that's a nice one. According to Sultan, he literally bumped into her in an elevator as they were both going down to dinner, started chatting, decided to share dinner together since they were both going to the same place....and well, we all know where it led to after that. Dumb fucker.

I choose to not say any of their given names because, again, I'm not going to legitimize them. I shouldn't even KNOW these people.

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 8085 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, March 4th (Monday)

Using the name is really, really trigger-y for me, even when I'm talking to people with the same name but unrelated in any way. I usually say "It." Once or twice I've called it "That thing you were fucking." or "That thing you fucked." The only time I don't is when is becomes cumbersome; i.e. really asking questions or details related to the A, then it's mostly 'him.' I've thought about pulling out the "boyfriend" word, but I believe it's remained in my pocket thus far.

[This message edited by FacePunched at 9:12 AM, March 4th (Monday)]

I keep my mind on my future/and my eyes on the sky/I don't really smile much/If you were there you'd know why.

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: City in the Midwest/Best In The Whole Wide World
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, March 4th (Monday)

There is a back story to this that I won't go into again. But JM refers to her as the Poolstick. I love that because it's a common, utilitarian object that is used and put away. It also symbolizes something to him that was used to inflict pain and destruction.

My name for her is Whoreible. It fits.

Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2782 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, March 4th (Monday)


Well, I used to refer to the OW's as girlfriends. But then I realized how ridiculous that sounded....I started to feel as if I was his *friend* who was discussing his love life. And yes, that is technically what it was, but I just couldn't say that word anymore because it walked too close to *legitimizing* his outside relationship. After all, married people don't get to date, for fucks sake!

You just stated the exact reason I've avoided saying "boyfriend", even though I hadn't realized it myself. It does seem to sort of normalize and legitimize the 'relationship', and it feels icky to use such a normal, common-use word on suck a sick, twisted relationship.

I choose to not say any of their given names because, again, I'm not going to legitimize them. I shouldn't even KNOW these people.

Unfortunately I can't always do that. We (my WW and I) work together, and AP used to be our coworker for almost 7 years. By and large our other coworkers either have no idea about the whole thing, or have very little idea as to the extent, so the AP comes up in stories about parties, reminiscing, etc., about the past. The whole thing is really triggery, so I'm trying to find a new job.

I keep my mind on my future/and my eyes on the sky/I don't really smile much/If you were there you'd know why.

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: City in the Midwest/Best In The Whole Wide World
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, March 4th (Monday)

Most of the time cumdumpster. Also, it and slut. C u next tuesday if I am feeling particularly hateful. I have tried to say its name, it actually makes me gag. Maybe I should start calling it Voldemort.

In MC, FWH said that OW referred to itself as his "girlfriend" and he didn't see it that way. He was shocked that both MC and I both said, in unison, it was your girlfriend.

P.S. Hugs to ((((JM)))), HFSSC

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 12:29 PM, March 4th (Monday)]

BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 9801 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, March 4th (Monday)

It's interesting, no one mentioned the name I told her I also refussed to use: lover.

We were at MC and she was referring to someone in a book whom he left for work early everyday, however it was to be with his "lover".

I told her since she said she never used the love word I would never refer to OM as her lover. It is her Affair Partner. Since he was also a "friend" of mine all names suck.

Funny thing is when I spell my last name on the phone and I get to a specific letter, I used to use his same name. Not anymore!

Also odd to find wisdom in the Harry Potter books. But I do agree I am giving more power to him, but not saying his real name. Just for now is feels better to use POS. There are other names, however we are in the wrong part of the forum to use them all. I will probably get a warning for the above acronym!

Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 675 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
Member # 32785
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, March 4th (Monday)

The slunt.

Posts: 516 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Hawaii
Member # 34616
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, March 4th (Monday)

I call her bitchface....I just can't say her name and the thought of referring to her as his ex girlfriend makes me want to vomit. Besides, he's a married man so she couldn't have been his girlfriend... She was just some skanky woman who was willing to share a man with someone else. That is NOT a girlfriend, it's just pathetic

[This message edited by confused82402 at 9:33 AM, March 4th (Monday)]

Me- BW
Him - WH
Dday - 1/16/2012

~Honey, don't try to make sense out of'll drive yourself crazy in the process ~ my momma :-)

Posts: 507 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, March 4th (Monday)

The slunt.
I always forget that one nolight, but it so exquisitely perfect.

BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 9801 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, March 4th (Monday)

"fat fuck"

Posts: 7542 | Registered: Dec 2010
Member # 37591
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, March 4th (Monday)

My wh HATED when I called her his girlfriend. It is fascinating how many have had that same response. Any ides why?

I hate saying her name which I do understand gives it some power but I think it more like the shock of really graphic bad language that is hard and ugly to the ears.

Most of the time I call her ugly girl. She reminds me much of Gollum and sometime whore butt pretty much fits the bill.

Me BW, 48
Him WH, 48
5 children. Girl (17), Boys (15,14,12,9)
Married 20 years, LTA 3.5-4 years
DD1 3/19/11
DD2. 10/02/11
DD3. 7/03/12 separated that night.
OW. Ugly girl.

There are no shortcuts.

Posts: 107 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: North Carolina
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, March 4th (Monday)

The Whore.

Posts: 5760 | Registered: Apr 2006
Member # 38452
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, March 4th (Monday)

I do not talk to ex but when I talk about her to my friends I call her HooverMatic, she has sucked his brains out.

Posts: 60 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: CA
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, March 4th (Monday)

He usually calls her "it". I usually call her "that person". I don't even like using pronouns such as she or her bc it personifies her too much. We definitely don't use her name and never have. MC did once and it was a bad idea.

He has also called her that f'ing bitch whore who ruined his life and a bony assed runt. Can't say I don't like those names (ha) but they're a little long to use in conversation.

D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1083 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, March 4th (Monday)

In the beginning, I called her many not so nice thing. Now, I just use her name. Not sure why her name doesn't bug me but it doesn't.

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 769 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
New Member
Member # 38350
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, March 4th (Monday)

I usually just say "that person" when I'm talking about with my husband. When I write on here, I hate saying OW. She doesn't seem worthy of being called a woman. Even "person" is really stretching it.

How we deal with tragedy defines who we are...

Posts: 17 | Registered: Feb 2013
Member # 37981
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, March 4th (Monday)

We refer to her as "IT", she's not a person to me, not a human being she's an "IT"

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 34836
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, March 4th (Monday)

Normally I call her by her name. If I am upset, I call her ho-zilla due to her resemblance to a gorilla Most of my friends just say 1-900-hername as she was a phone sex operator

I called her his girlfriend a few times.....WH hated that......they were just close friends don't ya know

M 25 years
BW Me - 50's
WH Him - 60's
OW 25 years younger
D-Days too numerous to mention last D-day being 12-2-11 *OW went on fishing trip 5-21-13*

"A relationship is only made for two, but some bitches don't know how to count"

Posts: 354 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Colorado
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, March 4th (Monday)

Well since my WS won't talk we haven't come across this issue. On DDay, I referred to her as that C.... In Chicago. I spoke her name once when I confronted him with what I knew and I stuck on my tongue and I got nauseas. In my head, she's that f'n C...

After reading these responses though, it does help to hear from everyone. When and if he finally talks, it'll be interesting to see what evolves.

ME - BS 50, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 472 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, March 4th (Monday)

I ALWAYS called her by her name. I firmly believe that it rips away any illusions when you call the OW by name for both you and the WS. I seldom called her anything awful. Calm and cool and direct always upset him more than watching me have a name calling melt down.

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler

Posts: 8460 | Registered: Apr 2008
Member # 38443
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, March 4th (Monday)

I have always refered to him by name or by "him" with emphasis on "him" so that she understands I mean the OM.

Have stayed away from name calling, etc.

Me BS 48
Her fWW 47
Married 24 yrs
Together 30 yrs
DDay 16 Jan 2013
EA 9 months & PA 1 month
Children 2 young adults
Working through it
"Character is what you are when no one is watching"

Posts: 154 | Registered: Feb 2013
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, March 4th (Monday)

My wh HATED when I called her his girlfriend. It is fascinating how many have had that same response. Any ides why?

Why do they hate it? Because every person on the planet knows that married people are not supposed to have girl/boyfriends. And if the WS uses that term, then the WS has to actually acknowledge what a horrific thing they've done. It seems to make them pretty damn uncomfortable, thus the squirming when the word is used.....just my opinion.

(@bikingguy--dude, we aren't in Recon. We're in General. Bad words are acceptable, and almost expected, here!)

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 10:41 AM, March 4th (Monday)]

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 8085 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 35973
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, March 4th (Monday)

I have loads of names that I use to refer to OW. They are as follows:- Your Whore, Your Mistress, Your Girlfriend, hog nose, pug face, the michelin man, the stay puff marshmallow man (ow is very fat and masculine looking), miss piggy gone wrong (miss piggy was WH's favourite muppet, I spoilt that for him), toadface, the "udder" woman, banana boobs (based on something WH said about her boobs) and last but not least.. loose and well used *word that has been banned on SI* ...ugh writing this out has now made me feel ill...why am I considering R again????

M-13 yrs together 15 yrs, 2 DS 11 & 8
D-Day 20 May '12 WH confessed, PA 4 months 06/2008-10/2008 cOW
His A says nothing about me but everything about him

Posts: 239 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: UK
Member # 31229
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, March 4th (Monday)

"whore" or "your girlfriend"/"your little girlfriend". He refers to her as "that dirty bitch" Funny how she was once his goddess and the love of his life but now she's just a dirty bitch.

Status: divorcing - I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Posts: 1249 | Registered: Feb 2011
Member # 38086
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, March 4th (Monday)

I have always used her name. I think to shy away from it comes from a place of fear and I wouldn't be able to heal if I gave her that power.

Me- 27 BS
Him- 27 WH (cokezero), EA
D-Day 12/02/2012
Not sure when/if the TT has stopped yet...
(Using an iPad so sorry for typos.)

Posts: 68 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 34875
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, March 4th (Monday)

The rat bastard...( we both refer to him that way)

married 21 yr

Posts: 175 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 30198
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, March 4th (Monday)

In my case the MOM has the same first name as me (yeah, another BetrayedDaddio, small world) so in writing I usually put SFDB (short fat douche bag) or in conversation, which isn't often I just say "The Douche".......

BH-42 WW-40 DD-5 DD-9 DD-11
D-Day 09/27/2010 Wayward wife had a 10 month A with married DB co-worker Separated Oct. 2013

Posts: 708 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Canada
Member # 37618
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, March 4th (Monday)

BD-thats one of my nicknames (douchebag). I also like any number of words followed or preceeded by the word "shit" such as dip, dumb, and -for-brains. His real name is John, which is interesting in that I have to live hearing the name a lot as one of my best friends and at least 5 acquantances are all named John. If only his name was something less common--why coulnd't my W have cheated with a Sebastian or a Bartholomew?

Married 6-10-11
DDay 11-17-2012
DDay #2 6-5-13
Divorced 9-23-13

Posts: 123 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 29288
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, March 4th (Monday)

If I am really mad at the moment, "skanky whore". Mostly just call her "her", my FWH knows who I am referring to. Sometimes, if I am feeling mean towards FWH, I call her his "girlfriend", because it causes the same prickly reaction noted here. Hey, if she wasn't your girlfriend, what was she?

t/j One of these days I may ask him how he thought of her role in his life, if not girlfriend. Friend? You don't f**k your friend. Mistress? Too exotic sounding, in my book. Nobody has a "mistress" who dresses like your mother. "Pain in the a**?" That's probably what he would cop to now. During the A, I just don't know.

Me--BW (56)
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 20 years
DS-18, DD-15
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!

Posts: 1334 | Registered: Aug 2010
Member # 29547
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, March 4th (Monday)

To myself, I have given OW many names but when speaking about A to WH, Icall her by her name.
Seems to bother WH to hear her Name.

DDay 7/29/2010
Am hoping to reconcile!! Am I crazy or what?
If we all did the things we are capable of doing we would literally astound ourselves-Thomas Edison

Posts: 323 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Pa
Member # 38345
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, March 4th (Monday)

I ALWAYS called her by her name. I firmly believe that it rips away any illusions when you call the OW by name for both you and the WS. I seldom called her anything awful.

This. Although when feeling really angry "your girlfriend"

I may also have told him that part of me would like to say this to her (thanks Pinterest for this one):

"I would slap you but I don't want slut on my hand"

But I don't really mean it.

Why should I call her names if I'm not doing it to WH? She didn't do anything worse than him. At least she wasn't married and didn't break any vows.

Me: BW 36
Him: WH 36 (randomusername)

"lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed" Heb12v13

"Oh God give me

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2013
Member # 8354
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, March 4th (Monday)

I find it worrying when ex-WS call their affair partners “it” or “dirty whore”. I wonder if it’s a tool to blame shift and minimize. Don’t forget that if the OW is an “it” then the WH is someone that DECIDED to have an affair with all the risks and damage that incurred WITH “IT”, or WITH the “dirty whore”.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

Posts: 5565 | Registered: Sep 2005
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, March 4th (Monday)

OM#2...who I thought for 2.5 years was OM#1(until TT last month)...I call him assfucker or "your buddy."

OM#1? Hmmm. I haven't had alot of time yet to process that there was actually TWO AP's...that he cheated on my..physically..twice.

So OM#1 has yet to be named.

FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 7688 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Member # 37523
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, March 4th (Monday)

with H - that person

here - gutterskank

Us: 50ish, madhatters, married 20 odd yrs
TT: May 2009 'til June
DDay for both: June 17, 2009
Me: 2x, same person, 1991
Him: 1.5 year PA (EA?) 2007-2009

Honey Badger don't care. - Randall

Posts: 386 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Flyover chic
Member # 37645
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, March 4th (Monday)

In the very beginning I referred to her as "your whore" or "that f@&$ing "c" word, then I realized I was just being hateful. Then she became "that bitch". Now I normally just say "her". In 4 months I have learned to depersonalize her. She doesn't deserve my attention or anger any longer. I'm focused on me not her.

BW (me) - 47
WH (him) - 39
DDay - 10/22/2012 (worst day of my life)

Learning to breathe again - one day at a time

Posts: 235 | Registered: Nov 2012
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, March 4th (Monday)

I call her by the nickname my WH used. It was disguised just enough in his phone that I had no clue it was her until over a year of slime. It's probably witchy of me, but eh - the nickname works.

ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 477 | Registered: Jan 2013
Getting to Happy
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, March 4th (Monday)

Whorestein...ho-worker...Nefka...his wife, he did not like that!

Sometimes I call her by her real name, Alicia, because I have to get used to our 'new normal'.

WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.

Posts: 1140 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Member # 37629
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, March 4th (Monday)

I agree Fidelia why call her names. She wasn't married and they both knew he was. I refer to her as Texas as that is where she lived. I put all blame on FWH. She may have been stupid and easy but she didn't did betray me, he did.

BS 64
fWH 64
PA 22 yrs ago
Started as EA for 2 yrs then ONS CORRECTION Started as an EA for 8 years

Posts: 180 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: US
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, March 4th (Monday)

Calling AP names is a way to vent. I would like to call my fWH many names. He is/was just as disgusting as OW , however, since we are reconciling, that would not be conducive to reconciliation. Because we are reconciling doesn't mean I don't have anger still and venting about the OW is a safe way to get my anger out.

Also, in our situation the fucking OW hasn't gone away. I have a right to be angry. FWH dumped its ass in 2004 and it has fished/stalked or attempted contact all the way into 2012. Yeah, I don't think my anger at the slunt is misplaced.

My FWH has shown remorse and does everything to try to make it up to me. OW has no remorse, is angry with me, and feels it is a victim.

For those that don't have anger at AP, great for you. However, I can't wrap my head around you not seeing that these AP's did owe you something. They owed you common human decency. They didn't break vows, but they broke the Golden Rule.

BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 9801 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 34484
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, March 4th (Monday)

With the OW from 13 years ago I use her name.

With women he has crushed on but it wasn't reciprocated, I use their names.

With the OW 4 years ago I use her name. I don't know the names of the other women he went on dates with.

With OWs 1-5 I say "that girl (name)".

And with OW 6 I use her name or "her".

What I've noticed for me when EA is involved with an OW I use her name and if she was just a fuck, I say "that girl (name)". Not really sure why????

BS - Me, 41 SAHM back in grad school
WS - Husband, 43 SA dx in March 2013
T-20, M-18 college sweethearts
Multiple DDays since 1999 - OW's all the way back to engagement
Most recent DDay 8-12,false R 1/13
DD-11, DS 13 with ASD

Posts: 779 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Virginia
Member # 37574
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, March 4th (Monday)

OW#1 - Sometimes, she's the ho-worker, or "your girl", but I mostly call her Hillbilly Homewrecker. Her brother in law and my WH both call her "It".

OW#2 - the exGF. Mostly she's Leatherface Whore (spends way too much time in a tanning bed and looks about 25 years older than she should.

So, Hillbilly Homewrecker and Leatherface Whore.

And they're both listed as such in my cell phone...

Me: BW, 38
Him:WH, 40
DDay: Nov 3, 2012
Hoping to recover...

Posts: 99 | Registered: Nov 2012
Member # 35507
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, March 4th (Monday)

By lots of nasty names. Mostly slut or whore.

Me - BW (53)
Him - WH (56)
OW - skanky whore coworker
Married 33 years
DDay1 8/10/11
DDay2 8/15/11
DDay3 8/28/11
2 grown children
Status - in R

Posts: 978 | Registered: May 2012
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, March 4th (Monday)

For the 1st year she was the name she worked so hard to earn - Drug Bag C#@t

Now she is just "her" or "your Ex) (since she's his xW.

We very rarely let her have space in our lives anymore.

Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, March 4th (Monday)

I agree with sistermilkshake. Also,while the AP didn't betray us,they knowingly and willingly had an affair with a married man. They knew he had children. And they were selfish enough they didnt give a shit,they just wanted your WS.

They way I see it..yes..the spouse is the one who ultimatley betrayed you. That doesnt mean the AP is released from any wrongdoing. They still know right from wrong,right?

When an AP willingly has an affair with a married person,I see it as them waging war against your family. They were engaged in actions that they knew,if discovered,would destroy another human being. If you have children and they knew about the kids,then they were actively trying to destroy your children's happiness,security,and family.

The WS lets them in the door,and I am in NO way saying my WH isn't fully to blame for his actions. That does not,however,mean the AP is innocent.

FWIW,I dont hate the AP's. I read enough in my husband's secret email account o know they could have been anyone,they were just available and willing. I dont like them,but I dont hate them.

But some of the OW Ive read about on here? Yeah. I hate some of them.

FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 7688 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Member # 34616
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, March 4th (Monday)

Ditto what Sister and Confused said.

I have anger towards OW because she knew he was married. She knew we had kids. She chased my H down from day 1. It took her 3 years to get him into an A and it's 100% his fault that the A happened. But OW didn't give 2 shits about me or my kids. She was just a selfish bitch who knowingly went after a married man and tried her hardest to break up my family.

Oh and when my H broke it off with her and asked for NC because he wanted to work on our marriage, she still didn't give a shit. She kept trying to get him to come back to her for a good 6 months.

It takes one fucked up person to do that and I have zero respect for her.

So she will continue to be called bitchface until the day I die...

Me- BW
Him - WH
Dday - 1/16/2012

~Honey, don't try to make sense out of'll drive yourself crazy in the process ~ my momma :-)

Posts: 507 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, March 4th (Monday)

It depends on my mood when I want to talk about her.

But, here's a list of favorites:

Fat Skanky Barwhore
C word
C word-face
C-word bag
Ms. Low Self Esteem
Your "friend"
Your "girlfriend"
Her name (Gabby)

To the poster who uses "Banana Boobs" that literally had me

Posts: 3419 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, March 4th (Monday)

I call her the "affair person". Or I say, "when you saw 'her'.

Of course I have called her worse names but when having a civil discussion or when in MC, I say, "affair person". This is suggested in the book, After the Affair by Janis A Spring

Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2457 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, March 4th (Monday)

Yeah, I don't think most authors writing a book called "After the Affair" would recommend calling the AP "the c***" in MC sessions. Which is what it was called in in our MC sessions. T.C. for short, MC thought that was fine.

BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 9801 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 16590
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, March 4th (Monday)

It's name has never been spoken in our home.

It is always referred to as Your Whore or The Whore.

Me: BW - I'm much too young to feel this damn old
Him: FWH - Midlife crisis with a pathetic porn wannabe
D-Day: August 2004; Lots of false R until February 2005.

It takes all kinds of kinds....Miranda Lambert

Posts: 3245 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: So Calif
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, March 4th (Monday)

I've posted these before but I will enjoy posting them again:

your whore
your slut
3xw (wheezy, whiny whore)
grandpa fucker
your girlfriend
mall rat
user loser (my H's name for himself and "it")
scar-ho (the AP is self-conscious about its c-section scar)
the "taker"
potato-nosed whore
the mustached one
walking garbage
dog poo (thanks to an SI member for that lovely image)
the great whore of metro Detroit and Ann Arbor

I'm trying to stop being vulgar about the names because it was becoming a bad habit. (Being vulgar was a great release for a long time.)

Now I call the AP
that person
your Affair Partner.

I will never say "its" name.

[This message edited by struggling16 at 3:05 PM, March 15th (Friday)]

Posts: 723 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 38312
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, March 4th (Monday)

Names, huh?

the ever popular whore
the slut
ms. adultery
your girlfriend
the pig
ms. homewrecker

However, for my STBE, I have many... oh so many

Calling her by name doesn't get a reaction, but the other names, woohoo!!
Gets him on fire, and I secretly enjoy it. See, he's tried to make her seem like such a nice and decent person.

Me: 32 y/o, student and mom of two of the best kids in the world
Him: 33 y/o scumbag
Feels good to start laughing and feeling better again...

Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Island
Member # 28566
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, March 4th (Monday)

At first it was whore or bitch. Then I found out she is bipolar and is totally bat-shit crazy so I call her "that bipolar whore". I mean no disrespect to anyone with this disorder, but I feel the need to remind FWH how much danger he placed me and my family in by being involved with her. She has renamed herself because she doesn't like her name. It reminds her of her terrible life.

Three amazing kids 20, 18 & 15.
D-day #1- EA with Bi-polar Ow Jan. 2010
D-day #2-EA with very unattractive co-worker
Sept. 18th 2014
I'm married to a narcissistic, compartmentalizing asshat!!!!!

Posts: 263 | Registered: May 2010 | From: ohio
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, March 6th (Wednesday)

I find it worrying when ex-WS call their affair partners “it” or “dirty whore”. I wonder if it’s a tool to blame shift and minimize. Don’t forget that if the OW is an “it” then the WH is someone that DECIDED to have an affair with all the risks and damage that incurred WITH “IT”, or WITH the “dirty whore”.

I think this is a really good point. In our case, WH never referred to that person negatively until I gave him permission. I was getting the feeling that he wasn't very fond of that person, but he never said it. And in my case, it made me feel like he was implicitly defending her. So, one day (after he had already accepted responsibility), I told him that IF he had negative feelings it would do me good to hear them. And then he had a plethora. lol

D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1083 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, March 6th (Wednesday)

Whorita or Mexic*nt.

Posts: 7593 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, March 6th (Wednesday)

How do you refer to AP?

As seldom as possible!

If I have to, it's usually "that girl" or "that girl from ___" (fill in the name of the town). I don't like using either their names or insulting names because both get my anger either rolling or escalating, depending on the situation.

We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6809 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
New Member
Member # 38590
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)

I like this thread. If I'm feeling charitable , I call OM "him." If not, he's "the asshole." Those are the names I use repeatedly -- there have been others on special occasions.

Me: 50
WW: 46
EA DDay: 7/13/09 (but with TT for 12 more months)
Married 25 yrs
Together 29 yrs

Posts: 34 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 34856
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)

Struggling16: "potato-nosed whore", that is one of the things I have referred to OW#1 as! I actually got it from the way she described her own nose in a FB post. What a random name to share with someone else

I use "your girlfriend" a lot for OW#1. It DOES seem to bother H more than using her actual name....probably because, as previously stated, everyone knows married people aren't supposed to have "girlfriends". Also, it makes his relationship with her sound really immature and teenager-ish, which it was.

I also refer to OW#1 as The Whore. However, I do NOT like it when H uses that term, because it strikes me as hypocritical coming from him, and something he's just saying to try to score points with me.

OW#2 is Chiquita Banana, because she is bananas, and her first name is similar to Carmen.

OW#3 is Brazil Nuts, because she and her H (who PARTICIPATED in the sex) are crazy/nuts.

The girl he kissed in a parking lot, who to her credit turned him down when he told her he was married, is Parking Lot Girl.

The stripper he felt up is Fake Boobs Girl.

Dday#1: 12/25/11, Dday#2: 3/28/12, 4+ OW
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
-Pink, "Just Give Me A Reason"

Posts: 795 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: USA
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)

Even though I'm separated, we have to talk about OW a lot, since the fact that my kids met her has come up a lot in their counseling.

When talking to the child psych, MC when we did that etc, I say "his affair partner". To him, I use some adjective (filthy, disgusting, nasty) followed by "whore", "your whore", "fat fuck", "fuck face", and "c***y". Hardly ever her name if I can help it, but I don't have any kind of physical reaction to saying it. I have names for WH too, in my phone he is "pig fucker"

BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 739 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
Member # 36813
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)

10 months past Dday, and I can't refer to her by name. I call her, fathead, Trex, and skank. The first two are because he cheated down n she has a big head and short limbs. Sometimes the names make me chuckle!

Posts: 278 | Registered: Sep 2012
Member # 23038
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)

They are all reffered to by me as Heifers

D-Day: Too many I lost count
OC born Jan 09
"If happy ever did exist, I would still be holding you like this, all those fairy tales are full of shit, one more fucking love song I'll be sick" -Maroon 5

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Somewhere I never wanted to be
Member # 32660
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)

At first, it was every name in the book. Whores, c**ts, scums, POS, etc. But now, since there were many it's usually thing one and thing two and thing three etc.

Me- BS (63)
Him-WS (63)
M- 42 yrs
dday#1 11/09, Dday #2 10/11 and many since
P.A.'s - too many to count
LTA's too many to count (one for 37 yrs)
escorts etc- way too many to count.
Broken heart- too many times to count.
R- Getting bet

Posts: 429 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Member # 38375
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)

The Great Whore of Babylon, or just whore for short.

D-day #1 - 1/23/13
false R, then...
D-day #2 - 3/26/13
I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations with both female and male persons. - Hippocratic Oath

Posts: 342 | Registered: Feb 2013
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)

Her name is similar enough to mine that I'm shocked he never got us confused.

I used to refer to her as Shrek. To call her Fiona would be an insult to Fiona.

I have also drunkenly referred to her as "Your Tranny Bitch" because she is very mannish in appearance.

Now I don't refer to her at all because whores are beneath me so there is no need to even acknowledge she exists.

[This message edited by Chicky at 9:56 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)]

There's a difference between giving up and knowing when you've had enough.

Posts: 558 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
Member # 37863
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)

Depending on what kind of conversation we're having I refer to them by name (so we can tell them apart) or as 'the married skank' and 'buy me stuff Barbie.' I have other names, bitch is an easy one.

Me (BS) 42 - Him (WS) 43
DD #1 7/19/10 2 year LTA EA/PA w/MOW - HSXGF#1; DD #2 6/6/12 4 mo EA (PA?) w/HSXGF#2; DD #3 12/15/12 3 week EA with random stranger. A whole crapload of gaslighting, minimizing, blameshifting, rugsweeping and TT.

Posts: 183 | Registered: Dec 2012
New Member
Member # 37613
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, April 5th (Friday)

The recent EA has the same name as a "heavenly being", which is like a bad joke, because she is evil. That's not simply my opinion; that's the consensus where she works.

That being said, she is "fff" for "frigid f@!kface". WH has started to call her that too most of the time, but when he actually uses her real name, I feel sick.

His EA/PA from 13 years ago, I just call "the first mushroom", referring to the affair itself.

As I write this, it seems a bit childish for me to use theseothernames, but saying their names, as I said, makes me sick.

Me: BW (54)
WS: (55)
Married: 31 years
2 DDs, 23 & 13
D-Day# 1: November 1999 EA with employee
D-Day#2: 4/2/2012 EA with employee
D-Day #3: 11/2/2012 Found out 1999 EA was actually a PA

Posts: 49 | Registered: Nov 2012
Member # 30476
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, April 5th (Friday)


Posts: 227 | Registered: Dec 2010
Member # 38805
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, April 5th (Friday)

She was my friend, so usually her name, or an variations on bitch, smack addicted bitch, etc. Bitch for betraying me, not bitch as a blameshift (they both did).

[This message edited by hobbeskat at 3:16 PM, April 5th (Friday)]

Posts: 308 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 25364
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, April 7th (Sunday)

All kinds of names. Many variants on her own name, mostly McTrash or Mac InTrash. Listed in my phone as Kelly Homewrecker.

Also went the route of hobag, your whore, the slut, etc. On addition, she was his coworker, so I love the COW acronym here!

I agree with Sister Milkshake as well, while she didn't take vows
to me, she did knowingly break her own vows and the laws of common decency and continued for two years after she was outed. What's worse....she still has no remorse nor the decency to acknowledge my questions, so deserves any and all of the names I could lavish on her.

In R? But how do you know it isn't another pack of lies?

Posts: 451 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: NY
Member # 38681
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, April 7th (Sunday)

I referred to AP as "your manager" and "boyfriend".

I remember the conversation as well.
" you are sleeping with your manager and getting promotions and hikes, and telling me that I'm jealous of your progress ?"

This is when I was packing my stuff and leaving.
FWW : you are running away from your responsibilities.
Me: why do you think you need help other than your boyfriend. Is he not ready to take care of you and the kid? Or is your boyfriend interested only to call you his apartment ?

In legal notices it was last name ( referred to here in and hereafter as last name.)

In the police summon full name with company address.

BH 33
FWW 32
DS: 3 year old.
Dday 10/14/2012
No remorse so:
Divorced 02/15/2013. No alimony, no CS, got apartment. Won all battles and mind games off the courts.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Mar 2013
New Member
Member # 37613
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)

Used to call her his 'girlfriend". Which, like all of your partners, made him angry. Then, when I found out the old EA was also a PA, that got confusing, so the recent OW was "f*#^face".

Like Facepunched, I now call recent one "it" and the old one is "other". They don't deserve names.

Me: BW (54)
WS: (55)
Married: 31 years
2 DDs, 23 & 13
D-Day# 1: November 1999 EA with employee
D-Day#2: 4/2/2012 EA with employee
D-Day #3: 11/2/2012 Found out 1999 EA was actually a PA

Posts: 49 | Registered: Nov 2012
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)

God, which one?

The escort, the one that brought me here? She's just "the escort."

The payroll girl? Well, her first name is Ashley, so I call her Trashley. There's a funny rhyme with her last name too, but honestly she really didn't do anything wrong, other than return chatty emails/texts from my H, so I won't share it. I really don't mention her much.

The girl he hooked up with in NC - after we'd filed for divorce - she has the same first name as me. He referred to her by MY name one time and I went apeshit on him. She is "that girl from [Name of Town]." That's all she gets to be.

Really I don't bring these women up, though, at this point. It serves no purpose to talk about them. If I'm triggering or upset, I talk to him about it but I don't need to talk about them anymore.

ETA: I see I also answered this back in March.

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 8:03 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)]

We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6809 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)

I don't know. Whatever I call her its wrong.

I call her by name he yells and tells me to never say her name.

I say "HER" like you know and he thinks I'm being snarky.

I say "your girlfriend" and he says she was never my girlfriend, she didn't want to be.

I say "your pretend girlfriend" and it pisses him off. I kinda like that.

Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 39521
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)

"Your Girlfriend" really does piss them off doesn't it?! The first few times I used that one WH was pissed, he's later learned that it's best to let me call her anything I want. I've also used That Bitch, Your Whore, Your Piece of A**, but mainly just call her "her".

I detest hearing her name out if his mouth, makes me sick So he usually finds a way to get around referring to her in any way, or calls her "her".

For me to use her actual name, makes her too human, and to me, she's not, she's a home wrecking, needy, pathetic piece of sh*t.

Since Facebook no longer allows people to hide like they used to, I now can see (minimal) pics of the trash. I can't tell you how happy I was to see she's fat, was always a bit bigger girl and is now officially BIG. She's also from a Podunk redneck town (no offense to anyone from such a place, I really don't have anything against rural life) but I've lately referred to her as The Fat Backwoods Bitch .

They also worked/work together, I may have to start using COW as well

[This message edited by WoundedOpus at 10:39 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)]

Me: BW 37
Him: WH 38
(DDay: 2/2008)
13 years, 5 kids...Six years of Limbo

“I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well." ~ Diane Ackerman

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 38499
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)

"your girlfriend"
"your whore"
"that pig you fucked"

and my personal favorite
"DFC" (diseased fucking c***)

BW - Me (33)
FWH - Him (34)
Married - 8years
D-Day - 06/06/12
Status - Trying...things are good :)

Posts: 77 | Registered: Feb 2013
Member # 38509
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)

When you and WS are discussing A, how do you refer to AP?

After I found out, I referred to him as her "side sex", catfish(because he looks like one), and deadbeat dad because he doesn't pay child support for his kids.

Me - fBS

Posts: 210 | Registered: Feb 2013
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)

Before we really started towards R, when talking about her with my fWH, I called her "Your Special Friend" or "Your Very Special Friend," because, ya know, they were *just friends*. Oh man, that drove him crazy!

I tried using her name, but gave it up after a few tries. Made me feel dizzy. And we have several friends and colleagues with her first name who are perfectly lovely people. I needed not to have her in my head when I used that name.

With my besties, she was The Bunny Boiler, That Pathetic Loser (thanks, bff for that one!), or Skinny Ass Big Hair Selfish Pathetic B**** (all the things I am not!)

DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 872 | Registered: Sep 2012
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)

He said 'his' prostitute's name was Pocohontus.

Do prostitutes have fake names any more?

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

As 'the mongoloid'

BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

I call her either by her name, or "his girlfriend" depending on who I'm talking to.

XH and I never discussed her. Once I knew he was cheating, I kicked him out and we didn't speak about it again.

ETA: Occasionally if I'm feeling snarky (I'm generally pretty mellow now, a few years past the divorce), I'll call her "his mistress", but less often.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 3:16 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)]

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

I call her Whore Fucking Whore.

I'm simple like that.

Him WH
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

Initially, I called her Cumdumpster. I heard it on here and I thought it was funny. WH thought so, too, and he adopted it. Feels a bit weird when he says it, though -- I mean, you fucked the bitch for 7 years, you hypocrite! In front of the kids we will often say "CD".

However, I more and more just call her by her name. It's kind of like Voldemort. Why give her that power? It feels sort of childish to get pleasure out of calling names. (Though goodness knows we deserve to get whatever childish pleasure we want.)

BS (me): 50
WS: 50
Married: 26 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1061 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 32430
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

For the first year or two I liked to call her "cum dripping slag"

But now, I don't say anything about her really.

BS(me) 32
fWH 36 (Epicallyfailedu)
OW/xBFF of 28 years
Four girls under 11
DDay: 6/5/2010

Posts: 2011 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Michigan
Member # 39324
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

OW is from a small town nearby and I refer to her as the name of that town. It can be used many ways and it makes WH squirm.

Dday 5-10-13
1 year + EA/PA (still TT)
Me- BW
Him- WH
M- 15 years
2 kiddos
Today's forecast is foggy with a chance of D.

"Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie"

Posts: 58 | Registered: May 2013 | From: hell on earth
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

Girlfriend. Now, in my mind it's dirty, ghetto slut. But, I'm a lady and I don't say those types of things out loud. haha. Oh, except for FUCK, but I say that in the car when I'm alone.

Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Member # 39609
Happy  Posted: 5:52 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

In the beginning it was 'your fiancee' and sometimes 'your girlfriend', but now its 'her'. He even uses 'her', however, he has always hated when I said they were dating or engaged. In my head though I have an amazing bank of words. Whore is probably the biggest one. And I like the cumdumpster, I'll add that one.

[This message edited by Tired05 at 6:02 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)]

Together 6 yrs. M 4 yrs. DD born 3/1/2013.
Me: BS -- Him: 1 EA/PA (6mos), PA (MW), and 6 ONS...Been at it for almost 5 yrs. *Still slave to TT* 1st DDay- 11/24/2012,
.....OC due in August.....

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

Your girlfriend or her name... Which ever makes him skirm more.

Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 640 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

Well, we don't ever talk, now that we're divorced. Before that:

your whore
homeshow ho
bank skank
your paramour (this was about as civil as I ever got)
OW name slut - alliterative, i.e. Sally slut - not her real name

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5260 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 26186
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

She rarely comes up with me and my FWH but if I refer to her with anyone it's


FWH calls her that also.

A poster here said he thinks of Voldomort and that gave me the brilliant idea of ...

Voldowhoret- After all, she is a snake in the grass that slithered around in the shadows of my life. I think it's very fitting.

And..anything that makes me smile with regard to this awful mess is something I'm all in for.

Posts: 581 | Registered: Nov 2009
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

Douchebag and Fuckhead

About a month after dday seen him walking into a walmart. I commented to my ww "really? that short stumpy douchebag" She didn't think it was funny.
So most of the time it's
Stumpy Douchebag
However made it kind of a game and anything followed by douchebag is working for me.
Rotten Douchebag, Shitberry Douchebag, Pencil Dick Douchebag, Tuna Man Douchebag.. you get the picture.

Also, now I'm working on a new line of derogatory names. He seems to be partial to getting sunburned while wearing those Oakley wraparound sunglasses (at least that's what his FB pics would lead me to believe). So what started as a simple Sunburned Douchebag, has evolved to Annie Oakley Douchebag, and sometimes simply Annie. I kind of like Annie. Sorry to any Annie's out there.

[This message edited by DefiledRage at 7:31 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)]

Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."

Posts: 554 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

I say her given name in a very snarky way.

To my friends it's the c**t which I've never referred to anyone else with. I didn't even call my ex that who went after me with a pair of eight inch scissors!

Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2242 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Member # 31296
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

My h used to refer to her as the "Klingon", but after she followed him thru the grocery store accusing him of "hacking her gmail using google master tools and a voice activated robot virus" he calls her crazy c***. The rest of the family calls her "bat shit crazy".

Me BS 50
Him WS 48
OW 57 Boiling bunnies non stop for months!
M 25 years
LTA 5 yr
R'ed, very happy and we are enjoying his early retirement!

Posts: 83 | Registered: Feb 2011
Member # 24924
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

Well, it's been a while, as STBXWH and I are now S, waiting for D, but . . .

I used to call them by the titles they earned, so it wasn't an insult, it was appropriate well-earned titles.

One was Whore
Another was Homewrecker (whom I also referred to as Puppetmaster b/c he was her puppet)
Another was Ho-worker, who also came to earn the title Whore, so I had to say Ho-worker Whore
Another was the Slut
Still another was The User
One was Slutty Disease
They all had aka trash!

ETA: He once told me not to refer to her as whore. I said, "I'm not talking about her. I wouldn't call her a whore because she is not a whore. She gives it away free. That's why I call her Slut." I explained that these were earned titles, not names. It bothered him a hell of a lot more after that because he realized how accurate the titles were.

[This message edited by stillhere09 at 10:57 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)]

Me-50 BW

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M

Posts: 3020 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Ohio
Member # 31042
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, June 20th (Thursday)

I know I'm coming into this late -

I used to call her his girlfriend, but like many others, it made him really mad and he would say she was never that... I always countered with "Well, you went out on dates with her, texted and emailed, and had sex.... isn't that a girlfriend??"

I also called her "your whore" , "Your slut", "that stupid whore" etc.

Now I don't talk about her at all. It's been a long time, and we don't talk about the A, much less that whore he was involved with.

Him 36.
3 little girls.
He ruined our lives. Currently married and trying to make the best life for my children. There is no hope for us but I have hope for them.

Posts: 713 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Not Portland, Oregon... But close
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 12:15 AM, June 20th (Thursday)

Come to the point now when talking to others that she's just 'the wife'.

Close friends, they get whatever nickname they know - and if I just say 'the wife', my biffles are quick to correct to their shitty nickname of choice.

XH threw her name into the ring a ton, like "Me and OW name are blah-blah" but I never refer to her by name to him. I've said - her or your 'friend', maybe even once 'your wife' but that's it.

Yes, even this long out, it's mostly me being stubborn. But, IMO, if you mature enough to be in my life the way you are - you should've come to me ages ago and said something. Because OW and I have never exchanged a word, she is nothing to me and I am nothing to her.

I've been the bigger person for so much in the last 5 yrs, but I will NOT step up and be like, "Gee whiz, Sally, it's been so long - let's just be cool now".

I'm NEVER rude, I just don't acknowledge and neither does she.

ETA: I remember, I always tell this story, when XH was still living here and I'd finally seen her photo. We were fighting and I was all ignorant and said something like, "Just leave, just go fuck your Granny-Tranny WHORE".

In this small voice he tell me, "She's not a whore". I took that as but she IS a Granny Tranny. No offense....

[This message edited by wannabenormal at 12:22 AM, June 20th (Thursday)]

Posts: 14389 | Registered: Jun 2008
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 12:16 AM, June 20th (Thursday)

The Beast

Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 785 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 34692
Default  Posted: 6:46 AM, June 20th (Thursday)

Now, mostly "it" or "that thing", "her" occasionally. When I am in a particularly bad mood its back to the old standby, ghettoskank. I don't really say your girlfriend or your whore any more.
We don't say her name. The only time H said it was when I made him say it to me on dday. Even after broken NC and me kicking him out, he still couldn't say her name. He told me, "yes, I'm still talking to that girl." He couldn't even say her name but he could screw her, gross.

Me - BW
Him - FWH
DDay 10-29-11 2 month EA 1 time PA
He had ended it 10-28-11
Broke NC 12-20-11
S 12-21-11 filed D 1-4-12
R started/H moved home 2-8-12
2 wonderul boys 17 & 14(now 20 & 17)
Now we have a beautiful grandson!
Married 19 years(n

Posts: 229 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, June 22nd (Saturday)

I call her by her name when or if I talk about her. For me, anything else, a nickname or "it", gives her too much power. In my head, I own her name and I'll use it however I choose, which is almost never.

Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, June 22nd (Saturday)

Cum dumpster
Dirty jizz rag
cum burping whore (my favourite one)
lazy eyed tranny
your mistress (that one made XH go ballistic)
OW's name, said mockingly in high, breathy voice just like it's
that fucking thing

Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)

When in contact with him, I pretend she doesn't exist...he does this as well, as my condition is so bad stress-wise and even admitting such a person is out there causes massive triggers.

On the SI threads, she is "Fatty B", for Fat Bi... He calls her "her" and I've heard his relatives say he does that there, too, if it comes up. I found I've also referred to the person as "It" lately and am not sure why.

Yes, the w word comes up in my family-I've always taken offense to it and don't like hearing it, myself, but I understand where it stems from.

Perv himself has many names now and a favorite of mine is "Happy Pants". One reason is because of how angry he got when he heard it. He said, "do you know what this denotes? and I said, why yes, I do!"

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Member # 36634
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)

I callher sperm receptacle or his girlfriend ( pisses him off)..somtimes use her name

Me: 44 BS
Married 12 yrs
True R: 12/2012
4kids(11, 8, 5, 4mos)+ 2 Step kids I love like my own

Posts: 314 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Georgia
Member # 39433
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)

Usually whore or her. Gf angers him.

[This message edited by anonymous823 at 7:05 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)]

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 33539
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)

I call her "his whore". To be fair, I told him that they are both whores, he' a whore and she's a whore. She was supposedly a good friend and my my daughter's godmother and was screwing my husband since I was pregnant with her...

The sad part is, he has never corrected me...

S, Filed 4/17/14--YAY, ME!!

Posts: 512 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: New York
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)

.. "DEAD"....

....aka.. "the rotting corpse"..


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf

Posts: 4129 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
Member # 20399
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)


Nice moniker, don't cha think?

Posts: 495 | Registered: Jul 2008
Member # 15942
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)

I refer to her as "Penny"....not worth much and always in some man's pants.

WS 45
BS 43

Met when we were 17 and 15. Together since 1983, married since 1985. Two kids, B21, G15.

d-day 4-3-07

Life has a way of making us get our panties in a wad.....I refuse to wear panties ever again.

Posts: 3975 | Registered: Aug 2007
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)

I always called MOW by her name. I think that bothered my STBX more than calling her a dirty word. It was breaking the fantasy bubble. She was one of his co-workers, and I didn't know her at all; and by saying her name, now he had to face the fact that I knew her. She wasn't some cool secret anymore. Or a nameless word that could be anybody.

And even though we are separated and divorcing, I still don't call her names. She's a filthy c***, but I'm not gonna tip him off. He'll figure it out soon enough..

xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2329 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Topic Posts: 115