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User Topic: ? For BS's--Missing your WW or WH
RemoursefulGirl
Member
Member # 38170
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, March 12th (Tuesday)

This question is for all the BS's out there who separated after DD or tried in home separation after DD.

How long did it take before you actually started to truly miss your WW or WH (if you saw that they were being completely remorseful and trying to save the marriage)?


WW/BS-Me- 31
BS/WH- Him 31
DD - 12/2012

Status - Living separately since DD

Update: Now a mad-hatter. Bs decided to sleep with not just one but TWO girls in the 2 months we've been separated.


Posts: 198 | Registered: Jan 2013
aesir
Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, March 12th (Tuesday)

Actually, it had a different effect on me.

The old saying about absence makes the heart grow fonder, well it's a nice platitude to cover when people have to be away from each other, but it's nowhere near a universal truth.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
aesir
Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, March 12th (Tuesday)

Actually, it had a different effect on me.

The old saying about absence makes the heart grow fonder, well it's a nice platitude to cover when people have to be away from each other, but it's nowhere near a universal truth.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
RemoursefulGirl
Member
Member # 38170
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, March 12th (Tuesday)

Meaning you left your WW or WH and enjoyed the separation?


WW/BS-Me- 31
BS/WH- Him 31
DD - 12/2012

Status - Living separately since DD

Update: Now a mad-hatter. Bs decided to sleep with not just one but TWO girls in the 2 months we've been separated.


Posts: 198 | Registered: Jan 2013
Imsorry1
Member
Member # 37698
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, March 12th (Tuesday)

miss him? the man I miss died. If he ever existed. I think this just allowed me to wake up out of the Matrix.

I am now unplugged. I was married to a Smith. Whether I stay that way or not remains to be seen.


Posts: 55 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: usa
TXwifemom
Member
Member # 37945
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, March 12th (Tuesday)

Sorry, that was me. Wrong log in.

Posts: 231 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: texas
RemoursefulGirl
Member
Member # 38170
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, March 12th (Tuesday)

What if he was truly sorry and taking all the steps in the right direction and you honestly felt it?


WW/BS-Me- 31
BS/WH- Him 31
DD - 12/2012

Status - Living separately since DD

Update: Now a mad-hatter. Bs decided to sleep with not just one but TWO girls in the 2 months we've been separated.


Posts: 198 | Registered: Jan 2013
Neithan
Member
Member # 35924
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, March 12th (Tuesday)

What if he was truly sorry and taking all the steps in the right direction and you honestly felt it?

For some, it's still a dealbreaker. And some betrayed folks don't want it to be a dealbreaker for them, but despite their best efforts to reconcile with their WS, it still is.

It's just nobody knows where love goes, but when it goes sometimes it's gone.

I hope you find peace and your heart's desire.


Me: BH
Her: WW
D-Day: 2/19/2010
Married 1981
That which does not kill me makes me more irritable

Posts: 333 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Among the Gaurwaith
Brokenheart777
Member
Member # 38561
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, March 12th (Tuesday)

I guess it's a difference between missing the old them and actually missing them. I miss the hell out of my WGF but I have been in withdrawal from her before I had my DDay. I know I still love her, as fresh as it is. But overall, I missed her before during and after


ME - A new person
HER - A waining memory
DDay - 2/22/2013
2-3 month EA/PA
Together for 6 years, ready to start my life . . .

"I can fill the flask up, but can't get past us
I'm in the storm, staying strong, but can't get back


Posts: 177 | Registered: Feb 2013
RemoursefulGirl
Member
Member # 38170
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, March 12th (Tuesday)

Are you a mad hatter brokenhearted? I see you said "before your DD"


WW/BS-Me- 31
BS/WH- Him 31
DD - 12/2012

Status - Living separately since DD

Update: Now a mad-hatter. Bs decided to sleep with not just one but TWO girls in the 2 months we've been separated.


Posts: 198 | Registered: Jan 2013
Brokenheart777
Member
Member # 38561
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, March 12th (Tuesday)

Sorry, no. DDay was my discovery of her 3 month PA/EA with OM. She had been having internal conflicted feelings with our relationship well prior to her betrayal. My first post tells this tale. I thought she just fell out of love and wanted to separate. Unfortunately by the time she told me she wanted a separation to "figure out what she wanted" she had already been with OM numerous times. I had missed her and wanted her back so badly during that time. Once DDay hit I was devasted but even now with her working to ease me pain where she can, she still doesn't know that she wants to be with me. She lost herself and her thought of our future. I miss her badly every day. I miss us and what we used to be.


ME - A new person
HER - A waining memory
DDay - 2/22/2013
2-3 month EA/PA
Together for 6 years, ready to start my life . . .

"I can fill the flask up, but can't get past us
I'm in the storm, staying strong, but can't get back


Posts: 177 | Registered: Feb 2013
aesir
Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 2:07 AM, March 13th (Wednesday)

Meaning you left your WW or WH and enjoyed the separation?
Meaning that since I actually moved out and was not seeing her everyday, I started to feel different. I know she has regrets about things now. As for remorse, who knows? I don't know how one could see remorse from a person who was not present. It's hard to describe, but I don't think separation is conducive to reconciliation. It just gets easier to move on with your life, the unknown becomes known and is not so scary.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, March 13th (Wednesday)

Yes, I miss my old husband. I miss the fun we use to share and the togetherness, I miss everything. We are seperated and see one another everyday but its not the same.
For me I think I wish so badly we could go back 3 1/2 years and had stop the start of his A, lord knows I tried my hardest to stop it, but I could not stop him. He did what he did because he wanted to. So if you ask me now, yes, I miss my old wh. I miss the love he use to give me. I look at my wh now and still wonder who he is. DO I want to R? Yes, I faught a very hard battle these last 3 1/2 years to give up now BUT, I will not beg and lower myself for this marriage and him. He has to do the work now and show me that he can be a honorable husband.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2782 | Registered: Aug 2011
RemoursefulGirl
Member
Member # 38170
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, March 13th (Wednesday)

Aesir- are you and your wife going to go through with the divorce then since you are now separated? Did you ask for the separation or did your wife? Sorry for all the questions. Thanks so much for giving me your insight


WW/BS-Me- 31
BS/WH- Him 31
DD - 12/2012

Status - Living separately since DD

Update: Now a mad-hatter. Bs decided to sleep with not just one but TWO girls in the 2 months we've been separated.


Posts: 198 | Registered: Jan 2013
whatamidoing
Member
Member # 37152
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, March 13th (Wednesday)

my WH and I were "separated" prior to DD and I missed him already I knew something wasn't right and tried to push and pull him back
DD plus a couple of days and I missed him
I miss him every day
I miss who I thought he was who I thought we would be the future I wanted and the past he crapped all over with his changing of history
I miss the way work was when we were we... no that I am I and he is he work has lost it's passion
my home has lost it's comfort
I miss him
I will always miss him


A friend can tell you things you don't want to tell yourself
_________________________________
BS Me 43
WH 42
DD June 2nd '12
LTA (2+ yrs)
False R Many times from July '12 till now forced D
OW: acting like she is the wife

Posts: 186 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Guelph
NoLongerWantHim
Member
Member # 19934
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, March 13th (Wednesday)

I miss the illusion of a marriage and of a family that existed when I worked hard at having that illusion.

For me, DDay was a deal breaker. What happened after just proved my gut was right.


Me & the kids are having the malignancy removed.

If I went to Hogwarts, my Patronus would be my Big Sister - GWADW


Posts: 4123 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Where I want to be, on the road to the future
Fireball72
Member
Member # 20152
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, March 13th (Wednesday)

For some, it's still a dealbreaker. And some betrayed folks don't want it to be a dealbreaker for them, but despite their best efforts to reconcile with their WS, it still is.

This was me. My XH tried everything to get me to stay, and I do mean everything. I do believe that he was sincere, but for me, infidelity was just something that broke the relationship outright. I moved out on D-Day, and never returned.

Did I miss him? I missed who I had thought he was, yes. The person that he turned out to be? Not at all. No amount of words, gestures or effort could mask the fact that he stepped out on me. For me, loyalty is everything - and he didn't have it for me. Once I knew that... game over.


XBS - 42 and fabulous :D
Remarried happily in 2013
A relationship is built for two. But apparently, some bitches don't know how to count!

Posts: 602 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: The Chesapeake Bay
Gr8Wht71
New Member
Member # 38599
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, March 13th (Wednesday)

She had been having internal conflicted feelings with our relationship well prior to her betrayal.

This could have been plucked right from my mind / situation. So sorry for you Brokenheart777

To RemoursefulGirl - Like Brokenheart777 said, I missed the wife I thought I had even before D-Day, if that makes any sense. My WW had been "checking out" for about six months, prior to D-Day. Staying out late, not coming home, partying with "friends" and being very secretive. I was thinking that maybe she was in a mid-life crisis, and I was letting her have space and trying to be supportive.
The last month has been such a shock, to say the least. My wife, the woman who loved me, who would never have an affair, and who wanted to grow old together, is gone. I am trying to determine if that women ever really existed.
I don't even know the woman I am married to right now, and I don't know if I want to.
Maybe if she showed real remorse and was honestly interested in saving our marriage, I might feel differently. But I have already gone through four or five fake R beginnings, so I can not really say.


Me: BH 41 {} Her: WW 42
Married: 17-1/2 years
PAs&EAs July 2012 - ???
D-Days 2/16/13 & 3/4/13
I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you. - Nietzsche
Divorcing

Posts: 50 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: NorthEast USA
Paladin
Member
Member # 38367
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, March 13th (Wednesday)

Yes..I love and miss her...but Im also mentally ready so move on if she never "gets it"..

She is out of her fog woth OM...but still heavily invested in her rewrite of the M...and thus still blame shifting...


Me BH 49
Her WW 42
Together 27 Married 23
DS 22,DS 20,DD 11
D Day 11/8/11
Separated trying to R

"When you understand the nature of a thing, you know what its capable of"...musashi...the book of five rings


Posts: 141 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Paladin
TrustGone
Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, March 13th (Wednesday)

I never missed my XWH#1. I had fallen out of love with him years before, but stayed because of the kids. I think his EA/PA? was just the means to an end for us. WH#2 will be a different story as I loved him and trusted him with all my heart. However I don't miss him, I miss the husband I thought he was. That realization is what has finally told me that I need to move on. The person he is now is not the same, neither am I. Once you drop an atomic bomb into the marriage, it is hard to find and pick up the pieces of the marriage that are now left. Neither of us are the same person since the A.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
KeepOnMovin
Member
Member # 38245
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, March 13th (Wednesday)

I'm 6 months post DDay.
This included 6 weeks in home separation (a.k.a HELL) and it's now 2 months after she moved out.

I could feel the distance growing between us during the in home separation, and i hated it. i tried desparately to prove to her that "I am worthy" and our family is worth it. I always figured the A would be a dealbreaker for me, but in reality it wasn't.

I missed her right after she moved out, and i missed the noise of my family every night in that big old house.

But, I miss her less and less each day we're apart. I always figured separating to 'find yourself' was a cop out. Just to give the WS more time and privacy to continue the A. But i can say, i actually am finding MY authentic self.

She said she needed to find HER authentic self, but she's not doing anything differently than before. Apparently her authentic self is a selfish, cheating, liar.

It would take some kind of divine intervention or maybe a permanent case of amnesia for me to take her back. I truly hate it for the kids, but I now know that i am worth so much more. My life gets better and better each day. I'm not sure yet, but i'm about to the point i think the A was my ticket out of a crappy partnership.

you see, the A was just the final straw. I always thought our marriage wasn't great, but good enough to be happy. And i was happy, because I made MYSELF happy. Looking forward to finding a new partner down the road to share this with.

Onward and Upward!


Me: BH
Her: who cares?
Married: 22 years
2 sons at home
1 son in college
Divorced on 9/4/14!
Often it's the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.

Posts: 331 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
justanotherBH
Member
Member # 38021
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, March 13th (Wednesday)

I think this is a difficult question to answer.

Hindsight being what it is, many of us began to miss the "old" spouse long before anything was evident of an affair. We just didn't recognize it at the time...Then we found out and things got complicated with the anger, the hurt, the loss of what the marriage was, etc., etc., etc.

I have tried my best to stay clear of clouding my head with a lot of the things I think trap people afterwards. I think the statements of "I didn't know them", or "they became someone I didn't recognize" are a little misguided. While none of us would have thought that they could "do" this to us, I'm sure we all at least recognized that they were a little selfish and a little immature, a little this, a little that, etc.

I think that is the BS equivalent of how the WS usually rewrites the marital history to ease their guilt of what they were doing "our marriage was crap anyway", "I was never in love with you", etc., etc., etc.

Do I miss her? Yes. Very much so. Despite all of the pain and suffering she bestowed upon me? Yes. And this is how I deal with it (which sometimes isn't very well). I made a conscious decision to stay with her. Through what were probably periods of true R and then through the eventual false R's. Each and every time I found out she had not completely gone no contact, I had to re evaluate my situation. I had to again come to a decision about trying again or pulling the plug. Those decisions were mine and mine alone. I finally had to get out when it was obvious that she was not going to come to the table to try and fix our marriage. Was I stupid for staying so long? Given how things turned out, of course I was. But that doesn't change the fact that my choice in staying each time was a gamble, a gamble that we may get to a true R, but we may not. I knew that each and every time. I did it because I loved her and because I wanted to do what was best for my family. Or you could say I was weak and codependant... either, or...

And I get to miss her. Because it was her decisions, not mine, that eventually led us to where we are now. I am responsible for how I reacted to what she was doing. But I didn't do those things for her. I don't have to feel shame, or guilt about how I handled the situation. Right, wrong or foolish, I accepted those possibilities each and every time.

So I get to miss her. I get to miss the life we had. I get to miss the mundane things like sniffing the back of her neck, or tickling her feet, or a million other things I miss.

But that doesn't change the fact that I can no longer go back. You can love someone and hate every decision they make. Eventually if they are gone, you will stop missing them. Time does heal all wounds. And forgiveness is a very powerful tool for that.

We have been seperated almost three months. I don't really miss her at this point. I'm glad for the gift of freedom she has given me. It isn't what I wanted, but I'll take it just the same. I don't need her form of toxic love anymore. But I still miss where we were at one point...but not where we are now. And I'm okay with that.


BH (me)-42
WW-39
DD12
DS8
EA DD#1 5/07
EA/PA DD#1 9/2/10
DD#2 4/2/11
DD#3 9/11
DD#4 12/26/12
12/31/13 divorced.

Posts: 78 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: californy
RemoursefulGirl
Member
Member # 38170
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, March 13th (Wednesday)

My H and I are currently separated since my DD. Although we are going to MC and seeing one another once a week I feel like if there is any hope of a true reconciliation that this separation isn't going to be very helpful. Everyone's responses kind of reiterated this in that being apart really just allows people to become independent without their significant other. It's an easy way to detach while still getting to see your your husband or wife one day or so a week to see "if it's still there". I'm just not getting that warm fuzzy feeling that this is going to end well and honestly I think if we were living under same roof, it would. I'm getting very anxious and trying to not let it get the best of me. Divorce is such a permanent thing.....I really don't want this to get to that point. Thinking I may bring this up in our MC session tomorrow.


WW/BS-Me- 31
BS/WH- Him 31
DD - 12/2012

Status - Living separately since DD

Update: Now a mad-hatter. Bs decided to sleep with not just one but TWO girls in the 2 months we've been separated.


Posts: 198 | Registered: Jan 2013
hardlessons
Member
Member # 35025
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, March 13th (Wednesday)

Divorce is such a permanent thing.

As permanent as marriage..

being apart really just allows people to become independent without their significant other.

Codependency is a bitch together or apart. Do you feel independence is a bad thing?

I'm just not getting that warm fuzzy feeling that this is going to end well and honestly I think if we were living under same roof, it would.

Weren't you under the same roof when you had your A?

As long as your focused on the marriage or him, nothing will change for you. Good luck


Me WH
Wife Tired Girl
3 adult sons
"a wayward...annnnd just a tad betrayed."

Posts: 880 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Arizona
RemoursefulGirl
Member
Member # 38170
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, March 13th (Wednesday)

Hardlessons-

No, being independent is a fabulous thing. But having the person you love as your partner by your side--nothing in the world compares to that. I don't necessarily NEED it, but it's something that I will struggle with when it's gone. Why didn't I think about this possiblity when I made the choice i did? Because I'm a complete fucking idiot who wasn't thinking at all. Do I deserve what I get? Probably so.

Yes, for the most part we were under the same roof during the A. There were however a few events going on that caused us to not be for long periods at time while this was going on. Not an excuse though, I know this.


WW/BS-Me- 31
BS/WH- Him 31
DD - 12/2012

Status - Living separately since DD

Update: Now a mad-hatter. Bs decided to sleep with not just one but TWO girls in the 2 months we've been separated.


Posts: 198 | Registered: Jan 2013
RemoursefulGirl
Member
Member # 38170
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, March 13th (Wednesday)

I don't know how to focus on me. I am trying hard to keep my mind occupied and not focus on all of our past memories, and all of the memories that will never be made if Divorce is what happens...it's so hard and i'm sure everyone has been at this point where things feel hopeless. I imagine that eventually I'll have to wake up and realize life goes on but right now I'm having a difficult time not thinking about all of the sad things. I wish more than anything I could focus.


WW/BS-Me- 31
BS/WH- Him 31
DD - 12/2012

Status - Living separately since DD

Update: Now a mad-hatter. Bs decided to sleep with not just one but TWO girls in the 2 months we've been separated.


Posts: 198 | Registered: Jan 2013
tired girl
Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, March 13th (Wednesday)

Let me ask you a question.

Are you here because you want to fix you or because you want to find a way to get your BH back?


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5060 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
RemoursefulGirl
Member
Member # 38170
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, March 13th (Wednesday)

A mix of both I suppose. I'm here for guidance and support from a variety of different people in varying situations to help me get through this difficult time


WW/BS-Me- 31
BS/WH- Him 31
DD - 12/2012

Status - Living separately since DD

Update: Now a mad-hatter. Bs decided to sleep with not just one but TWO girls in the 2 months we've been separated.


Posts: 198 | Registered: Jan 2013
NikkiD
Member
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, March 14th (Thursday)

Hindsight being what it is, many of us began to miss the "old" spouse long before anything was evident of an affair. We just didn't recognize it at the time...Then we found out and things got complicated with the anger, the hurt, the loss of what the marriage was, etc., etc., etc.

this is spot on. I was independent before I got married. My dad made sure of that.

Right now, Im ok with reconciling, and Im ok if we dont. I do believe seperation was good for us cause my WS didnt believe fat meat was greasy... We shall see what happens though.


"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
aesir
Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, March 14th (Thursday)

Aesir- are you and your wife going to go through with the divorce then since you are now separated? Did you ask for the separation or did your wife? Sorry for all the questions. Thanks so much for giving me your insight
Sort of a strange situation. We decided on divorce before doing the actual separation (logistics issues). What I found was that the idea of the divorce was so much easier after we separated. The separation helped to end any feelings of sadness and regret, the desire for a better past, it helped move everything into the "it is what it is" category.

ETA: I realized I only partially answered.
As for who asked for it... it was a mutual thing. She was just starting up another round of the whole cycle, and I decided I could not do it all again and wanted off, and she was feeling that way with all the excitement of her new life that she was blaming me for driving her to...

[This message edited by aesir at 12:47 PM, March 14th (Thursday)]


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
lilflower1000
Member
Member # 36634
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, March 16th (Saturday)

I missed my WH the second he left.. the second I kicked him out..the second I knew he was cheating.. I still miss him even though we are in R. I miss being able to trust him, I miss not questioning every single word that comes out of his mouth. I miss everything I thought we had together.
However, I think he truly does love me more now, but I am not sure that it is mutual.


lilflower1000
Me: 44 BS
Married 12 yrs
Dday:8/1/2012
True R: 12/2012
4kids(11, 8, 5, 4mos)+ 2 Step kids I love like my own

Posts: 313 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Georgia
Luvlyla
Member
Member # 38692
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, March 16th (Saturday)

Like above, i missed him during the affair, i REALLY missed him after my first DDay, he wasnt being remorseful, and yet he was the only person i wanted advice from in that situation, having been good friends for ten years. that was the most difficult part.

but because he was unavailable i grabbed the reigns and kicked him out for two months. i dont think he was truly out of the fog until those two months.

i now realise the guy i missed was a fiction of my own imagination, i missed who i thought he was, not him as he really was.

after that it was better, he wasnt the same man, but a new one, he was in IC and the future seemed rosy.

then DDay 2 happened, and out he went again. and for weeks i missed him, but i realize i missed a fictional view of the what the future would be with him, not him as he is.

I dont miss checking up on him, i dont miss all the worry, i dont miss having ask him a question and not knowing whether its truth or lies, and doubting myself.

when all coloured glasses are off and you see the truth, its hard to miss what you denied was so hard for so long.


When he's your Romeo,
and you're not his Juliet,
it means you are Rosaline
- and you survive the play.

Posts: 202 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
Unagie
Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, March 16th (Saturday)

I miss him everyday but not sure if he feels the same. When we see each other I walk into the apartment we've shared for years and feel like a guest. I feel the way I used to when he first lived by himself and I lived with my parents and would go visit him. When I am at my friend's place she and I laugh and talk and go out to eat and it feels like I am establishing life without him. I realize every story I relay has his name in it and oh god I miss him so. But when I am with him I miss him too and I miss me. I was carefree and happy go lucky and optimistic. I don't smile that much anymore, life is a lot more serious for me now and I've turned a bit cynical. The words "it is what it is" have been uttered by me in the past months more then I have ever said them in my entire life. I miss him, I miss him laughing and joking, I miss him playing with my hair, I miss his goofy smile, I miss his care an and concern, I miss his playful flirty side that he is now showing another woman. I miss us, I miss being "the" couple that would love and make it through anything.

Being separated is showing me that even if we are not together I can make it and that is scary and yet brings relief. It is scary because he is the only future I ever wanted and I don't want to lose him but it might be too late.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2760 | Registered: Oct 2012
englishrose
Member
Member # 34974
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, March 16th (Saturday)

I missed fWH from the start.

He left, actually I tipped him out within two days of the first dday.

He didn't argue about leaving much tho, he used the spare time,energy and money to philander with OW even more. It gave him some space and he had a great time with her it seemed.

But I longed for him, and I missed him terribly.

This continued in varying degrees tbh. At the time of the second dday (we were apart then, and he was still denying his R/A with OW). It was at this point that I had to say no more. I started what I now realise was the 180. In protecting myself and DSs from further pain and trying to regain some kind of normality I began to not long for fWH as much. In fact I was getting on pretty well considering. I didn't miss him a fraction as much as I had before.




me BW 46 WH 43
DS 7
DS's 21 & 19 (my boys - from my previous marriage)
Ddays 3&17/3/2011



Posts: 186 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 34