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User Topic: Mixed up emotions.
Sam793
Member
Member # 37081
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, March 13th (Wednesday)

We had a family day out yesterday. My BW and I took our DD to a fun park where believe it or not my DD had a ton of fun. It made me feel so good watching her run around like she was fueled by sugar. I had a great day.

I guess I was tired though. I had a hard time staying awake on the way home. My BS ended up getting very upset with me. My facial expressions were showing something different than what I was feeling I was told. She said I was getting very frustrated with her. That wasn't true.

I also know she was in pain. This time it was both mentally and physically. The one thing that she is known for is to carry on even though she knows she can't. She wasn't feeling well and being 35 weeks pregnant doesn't help either. The emotional pain is always there. With both of these together I can't imagine how she feels.

Does anyone else's BS read their emotions or facial expressions wrong? How do you overcome this? How do you tell them what you are feeling isn't what it looks like? Any pointers would be appreciated.


Me: 38 BS: 33
3 y/o DD and one new DS
Married: 9 years
3.5yr A
Status: Each day I find more of how I screwed up

Posts: 249 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Canada
longroadahead22
Member
Member # 37328
Default  Posted: 6:44 AM, March 13th (Wednesday)

My only recommendation is to go back and re-examine the situation and your thoughts. Be honest with yourself, brutally honest, were you even the slightest bit frustrated? Maybe not even with her, with yourself, with lack of energetic or sleep, or even outside factors? Cuz for me it is generally true if my facial expressions say one thing and my mind tells me another than generally I haven't looks deep enough or I'm not being honest enough. I hope this helps


WS (Me): 26 y/o
BS (Her): 26 y/o (MandoBando)
Relationship: M for 4 years, a 20 month old son and a 8 month old son.
D-Day: 10/23/12
Working towards R...

Despite the fact that i am an ass hole, horrible father, and horrible husband; i LOVE and


Posts: 76 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Toledo, OH
BaxtersBFF
Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, March 13th (Wednesday)

I think longroad has some good ideas that you should check out.

As far as reading facial expressions, some people are really good at it. Our faces can betray our thoughts and emotions. Can someone be wrong? Sure. But what if they aren't?

In my case, it was my voice. For almost two years my voice had no inflection when I talked to her. She could hear the difference when I talked with others, like the kids or co-workers. It was a defense mechanism I was using to try to protect myself, yet I didn't realize it until she pointed it out to me.

I generally believe that at some point in a relationship, your SO is going to know you better than you know yourself. There are exceptions, but really, that is part of what a M becomes. Once you both are actively working on things, there comes an understanding of the other that sometimes that other person doesn't seem to notice except when it's pointed out by someone other than yourself. Does that make sense? I'm confusing myself...

Anyway, if you think your BW is misreading your facial expressions, then what can you do to change that? Is it her fault for the misread? or is it up to you to find a way to stay engaged, or let her know that you need a mental/emotional break or even just a nap to re-energize?


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6099 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
hardlessons
Member
Member # 35025
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, March 13th (Wednesday)

Sam, first and this is the hard part, remember it is not something to defend, her perceptions are hers. Yours are all yours. This isn't an opportunity to overcome. Feelings just are and as such I try to empathize first then communicate how I am feeling. It is up to her to accept or not, just be honest, express your feelings after you have acknowledged what she expressed and leave it at that. I said try as I fail at this many times, but it is a road map, process I am trying to instill in myself.

While we were raised to keep score at all times, it is useless and in a committed marriage is akin to betting against your home team...


Me WH
Wife Tired Girl
3 adult sons
"a wayward...annnnd just a tad betrayed."

Posts: 880 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Arizona
silverhopes
Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, March 13th (Wednesday)

Does anyone else's BS read their emotions or facial expressions wrong? How do you overcome this? How do you tell them what you are feeling isn't what it looks like?

Hmm. Sometimes when H notices my facial expression, rather than worry about what the "right" answer is (am I angry? am I not angry?), I just tell him every thought that is on my mind, no matter how random it seems. Total honesty in a moment where he might want to know. He can make his own conclusions... Maybe it even gives me some insight when he answers, if he says, "Well this part must be difficult..." and it might spark a realization - hmm, surprisingly yes - or else, no, not so much, and here's why... (Other times, if he scoffs at me and leaves the room, that can be hard. But also a good feeling to have been radically honest.)

Sometimes saying what's on your mind, no matter how random, is a good way of giving transparency and intimacy. You're letting your partner know not just who but also WHERE you are.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3905 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Sam793
Member
Member # 37081
Default  Posted: 6:03 AM, March 14th (Thursday)

Thank you all for your comments. I realize and also have said to my BS that she knows me better than anyone. Why would this be an exception.


Me: 38 BS: 33
3 y/o DD and one new DS
Married: 9 years
3.5yr A
Status: Each day I find more of how I screwed up

Posts: 249 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 6