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User Topic: T/J... Why did you cheat?
longroadahead22
Member
Member # 37328
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, March 16th (Saturday)

My BS just asked me a question that not sure I have an answer for and was wondering if others have thought about this.

In this journey to make ourselves as WS healthy we must identify our own individual why's. But what made us take that first step. What made us take a potential EA into a PA or for those without EA what made you first step over those boundaries? What event? What thought made it ok that time but potentially not okay other times?


WS (Me): 26 y/o
BS (Her): 26 y/o (MandoBando)
Relationship: M for 4 years, a 20 month old son and a 8 month old son.
D-Day: 10/23/12
Working towards R...

Despite the fact that i am an ass hole, horrible father, and horrible husband; i LOVE and


Posts: 76 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Toledo, OH
Unagie
Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, March 16th (Saturday)

It was gradual and if I'm honest I don't recall which step was the first one. It was baby steps almost, tiny cracks in the foundations which led to bigger ones which led to huge chunks being taken out which led to the wall crumbling. I can't pinpoint what the first step was but I can pinpoint what made me think it was okay to take it and what I need to fix, don't you think that's more important?


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2762 | Registered: Oct 2012
longroadahead22
Member
Member # 37328
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, March 17th (Sunday)

Unagie, I do think identifying what needs fixed is more important but I couldn't answer my BS last night when she asked that question and was looking for any further insight


WS (Me): 26 y/o
BS (Her): 26 y/o (MandoBando)
Relationship: M for 4 years, a 20 month old son and a 8 month old son.
D-Day: 10/23/12
Working towards R...

Despite the fact that i am an ass hole, horrible father, and horrible husband; i LOVE and


Posts: 76 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Toledo, OH
OktoberMest
Member
Member # 34173
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, March 17th (Sunday)

I agree with unagie - it 's ONE moment. or one event...it's shuffling steps forward until you look bank and realise the boundary that you were supposed to respect is so far behind you you can barely see it.

For me I admit with shame, that my EA resulted min a reconformation of my then belief: "if I feel so strongly about another man then my M must be wrong".

Needless to say I now know it's a crock of shit. But I remember thinking that before the kiss...

That and a dose of selfish - I want to do thisit makes me feel good when everything else is flat....

I was just making myself more hollow by the minute...everystep I took towards the OM just destroyed myself a little bit more

[This message edited by OktoberMest at 9:09 AM, March 17th (Sunday)]


Me: FWW (35) Growing up at last.
LonelyHusband: BH (41)
Dday 1: 29/Oct/11; Dday 2:15/Nov/11; last TT 15/Mar/12
In R...working my arse off.
When you're struggling with commitment to your marriage, just imagine what it's like to be a penguin.

Posts: 558 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: UK
EmotionalFool
Member
Member # 37362
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, March 17th (Sunday)

For me it started with "If I feel so strongly about him then it must mean something."


WW: 28 (ME)
BH: 28 (SI profile: CrappyLife)
D-Day- 15/10/12

Posts: 334 | Registered: Nov 2012
Neithan
Member
Member # 35924
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, March 17th (Sunday)

For me it started with "If I feel so strongly about him then it must mean something."

To me, a BH who has wondered this for a long while, this is the most cogent and coherent answer to this question that I've yet seen.


Me: BH
Her: WW
D-Day: 2/19/2010
Married 1981
That which does not kill me makes me more irritable

Posts: 333 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Among the Gaurwaith
Topic Posts: 6