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User Topic: Managing anxiety attacks
She-Ra
Member
Member # 36033
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, March 18th (Monday)

I've been finding the path through R has it's definite ups and downs. For the most part it has been smooth and I've been lucky but just recently, we hit a few dips.

I mentioned in another post that we are completely tearing our house apart to make room for the baby and take care of much needed organization. We had some serious fights and both said very hurtful things to each other. If we are being honest here, I said the worst of it all. Dropping the D bomb and telling him I didn't love him. Like seriously bad things. There is no excuse for speaking to him or him saying bad things to me as well.

I started digging into my whys about it all to figure out where all my anger was coming from. I realized that I was dealing with my first "recognizable" anxiety attack. I don't think I ever knew what one looked like. I think the combined dosage of revved up pregnancy hormones do not help matters. Sometimes I don't even know if I'm allowed to be upset or if it's "just hormones". Anyways, I thought ok so you've going through some anxiety attacks, now what.

The problem is I don't know what to do on how to snap out of an anxiety attack. They seem to bring on a lot of hidden tears by myself and tons of confusion about everything. Stress from our finances, my infidelity aftermath, feelings that my BH isn't pulling his weight, work problems.. They boiled over into a messy few days. I feel better now but that was only because I was really able to apologize to my BH, he apologized for his shit too and also really started to help. Now we are in the feelings of bliss like the rainbow appearing after a heavy storm.

I'm just really mad at myself for acting in such a manner in the first place. I should not be speaking with such hate towards him when I don't mean it. I gave myself some big 2x4s and reminded myself that my BH gave me a gift of R and I was not acting very gracious. I was acting like a spoiled bitch who just so happened to have a few anxiety attacks.

Now if anyone has any suggestions on how to manage future anxiety attacks, that would be very cool. I have a feeling that I'm not out of the woods yet and the next few months are going to have their ups and downs.


FWW 33 BH 34
Met 9 yrs ago, together for 7, married for 3
Dday Aug 10, 2012
Beautiful daughter born June 2013

Showing signs of true R. I'm hopeful

The WW formerly known as messedupchick


Posts: 768 | Registered: Jul 2012
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, March 18th (Monday)

It's been my experience that there's no good way to "snap" out of an anxiety attack. The feelings are really intense, and they are both physical and emotional.

I get anxiety attacks, and they were so bad after a while that I was prescribed anti-anxiety medication when I felt one coming on, which helped a lot.

You don't have to go the prescription route if that's not your thing. Sometimes something as simple as closing your eyes and taking some long, deep breaths helps. My doctor even talked to be about how anxiety can cause rapid breathing which means you're expelling too much CO2 at once, which can cause lightheadedness and make the anxiety worse. Taking breaths into a paper bag pressed firmly to your mouth for a bit can help restore your blood chemistry and may help you relax. I know it sounds goofy but it has worked for me.

It's ok to check out when you feel your body start to panic. Explain to your BH that you are trying to manage your anxiety attack and just need a moment. I know that when Crazz and I are able to articulate that we need a break in the heat of the moment it doesn't come off as dismissive because we know what the physical effects of anxiety look like now.

(((muc)))

[This message edited by Jrazz at 4:25 PM, March 18th (Monday)]


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16458 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
She-Ra
Member
Member # 36033
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, March 18th (Monday)

Thanks jrazz.. I think that will be my best bet to just check out of a room when I feel those similar reactions. It's almost like they were series of anxiety attacks that were building up for a while until I just snapped and couldn't hold them back any longer.

Maybe I'll have to go buy some paperbags as I know that until I can fully deal with the triggers of these anxiety attacks, there will be more coming.


FWW 33 BH 34
Met 9 yrs ago, together for 7, married for 3
Dday Aug 10, 2012
Beautiful daughter born June 2013

Showing signs of true R. I'm hopeful

The WW formerly known as messedupchick


Posts: 768 | Registered: Jul 2012
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, March 18th (Monday)

Seriously, when I went to the doc to deal with the attacks she sent me to the grocery store for those lunch sacks. I felt silly but it did help.

Be sure to communicate to BH that you are actively trying to mitigate these things. It might be confusing if the going gets rough and you turn and leave the room, you know? Totally justified, but he might read it wrong. Communicating about this outside of the moment will be very beneficial.

I hope you start to feel better soon. This is a real thing, and there's no shame in getting as much help as you need for it.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16458 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
She-Ra
Member
Member # 36033
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, March 18th (Monday)

Be sure to communicate to BH that you are actively trying to mitigate these things. It might be confusing if the going gets rough and you turn and leave the room, you know? Totally justified, but he might read it wrong. Communicating about this outside of the moment will be very beneficial.

Yes you''re definitely right about that. I think I''ll just mention that I have to leave the room until we both calm down. Generally speaking, we have to learn how to fight properly anyways with a baby in the house. If I feel myself boiling over with an anxiety attack brewing, I''ll just tell him I need a moment. We can discuss that type of plan now especially to help remedy the situation that we had a few days ago.

I hope you start to feel better soon. This is a real thing, and there''s no shame in getting as much help as you need for it.

There are things that I feel better about already and things that I just don''t think I''ll ever feel better about. Even if I live in a perfect house, with perfect husband and perfect kids, perfect everything.. It won''t matter. My FOO issues are always going to bite me big time which is the underlying mess to it all. All of 2013 so far, I''ve been trying to sift through the FOO problems and face them head on. Except it''s been far too challenging to do while pregnant and they keep rearing their ugly head whether I like it or not. I''ve talked to my IC a few times and I have to always remember that it''s not shameful to talk about it. Sometimes I feel really stupid that I have to talk to an IC about my FOO issues because I know there are bigger problems out there in the world.. Or that I first started seeing her because of my infidelities and now I''m talking about my family. Sigh.. I think I put too much pressure on myself and need to release some of that energy which will help ease off these anxiety attacks too.


FWW 33 BH 34
Met 9 yrs ago, together for 7, married for 3
Dday Aug 10, 2012
Beautiful daughter born June 2013

Showing signs of true R. I'm hopeful

The WW formerly known as messedupchick


Posts: 768 | Registered: Jul 2012
knightsbff
Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 11:56 PM, March 18th (Monday)

MUC,
I have anxiety and am not going the med route to deal with it. Actually, my doc took me off the AD that was helping with my anxiety so I have really had a crash course over the past few months.

Mindfulness really helps me. I have read a few books on the subject and have been learning on the fly. There are apps for that too.

IMO your preggo hormones are a big contributor. I went through the big M some time around end of the A and the D-day aftermath and I was seriously feeling out of control.

It's going to be ok. (((MUC)))


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

Posts: 1394 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
She-Ra
Member
Member # 36033
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, March 19th (Tuesday)

Hey KnightsBFF,

thanks for the reply..

Mindfulness really helps me. I have read a few books on the subject and have been learning on the fly. There are apps for that too.

You're right.. Being mindful is key. Apps for that too? Of course there is

IMO your preggo hormones are a big contributor. I went through the big M some time around end of the A and the D-day aftermath and I was seriously feeling out of control.

I'm thinking hormones are definitely a big contributor to a combination of a lot of different issues. In a perfect world, I should have tried to handle my life before getting pregnant and go through the motions with a clearer head.. HOWEVER, that is not the script that my BH and I wanted to follow. We wanted to complete our mission to start a family and that is what we set out to do. In hindsight, yeah I can see why fixing some problems would have been ideal as I see the stresses that we are having. As they say, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

It's going to be ok. (((MUC)))

You bet it is!!!!


FWW 33 BH 34
Met 9 yrs ago, together for 7, married for 3
Dday Aug 10, 2012
Beautiful daughter born June 2013

Showing signs of true R. I'm hopeful

The WW formerly known as messedupchick


Posts: 768 | Registered: Jul 2012
chelle1966316
Member
Member # 4969
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, March 21st (Thursday)

I too deal with anxiety attacks and they really suck.
I am now on a low dose medication.It has helped some and am getting into a therapist pretty soon.
I have figured out that if I dont get enough sleep and eat right then they are definitely worse and then of course there are wonderful hormones that just make everything so much more intense.I have also figured out part of the reason I have them and why I have them at certain parts of the day.I then try to get busy and keep oocupied until my trigger time goes by.That has seemed to help.
Some people find meditation helps.


I am WS from Feb 2004-April 2004 first then a BS.
Together since 1981,married 1987 to present.Divorced,March 2012,for financial reasons, but still together until end of October 2012.Now hes having a midlife crisis and living away from home.


Posts: 4625 | Registered: Jul 2004 | From: Maine
Topic Posts: 8