SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Wayward Side
User Topic: So limbo is over, he wants a divorce
WishingForLethe
Member
Member # 34805
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, March 21st (Thursday)

So last night he told me the M is over. Apparently he has been trying to get the courage to tell me he wanted to divorce me since October.

He loves me, but can't move past what I did. He is proud of the person I have become, but it is not enough to rekindle the marriage. Then we spent the rest of the night crying and holding each other. He also forgave me.

Part of me is shattered because I really thought if I put enough into the relationship, I could save it. Part of me knows it will be better in the future to not be in limbo, but it is hard to see that at the moment.

There is a tiny cynical part that thinks it is awfully convenient this happened as soon as I found out he will be working with the girl he was involved in the EA with (before and during my A).

In the end, I cannot control his choices. I love him enough that I honestly want him to be happy. If he can't be happy with me, and if he needs to leave to heal, I won't make it harder on him. I am going to try to accept this as gracefully as possible and not cause him any more hurt. We have our children (dear God this will devastate them), so we will always be in each other's lives. I don't want to be a source of any more pain for him. I guess this is part of taking responsibility for my choices.

We will talk tonight about how to handle this. As soon as I can pull myself together, I will go tell my parents, but I won't let anyone say anything negative about him.

I just don't know what to do. Was that the last time he will hold me? I am trying to be mature, but I feel like a lost child.


Don't look at how far you have to go, but how far you have come

Posts: 350 | Registered: Feb 2012
misskirby
Member
Member # 34594
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, March 21st (Thursday)

I'm very sorry to hear that, Wishing. I wish you both peace and strength to get through this.


Me-BS, Late 20's
Him-WH, Late 20's
M 9 years, together 14
DS and DD
D-Day 1/16/12

"Long is the way And hard, that out of Hell leads up to Light" -John Milton, Paradise Lost


Posts: 191 | Registered: Jan 2012
BaxtersBFF
Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, March 21st (Thursday)

I sorry Wishing. I know it isn't the outcome you wanted.

There is nothing wrong with mourning the loss. In fact, it is probably the most healthy thing you can do for yourself. And you can continue to work on yourself too. There is growth afterward.

The whole deal with him working with his AP again does seem to make this rather convenient, especially with his admission that he has been trying to work up the courage to tell you since October.

(((wishingforlethe)))


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6047 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
SandAway
Member
Member # 37775
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, March 21st (Thursday)

I am so sorry for you. It is my biggest fear that ultimately, my A is something my BH can't move past either. I admire you BH honestly though.

And that cynical part about the coworker - Don't do that to yourself. Its that voice in our head that led us in the wrong direction to begin with. Let that go, for your own sanity.

((((WishingForLethe))))


fWW
BH Tred
M 16yrs
DDay Nov. 2011

Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people


Posts: 404 | Registered: Dec 2012
WishingForLethe
Member
Member # 34805
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, March 21st (Thursday)

SandAway- you are right. I need to let my suspicion go. It is probably me trying to deflect blame from myself. It doesn't matter anyway.


Don't look at how far you have to go, but how far you have come

Posts: 350 | Registered: Feb 2012
tired girl
Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, March 21st (Thursday)

Oh Wishing, I am so sorry. I know you have put everything you have into this R and have really grown in the time you have been here.

You sound like you have a good grip on the direction you need to go. You will need to grieve the loss of this marriage. We will be here when you need support.

Big hugs. I know how hard this is.


Me43 Him 43 Hardlessons DS 24,22,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth”
― Pema Chödrön

Posts: 3663 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
tired girl
Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, March 21st (Thursday)

Double post

[This message edited by tired girl at 8:45 AM, March 21st (Thursday)]


Me43 Him 43 Hardlessons DS 24,22,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth”
― Pema Chödrön

Posts: 3663 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
thecaves
Member
Member # 38062
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, March 21st (Thursday)

I am so sorry for you. I feel for you big time this morning and am sad right there with you.

I echo Sandaways words about this being one of my biggest fears, the no matter what I do, it will never be enough for my BW to move past the hurt that I have caused her.

Focus now on healing yourself and taking care of your kids.


Me: WH
Her: BW
Kids: Yes
Married: 20+
D-Day: 12/2012

What defines us is how well we rise after falling.


Posts: 173 | Registered: Jan 2013
EmotionalFool
Member
Member # 37362
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, March 21st (Thursday)

(((WishingForLethe)))


WW: 28 (ME)
BH: 28 (SI profile: CrappyLife)
D-Day- 15/10/12

Posts: 334 | Registered: Nov 2012
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, March 21st (Thursday)

I'm so sorry Wishing.

(((WFL)))


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"You can do it!" - R. Schneider


Posts: 5456 | Registered: Nov 2011
Brandon808
Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, March 21st (Thursday)

Sorry to hear that


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3364 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
itainteasy
Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, March 21st (Thursday)

((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

Posts: 3082 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
silverhopes
Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, March 21st (Thursday)

There is a tiny cynical part that thinks it is awfully convenient this happened as soon as I found out he will be working with the girl he was involved in the EA with (before and during my A).

If he goes on to do that, that's on him. It means he chose to remain a wayward.

You didn't. You changed and you grew. Mourn your relationship, mourn your choices, but don't blame yourself for his. Keep growing.

(((hugs)))


Find peace. Or sleep on it.

Posts: 3762 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
hurt2005
New Member
Member # 36918
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, March 21st (Thursday)

((Wishing))


WGF 27 | BBF 28 | in CC and in hope for R | 7 years
OM#1 EA, PA 2010 | OM#2 EA, PA (3x) 2011 | D-Day#1 2011, false R, D-Day #2 25/09/12
'Piglet was so excited at the idea of being Useful that he forgot to be frightened anymore.'

Posts: 27 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: UK
uncertainone
Member
Member # 28108
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, March 21st (Thursday)

Wishing, you are an amazing woman and have grown so very much.

Yeah, timing is quite interesting. Regardless, that's on him.

Your response and plan shows exactly how much you've grown.

My thoughts are with you. I'm so sorry.


Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth


Posts: 6795 | Registered: Mar 2010
badchoice
Member
Member # 35566
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, March 21st (Thursday)

So sorry to hear this.

You sound as though you are ready to let go of him even though it is not the outcome you wanted. It will make co-parenting your children much easier in the long long.

I wish you and BH peace as you go through this.


Me: fWH/BH 46

Separated


Posts: 598 | Registered: May 2012 | From: L.A.
MissesJai
Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, March 21st (Thursday)

oh my...I am so sorry about this Wishing. I echo the others sentiments. You have grown so much and it's evident in your postings here. Don't be afraid to lean on us as much as you need. We are all here for you. (((Wishing)))


FWW - 40
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent...

Posts: 5525 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
lost_in_toronto
Member
Member # 25395
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, March 21st (Thursday)

(((wishingforlethe)))

I have seen how hard you worked. I am sad for you and your family.


Me: BS/38
Him: WS/36
DDay: August 23, 2009
Together 13 years.
Reconciled.

Posts: 1621 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: not toronto anymore
budbusch
New Member
Member # 35946
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, March 21st (Thursday)

I am so sorry. It is hard to think you work on yourself and you M but all your effort didn't give you what you wanted. I hope your family can make peace of it all.

Continue working on you and being the best you can be.


ME: fWH 30
HER: BW 29
OW#1 2001 preM ONS
OW#2 2001 preM cooworker
2002 DS Born
OW#3 2002 preM ONS
2003 M
OW#4 2005 co-worker several months
OW#5 2005 co-worker several months
OW#6 2005 co-worker a few months
OW#7 2010 co-worker a few mo

Posts: 26 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: MD
heartbroken0903
Member
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, March 23rd (Saturday)

Wishing,

I just saw this and wanted to respond.

I'm very sorry to hear this.

(((hugs)))


Me: WS, 30s
XH: BS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Reconciling after divorce


Posts: 1916 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
sodamnlost
Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, March 23rd (Saturday)

No stopsign so I hope this ok, me posting as a BS.

((((wishing))))

I read your story and the growth is so evident in your story. While I know this is not the result you wanted, but you are becoming a healthy person who will not pass this down to their children. Your life will be better, even if its sad, as long as you stay on this correct path you have worked so hard to get on.

You are also giving your BS a gift in how you are handling his decision. Again, I see major healthy in this. Giving someone the gift to live their life as they see fit is big. It shows respect for him. As a BS, that is one thing I struggle to see - my WH's respect for me. I really see your respect for your BH which speaks volumes to me.

Wishing you a healthy future, no matter where this journey takes you...


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 739 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
Topic Posts: 21