The Book Club
User Topic: Intimacy after infidelity
Member # 36796
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, March 21st (Thursday)

I just finished this book by Solomon and Teagno, and it was a GREAT book. I would rank it as the second best book I've read about the A. Not Just Friends was the best.

I orginally got this book because I thought it would help me with my post D-Day sex problems. It was nothing about was all about how to create a relationship that will last after you find out about the A.

It explains the four stages of a relationship (Sweet, Sour, Differentiation, and Synergy). Then it explains the three types of Intimacies (Selt, Conflict and Affection). Lastly it explains the three types of Infidelity causes (Fear, Loneliness and Anger).

The authors explains when an A happens in a marriage and once you know what type of infidelity it was, why it happened and how to deal with it.

Lastly, they tell you how to take the shit soup you have post D-Day and turn it into a normal, healthy relationship. This is all predicated on the fact that the WS wants to R.

It's an easy book to read, but very informative. I borrowed it from the library but plan to buy a copy and let my fWW read it.

D-Day 1: Feb 1990
D-Day 2: 3 Sep 2012 (3 month EA/3 week PA)
BS 49, fWW 43 (Amibroken)
OP- Police Chief (Age 37)
M 25 Yrs, 3 Kids (17, 14, 11)
I initated the relationship at the Railway Tavern, she tried to end it at Scrap Tavern

Posts: 494 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Delmarva
Member # 38367
Default  Posted: 1:09 AM, March 22nd (Friday)

thank you...will look into it...

Me BH 49
Her WW 42
Together 27 Married 23
DS 22,DS 20,DD 11
D Day 11/8/11
Separated trying to R

"When you understand the nature of a thing, you know what its capable of"...musashi...the book of five rings

Posts: 141 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Paladin
Member # 38839
Default  Posted: 2:39 AM, March 30th (Saturday)

That was the first book I read when I found out my husband cheated on me, and it really helped me start to process things and take some of the blame off myself. I have terrible Catholic guilt. Another one I loved was "After the Affair."


Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, April 1st (Monday)

I have just finished this book on your recommendation, and I second your positive review. I thought it was very insightful, and I am hoping to talk about it with my FWH tonight.

While the authors strongly emphasize that the BS is in no way responsible for the WS's adulterous behavior, their discussion of the kinds of problems that can arise in a marriage that might cause a spouse to be vulnerable to an affair resonated with me.

Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA

Posts: 412 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
Member # 43131
Default  Posted: 6:40 AM, June 1st (Sunday)

I just started this book. Glad to hear of the positive reviews. Hope it helps!

"We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means 'I survived'." -Chris Cleave

Posts: 339 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Philadelphia
Topic Posts: 5