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User Topic: stop proofing
sicktomy
Member
Member # 36479
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, March 23rd (Saturday)

During our Mc session this week I was told I "proof" a lot. When confronted with a character flaw or something I've done wrong I give reasons as to why I acted that way and why it made sense. I need to stop this as it simply comes off as denial and excuses. I think I need to realize the other person was giving their opinion, not attacking me and thus no response is needed. I hope I can look at myself and figured out if I need to change the behavior.

Responses from bs are welcomed, I forgot to remove stop sign

[This message edited by sicktomy at 8:27 AM, March 23rd (Saturday)]


Me (WH - 37)
Her (BS - 35)zayda1
Married 7 years, together for 9
2 children (5 years & 2 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12

Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2012
BaxtersBFF
Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, March 23rd (Saturday)

Once the stop sign is on, BS's can't respond, even if you want them to.

So when you talk to people, do you always try to offer a response or a solution? Do you always perceive that they are asking for help?

One of the best things I've learned (although I still struggle with it...) is to not respond with anything more than a simple appropriate acknowledgement. My BW says I have a habit of telling her what she should do, pretty much with anything she talks to me about. Sometimes she just wants to say something and not have someone tell her what to do. Is that something you have a problem with?


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6097 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
sicktomy
Member
Member # 36479
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, March 23rd (Saturday)

I think you are 100 percent right


Me (WH - 37)
Her (BS - 35)zayda1
Married 7 years, together for 9
2 children (5 years & 2 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12

Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2012
ProbableIceCream
Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, March 24th (Sunday)

I do this, and I've seen my wife do it. I think the main problem with doing it is that it comes across as not really listening to what they're saying and instead focusing on defending yourself (even if that's not what's intended).


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

D-Day was April 2012. Divorced Jul 2013. Moved ~1000 miles away (as the crow flies) Jul 2014.


Posts: 791 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Pacific Northwest
Topic Posts: 4