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64fleet
Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, March 25th (Monday)

Friday our church had a lock-in for the youth(kids stay up all night locked in the church), my 12 y/o son was excited to go.
They all loaded up in a church van and went to Wendy's to eat. They left him there. The police call us to come pick him up.

He was upset, and came home instead of going back to the lock-in.

I'm still pissed-nothing happened, but still, how hard is it to count heads when you have other folks' kids?


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
wifehad5
Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, March 25th (Monday)

You must be pissed. What did the leaders of the lock in say?


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35319 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, March 25th (Monday)

Your poor son. Of course he was upset!

You have EVERY right to be livid and demand answers.


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22578 | Registered: Aug 2011
64fleet
Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, March 25th (Monday)

they say it hasn't happened in the 15 yrs they've been doing it.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, March 25th (Monday)

But now it has. What are they doing to make sure it doesn't happen again.

I'm just heartsick thinking about your son when he realized they left without him.


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22578 | Registered: Aug 2011
64fleet
Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, March 25th (Monday)

He is sorta odd(quiet, kinda big), not very many friends, his sister the social butterfly spent the nite somewhere 3 different times during spring break, he had been looking forward to this as his chance to get out a little.
I think his feelings were really hurt.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, March 25th (Monday)

((((ds)))) Ugh. I'm so VERY sorry.


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22578 | Registered: Aug 2011
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, March 25th (Monday)

Ugh, my heart breaks for you both. "Lame" doesn't come close.

(((64fleet and DS)))


For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot

Posts: 14608 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
SouthernGal
Member
Member # 27315
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, March 25th (Monday)

they say it hasn't happened in the 15 yrs they've been doing it.

Well, bully for them. But the fact of the matter is that it did happen and it is inexcusable. I would be demanding a hell of a lot more than "It's never happened before." That's a crap answer.

I don't blame you for being pissed.

I'm so sorry for your son. That really sucks.


BS (Me) XWH (him) M nearly 16 yrs
1 DD (teens)
D-day #1 12/09, #2 2/10
Divorced 10/6/10

Posts: 3862 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: The Deep (Fried) South
wifehad5
Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, March 25th (Monday)

Have they reached out to him, or are they just trying to cover themselves?


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35319 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
64fleet
Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, March 25th (Monday)

not a word to him, just covering their asses.

Damn I really hate people sometimes.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
jrc1963
Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, March 25th (Monday)

I'm not a Christian or a church goer... But had this been my son I probably would've lost my religion yelling at them and that bullshit answer!

Sorry that happened to him and to you!


Me: BSO - 45
Him: FWSO - 68
DS - 12
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 23967 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, March 25th (Monday)

They obviously don't understand the meaning of 'lock in'. You don't go OUT. What idiots.

Your poor DS


I promise to surround myself with amazing souls and love them fiercely.

Posts: 19154 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, March 25th (Monday)

lordy

I used to work with a youth group, and any leader worth their salt knows that you pay MORE attention to the awkward kids so they feel included, not LESS.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13188 | Registered: Jul 2011
Mama_of_3_Kids
Member
Member # 26651
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, March 25th (Monday)

The first rule of going on a trip like this (or even when a large number of kids are involved) is to do a head count before getting off of the bus/van, after you're at a location, and before you leave the location to ensure everyone is accounted for.

[This message edited by Mama_of_3_Kids at 9:54 PM, March 25th (Monday)]


Me: FBW/30 Him: FWH/33 The kidlets: DS13, DS10, and DD8 The hounds: Four Shih Tzu's
Finally, completely R'd
Clothed in strength and dignity, with nothing to fear, she smiles when she thinks about the future.~Proverbs 31:25

Posts: 11465 | Registered: Dec 2009
metamorphisis
Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, March 25th (Monday)

Agree with Mama here. I've worked with kids since I was 20. It is in my blood to do a head count now. I count other peoples kids. I'm not even kidding. We stand at the bus stop and if I only have one or two with me my eyes will not stop scanning.
I do understand that things can happen and be a mistake. What concerns me is how long he must have gone unnoticed to have the police be the ones that called you and that they haven't apologized to him. The boy needs a heartfelt apology



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 42759 | Registered: Sep 2006
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, March 25th (Monday)

I have 4 kids and when they were growing up there was always an extra kid or dozen along. I counted heads every few minutes.

They owe him a letter of apology signed by all the kids and all the counselors... and adults in charge.

I cannot imagine how your son must've felt....

Hugs for you mama... I would be on the warpath with my pastor about it.

Good luck,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4002 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Undefinabl3
Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, March 26th (Tuesday)

I dont care if they are covering their asses or not, Your son deserves an apology like, yesterday.

I would keep going up the ladder until you go one. This is horrible, what if something DID happen to your son since they just left him behind.

Unacceptable....Make them responsible for their actions


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
~Some days are better then others~

Posts: 1609 | Registered: Sep 2012
k94ever
Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, March 26th (Tuesday)

Time to get in touch with your "Papa Bear".

At the least your Pastor needs to apologize directly to your son and the adult chaparones need to be severly talked to.

The bottom line is they didn't think enough of your son to be aware of him.

Wrong on soooo many levels.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6323 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Holly-Isis
Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, March 26th (Tuesday)

They need to read the Parable of the Lost Lamb again...


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

❣Your soulmate is the person who helps grow your soul into a better being rather than tearing it down❣


Posts: 10867 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Limbo
JustDone
Member
Member # 9742
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, March 26th (Tuesday)

They left your 12-year-old behind??

What did the police say to you when you picked him up? Did they give the church a call?

I shudder to think what could have happened to him, never mind his hurt feelings...


Forgiveness is giving up the possibility of a better past.

Nobody forgets what happens, the secret is learning to live with it.


Posts: 2763 | Registered: Feb 2006
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, March 26th (Tuesday)

Seriously, all it takes is a clipboard, a name roster and a pen. Someone stands at the bus door and checks off the name as the child gets on the bus.

They are incompetent and shouldn't have programs like this if they can't take full responsibility for each child.

The answer they gave was total crap!

My son is 9 and like your son, quiet, not many friends. He would have been broken hearted and the church would NOT want to see me coming. Period!

(((HUGS))) to you and your son.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day's, listed in profile)


Posts: 5348 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
64fleet
Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, March 26th (Tuesday)

fWW won't let me go down there, prolly a good idea as I don't need any charges. I get relly mad when it comes to my kids.

I honestly cannot believe it-all it takes is a head count.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
k94ever
Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, March 26th (Tuesday)

One of you needs to be your son's advocate. He needs to know one of you has his back.

If FWW isn't letting you go to the Church and take care of this, what is she doing?

Leaving a kid behind, especially one who is quiet and not many friends is serious. Like I said before.....they've basically told your son he doesn't matter.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6323 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
annb
Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, March 26th (Tuesday)

Ditto to what K9 said.

Your son needs to know that this issue will be resolved.

He is a quiet kid, and he must be devastated feeling forgotten.

I'd calm myself down and pay a visit to the person in charge. Not only do they owe you an explanation (although there is no excuse), they need to apologize to your son and ensure that he is included in future activities. Something to make him feel special.


Posts: 7260 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
jrc1963
Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, March 26th (Tuesday)

^^^Agree

I was just watching the Duggers and their 19 kids on TV... and he talked about how he was constantly doing head counts... (they were in China)...

If he can do that, in China, with 20+ people your church can do the same.


Me: BSO - 45
Him: FWSO - 68
DS - 12
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 23967 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
wantreallove
Member
Member # 37534
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, March 27th (Wednesday)

Definately the church needs to apoligize to your ds! There are so many ways to keep track when you are a leader and it's so important that you are constantly vigilant. I run the nursery on weds nights and even though it would be really hard for the little ones to get out the door, I'm still constantly doing a head count. They need to seriously think about the mature way to handle it.


Me,BS 32
SA fWH (masame5) 34
Married 12 yrs 6 kids age 17-1, and expecting #7
D-day 10/9/12 (caught him through fb chat) D-day #2 11/19/12 thru 11/21/12 (found out about all the rest of the A's.)
8 AP, 12-7-12 WH sober date

Posts: 195 | Registered: Nov 2012
Topic Posts: 27