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User Topic: Sex after child birth episiotomy **TMI Warning**
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, April 2nd (Tuesday)

A little background: I had my first child 6 years ago. With that delivery I tore and also had an episiotomy. Sex after that was painful but that was also contributed to the fact my then husband would not take no for an answer when he wanted sex. (Edited to add: didn't take no for an answer 7 of the 9 years we were together)

Then 3 years ago my daughter was born. During that delivery (which was super fast) I tore both directions (I was told I tore all the way up to my clitoris.. I'm still unsure how exactly that effects me) and one of the tears downward was a 3rd degree tear. I had an episiotomy in that delivery also.

After our daughter was 5 months there wasn't a lot of sex from then on.

I'm now in a good relationship and I know sex will be coming up soon. I haven't had sex in over 1 1/2 years. I don't know if I will still feel pain or if the skin will be super tight again. I don't know what to expect and I really don't want our first time to be painful or be bad.

Any suggestions? Or what was your experience like?

[This message edited by courageous at 10:33 AM, April 3rd (Wednesday)]

Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.

Posts: 651 | Registered: Jan 2012
Sad in AZ
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, April 2nd (Tuesday)

My DS ripped me from stem to stern during his birth. It took them almost an hour to stitch me up. I've had no problems since I've healed.
If you're worried, see your gyno for advice. It's better than thinking the worst.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20284 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 23769
Default  Posted: 11:50 PM, April 2nd (Tuesday)

I had to go back to have things fixed I tore do bad. Stem to stern is the nice way to put it.

I think WHO your having sex with is an important factor as well. Your XH wouldn't take NO for an answer...this isn't a relaxing type of mood.

If you are able drink a glass of wine or two and extend the forplay(sp). If something doesn't feel right, speak up! The right guy isn't going to keep going anyhow.

Married 1998, 2 kids
D-day3/27/09,he left 5/23/09
WH wants to rebuild 3/21/10
He moved back in 9/25/10,
Dec, 2011-finally putting it all together, H had multiple affairs.
Possible porn addict for 15 yrs.
01/2014- in house separation

Posts: 3280 | Registered: Apr 2009
Member # 6850
Default  Posted: 1:02 AM, April 3rd (Wednesday)

Go slow and allow your body to do what foreplay is designed to do prepare your body for sex....enough lubrication, whether it is natural or from a tube will help cut down on the friction on tissue that my be sensitive....
Relax, take your time and if you find things are a little uncomfortable/painful slow down and try again....
Perhaps talking to your partner about what you have been through may help him understand if you have to slow things down or stop....if he cares about you he will understand the value of taking your time....
If you find it just way too painful you may need to see you OB/GYN and get yourself checked out.....HUGS

You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk.......Louise Smith

Posts: 4845 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: Ontario
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:12 AM, April 3rd (Wednesday)

TMI warning (as if the prior posts weren't an indication!)

Do you have any, um, apparatus or toys intended for the bedroom? Maybe exploring your "elasticity" on your own will help give you a preview of what the discomfort factor will be?

t/j I'm pretty PO'd that your XH "wouldn't take no" for sex back in the day. I hope that henceforth you know that nobody ever EVER forces you to have sex. It's not just wrong and scary, it's illegal. I don't want to be Debbie Downer, here. I just want to make sure that you understand that YOU make the rules when it comes to your body. Always.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17824 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Member # 31528
Red  Posted: 10:16 AM, April 3rd (Wednesday)

courageous -

Please remember that OT is infidelity free and post accordingly.

Thank you.

Posts: 35859 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, April 3rd (Wednesday)

I'm sorry I didn't realize anything I said was affair related.

Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.

Posts: 651 | Registered: Jan 2012
million pieces
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, April 3rd (Wednesday)

I had the same experience, estrogen cream was a wonder drug. That is why I have a second

Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 12
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1266 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, April 3rd (Wednesday)

FP doctor here:

First I'd go see your Family doctor or OB/GYN to just get looked at with an exam to see how things are looking.

If that looks okay I would recommend experimenting with a dilator/sex toy/vibrator/whatever to see how you do with that.

If that is okay you should be fine. Wine, lubrication (KY or vagilube) and actually loving and be attracted to some one goes along way in making it a different experience.

Dr. PJ4

Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2239 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Topic Posts: 9