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User Topic: Codependant no more
summerain
Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 12:38 AM, April 7th (Sunday)

This book has made me extremely depressed. Can anyone tell me if it actually helped?


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:25 AM, April 7th (Sunday)

Lauren, I haven't read it, but I bumped a thread about books for codependents for you. Maybe that will help.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37605 | Registered: Sep 2007
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, April 7th (Sunday)

Why did it make you depressed?

It helped me to recognize some behaviors I had, such as putting my XWH's needs ahead of my own. Things that I worked on and eventually it's made my other (non-romantic) relationships much better and stronger.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3362 | Registered: Dec 2011
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, April 7th (Sunday)

I read it and it was extremely helpful for me. I think I was initially bothered by being a "type," KWIM? But after having thought about it and accepting that I was that way, I have been able to work on curtailing those tendencies.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4634 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, April 7th (Sunday)

OMG this book changed my life.

Why did it depress you?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13743 | Registered: Jul 2011
summerain
Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 12:25 AM, April 8th (Monday)

Tbh I have only read the first two chapters. I don't know it didn't give me much hope,there was a checklist and I filled every single thing except wh having an addiction (other than smoking)

I guess i wanted to know if it gets less depressing. Though ur responses give me hope lol


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 5:40 AM, April 8th (Monday)

Have you heard the phrase "the first step to solving a problem Is admitting you have a problem"? Or something like that?

The beginning of the book is a tough pill to swallow, I can definitely see that, especially if you've never seen yourself as codependent before. It can be a bit of a rude awakening.

However, the rest of the book is about where to go from that realization, how to heal, how to care for yourself, how to replace unhealthy habits with healthy ones.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13743 | Registered: Jul 2011
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 6:15 AM, April 8th (Monday)

Please don't stop reading it. It's ok to acknowledge that you are a co-dependent...you are in great company.

One of the nice outcomes from reading the book was that now at work, I recognize co-dependent situations and I back slowly away.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4634 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, April 8th (Monday)

It's ok to acknowledge that you are a co-dependent...you are in great company.

Darn right you are!


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13743 | Registered: Jul 2011
summerain
Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, April 8th (Monday)

Haha i will read some more tomorrow then. Especially since it seems so good!


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 6:38 AM, April 9th (Tuesday)

best line for me: control comes from fear, fear comes from lack of trust.


his Dday: 2/10
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4930 | Registered: Dec 2010
2kidsandadog
Member
Member # 33679
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, April 10th (Wednesday)

lauren,

No, it didn't make me extremely depressed BUT it took me like 5 months to read it because it was so hard and shameful to read about MYSELF. Then the regret sank in because I wished so badly I'd have been able to implement my behaviors so many years ago (like when I was 20) and not married who I married.

I FORCED myself to finish it because I knew I needed to read it, but of all the boring, mindless, plotless books I've read, this book was by far the most difficult, emotion filled, degrading book I've ever read.

So, your depression is totally understandable, You are not alone.


Divorced 05/11/11 -
2kids - 20 and 22 (Thank God for them)

Too many Ddays to count. Enough said!


Posts: 693 | Registered: Oct 2011
Topic Posts: 12