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Jrazz
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Member # 31349
What?  Posted: 9:00 PM, April 9th (Tuesday)

Ok, we all know I'm more than a little sensitive. Let's make sure we're clear on this.

That being said, I've been trying to take with a grain of salt the reports that DD had last week and this week regarding kids pushing or hitting her. There have been 3.

I talked to the teachers and they said they'd keep a look out but hadn't noticed anything unusual. DD3's primary teacher reported back to me that there was no inordinate physical contact lately.

So tonight, as we're sitting down to dinner, Crazz asked DD3 how school was today. DD3 scrunched up her face, hung her head, and said "Jessica hit me. And Avey hit me too. On the noggin. I told them no and they told me no. I got the teacher and she helped me." THIS after I independently observed both girls ignoring her when I came to pick her up today. She was playing alone in the corner.


So many thoughts and emotions...

Good for DD3 to know to go to the teacher.

If this actually happened, WHY THE EFF did nobody discuss this with me when I went to pick her up??

And finally, why the effing eff does it sound like 3 year olds are ganging up on my daughter? My heart is aching and I'm trying to bed down the urge to pick up these kids and hurl them over the play yard fence.

DD3 had reported that the "kids were pushing her" last week, and said that the boys were "mean and scary." I know that toddlers have an imagination, and that this is new for her so there could easily be some embellishing going on. My gut is SCREAMING at what at what she told us tonight, and I need to know what to do.

Obviously I'm going to go talk to the teachers, and the Administrator on Friday when I take her back. I just don't know how to go about this without getting overly emotional or protective. Please help.

[This message edited by Jrazz at 9:01 PM, April 9th (Tuesday)]


For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot

Posts: 14710 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, April 9th (Tuesday)

I have no advice ... I'm sure the parents here will have plenty of helpful things to say.

But one thing I want to tell you is how awesome it is that your daughter feels comfortable asking a teacher for help and then confiding in you what happened. I could not have relied upon my mother that way, even at that tender age, so I envy your DD so much that she has you in her corner. Please don't discount the value of that for her in her eyes.

(((jrazz)))


BS 45, WH 38
M 8 years, together 10
Real DDay 10/07/11
Too many OW to count.
D final on 6/21/12
You have to walk away from the past in slow motion as it explodes behind you, like in a John Woo movie.

Posts: 2793 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, April 9th (Tuesday)

Thanks cayc. If it's possible, I was both heartened and brokenhearted in the same moment.


For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot

Posts: 14710 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, April 9th (Tuesday)

Do I need to fly out there? That daycare will not want to see me coming.

Ok, you know my DS9 was in daycare for a while and he did have a few issues with some kids, few and far between though. I'm not sure how the regulations work in CA, but the center our son was in was in CT. The teachers had to report every bump, every scratch, every "anything" on the contact papers we had to fill out every morning when we dropped him off.

The first thing the teachers should've done was pull you aside and explain what happened, especially since little muffin went and found a teacher. Good for her for doing that by the way!

Absolutely go and talk to the teacher in her room AND the director/head of the daycare. You can word it as "I talked to (blank)teacher about this issue and now I'm bringing it to your attention. I understand things happen, kids may argue over toy etc... But I'm not happy about it and I would like something some."

That's how I've handled the issues at our old daycare. The director said to me that she would look into but for privacy purposes could discuss with me in detail her conversation with the other parents. But I did notice changes so knew something did get done.

I hope this helps. Don't be afraid to be little muffins voice.

(((Hugs))) to you and muffin.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day's, listed in profile)


Posts: 5375 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, April 9th (Tuesday)

Well, gosh, my little guy is in preschool and usually there aren't more than 12 in a class + the teacher and an aid. The time should be fairly structured, so the opportunity for hitting or pushing to occur *should* be minimal. Preschoolers aren't able to 'gang' up on each other, nor are they able to bully like we think of it. If your child was hit or pushed it probably has something to do with more basic needs. The hitter was angry, wanted something, wanted something to stop, thought that something was unfair. The fact that your child sought the teacher for help and was verbal instead of reacting by hitting back is very, very good. WHy didn't you hear about it? It's possible the teacher dealt with it and felt it was taken care of. Perhaps it wasn't a big deal (although it seemed like it to your kiddo and stuck out in her mind enough to tell you). If she feels like she's getting attention for telling stories about being hit at school, it's possible that she may embellish them. Or it's possible that the teacher and aid are not monitoring their students close enough.

When you talk to the school, I would ask about how structured the day is. That will probably give you some good insight into what is going on.

Teslet's preschool is very structured but even then we had an issue with biting. (Teslet being the biter ) He was trying to get a classmate to do something and the classmate wouldn't do it. So Teslet got angry and bit the kid. Luckily, the kid wasn't hurt...his parents weren't mad. And I was able to work with Teslet on talking to the teacher to get help before taking matters into his own hands...er...mouth.


ish kabibble

Posts: 4200 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Jrazz
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Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, April 9th (Tuesday)

Thanks ladies. Like I said, I'm sensitive. I will talk to them tomorrow. IT's not one of our regular days but Crazz is going to stay home so I can go over early and hopefully talk to them before the day gets rolling.

I'm realizing she's going to be out in the world with the crazies and it's terrifying. Sigh.


For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot

Posts: 14710 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, April 9th (Tuesday)

Good luck, you'll be fine.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day's, listed in profile)


Posts: 5375 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
veritas
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Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, April 9th (Tuesday)

At the daycare my daughter attended, there was a biter. And not just an occasional biter, but biting multiple kids each day. Given the hoops that daycares have to go through, I was a little puzzled as to why they kept him on so long. I was told that my disabled daughter would probably always be a victim because she couldn't fight back.

So I started talking to other parents and the workers up front. I eventually got the story that the biter was somebody who worked at the daycare's nephew. So I started talking to other parents again. A few days later, the biter was gone.

When you're dealing with a private setting, justice will not always be on your side. Talk to other parents and teachers and you might get a better picture of what's going on.

[This message edited by veritas at 7:49 AM, April 10th (Wednesday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
Chrysalis123
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Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, April 9th (Tuesday)

It is so hard with our littles, isn't it?

I teach 5 year olds, and what i know is that they are very unaware of personal space.

I will often have a kid tattle on another for hitting, when what really happened was the tattler got too close to the hitter, while the hitter was putting a coat on and accidentally hit the kid. Stuff like that happens all the time.

Kids often assume aggression when in reality it was inadvertent.

This doesn't mean your child was not being bullied. Just something else to think about as you go in to investigate.
.


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2373 | Registered: Jan 2010
KBeguile
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Member # 38348
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, April 9th (Tuesday)

Our DS had problems, too. There was definitely bullying going on, but he lacked the vocabulary to properly explain it. We pulled him out, and Heart watches him at home now.


Me: fWS 32
Her: BS 35 (HeartInADustpan)
DS: 4yo
M: 7 years
DDays: 2012/11/14, 2013/02/05, 2013/03/09
-
"Everything that happens now is happening 'now.'"
"What happened to 'then'?"
"We passed 'then.'"

Posts: 735 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
Lucky2HaveMe
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Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 5:43 AM, April 10th (Wednesday)

I do day care for ages 6wks - 12yrs. One thing to remember is a 3yo has no sense of time. What she says happened *today* may have actually happened *3 days/weeks/months* ago.

I have a 3.5yo girl in care right now. She is constantly telling me that her brother hit/pushed/said a bad word etc. Which I'm sure he did, but it just wasn't *today* as she claims (He is 6 and in school all day! So it's verifiable. )

I'm not saying your dd isn't being bullied, and if I were the parent I certainly would want to look into it. Just sharing from the other perspective.

Yesterday the kids were dancing - which when you are 3-5 years old includes spinning an waving your arms uncontrollably. This same 3.5yo girl cried that *Susie hit me!* Yes, she did, but it was during dancing and was unintentional.

I'm sure that little girl, if asked how her day was, would say "Susie hit me" - and no, I did not even think to mention it to the parents at pick up time.


~L2HM~
Every Storm Runs out of Rain ~ Gary Allen

Posts: 5471 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
authenticnow
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Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, April 10th (Wednesday)

Lucky2 makes a good point.

When I taught preschool I've had parents come to me and say things like, 'M said J was mean to him and that he didn't get to play on the bikes.' That was M's interpretation of what really happened, which was, we have only 4 bikes and 10 kids. M's turn was over so I say, 'M, it's J's turn now, you had your turn on the bike.' M starts crying because he didn't want to get off the bike, J walks over and takes it from him because it was now his turn.

Or, two kids using blue crayons and M wants one and there isn't another of the exact same blue, so M going home and telling mom that those two kids were 'mean to him'.

By all means, I encourage you to investigate. Of course you should express your concerns to the teacher. I'm just saying to go with the knowledge that sweetiegirl's interpretation of the world is in her own 3 year old mind. (which is beautiful and wonderful and I'm relaying these anecdotes because I used to get into such 'mama bear mode' when mine were little, and then I became a preschool teacher and I realized what the other side looked like, lol).


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 34746 | Registered: Sep 2007
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, April 10th (Wednesday)

When DS was in preschool, my first parent/teacher conference started with "DS is a great kid, but..." He was bigger than most of the kids his age and if he wanted to get something and someone was in his way, he'd just barrel through or over them. The teacher understood that there was no malice in his actions (this was a Quaker school, too) but I can just imagine what the other parents were hearing from their kids and what they were saying to the teacher

He'd also come home with the strangest words. He was laughing hysterically one day, saying, "David say schmatta!" and called everyone schmatta. I thought it was a made up word, but turns out its Yiddish for dirty rag.

I'm not saying you shouldn't check it out; what I am saying is there may be a context that you don't see or understand.


I promise to surround myself with amazing souls and love them fiercely.

Posts: 19179 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Mack9512
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Member # 38619
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, April 10th (Wednesday)

Nowadays most daycare facilities have CCTV systems (in my state it is required for insurance purposes). If you really want to know what is going on ask to see the recordings.
My DD goes to summer camp at her old daycare and last summer there was a bulling incident that became physical. At the time the victim of the bullying stated that my DD was part of the bullying but the recordings showed my DD pushing her way into the middle of the fight, then standing over the victim. She then proceeded to push away the 4 boys that were pounding on the victim. It was actually pretty impressive. My DD was a premmie so she is small but she had not problem jumping in to help her friend. My heart swelled with pride, but I did have to tell her that even though her actions were admirable she should never do that again.
Unfortunately in her rush to see justice done, my DD accidentally kicked the victim when she came charging through and that was why he thought she was bulling him as well.


"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 318 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
Jrazz
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Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, April 10th (Wednesday)

Thanks everyone. Had a 6am chat with Crazz and we decided that going in on her "off" day might be construed as too dramatic under the circumstances, so I'm going to wait until her Friday drop-off to speak to the teacher(s).

I was thinking of calling the Admin to ask her what her policy on this kind of thing is, if the teachers do in fact observe bullying or clique-ish isolation. Good idea or am I leaning towards overboard again?


For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot

Posts: 14710 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, April 10th (Wednesday)

Jrazz,

I would call the admin and ask regarding the schools policies. Your child goes there, you have a right to know how they handle every situation known to happen to preschoolers.

Like veritas my DD3 and DD4 went to a daycare that had a chronic bully. He would hit, kick and bite no one was immune to him. One day he did something to DD4 (2yo) and she was screaming. Daycare called and told me what happened. Later in the day all the kids were on their way outside and this kid was running to go out.. DD3 allegedly put her fist out in front of him as he was running by. He claimed she punched him. When asked by the teacher DD3 told her "He accidentally ran into my fist." They called me and told me they chalked it up to an accident, but they were secretly glad she did it. But don't tell the kid.. and could I talk to my DD about 'accidentally hitting'.
And I did.

But the daycare director and I still chuckle when we see each other.

BTW the bully never bothered either of my DD's again.

Hugs, it is so hard being a parent sometimes.

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4027 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, April 10th (Wednesday)

Oh J, that sucks. I cannot stand bullying at any age.

You going to talk to the teachers and Admin is great. I hope they will be more alert to what's going on in school. If anything, it will get their attention and let them know you are not going to just let this "slide".

This may be unpopular, but I told my boys that if someone hits them to go ahead and defend themselves. Yes, there is always talk of "just walking away, telling an adult, etc.", which is perfectly fine too, but honestly I feel the old school way works just as well for the child too if they feel they are being attacked. Sometimes, this is the only way to get another kid to say "hey we can't pick on her, cuz she'll fight back!".

Anyway, I hope it gets resolved because I know this was already A VERY difficult decision for you to make to find a school/daycare you liked.


Me: 41
Two boys: 16 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25502 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
metamorphisis
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Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, April 10th (Wednesday)

It could be bullying and it could be misinterpretation but anybody who works with kids in that capacity welcomes a good open dialogue or should. So I think going in and having a chat and saying "I've been so worried about.... can we chat for a few minutes?"

You'll get a good gut feel from the conversation. Sometimes with that many children things just get missed and children are pretty adept at knowing when the adults aren't looking.

I can't say for sure if it's intentional. My experience with that age group is that it's rarely sneaky and malicious but you may have an aggressive child in the group who needs to work on their coping strategies. Regardless, I don't think there is any harm in talking about it and I actually think it's a really good idea to put everyone on the same page



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 42812 | Registered: Sep 2006
pmal64
Member
Member # 13551
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, April 11th (Thursday)

my toddler son was a biter...
and I hated getting those notes in the afternoon! I felt so responsible! I would talk to him - which just seemed to roll off his back. after several incidents, I went to the daycare administrator (who had been in childcare forever) and asked what to do. I felt that punishing him several hours after the event wasn't getting anywhere as he did not even remember the event. she told me that at his age, he wasn't able to properly vocalize his wants/needs - so if the other kid didn't figure out what DS wanted/needed my DS bit to get it. so what we did was move him up to the next class who was a few months older. these kids didn't take no junk! DS wasn't in there a week when I got a note... oh,no I thought! turns out, DS was bitten by another child. the worker was apologetic and looked at me like I was going to giver her a good what for- when I said "good! I am sure it was deserved!"(she was astonished at that) I know many of you may freak about that, but I figured he deserved every tooth mark he had ... and he quit biting. so, talk with your teacher/admin. they are there to help.

this admin when she first started at our daycare had a parent/teacher/admin meeting. the one thing I still remember "I will only believe half of what your children tell me happens at home if you will only believe half of what they say happens here"

[This message edited by pmal64 at 9:48 AM, April 11th (Thursday)]


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Posts: 553 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: down south
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Helpless  Posted: 5:50 AM, April 13th (Saturday)

So here's the latest, unrelated yet somewhat related event. (Not the same kids, but an physical incident.)

Just had to get this off my chest as I just soothed DD3 back to sleep. This is the email I just sent the school Administrator.

Hello K****,

I felt compelled to write this as I've just soothed DD3 back to sleep after she shot awake screaming and recounting an incident that happened in daycare today.

According to the daily report I received, DD3 had her hair pulled by another child today. She was in a good mood when I picked her up, and the report indicated that the other child had been given a time-out and was made to apologize. I was also pleased to read that DD3 was coached on how to say "no" in those kinds of situations.

I understand that the afternoon staff (M******) was not there to witness but that she attended a meeting in which this was discussed. Although she followed protocol by not revealing who the child was, and I understand your need for privacy, she did indicate that it sounded like a somewhat difficult thing for DD3 to go through, particularly because it took a a teacher to "pry the child off of her" before her hair was released. I was also shocked to find about 15 loose strands of hair attached to DD3's hair tie which was waiting for me on the hook in front of her folder.

Because I discussed concern with (Teacher) earlier that morning regarding another student that DD3 reported as hitting her, I think the team wanted to point out to me that this was a separate and isolated incident. What was also pointed out to me in that reassurance was that DD3 was not targeted, as this student has had a history of physical incidents that were being taken seriously by (Center). I asked what the policy was for these kinds of things, and I was told that the parents had been informed of the incident. Again, I respect the call for privacy when directly relating to these kinds of things.

DD3 is a pretty good communicator, and a tough cookie. When I got her in the car she independently informed me that J**** had pulled her hair. This didn't come as a surprise, because she has told me on two other occasions that he either hit "my (her) noggin" or pushed her. She even reported that he pushed A******. Considering that these things are bound to happen in smaller doses with toddlers, and that it wasn't on her daily report, I figured that it was another day in the life at daycare.

I have never, EVER had to calm a sobbing DD3 from a nightmare. It makes me feel like what happened in the classroom must have been pretty traumatic for her, and it hurts my heart as well as makes me concerned regarding how much exposure she has to this child.

Your staff and school is wonderful, and I'm trusting that you've been through this before and know how to protect a class from a student that may have recurring or escalating problems with lashing out physically. I guess what I'm asking is at what point a child is asked to take a break or not to return after these kinds of incidents. If the staff had to intervene in order to keep DD3 safe.... if I found a chunk of hair missing (no blood), does this count as something significant and worthy of review?

I'm still pretty new to this. I'm trying to take with a grain of salt the fact that DD3 is highly communicative about physical contact because she is unaccustomed to unwanted touches and needs to practice defending herself appropriately, especially with her words.

I'm just sad and concerned because she's great a shrugging things off, and was crying and yelling moments ago (3:00am) and telling me that "J**** is a dragon and he's trying to hurt me (her)." This type of event is unprecedented.

Thank you for taking the time to listen. I would appreciate any guidance or support you may be able to offer.

Best Regards,

Jrazz

[This message edited by Jrazz at 5:52 AM, April 13th (Saturday)]


For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot

Posts: 14710 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, April 13th (Saturday)

OMG, Jrazz. My heart is breaking. Your poor baby. ((((((((J and little Razz))))))))

I think your message to the director was beautifully done. I can't imagine how many edits it would take for me to walk back from the edge of KILL ALL THE PEOPLE to rational.


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22665 | Registered: Aug 2011
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, April 13th (Saturday)

That was a good letter, Jrazz. I hope they address the issue appropriately and that you get a good resolution.

Hugs to the Razz family, especially your little sweetie.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 34746 | Registered: Sep 2007
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, April 13th (Saturday)

((((Jrazz and DD))))




Posts: 30709 | Registered: Mar 2011
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, April 13th (Saturday)

Awesome letter..

I am interested in the response.

Hugs for Littlerazz.

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4027 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
roughroadahead
Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, April 13th (Saturday)

Gently, JRazz, 3 is a very common age for nightmares to begin. Developmentally, kids don't "get" fear/fantasy until then. You do need to have a meeting with the teacher and director to get to the bottom of what's going on at school, but I would perhaps avoid going in like this has traumatized her. Hitting and shoving is very common at this age (my kids were both before we figure out they had autism and adjusted their situation accordingly). That said, there should be adequate supervision to minimize the escalation of the conflicts and there should be documentation of everything.

It is really common for 3 year old girls to start ganging up, especially if they have older siblings. When DS was in preschool, there was a group of "cool" girls already, who had princess shoes. It is up to the teachers to intervene, but the instinct is there even at that age. They are just starting to figure the peer social thing out.

Good luck!


BS-Me 30s
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D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 707 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, April 13th (Saturday)

Jrazz, I think your letter walks the fine line that it needs to walk. I hope the daycare/school is able to answer you as thoughtfully. I hope they are able to address the problem children and get some results. Like I said in an earlier post, my son is the problem child and we were able to curb the biting incidents (and poor listening) by giving him a sticker chart at school. (He loves getting a sticker for being a good listener!)

(((jrazz and dd)))


ish kabibble

Posts: 4200 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, April 13th (Saturday)

Thanks everyone. I feel better, I just hope my letter isn't off-putting to the administration.

The thing that I also need to realize is that I have a mini-adult on my hands and I'm not used to how "normal" kids interact. She has her toddler moments, but she has never hit or bitten or pulled hair, like, ever. She articulates when she's upset, and she's excellent at sharing. We're spoiled rotten, and I need to gear myself up for the fact that it's time to get DD out in the real world, and it's going to be a whole other ballgame for her.

Thanks again everyone for the advice and encouragement.


For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot

Posts: 14710 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, April 16th (Tuesday)

Just checking in. How did it go? How is little Razz doing?




Posts: 30709 | Registered: Mar 2011
Mama_of_3_Kids
Member
Member # 26651
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, April 16th (Tuesday)

Jrazz,

I have three kids who are just like Vrazz; they've all been "mini-adults" for a very long time (even DS9, who is Developmentally Delayed has acted like a "mini-adult" since he was about four or five). My kids never had problems with biting, hitting, etc and were/are usually the one's who get hit, kicked, hair pulled, chairs thrown at, and made fun of The point where *I* pulled DS9 out of PreK, at a very good school, was when he was bit to the point of having a scar on his cheek and then a chair thrown at him (by the same kid, who was clearly out of control). Frankly, my kids don't deserve to be treated like that and then not have anyone do anything about it, especially when I am paying top dollar for them to go to PreK there. I was very upset when we had to leave, because my kid wasn't the problem, but their safety comes first. DS went to a public school Daycare after that and we didn't have those kinds of problems. FWIW, DD also had a problem in PreK...she had a little girl tell her she wished that DD would die My h and I went to the teacher and the administration had a meeting with the girls family; after that, the little girl never said anything like that again (and is now one of DD's good friends ).

I guess I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. (((Jrazz and Vrazz)))


Me: FBW/30 Him: FWH/33 The kidlets: DS13, DS10, and DD8 The hounds: Four Shih Tzu's
Finally, completely R'd
Clothed in strength and dignity, with nothing to fear, she smiles when she thinks about the future.~Proverbs 31:25

Posts: 11468 | Registered: Dec 2009
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, April 16th (Tuesday)

(((Jrazz & Little Razz)))


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 192062 | Registered: May 2002
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, April 16th (Tuesday)

Thank you all so much for the support.

Things have gone REALLY well since the email. When I dropped V off yesterday, her primary care teacher asked if I had time to meet with her and the Administrator. They had a sub handy so we could take as much time as I needed to talk through the events on Friday.

They both did an amazing job of trying to address my concerns in a compassionate and involved manner. They discussed the incident thoroughly while still keeping the other family private. They also gave me a fully detailed outline of how they handle these types of children. They have an action item list that they work on with the child and parents. If behaviors are being attended to per the agenda, they continue to work with the child. If his behaviors persist or increase, they mandate a break and have a professional who works with the parent come in to observe the child after the break and see if it makes sense for the child to remain in the class.

It may sound like a big hullabaloo, but I was thinking that if something happened in Vrazz's life, some change (can you imagine...?) and she was reacting poorly and needed help, how great would it be if the school still worked with us for a bit instead of tossing us out into the street? I totally get it.

So they were great. I'm still bummed about what happened, but the attention and care she's getting is amazing. And at the end of the day she needs to be exposed to new situations, I can't just keep her in a box at home.

So I feel good about things.

Thanks again everyone.


For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot

Posts: 14710 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, April 16th (Tuesday)

I'm just catching up with this. I'm glad you had a good resolution. I'm sorry for little V that she had to go through this. Hopefully things turn around for the best for her.

(((HUGS))) to you all.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day's, listed in profile)


Posts: 5375 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, April 16th (Tuesday)

Love this update, Jrazz. Kudos to the school for how they are handling things. And big hug for you and Vrazz.


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22665 | Registered: Aug 2011
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, April 16th (Tuesday)

I'm glad the school was open and has a strategy on how to handle situations. Please give Little Razz a big hug for me.




Posts: 30709 | Registered: Mar 2011
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, April 16th (Tuesday)

That's great, Jrazz!


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 34746 | Registered: Sep 2007
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, April 16th (Tuesday)

Thanks loves.


For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot

Posts: 14710 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
metamorphisis
Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, April 16th (Tuesday)

Wonderful update. Those are professionals with reasonable solutions and excellent communication. And kudos to you for the letter, for giving them a chance to explain and work with you guys. These situations go so much better when everyone is on the same page



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 42812 | Registered: Sep 2006
Topic Posts: 37