SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Just Found Out
User Topic: Emotional Affairs
libertyrocks
Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, April 10th (Wednesday)

Just found out yesterday WH confessed to having emotional affairs since we met 13 years ago. It never became physical until recently when we had our first child a few years ago. I understand why, but would any of you forgive this for so long? I don't understand why he was even with me, married me, or had two beautiful babies with me...


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, April 10th (Wednesday)

It's so hard to reconcile the idea that someone could do this to their partner when you couldn't fathom doing it yourself.

Forgiveness is something that is very unique to every person and each situation. Don't worry about whether you're "supposed" to or not. This is your heart, your journey.

I'm so sorry for the recent discovery - each new revelation is like a fresh knifewound. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, and remember that you don't have to have any answers right now. Right now it's about breathing and taking care of yourself and your precious children.

When you feel like you have time to process, please share how you found out about the EA's. There might be an indicator in there as to how this is going to shake out.

Just take things in small doses. We're here for you.

(((libertyrocks)))


If you can't learn to enjoy your life when you have problems, you may never enjoy it because we'll always have problems. - Joyce Meyer

Posts: 17010 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
libertyrocks
Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, April 10th (Wednesday)

You're so gentle, Jrazz. Thank you. Nothing seems to shock me anymore. I'm understand why he's done all the things he's done. At this point I was prepared for him to tell me he had been having A's the whole time we were together. I looked up narcissim and ifidelity and realized his personality disorder. Then, I asked him and he said he had EA's the whole time. He never comes out and tells me ANYTHING. I have found out EVERYTHING I know up until today. I'm positive there's more he will never tell me unless I have proof.

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 1:55 PM, April 10th (Wednesday)]


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
brokensmile322
Member
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, April 10th (Wednesday)

((Liberty))

I agree with Jrazz. You don't need to decide right now. Some people know right away that it is a deal breaker. Others, it takes time and at least a try at trying to R. Others don't even get the chance to R if their partner cuts and runs.

What IS important is that YOU take care of YOU!


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."


Posts: 1451 | Registered: Jun 2012
brkn_heartd
Member
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, April 10th (Wednesday)

I agree with the other ladies. You have time to decide and chose. What is a deal breaker for one, is not a deal breaker for another. Only you know what you will and will not tolerate in your life.

I will ask a couple of questions you need to be thinking of. Can you live with him knowing he has done this for 13 years? Can you live with him knowing he will never tell you the truth unless you find proof? Can you live with him wondering if he is having an EA or PA with someone else if he is not showing remorse?

It doesn't sound like he is showing much remorse. Right now, take care of your self and your children. You do not have to decide now, do it in your own time.


Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1566 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
libertyrocks
Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, April 12th (Friday)

Jrazz, I accused him of having PA's the whole time and he confessed to the EA's.


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Topic Posts: 6