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Just Found Out
User Topic: Anger
Zamas
Member
Member # 38658
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, April 12th (Friday)

It makes absolutely no sense at all, but I am so angry at this website/posters for being SO right that my WH was TT'ing me. I so wanted to believe him and chose to ignore what everyone was warning me about and I stuck my head right back in the sand only to have the mother of all bombs dropped onto me. You guys were right about everything, all of it, and it makes me so unreasonably mad.


Me- SAHM 30yo BS
Him- 32yo WS
Three kids, 9, 7, 10mo

Their baby was born in Sept and they are happily househunting. He finally left 4/03.


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: New Jersey
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, April 12th (Friday)

(((Zamas)))) The only reason we tell you things like that is to hope that you will learn from the mistakes the rest of us have made. Please know that we are not judging, we come from a place of good will.
I am so sorry to hear that you are hurting.

((((and strength ))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8489 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Zamas
Member
Member # 38658
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, April 12th (Friday)

Whoops double post

[This message edited by Zamas at 11:47 AM, April 12th (Friday)]


Me- SAHM 30yo BS
Him- 32yo WS
Three kids, 9, 7, 10mo

Their baby was born in Sept and they are happily househunting. He finally left 4/03.


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: New Jersey
Zamas
Member
Member # 38658
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, April 12th (Friday)

I know that, I really do. This site has been so helpful to me the past few weeks. I feel less alone and I'm no longer turning it inward a d blaming myself. I think I was just so mad bc I wanted my husband to be the exception, the stand up guy amongst a crowd of men, and he wasn't. This site has been invaluable.


Me- SAHM 30yo BS
Him- 32yo WS
Three kids, 9, 7, 10mo

Their baby was born in Sept and they are happily househunting. He finally left 4/03.


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: New Jersey
noprincess
Member
Member # 38660
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, April 12th (Friday)

Hugs (((Zamas)))!

I'm so sorry for your situation. I did a lot of reading here on SI before I ever posted and I suppose that did prepare me a little for the TT and the lies that follow D-Day. The pain and anger are EPIC!

Stay here and know that these wise people will continue to support you and never judge. We all want, more than anything, to spare you any more pain and misery.

The OW is pregnant, this alone is so much to process (((Zamas))). What is the status of things with your H now? Are you in a place where you can tell us more about what is going on in your situation?

We are all here for your support and to help you get to the other side of this.


"Never, never, never give up." - Winston Churchill

Posts: 138 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Zamas
Member
Member # 38658
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, April 12th (Friday)

Basically, he left. They're in love, he wants this baby, and they're moving in together, two minutes from my home. He has fooled himself into believing that we were over long before he ever started screwing her so he expects me to be grown up and mature about this separation. We weren't though, he TT'd me enough that we were fixing our marriage (HA) with HB, communication, MC, the whole bit, but he was with her the entire time. They had a standing Wednesday date for months where I thought he was working but they were together. Meanwhile, we had MC on Thursday. The whole situation is so twisted and cruel that I still haven't wrapped my head around just how successfully he played me. I'm almost not even heartbroken because he is so far away from the man I married I don't even recognize him anymore. I think it's just shock though, I'm in limbo and it hasn't fully sunken in yet.


Me- SAHM 30yo BS
Him- 32yo WS
Three kids, 9, 7, 10mo

Their baby was born in Sept and they are happily househunting. He finally left 4/03.


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: New Jersey
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, April 12th (Friday)

Wow, he's in deep.
You do realize it only takes one to ruin a marriage, but takes 2 with a whole lot of work, to R.
That this is not your fault.
He has made his choice, and for whatever his broken thinking is, he is deep in the fog.
Do yourself a favor, go see an attorney, find out what your rights are. knowledge is strength.

If you have children together, it's time to lay down some ground rules. He has to be dad to his other kids.

((((Zamas)))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8489 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
BaldwinBeauty59
Member
Member # 35507
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, April 12th (Friday)

Zamas - what a dipshit your WH is. He is in love with a whore that is willing and actively helping to destroy the lives of his wife and three children? He is abandoning you, his children, and your marriage for a slut that has sex with MM? They deserve each other. They are both sick and broken. I hope you get mad. I mean good and mad and that anger holds you up and gives you the energy and strength to take care of you and your children. I feel so badly for you and your little ones. Please see a lawyer now and get child support orders (and hopefully spousal support) before the slut does. Why let her get the lion's share of child support? She will dump him when a better dick comes along. Every time he is away from her, he gets to worry who she is doing behind his back. He knows he can't trust her and she knows she can't trust him. Two peas in a pod making each other miserable is what will eventually happen when the "fog" clears.


Me - BW (53)
Him - WH (56)
OW - skanky whore coworker
Married 33 years
DDay1 8/10/11
DDay2 8/15/11
DDay3 8/28/11
2 grown children
Status - in R

Posts: 978 | Registered: May 2012
1Faith
Member
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, April 12th (Friday)

Oh Zamas

Of course you are spinning. Once again you are back at the beginning, when a new reality is being presented to you when you already thought you knew what reality was.

It hurts that your H chose to lie to you rather than be honest that he was still seeing the OW. That after all the pain he saw you in he could still be so cruel not only hard to understand, it is hard to stomach.

I have been where you are a lot of us have.

I hope you are seeing a IC. You need to regain some of the control of your situation by seeing an attorney. Don't get blindsided financially if you can help it.

Empower yourself rather than just wait to be at your H's whim. He has already proven to you that he does not care about your or your family's feelings or well being. And I am so sorry for that.

You need to care about you and seeing an attorney will give you some control over your future.

After all I have been through with my H I do not believe love is blind.

Real love is very clearly sighted. It sees all the flaws, all the imperfections and still loves despite those things. The fault in love is the trust.

When we love someone we trust they will love us back with the same tenderness and concern for our feelings that we give them, and we BS's know all too well that that is not always the case.

You love your H so much you gave him more trust than he has earned and it is time to stop.

I think what you should do next is focus on you. Focus on your health, your sanity, your family and your options.

Take you time and think going over all the good and all the very very bad. SO you are no longer trusting blindly.

My heart aches for you. Try to stay strong.

You are not alone. And you and your children matter. Praying for healing. One day at a time.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1141 | Registered: Apr 2013
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, April 12th (Friday)

Zamas, I understand your wanting to think your WH was the "exception." I thought the same way. I think, at least on my part, it was a kind of denial that this is really happening to me and I didn't want to think this could be the end of a marriage I committed to for life. I just couldn't understand how that commitment could possibly be so one-sided, but the ugly realization is that it has been one-sided as soon as the honeymoon fog lifted. Take strength from your anger and take action to let him know that while you may still love him deep down, you are not a fool, will no longer let him call the shots, and you will do what you have to do to protect yourself and your children.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1093 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
k94ever
Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, April 12th (Friday)

Zamas, you need to get a lawyer like yesterday.

It's war now. He is NOT your friend, he will NOT do the right thing financially for you and your kids. He is NOT a stand-up guy.

Get thee to a lawyer right now.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6539 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Zamas
Member
Member # 38658
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, April 12th (Friday)

Thank you all for your kind words and strength. We have worked out a child support/alimony/custody arrangement ourselves and we are currently drawing up the papers to submit to the courts. We don't have much extra cash so we are trying to avoid lawyers but I plan on having a friend of mine who works for a law office take a look at our arrangement to spot any obvious loopholes. The money he is offering is way more than a court would do, particularly bc his main income is a taxi service that is run completely off the books. Hopefully by Monday we will go and get it all notarized and then it can sink in and I can start to come to terms with it all. Right now I really just want space and time away from him but with this still so unsettled I don't want to risk him getting pissed off and saying "eff you take me to court" particularly since both of whores parents are lawyers. So I'm just playing the game, being civil with him, until its all notarized and then I can cut him out of my life. Except where the kids are concerned though.


Me- SAHM 30yo BS
Him- 32yo WS
Three kids, 9, 7, 10mo

Their baby was born in Sept and they are happily househunting. He finally left 4/03.


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: New Jersey
Zamas
Member
Member # 38658
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, April 12th (Friday)

Another double post, what the heck

[This message edited by Zamas at 1:02 PM, April 12th (Friday)]


Me- SAHM 30yo BS
Him- 32yo WS
Three kids, 9, 7, 10mo

Their baby was born in Sept and they are happily househunting. He finally left 4/03.


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: New Jersey
movingforward13
Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, April 12th (Friday)

(((Zamas))) you make me want to come to New Jersey to give you a hug. I am sooooooooooo sorry. Please take care of yourself. *hugs*


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 638 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, April 12th (Friday)

Sometimes "playing the game" is exactly what you need to do to get what you need. Patience can indeed be a virtue and pay off well. You know your situation better than anyone. Knowledge is power in that game.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1093 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
BrighterFuture
Member
Member # 38914
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, April 12th (Friday)

Your situation just makes me angry. So, your 3 kids mean nothing and all of a sudden the whore and the child she carries mean everything. How a man can forsake his kids, not caring how their lives are impacted because they have another woman just makes me so angry. The child is not even born yet, and his 3 kids mean nothing to him to want to make it work. I'll never understand.


Me:30
Him:31
D-day:2/24/13 (I was 10 weeks pregnant at the time and DS was 15 months)
Status: Parted ways!

"If only I can fight just a little longer, I know it's gonna make me stronger" Jamie Grace-Holding on.


Posts: 343 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Ohio
sparklingwater
Member
Member # 38792
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, April 12th (Friday)

(((Zamas)))

I really feel for you in this terrible situation and it's not surprising you are in shock. All I can say is put yourself and your children first in all decisions you make right now. They are your focus. He has made his decisions and he will have to live with them. Personally, I think in time they will haunt him.

Keep posting and venting and getting support here. It helps.


Newly single and trying to find my feet.

There's always light at the end of the tunnel, just pray it's not a train.


Posts: 104 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Australia
Zamas
Member
Member # 38658
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, April 12th (Friday)

I agree, he has no idea what he wants, where he's heading, nothing. I was his first relationship and almost feel like this is a combination of him sowing some oats and an early midlife crisis bc he is nowhere close to where he thought he would be at this age. Not that I'm excusing him at all, I could never take him back after all he's done to me and the kids through. The worst part, absolute worst part, is this whore has three kids of her own already - all the same age as my own kids. He's basically replaced me and my babies with her and hers, plus another one on the way.

He's like a Jerry Springer episode. Now in his life, there are 7 kids, 2 moms, and 3 dads. What a fucking winner. Either she is his soul mate and it's fate, or he is in a crazy spiral downwards and has no idea what he wants.

[This message edited by Zamas at 7:13 PM, April 12th (Friday)]


Me- SAHM 30yo BS
Him- 32yo WS
Three kids, 9, 7, 10mo

Their baby was born in Sept and they are happily househunting. He finally left 4/03.


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: New Jersey
BrighterFuture
Member
Member # 38914
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, April 12th (Friday)

This lady has 3 kids already?
That's an important detail I didn't know about. That post that says they always affair down is so true


Me:30
Him:31
D-day:2/24/13 (I was 10 weeks pregnant at the time and DS was 15 months)
Status: Parted ways!

"If only I can fight just a little longer, I know it's gonna make me stronger" Jamie Grace-Holding on.


Posts: 343 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Ohio
Zamas
Member
Member # 38658
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, April 12th (Friday)

Yup, three kids from two different dads. The older two love with her ex husband 2 hours away and the 10mo old lives with her as her ex bf is in and out of rehab for coke addiction. I have been dragged into the dregs of humanity with this move by WH. I told him it makes sense now how his worst insult he could think of was to call someone whit trash, apparently that was the self-loathing talking.


Me- SAHM 30yo BS
Him- 32yo WS
Three kids, 9, 7, 10mo

Their baby was born in Sept and they are happily househunting. He finally left 4/03.


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: New Jersey
BrighterFuture
Member
Member # 38914
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, April 12th (Friday)

She's not worth beating yourself over. She is trash. That explains why they had a standing date every Wednesday. Which responsible woman accepts part-time relationship if she ain't trash and doesn't think she deserves better. Relax, breathe. Give it 6 months at most.


Me:30
Him:31
D-day:2/24/13 (I was 10 weeks pregnant at the time and DS was 15 months)
Status: Parted ways!

"If only I can fight just a little longer, I know it's gonna make me stronger" Jamie Grace-Holding on.


Posts: 343 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Ohio
Holly-Isis
Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, April 12th (Friday)

Well, if anything this should help you take to heart that the A isn't the sign of something special between them, otherwise how would strangers on a message board know what he's been up to? It's nothing new, wonderful or special.

Look, if he tries to play the "I'll pull support from you card" - and that's a good chance given that this tramp already has two other kids plus the baby he will be expected to provide for- then let him know you'll give the courts info on his off the books earning. Have fun with the IRS bud. He's playing along now, but Trampy McTramperson will expect her spawn to be provided for. Be ready to enforce your agreement and let him know if he takes away support for your children, all his income will be under the scrutiny of an audit.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11186 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Zamas
Member
Member # 38658
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, April 12th (Friday)

I think I might have won on that front, temporarily at least. He's agreed to pay $500 per week for one year at which case we will renegotiate. I'm honestly tempted to move in with my mom for the year, she's already offered and the kids really want to, so I can really take full advantage and save as much as I can. I'm sure he won't be so willing to keep up the same level of support when the year is up and we will end up in court fighting it out but for now he's going to sign a document and we will get it notarized. The whore will have to wait for his money till then at least.


Me- SAHM 30yo BS
Him- 32yo WS
Three kids, 9, 7, 10mo

Their baby was born in Sept and they are happily househunting. He finally left 4/03.


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: New Jersey
Zamas
Member
Member # 38658
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, April 12th (Friday)

Holly- you're absolutely right. Everyone knew immediately that there was more, they could've written the ending for me minus the pregnancy at least. She is nothing new or special and he will wake up one day so full of regrets that my heart will sing! That's my secret dream at least.


Me- SAHM 30yo BS
Him- 32yo WS
Three kids, 9, 7, 10mo

Their baby was born in Sept and they are happily househunting. He finally left 4/03.


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: New Jersey
Getting to Happy
Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, April 12th (Friday)

OOH!

I LOVE THIS^^^

Have fun with the IRS bud.

BOOM!

Take care *Hugs*


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1140 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, April 13th (Saturday)

I'm so sorry Zamas. What a mess.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2589 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Topic Posts: 26