New Beginnings
User Topic: Trying hard to not go to the dark place tonight
Member # 37946
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, April 12th (Friday)

Four months ago today my divorce was final. And I'm feeling lonely tonight. I'm trying hard not to think about my x and how he's probably with ow tonight. I'm trying hard to keep from going there. I just feel really rejected and sad and hurt. If you can, please spare some PV's or prayers for me tonight.

Me (BS)- 36
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S.
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, April 12th (Friday)


Sending you prayers your way hun. :)

Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13809 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, April 12th (Friday)

It hasn't been very long at all for you... If I am reading your timeline correct, you are 8 months out from dday? and from dday to divorce was four months and then four more to now?

It is hard to imagine you not feeling as you describe!!

It is small comfort but truly, TIME does make the new normal feel more normal.

Hang in there and be kind to yourself.

BIG (((hugs)))

and remember you called yourself Survivor so you know you are going to get through this.

Lifting you up tonight.

Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5859 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Member # 37991
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, April 12th (Friday)

Positive vibes, prayers and mojo sent your way!

BSO, 53
exWSO, who cares
DD: 11/18/12
DD2: 11/21/12
Kicked him to the curb 11/21/12
“I tramp a perpetual journey.”
― Walt Whitman, Song of Myself

Posts: 119 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Red State SE US
Member # 37946
Default  Posted: 10:51 PM, April 12th (Friday)

Thank you for responses. It helps to know other people, even if I don't know you in real life, really do care.

Yes, caregiver, Dday was 8 months ago and the divorce was final 4 months ago. A lot has happened really quickly.

Thanks so much for the prayers and PV's.

Me (BS)- 36
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S.
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, April 12th (Friday)


I was a hot mess at 8 months. Big hugs. It gets better.

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17531 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, April 12th (Friday)

Prayers and hugs to you tonight.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17846 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
exhausted lady
Member # 30217
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, April 12th (Friday)

Big hugs Survivor. After only 8 months - and all the trauma you've been through in those months - having a little attitude dip is totally normal. It's gonna get better.

I still have a random night every now and then when I get kind of lonely, but it's mostly been happening since my furbaby passed away. I think I'm missing her more than anything.

It's good (although not fun) to go through the stages of grief, heal, and then maybe dip your toe in the dating pool. You're doing it the right way.

Your X on the other hand...... is probably going to reap just exactly what he sowed....with the sow.

Sometimes the hardest part of finally seeing through someone is accepting what you see...

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to
change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
-Reinhold Neibuhr

Posts: 3168 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Colorado
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 11:44 PM, April 12th (Friday)


The timeline for my marriage was similar to yours.

I suspected him of cheating and I asked him to leave 4/2003. He wanted the divorce done by 5/2003. We were divorced 9/2003. he married OW 2 weeks later beginning of 10/2003.

At first I was numb, and I think that was a good thing, because If I felt everything that was thrown at me I would have drowned. But when I started coming out of the numbness.. it was like being buried alive. So much, so soon.. so overwhelmingly sad.

It does get easier to deal with... with time. I promise.

The roller coaster didn't end for me for over a year.... I think it had to do with how fast everything happened.. I was spinning and couldn't get my bearings. Just as I was getting stable I got hit with something else that set me spinning again.

Hold onto us... we will help steady you.

Sending you prayers, peace, comfort and love.

Hugs too,


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5270 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Member # 37946
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, April 13th (Saturday)

Thank you! I made it through last night and it really wasn't as bad as I'd feared at the beginning of the night. Thanks so much for all of your support! This site is such a lifesaver!

Me (BS)- 36
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S.
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, April 13th (Saturday)

Yeah, it was a full year before I really even felt the light of day. I put myself into therapy and really focused on myself.

What I've learned:

1) If I have a bad day, go ahead and have it. Wallow around and allow the emotions to come up. If you stuff them down, they will come up anyway.

2) While I'm having that bad day, take care of myself. Cocoon. Don't worry about pissing off other people. Tell your friends you are not good and need to retreat and just be OK with it. Let them know when you are ready to talk.

3) I have learned to do things just for me. Silly, but...for example....take a bath with some good smelling something, a book and a glass of wine. Usually this will relax me, relax my mind, and I sleep better.

4) Turn to SI when no one else understands.

me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings

Posts: 4186 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, April 13th (Saturday)

chiming in late with hugs and positive vibes. It does get better with time. I'm glad this morning was better.

(love your tag line--reminds me of Winston Churchill's saying "When you are in hell, keep going".)

DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52

Posts: 3209 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Topic Posts: 12