Topic: Too Clingy?
Member # 38090
| Posted: 7:50 AM, April 16th (Tuesday)|
My BS has recently mentioned that I have been very clingly lately and I would have to agree. I feel more and more stressed out when I am away from her. I don't want to go to work, I don't even want to leave the house without her and our family. Have you WS's felt this same way as you were going through recovery?
Me: WH - 42
Father of 3 beautiful girls
Posts: 52 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 38341
| Posted: 8:16 AM, April 16th (Tuesday)|
No stop sign...BS here.
The following weeks after DDay, I thought my WH was definitely clingy. I don't know if he really was or I was just so used to being ignored that it "seemed" clingy.
I simply told him there are times I need alone. Unfortunately, our WS can be our biggest trigger sometimes. I had to be away from him and everything for awhile just to cry, grieve, be mad and figure out what direction I wanted to go from there.
It's wonderful that you are there for her, but she may need some processing time alone. Try not to be offended by that need. It's a hell of a ride on the coaster.
Hang in there.
Just call me Heart. :)
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain
Posts: 344 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
Member # 36684
| Posted: 8:32 AM, April 16th (Tuesday)|
I felt this way at first. I would get anxious if we were apart. REALLY anxious.
I would get borderline obsessed about how he was feeling.
Constantly check my phone for texts or calls.
It has gotten better as time has gone on, healthier.
We spend a lot of time together, one and one and as a family.
We have awesome conversations.
We have more intimacy now than ever before....not just in the bedroom. Actual intimacy.
When we spend time apart I miss him, and I am thrilled when he comes home.
We have come a long way, and have a long way to go.
One Day At A Time.
I'll echo HIADP: Hang in There.
FWS me 36 (recovering addict)
BS him 38 (chicho)
Together 7 years
"Your secrets keep you sick"
Posts: 939 | Registered: Sep 2012
Member # 38089
| Posted: 8:57 AM, April 16th (Tuesday)|
My WH is like this sometimes. I have found he wants to go everywhere as a family or together, where during the A he wanted as much time alone as possible.
He also doesnt want to eat lunch alone, but he has stopped going to lunch with his co-workers (even tho the one he cheated with isnt there), and he tried to be with me as much as possible.
I like it. It gains trust, and shows me that he is involved with our R.
BS(Me) - 32
WS(HUbbie) - 40
OW - 44 (a ugly, old, white trash horse faced Coworker)
Affair was 2 months long
3 kids - 5yr old, and twins 8 months
Dday - 12/25/12 (lots of signs before I should have seen)
Posts: 345 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 37201
| Posted: 9:50 AM, April 16th (Tuesday)|
Yes. I tend to be very clingy. This is often at odds with where my BS is while trying to heal from this hell. She often needs to withdraw or take space. For most of the seven months we have been going through this, I haven't been particularly good at managing this. I like to think I've gotten a little better recently. I'm just trying to really see her where she's at and not cause her more pain.
So yes, it's hard. It's especially hard when I have to go somewhere, including work. (Luckily, I can work from home a lot). I find it very hard to focus while apart and do constantly check my phone and IM for contact from her. Again, I'm getting better at it, but it is a steep, uphill struggle.
WS (me) 45- Dday was 9/20/2012
Wife 41 (sodamnlost on SI)
Together 9 years, married 5
Stepdad to 6 amazing kids (22, 21, 16, 15, 12, 10)
Trying wicked hard - never giving up.
Posts: 38 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Michigan
Member # 36853
| Posted: 3:42 PM, April 16th (Tuesday)|
Yes. I have been clingy too. BH works nights frequently and if I'm home during his sleep time it is SO HARD for me not to go cuddle him while he's trying to sleep. The only thing that keeps me out of there most days is thinking of the selfishness of disturbing his sleep.
FWW 40's, BH (knight) 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
Posts: 692 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: the lifeboat
Member # 36456
| Posted: 4:23 PM, April 16th (Tuesday)|
BS Here - We were officially separated for 10 months. The last 3 of those we were dating. He's been home since February and now he's very clingy!
He has that teenage, puppy-love look on his face when I'm near him. He constantly has to touch me. Hold my hand. Sit beside me on the couch with our legs touching. Sends me random "I love you" or "I miss you" texts throughout the workday. He hasn't acted like this since we were in college!
Mondays are very hard for us. We spend almost every waking hour together over the weekend. Then on Monday, we both have to go to work. I have been terminally late since he moved back home!
From my side, I don't usually go for more than a few minutes without thinking about being with him. And I admit that I get very clingy, especially when I trigger.
I like to think of this as a good side effect to the reconciliation process! I get to daydream about my husband during the day and then go home to him at night!
Me (45) WH (41),2 boys 14 & 10
M 17yrs T 21yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now
Posts: 763 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
Member # 38384
| Posted: 4:34 PM, April 16th (Tuesday)|
BS here. MY H barely left the house after D-Day. I was actually getting annoyed bc I needed to be alone. I think he was afraid he would come home to an empty house.
Broevil, I find we are on a path similar to the one you mention. The talks are wonderful! Way more intimacy in all areas. This has generally been a problem for me. I know I would push him away. I am working on that.
He will be home soon from golf and I know he will beam when he sees me. I miss him now too.
Who knows but maybe this initial ....clingy-ness is much needed in the process.
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011. Discovered one year after it ended.
R is not linear
Posts: 1168 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Member # 38518
| Posted: 2:39 PM, April 19th (Friday)|
I've noticed my WW being more clingy than she ever has, but I think it may be for different reasons than just a bi-product of R. I think maybe it has to do with the need to fill that void that their AP left in them once the A ended. Sort of like ending a relationship with someone you really like or love (and don't necessarily want it to end, but it has to, say, because they are moving across the country or something), so you have a sense of emptiness in you that needs to be filled with love. Because of that, most people would cling to the next person that comes into their heart. I feel this way because a WS is not clingy at all (hell, they will do everything in their power to get you AWAY from them).
Another reason could be that after a WS gets out of the fog and sees what is really in front of them, they may feel move love for their BS than they ever have. If so, that could also explain the clinginess.
Let me say that clinginess is NOT a bad thing at all. In fact, it's highly desired by a lot of people who desire that level of closeness. I happen to be one of them.
But I can see how you may feel a little uncomfortable with this newly-discovered clinginess, especially if it wasn't ever there to begin with. May make you feel suspicious, etc. Totally makes sense!
ME: 33 BH
HER: 32 WW
Married: 8 years
DDay #1: 02/22/2006 (ONS)
DDay #2: 09/23/2012 (EA/PA)
DDay #3: 12/07/2012 (EA/PA)
DDay #4: 01/03/2013 (EA/PA)
DDay #5: 01/24/2013 (EA/PA)
TT until 04/07/2013
100% NC: 04/18/2013
Posts: 190 | Registered: Feb 2013
|Topic Posts: 9|| |