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User Topic: A new stress weekly...
Sienna500
Member
Member # 38832
Default  Posted: 4:18 AM, April 18th (Thursday)

I think I'll end up posting something on here every week and I really wish I didn't have to but I don't know what else to do.

I'm pregnant and terrified it will put too much stress on us. It hasn't so far but it's early and we haven't told anyone yet. I'm going to have to start telling people soon, next week really.

It seems like it's just one thing after another and has been for months. My H and I are both exhausted.

I thought about mentioning it before but I didn't think it affected the content of my other posts and didn't want to bombard this site. As it happens, I pretty much am anyway.

We haven't told anyone apart from my best friend. I even told my husband not to put it on SI. I've been trying not to think about it but, I know I can't sweep this one under the rug for much longer.

My 'to do' list seems to be never ending. I'm sorry I ask so many questions and you have all been so helpful, I'm still just a bit lost.


Me: WW 27
Him: BH 28
M: 5 years, together 8
3 kids (aged 3, 4 & a baby born 5 Sept 2013)
3 ONSs in 2 weeks
DDay: 20 Jan 2013 (a week after)

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:34 AM, April 18th (Thursday)

Sienna,

Post when you need to post. Many of us post like crazy when we get on SI, because we need to!

Are you comfortable telling other people IRL? If not, why do you need to?

Use SI and IC for support. You will need it to help you get through the stress of trying to R. It's not 'bombarding the site'. That's the purpose of SI!


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38046 | Registered: Sep 2007
Sienna500
Member
Member # 38832
Default  Posted: 5:45 AM, April 18th (Thursday)

Thank you, I just feel like I'm constantly asking questions.

I will need to tell our families we're expecting a baby but I know everyone's reaction will be awful. It isn't a good time to bring another baby in, I know this but it's where we're at.

Even my best friend looked exasperated. Imagine my in- laws, they'll probably question if my H is the father, and yes he is 100%. Thank God.


Me: WW 27
Him: BH 28
M: 5 years, together 8
3 kids (aged 3, 4 & a baby born 5 Sept 2013)
3 ONSs in 2 weeks
DDay: 20 Jan 2013 (a week after)

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, April 18th (Thursday)

Oh. I thought you meant telling them about the cheating. I guess they all already know.

My suggestion is to keep your marital business private. Work through it with your BH. If people comment, tell them you and BH are working through it and if you want feedback/advice/opinions, you'll ask.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38046 | Registered: Sep 2007
Sienna500
Member
Member # 38832
Default  Posted: 6:26 AM, April 18th (Thursday)

Yes they all already know, my H told everyone and anyone thinking it would make him feel better. He regrets it now.

I told my husband to tell them about the baby but he refused, said we have to together. I know I was trying to cop-out but everything is so incredibly dramatic at the moment it's literally one thing after another.

I've already needed to give my H a biology lesson. It's going to be another bout of total hell. My in-laws and his friends will have a lot to say.


Me: WW 27
Him: BH 28
M: 5 years, together 8
3 kids (aged 3, 4 & a baby born 5 Sept 2013)
3 ONSs in 2 weeks
DDay: 20 Jan 2013 (a week after)

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
tryingmybest2011
Member
Member # 32584
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, April 18th (Thursday)

It's going to be another bout of total hell. My in-laws and his friends will have a lot to say.

As a pregnant BS, I was terrified to tell my parents and friends I was expecting - WH and I are nowhere near R. I felt like an irresponsible teenager. After they saw that I was (mostly) OK with the situation - not the marriage, but the pregnancy - they relaxed and are really supportive and excited.

The thing is, you don't know what they are going to say, but they'll take the cue from you and your husband. Presenting the pregnancy as a white-knuckle whirlwind will definitely amp up the drama. Presenting it as a neutral/positive thing may help that.

My opinion is that a baby is always a blessing - be sure not to serve up that news on a garbage can lid. It's a good thing.

And his family and friends will have an opinion, which they'll possibly share with each other and maybe with you. Um...oh well and so what. Can you get to a place where you can shrug at that thought?

You did not create this baby by yourself, and I agree with your husband that you should both announce it, when and how you choose to, together.

Good luck to you, Sienna.

Edited to add...

Congratulations!

[This message edited by tryingmybest2011 at 8:05 AM, April 18th (Thursday)]


BS: me - 37
WH: him - 37
DD: 8
DD: 11 mos

Married over 9 years, together for 18.

DD#1: 12/12/10 - LTA of 3 years, 2 mos.
DD#2: 02/02/11 - 2 EA/PA with coworkers, a month after the LTA was ended (by OW).

In limbo.


Posts: 323 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Ontario Canada
Sienna500
Member
Member # 38832
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, April 18th (Thursday)

I can probably postpone it another week or so and I might do that to be honest.

I do feel like an irresponsible teenager. We see a baby as a blessing, I just wish it happened at a different time. It's my own fault though and I know how babies are made so it wasn't a 'huge' shock.

It is just the 'one thing after another' feeling and I think it will only get tougher as I work on myself, whilst growing a new little life and my hormones kick in. I really don't want more stress on my relationship but it's too late now I suppose.

[This message edited by Sienna500 at 8:05 AM, April 18th (Thursday)]


Me: WW 27
Him: BH 28
M: 5 years, together 8
3 kids (aged 3, 4 & a baby born 5 Sept 2013)
3 ONSs in 2 weeks
DDay: 20 Jan 2013 (a week after)

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
tryingmybest2011
Member
Member # 32584
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, April 18th (Thursday)

OK. Well, realistically, you can only work on one thing at a time when you're dealing with this stuff. Baby or not.

So, focus on that one thing that is in front of you at the moment, and do your best. Today. And the next thing tomorrow.

Yeah, so the timing is not ideal. But in five years when your child is starting school, I doubt you will look at him or her and think, "Gee, your conception was just a year or two off". Sienna, it won't even be a consideration at that point. Not for you, and not for his friends and family.

You can do this. You are already doing it, as a matter of fact. Focus on one thing at a time.


BS: me - 37
WH: him - 37
DD: 8
DD: 11 mos

Married over 9 years, together for 18.

DD#1: 12/12/10 - LTA of 3 years, 2 mos.
DD#2: 02/02/11 - 2 EA/PA with coworkers, a month after the LTA was ended (by OW).

In limbo.


Posts: 323 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Ontario Canada
Sienna500
Member
Member # 38832
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, April 18th (Thursday)

My H wants us to say at the weekend and I'm not so sure. I'll just see how it goes and try my best to get through one day at a time.

I've been trying not to think about it but my H is moving from panic to excitement so it's tricky. I can't help but look ahead, probably pessimistic of me and he likes to tell everyone everything.

Thank you for your advice and thank you for the well wishes.


Me: WW 27
Him: BH 28
M: 5 years, together 8
3 kids (aged 3, 4 & a baby born 5 Sept 2013)
3 ONSs in 2 weeks
DDay: 20 Jan 2013 (a week after)

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
FR2012
Member
Member # 36345
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, April 18th (Thursday)

Sienna,

SI is here to help. So whenever you have a question or concern, just ask. Even if it is every week or every day.

The longer you postpone telling them, the harder it is going to be in the long run.

As a pregnant FWS I can say that this pregnancy came at a weird time for us too.

We were only 4 1/2 months out from D-Day. I took a pregnancy test in the morning before work, not expecting it to come back positive and it did. It was really early in the morning and I woke up my husband and told him. I was but wasn't shocked. I just feel that it came at a bad time.

I honestly wish that our little baby would have come at a different time and it is hard thinking about it.

Now that we are just under a week (hopefully) from meeting our little boy, I am getting nervous. Things have felt off lately. I just really wish this would have come at a different time. By the time our boy comes, we will only be a year out. That hardly seems like enough time.

My family knew when I was about 10 weeks pregnant. It was weird and hard to tell my sister as she knows what happened last year.

My husband and I have a lot of work still to do within our relationship, but we are working on things.

You will figure out a way to work through this. It will be hard, especially being the wayward. I know it has been for me. But you can do it. You can make it through this. And even though you wish your baby could come at a different time, seems like it was meant to happen now. Just take it one day at a time.

[This message edited by FR2012 at 10:45 AM, April 18th (Thursday)]


BH (him): 28 ~ FWW (me): 27
Together 9 years
2 kids
D-Day: April 19, 2012

Posts: 167 | Registered: Aug 2012
Sienna500
Member
Member # 38832
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, April 18th (Thursday)

FR2012,

Thank you it's good to hear from someone in a similar situation.

I realise I have to tell them soon. It's definitely with it being so soon after. Whenever there's something crazy happen in my life my pill stays in my handbag, I just figured he wouldn't want to sleep with me. II didn't know much about infidelity issues before.

...and to be honest I was just so relieved to have a period not long after my ONSs that my normal birth control was put the window.

I should have learned my lesson, I was all up in the air after the birth of my daughter that I forgot to start taking the pill and got pregnant with my son when my daughter was 3 months old. My in-laws were very disapproving then too.

They already call me the fallen fairy- this is going to be a nightmare. Every time I've seen them I've got it in the neck and I know it's understandable but as childish as it sounds and I can't believe I'm going to write this but, they'll know I've had sex again. The reason it's so weird and embarrassing is because they already see me as this sexual creature corrupting their son. I've already made this a million times worse and now there's something else, that involves sex. I probably sound crazy.

Congrats and all the best to you and your family!

Edited because I think it reads strangely. I had ONSs then came off pill, had period, got pregnant. I hope that makes more sense.

[This message edited by Sienna500 at 10:50 AM, April 18th (Thursday)]


Me: WW 27
Him: BH 28
M: 5 years, together 8
3 kids (aged 3, 4 & a baby born 5 Sept 2013)
3 ONSs in 2 weeks
DDay: 20 Jan 2013 (a week after)

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
She-Ra
Member
Member # 36033
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, April 18th (Thursday)

Hi Sienna

Congrats on the baby! I just wanted to send over my support to you and good luck wishes with telling family about your pregnancy.

I''m in a similar boat in terms of pregnancy quickly after d-day however ours was specifically planned. Say what? I know. A few people gave me a hard time about a planned pregnancy so soon after. I pretty much left that decision up to my BH. We had 2 miscarriages before so it''s not like we weren''t already on the path to TTC so it really doesn''t make sense as to why I was throwing my marriage away when we were trying for a family. Once I confessed my BH still wanted to work on our family plans and boom I got pregnant 6 weeks after dday. Yes it added extra stress for us but has also helped bring us closer too.

Try to stay focused on you and your family, not what others think. I can see how this will be a difficult process for you two to get thru but stay strong.

I also say that you should feel free to post as much as you need. I posted like mofo in my earlier days. That''s kinda how it rolls around SI and its preferable actually. There is nothing worse than a new member that drops a few post bombs and disappears. I still worry about members that stopped posting last summer/fall. So don''t be shy, make yourself at home and post away girly


WW/BW 33 BH/WH 34
1 year old beautiful daughter

Posts: 859 | Registered: Jul 2012
Sienna500
Member
Member # 38832
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, April 18th (Thursday)

Hi,

Aww thank you very much. If I was into emoticons I'd have put a big smile to that post!

I'll try my best to focus for sure. I just get moments of worrying, I'm actually alright most of the time, not great but definitely alright.

My H cheered me up too, I'm worrying about his parents and I said how they already call me a fallen fairy, he smiled. It made me smile too- when you think about it, it's at least an amusing insult! He also offered a gum shield and a helmet just in case then did slow motion dives in front of me, the kids loved it, giggles erupted and it made me think how I'm actually a very lucky girl.


Me: WW 27
Him: BH 28
M: 5 years, together 8
3 kids (aged 3, 4 & a baby born 5 Sept 2013)
3 ONSs in 2 weeks
DDay: 20 Jan 2013 (a week after)

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 13