|Just Found Out|
Topic: why is she so much better than me.
Member # 39046
| Posted: 6:22 AM, April 20th (Saturday)|
My husband is staying at the house while we liquidate joint property. It has only been 3 days. He refuses to stop seeing her. The first two days he didnt go out, but last night he was out till 1 even though he had to work at 6. I keep wondering why is she so awesome. It hurts so much when he leaves and i dont know where he is going. She is married too. I dont know if I should leave and take the kids? We are seling the house eventually.
Posts: 26 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nebraska
Member # 36038
| Posted: 7:24 AM, April 20th (Saturday)|
She's NOT better! She's different, but definitely NOT better.
Think about it--she's a woman who not only sleeps with married men, but a woman who cheats on her husband. You're not.
She's a woman who doesn't seem to care much about other people. You aren't.
It doesn't matter what she looks like, how she acts, what her job is, whatever. YOU are the bigger, better woman, and your husband is the broken one.
PM me if you need to. I get it. It hurts like death, but it does get better. It's early days for you.
FWH: 39 (SI username: Bumbling)
DDay #1: June 9, 2012
Dday #2 (TT): November 29, 2012
DDay #3 (The BIG one, ALL the TT): March 30, 2013
False R: June 12, 2012 - March 21, 2013
REAL R: March 21, 2013 - present
Posts: 280 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Texas
Member # 38619
| Posted: 8:51 AM, April 20th (Saturday)|
She's different. She's new. She's "perfect" in his eyes. But just wait. The glow brought on by stupidity will fade and the ugliness will be apparent. You are better than both of them so keep your chin held high.
Your priority right now is yourself and your kids. Get your ducks in a row. Stay strong and remember that no matter what happens you will always be the better person.
"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo
Posts: 385 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
Member # 22386
| Posted: 9:26 AM, April 20th (Saturday)|
She is not better than you...she is a cheating, married woman without any morals.
Does her husband know about the affair? The best way to end an affair is to expose it. DO NOT tell your husband if you decide to tell her husband.
So they were not together on Wednesday and Thursday nights but last night? Friday night? Was it that OW was able to have a valid excuse to sneak out on her husband last night?
Think about exposing them..this might just blow up in their faces.
Posts: 7449 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
Member # 39044
| Posted: 9:40 AM, April 20th (Saturday)|
I feel the same way. I cannot stop crying. I just want to die. It was an EA until probably last night. He met her online and was talking to her for about 3 weeks. He has beens staying at his dad's across the street from us. He want out (he said to the casino) yesterday and has yet to return and it is almost 11 am here. Today is our son's 9th birthday party, and dad is nowhere to be found. Why is this woman so much more important than us???? I am a wreck.
Me BS 37
Together 12 years
D-Day was told it was EA 4/11/2013 found out it was PA 4/21/2013 :( I am broken
1 son (9)
3 kids from previous (19,17,16)
His kids from previous 2 (17, 15)
Posts: 74 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 39046
| Posted: 2:09 PM, April 20th (Saturday)|
Her husband facebooked me on Wed am to tell me about the affair that he had discovered. I didn't see it and my husband told me on Wednesday night. I saw the post on Thurs am. Both families know. As far as work goes, how do I announce it. He is against it. Thinks it is no one's business. He already told his boss, or so he claims. Ugh...
Posts: 26 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nebraska
Member # 38681
| Posted: 2:16 PM, April 20th (Saturday)|
He already told his boss, or so he claims.
I doubt that. He is saying this to negate the effect it'll cause at work.
My exW said the same thing "everyone knows in the office".
He is scared and thats why he said that.
Is OW prepared to leave her husband?
And to answer the original question, no, she is not better. He is in the fog. Wait till the bills and kids come around.
[This message edited by Happydays at 2:17 PM, April 20th (Saturday)]
DS: 3 year old.
No remorse so:
Divorced 02/15/2013. No alimony, no CS, got apartment. Won all battles and mind games off the courts.
Posts: 294 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 39046
| Posted: 3:13 PM, April 20th (Saturday)|
She is planning on leaving her husband. I met with him and we talked after he facebooked me. She told him she intends to move in with my husband and raise my two boys. My husband claims that is not his intention and that I know nothing of this man. He has nothing to gain by telling me this though. I have so much anger, I don'tknow what to think.
Posts: 26 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nebraska
Member # 37933
| Posted: 3:29 PM, April 20th (Saturday)|
I've read your other posts too.
From what I understand, you have two small children, own joint property, and your husband wants to file against you for divorce because he wants to be with the woman he has been committing adultery with.
Great. On Monday, make an appointment with a divorce attorney. Keep any evidence of his affair documented, including texts emails etc to you. My advice is to be sure you get as much CS and alimony as possible. Also, don't be so fast to sell the house to pay off debt. How do you know the house isn't yours and the debt isn't his? Let a judge decide. Get an attorney get an attorney get an attorney. Your heart will hurt no matter what, don't add financial stress to it.
Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 37922
| Posted: 4:16 PM, April 20th (Saturday)|
Of course he doesn't want it exposed...but do it anyway...call his boss, his family, his friends, his friend's wives....sometimes the unicorns stop shitting rainbows when everyone weighs in...
But MOST importantly - what Absolut said - PROTECT YOU AND YOUR BABIES FIRST AND FOREMOST!!!
See a lawyer...protect your assets, get child support - you can even have stipulated that each party can't have over night guests during visitation until remarriage...
ANY way you can inject reality into their fantasy...I told H that he and his junkie whore would have to be drug tested weekly in order to have visitation - junkie whore said - NO WAY! Fuck those kids...who needs them? Whoa! Reality shocked H into NC immediately...(there was more reality than that - his family calling to share their disappointment for one...)
I'm sorry - this must be an awful shock for you - which is why you need a lawyer to guide you through this!
Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
Member # 38597
| Posted: 4:38 PM, April 20th (Saturday)|
She is either completely broken or a narcissist with no morals! Definitely not better than you!
Take care of yourself. I'm all for exposure...the quickest way to stop an affair.
"I move slow and steady, but I feel like a waterfall."
Posts: 653 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 38162
| Posted: 10:40 PM, April 20th (Saturday)|
I know it's hard to wrap your mind around this right now, but it is the truth:
1. This is not about the OW. She does not have some marvelous magnetic power. She is an adulterous train wreck, whether your WH is can see that or not.
2. This is not about you. You could look like a supermodel, cook like Julia Child, and be a porn star in bed, and he still would have cheated.
3. This is about him. A broken, emotionally stunted man who could have done any one of a million things to improve himself and his marriage. Instead, he turned his back on his marriage vows and opened up to another woman. He did that because there's something wrong inside him, not because of external factors (not her, not you, not the marriage).
Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 37455
| Posted: 11:23 PM, April 20th (Saturday)|
Don't agree to anything until you see a lawyer. Meanwhile, expose, expose expose. Cheaters lie and liars cheat.
Got a weird feeling about this. I think maybe based on the casino comment, tied in with the speed of him wanting to liquidate. Do you know how much debt you are in?
See a lawyer NOW!
[This message edited by 5454real at 11:25 PM, April 20th (Saturday)]
BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone
Posts: 2686 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 38458
| Posted: 9:44 AM, April 21st (Sunday)|
She most certainly isn't better, just willing. I'm starting to think that a lot of Waywards don't care who it is they end up with, it's just the thrill of being with someone else and a distraction from their messed up selves.
My WH's AP was an ugly (inside and out), impulsive drug addict who lost custody of her kids. What an upgrade!
Tell EVERYONE! F*ck his feelings! It's not about him anymore. The affair was *all* about him but not a damn thing you do from this point forward needs to be about him unless he gets his head out of his butt and you BOTH agree to try to reconcile.
He wants it to be a secret because everyone knowing that he is an awful person doesn't fit well with the fantasy world he created in his mind.
Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013
Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Member # 35507
| Posted: 10:41 AM, April 21st (Sunday)|
She is not and never will be better than you. She is a liar and a cheater. She betrayed and destroyed her husband and family and is willing to help her lover destroy his wife and family too. She is not worth the dirt on the bottom of your shoe. She has no morals or values. She doesn't really love or care for your WH. She only cares for herself. Your WH is no better than she is, he may even be worse as he is doing the same thing. They are both selfish losers. When their little A bubble bursts and the scales fall from their eyes, only then will they truly see the real person and not the fantasy one. Tell everyone what he is doing. It will burst the A bubble in a heartbeat. They thrive on secrecy, once they have to face all their family, neighbors, and coworkers, only then will they feel the shame of their behavior. Let them start feeling the consequences of their actions.
Me - BW (53)
Him - WH (56)
OW - skanky whore coworker
Married 33 years
2 grown children
Status - in R
Posts: 978 | Registered: May 2012
Member # 38975
| Posted: 4:46 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)|
She is not better than you by any stretch of the imagination.
She is selfish and regardless of what she looks like her soul is UGLY.
Who tears apart two families to serve their own selfish interests? Their no responsibility fantasy land.
It's BS and it will implode. Their "relationship" is built on lies and that cannot be sustained. Eventually the rose color glasses will come off and they will see each other for what they are...liars and cheaters. How can they trust each other knowing what they've done to their current spouses?
Pick yourself up as hard as it is and be strong for your kids. Get legal advice ASAP. Freeze accounts, whatever you need to do to protect yourself.
It's heartbreaking as we all know but right now I implore you to get pissed off that this is happening. Get mad so you can take action.
Look up the 180 and try and start to do some of these things immediately.
Do not wait around and be his OPTION.
Sorry, reading your post makes me so mad/sad for you.
When a person make the concious choice to cheat it is not about what they weren't getting...it is about what they weren't giving.
I know it is new, I know it hurts like hell but take the power back.
Keep moving. We all are here.
[This message edited by 1Faith at 4:51 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)]
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou
Posts: 1105 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 38312
| Posted: 5:13 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)|
They are not better by any means. Its the thrill of something different and new. But remember as with everything he will get used to her and probably cheat or be cheated on. That's how life is. But don't think that she's better than you. You didn't compromise your vows or morals for a quick lay. Hugs honey, it gets easier as time passes by.
Me: 32 y/o, student and mom of two of the best kids in the world
Him: 33 y/o scumbag
Feels good to start laughing and feeling better again...
Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Island
Member # 38116
| Posted: 7:08 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)|
Please listen to the great advice mentioned.
Please read and re-read this: SHE IS NOT BETTER THAN YOU. You are the MOTHER of his children. You are an honest, loving person who has morals.
She is a c***face who f**** married men. Classy. These AP are so broken and pathetic it makes me sick.
He has his head up his ass. Yes, everything is so great right now - wait until they are together in the REAL world. What kind of life could they possibly have? Everyone will know they cheated on their spouses. They will always look over their shoulders wondering who will cheat first.
I am so sorry for your pain. It does get easier with time. Please try to take care of yourself and keep your head up.
Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.
Posts: 308 | Registered: Jan 2013
|Topic Posts: 18|| |