SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Just Found Out
User Topic: So the A is over.
betraydtwice
Member
Member # 38921
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, April 20th (Saturday)

So after finding out that my H was ready to run away last year I have been crushed.

He on the other hand thinks I should be fine because it was last year, and because he never did it, he stayed.

I'm not fine....I hurt...leave me for a 30 yr younger skank who knows nothing and is really just a kid.

Everyone thinks I should be fine, it never happened, its over etc. Not in my head and heart is it over, it goes round and round and round.

I can't get over him asking he to leave with him..how could he do that to me??? How??


Posts: 148 | Registered: Apr 2013
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, April 20th (Saturday)

Whether he left or not,is hardly the point.

Nothing happened?

Your husband cheated on you. He lied to you. He betrayed you. He shared his body with OW. He touched another woman. He exposed you to STD's.

Get over it? it takes 3-5 years to heal from infidelity...and that's with NO TT..and a remorseful husband who is working his ass off to repair the damage he's caused.

Your WH isn't doing near the amount of work he should be doing. What are you going to do about that? have you read the 180? Have you told him what your requirements for R are?

As far as "everyone." Tell them to jump in a lake. Fuck them.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7682 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
hopefulmother
Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, April 20th (Saturday)

I agree with Confused. The Hell with "everyone" else. Tell them to shut up if they have never lived through it. If they want to know, guide them here.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 10yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 946 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
Omahahurt
New Member
Member # 39046
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, April 20th (Saturday)

I am struggling with should I try to reconcile for the kids. I don't know if I can ever get over it. I don't know if I can ever look at him the same again. It has only been 4 days now, but I have been on an emotional rollercoaster. It doesn't matter if its over, that doesn't erase it.


me-34
h-32
DD-4/17/2013

Posts: 26 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nebraska
easiersaid
Member
Member # 38398
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, April 21st (Sunday)

I have given myself 6 months before I seriously evaluate anything, and at the 3 month point now I am betting I give it another 6 months...to live all 4 seasons with this terrible heartache. 4 days out I could barely breathe. Of course, this all depends on his 100% efforts to reconcile. Just breathe and take care of yourself.


Me: BS, 40 yrs
Him: WS, 41 yrs (4 PA over 14 yrs, 2 ONS, 2 current PA of 3 months and 2 yrs)
Two small children
Married 17 years
D-day: 1/26/13

Posts: 108 | Registered: Feb 2013
whatahorriblemes
New Member
Member # 36928
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, April 21st (Sunday)

My WH left me last May for his ho-worker who is 33 years younger than me! So i can totally relate. He also thinks I should be over this by now since he only left for 30 days. Hah, I don't care if he only left for 30 minutes.

I am still so hurt almost a year later. He says he did not feel any guilt since he had decided he was finished with me. WTF?

He quit MC, only read 1 book and said it was stupid and will not discuss anything with me anymore.

I can't understand how they can expect to R without any effort. He exhibits zero empathy for my pain.


WH 61
OP 25
ME, BS 58
DDay 5-25-2012

Posts: 42 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: chicago
Housefulloflove
Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, April 21st (Sunday)

The affair may be over but if he still has the mindset of a cheater, does it really matter?

My WH affair is over but he's still a narcissistic jackass who tried to move his OW in with him before it ended. I will NEVER forget him tossing our family aside and trying to start a new life with someone else like we were an old wardrobe or some piece of junk he was finally getting rid of. He hasn't given me a single reason to think that he isn't the same jerk I kicked out of here so why would I feel any differently?

Has your WS given you a reason to feel differently or does he want you to pretend that it was some minor incident that you should just forgive and forget? If he's not doing everything he needs to do to reconcile you won't be "fine". I don't understand why anyone would tell you to just let something like that go. That's something a wayward would say to keep from having to do the work necessary to fix their enormous transgression.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 7