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User Topic: ups and downs
LonelyBH
New Member
Member # 38634
Default  Posted: 1:31 AM, April 21st (Sunday)

I was in a decent mood for the most part today. Spent 1st half of the day with WW, we have been getting closer lately. Spent the rest of the day/night working. When I work is when I seem to feel the most anger and when I get the most triggers. She constructed a rough draft of a time line for me, but there's a lot of information to sort out.

The pain i feel when looking at whats on the paper so far is close to what i felt when reading her letter about all her A's. Thinking about everything so vividly is what makes everyday hell. I know a lot of details, some I almost wish I didn't. Thinking about her and my old 'friend' makes me feel double betrayed, he was one of my best friends at the time. the letter did have more about them I had no clue about. The other, more recent A's hurt more i think, there were 3 om she met online, all older, richer, and she met with 2 of them multiple times over 5 months, so most of my 'mental images' are about them.

Any advice on coping with/getting rid of the mind movies?


BH:22
WW:22
S:4
Dday:2-27-13
Almost Reconciling

Posts: 21 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: LonelyBH
BrokenT
New Member
Member # 39056
Default  Posted: 1:49 AM, April 21st (Sunday)

I feel the exact same feelings! It's been 2 years for me actually! My husband had his A 2 years ago and I'm still hurting, I'm still angry and playing mind movies all the time. It's tough and I believe no one ever moves on completely. I've talked to friends and random people of my same situation, they do have their ups and downs and never the same as it used to be. Maybe it's a good thing, not to trust completely and be in love like teenagers, to guard oneself. I understand and feel your frustration. I have one advice though. Talk to your wife about this. If you guys choose to continue together then you both have true feelings for each other. So talk to her let her say to you why she's staying with you, why she loves you, hearing her sorrow and regret will help you with your feelings. When my husband says to me"I was stupid, that was not me, I was a different person when I did that, I was blind" all that helps, to an extent.


BW 27
WH 33
Real Dday: May 22nd, 2013

Posts: 49 | Registered: Apr 2013
imarriedmymother
Member
Member # 34360
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, April 21st (Sunday)

"I was stupid, that was not me, I was a different person when I did that, I was blind"
I love that, the possessed by a mystery person who made these fucked up decisions.

[This message edited by imarriedmymother at 8:43 AM, April 21st (Sunday)]


M 24 yrs
DD 9/9/11
Drunken ONS w/aquaintance, EA/PA with co-worker. Moved in w/AP 10/1/11, Kicked Out 12/19/11
Recongealed

24 years down the tubes, but at least I lost my man boobs.


Posts: 81 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: upper u.s.
hopefulmother
Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, April 21st (Sunday)

Glad she is working on R so well. It really sounds like you two might be able to save your relationship. I am still working on the "mind movies". I have read different info on dealing with that. Some say to let it play out and in time it will go away. Some say to stop them altogether and busy yourself with something else. I tend to play them out and change the ending (like envisioning myself showing up where they met and humiliating them both). You just have to figure out what works for you IMO. Perhaps it would help to contact the other BS's if there are unanswered questions.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 9yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 933 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
Topic Posts: 4