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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: A very vague request for mojo
TrustedHer
Member
Member # 23328
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, April 21st (Sunday)

Posted here because you are my peeps... and it mentions STBX.

(Side note: Last week it was 4 years since I filed, and still no divorce. Last week I was off-center, and I think it was that antiversary affecting me.)

I have a family situation involving my oldest son (DS30), and it is the kind of thing where parents should be cooperating and coordinating, at least logistically.

But I can't stand her. I don't want to be around her. And for those reasons, I bailed on the boy when he arranged a breakfast before the commencement of the event.

It turns out, I have since discovered, that because of my travel situation, there is nothing else I can do. The breakfast was really the whole shebang, until he comes out the other side.

I'm feeling bad about it. I still think it was the healthiest choice for me. I don't think it would really have been helpful for me to sit across the table at a restaurant and pretend. Helpful or healthy.

But I can't help the nagging feeling I somehow failed my boy.

I'll try to make it up to him later.

Tell me I'm not a bad dad.


Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Posts: 4925 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Crazyville ( A little East of St. Louis)
inconnu
Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, April 21st (Sunday)

((TH)) you are not a bad dad. your son knows how much you love and support him.

sending tons of mojo and positive thoughts, for you and your son.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 11954 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
betrayedfriend
Member
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 11:07 PM, April 21st (Sunday)

you aren't a bad dad... a bad dad would have gone along and made the whole event miserable by being an ass about it... Your son is my age, he's a big boy, he knows you love him and want him to have every happiness... next chance you get, remind him you love him, and hope to see him and spend some 1 on 1 time soon :)


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 809 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
woundedby2
Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, April 21st (Sunday)

(((TH)))

I share these same feelings with you in regard to my son's situation. I can't sit across a table from my Ex and pretend that we are a team. Even for my son, I can't play happy family or even friendly co-parents. I endured a 4 hour family session 2 months ago, and then last month I told my son I can't do it. That his dad would be there, but I was not coming that month.

I think it's ok to make your own self-preservation a priority. You and your Ex are no longer a team united. Your son is an adult. He will have to navigate separate relationships with his parents now.

Your son surely must realize how difficult it is for you to be around his mother will all that's gone on. Hopefully you will get an opportunity to express this to him. I know you have been a loving and supportive father. He knows that.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7615 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, April 22nd (Monday)

Your son is old enough to understand. I'm close to him in age and completely understand that my parents can't be in the same room as one another. I wouldn't sweat it.

Posts: 1311 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:17 AM, April 22nd (Monday)

You know you are not a bad dad, right? We all have those moments where we question ourselves when it comes to our kids, even when they are adults.

Sending you and your son mojo. ((((TH))))


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22507 | Registered: Aug 2011
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, April 22nd (Monday)

Tough stuff, indeed.


(((TH)))

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21000 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
devistatedmom
Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, April 22nd (Monday)

Naa. Staying away from that cancer does not make you a bad dad. Even with your travel situation, I know you will talk to him and support him through whatever this event is. Your love is there.


BS(me) 46, kids DS 17, DD 14.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5199 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 8