Just Found Out
User Topic: Everything on TV is a trigger
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Member # 39031
Default  Posted: 7:02 AM, April 22nd (Monday)

We cant watch any of our favorited shows anymore because everything triggers me about the A....all you see on TV now it lieing, cheating, and infidelity...I never realised how much until it happened to me. Is this normal? when will we be able to watch a movie together without this happening?

Married 8 yrs
No children
1 A, & 2nd time caught cheating with several woman

Posts: 11 | Registered: Apr 2013
New Member
Member # 38671
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, April 22nd (Monday)

I have noticed the same thing about all the deceit and infidelity. I guess it is normal and we still can't watch a movie or television together without it happening.

The other day we were watching an old episode of House and the whole thing was on infidelity and hubby kept asking me if I was ok. I explained to him about triggering in a way that he understood. Years ago we had a home invasion and one of the guys kept coming back for 3 days and knocking on our windows and doors. The feeling that we both had when anyone knocked on our door (especially forcefully) lasted for years afterward - he understands and he now "get's it"

BS - 44
WH - 46
Married 13 years together 16 years
D-Day 23/01/13
Working on it...

Posts: 36 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 38886
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, April 22nd (Monday)

Happened to me, too! It's awful, just awful.

It has passed somewhat as we have been rebuilding our relationship. BUT ouch! It still stings.

I just stay away from stuff the best I can.

Posts: 106 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 37630
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, April 22nd (Monday)

Yup. It is absolutely normal. Everything is a trigger.

For TV, try sticking to National Geographic or Discovery or some documentaries. It is also a good idea to read the review for a movie first to avoid nasty surprises and triggers.

Unfortunately, it will still affect you in some way. We picked a movie for this weekend which was a clean movie about the aspirations of a a young man wanting to make it big in a sport. No chance of infidelity there. Zilch! Guess what. One of the main characters name is the same as the POS1!! Fuck me..

BBF-turned-BH: 28 (Me)
WGF-turned-WW: 28 (EmotionalFool)
POS1: a 'friend'? WW believed it was my 'best friend'!
POS2: her senior at work!
Together - 6 years
Married - 1.5 years
D-Day- 15/10/12

Don't know where we are headed..

Posts: 276 | Registered: Nov 2012
Member # 38787
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, April 22nd (Monday)

It happens all the time...a movie a song, even a comedy. I watch the big big theory and one show was about going to Vegas a getting a hooker (my WH cheated with one for oral sex) ...well let me tell you I cried like a baby.

Bw (me) 47
WH (him) 59
D day 3/7/2013
Married 26 together 28
2 adult sons 25 and 22

Posts: 167 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: nj
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, April 22nd (Monday)

It's true.

We used to enjoy Mad Men with a bowl of popcorn before and during the A. We would talk about the episodes for several days and even watch the rebroadcasts. We still watch it together but everything about Don Draper triggers me now. I have to consciously self-talk during some of the scenes to keep from having panic attacks. I firmly believe that the main characters' adulterous life styles influenced my H's decision to cheat (he was a young adult during the 60s).

I'm still triggered by commercials with young women who look like the AP. Viagra and Cialis ads, dating site ads and any old men with young women are unpleasant to watch and we both change the channel.

Posts: 723 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, April 22nd (Monday)

This is very normal. It's the same concept as you never see a car on the road until you buy one then you see that same make and model everywhere. It's not so much the tv show or the movie but it's the triggers it causes. The triggers change, some stay and some go. I found it easier to stick to scifi and action films/tv and even those weren't 100% safe.

If you are close to dday it may not seem like it but it DOES get better with time.

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1912 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, April 22nd (Monday)

It actually makes me really mad at the media. Infidelity is NEVER portrayed accurately.

This thing destroys people and they act like it's "cute".

Just last night WH mentioned to me that he will never be able to watch the movie about Johnny Cash again. He was appalled that he cheated to meet his second wife and that she was made out to be some hero while his first wife/family just kind of disappeared. We were both amazed that we could watch that before and not be offended.

D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1083 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, April 22nd (Monday)

It actually makes me really mad at the media. Infidelity is NEVER portrayed accurately

I agree because if they potrayed it accurately no one would stay to watch the movie or tv show.

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1912 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, April 22nd (Monday)

I believe that it depends on how remorseful your WS is and hey hard they work at reconciling with you.

My Dday was Nov 2012. Last night I started watching a movie I'd never seen before. Turns out the main character's wife meets up with another guy in a hotel room because she "isn't happy" in her marriage anymore. She proceeds to tell her husband about all his failings in the marriage after the husband catches her. I shut it off right there. I triggered like crazy.

Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, April 22nd (Monday)

I pretty much just stick to sports, traffic, and weather. Or if there is something cool about the universe on the Science channel. My wife used to watch all the cheating shows - Desperate Housewives, Sex in the City, Hung, etc. Should have been a clue...

Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4005 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, April 22nd (Monday)

The Office WAS my favorite TV show before D day. Although I will say it has gotten worse on it's own merrits, but post D day and it is really hard to watch. I don't think there is one character that has not been cheated on or been a cheater.

Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 675 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
Member # 34107
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, April 22nd (Monday)

Right there with all of you on this one.

My WW is the only one who watches pre-recorded TV anymore - the kids and I will watch the occassional baseball or football game, and that is it. Once the D is final, cable TV is getting cancelled.

A while ago I realized how much of a drag that Hollywood was on our lives. Why be spoon-fed pablum like good little kiddies, when there is a whole world out there to explore. Go pick wildflowers. Go hike a mountain. Go fly a kite. Go walk the dog. Start a business. Volunteer your time. Teach yourself to fix your own car. Start a garden.

There are a million more rewarding things to do than network TV.

DDay #1: December 4, 2011
DDay #2: April 20, 2013

Me: BH
Her: WW
Kids: 18 & 16

R for 17 months, turned out to be false R. Starting the D process.

Posts: 56 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, April 22nd (Monday)

There was a particular song that was a big trigger. The song was background music to a slide show the kids and I created as a Xmas present for POS while we were living a large distance apart during a cross country family move several years ago. It brought tears to his eyes. Fast forward to find out he was have A2 during that time. I still love the song, but it haunts me.

So I decided I needed a "new" memory of that song. DD created a slide show using that same song for DS who is on deployment. His birthday is coming up and that is a gift to him. The memory transition is slow, but I think I will be able to replace the old nasty one with the new one and the everlasting love of my son. I even told DD I needed this to create that new memory for the song, and she completely understood and was all on board. POS is nowhere to be found in the slideshow to DS...

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 2:47 PM, April 22nd (Monday)]

BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet

Posts: 1198 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, April 22nd (Monday)

For me it was many songs on the radio about cheating and broken hearts. Then later lots of songs about after break ups that made me feel better. It is amazing how music and tv/movies can affect us so strongly

BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Member # 34918
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, April 22nd (Monday)

Oh yeah, TV is super triggery for me. Duck Dynasty is my new best friend because there is NO triggers and its a bunch of loveable rednecks, lol!

I never realized how much infidelity there is on TV shows until I became a BW. It actually sickens me, how desensitized I was to infidelity-laden plot lines :(

BW (me):30
WH (guiltfilled11): 31
together 11 years, married 5 years
DDay: July 6th 2011
False R: beginning of August
True R until DDay 06/20 - talking to another girl and lying about it
Kids: DD 7, DS 4, DD 3

On the fence... do I stay or do

Posts: 183 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: NY
Member # 38561
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, April 22nd (Monday)

Completely normal. I can't watch anything but sports, food network, or HGTV/DIY Network. Nothing with social content.

ME - A new person
HER - A waining memory
DDay - 2/22/2013
2-3 month EA/PA
Together for 6 years, ready to start my life . . .

"I can fill the flask up, but can't get past us
I'm in the storm, staying strong, but can't get back

Posts: 177 | Registered: Feb 2013
Member # 38851
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, April 22nd (Monday)

I feel the same way, before I became a BS, watching shows and it showed cheating, secrets and lies, to me it was just a show. But not anymore, I know what it feels like to be a BS now and it sickens me that there is so much of it out there, from movies, tv shows, songs, and even sometimes commercials can be a trigger for me.

I cant even watch the news sometimes because of where the OW lives, this is where the news is broadcast from and sometimes the news stories are in that city and then some scenes remind me.

It never ends, constant triggers everywhere. We live in a rural area, OW lives in a city. Last summer we were outside having a fire and WH said "it's quiet in here" To me that was a trigger, I couldnt enjoy the fire anymore for the rest of the night

Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 37168
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday)

happens all the time. FWH claims not notice, so I now use it as an opportunity to ask him whilst watching - how does he feel?cHow does he think I'm feeling? Is that person overstepping boundaries? What should that person be doing to make their boundaries clearance. I am trying to use the storylines positively as a means of talking about the A, without directly accusing. It has opens up conversations we would not have had otherwise.

Some are reall hard though

Posts: 266 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 19