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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: He wants to postpone mediation. I don't.
MichelleRenee
Member
Member # 38880
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, April 22nd (Monday)

My stbx has been screwing up at work and taking a lot of time off lately to whore around, get high, etc. They told him if he takes off one more time they'll fire him. Our mediation date is for april 30th which is "hard core" week at work (an important week with long hours). He tried to call the court to change the date but they won't let him. I have to do it. I don't want to do it. I want to get this shit done with. Without mediation we cannot see a judge and get any temp orders in place for support and such.

Well on the phone right now he said he's SUE me if I didn't change the date & he lost his job. I'm waiting on my lawyer to get back to me but that could take awhile. What do you think I should do?


Me - 37
lying cheating a-hole - 36
kids - 17,12,10
D-day 3/25/2013
Filed for divorce 3/26/2013

Posts: 66 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Chatsworth, Ca
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, April 22nd (Monday)

I'm torn between helping him out or not. Because if he's not working you're not going to get any financial support from him. However, you shouldn't have to delay due to his irresponsibility. He should have thought about the court date prior to screwing around and he should have told his work as soon as he found out about the court date.

When does he want to change the date to? Can it be moved to 1 week later? If so, I'd do it. However, if it's another month... I don't know. He can sue you if he wants. I don't see how he could win since it's not your fault he's missing work so much.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4165 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, April 22nd (Monday)

I think you should keep the court date as is.
From your original post, you stated the court already refused his request to change dates anyway.

His inability to behave like an adult should not influence how you have to run your life.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6440 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
movingforward13
Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, April 22nd (Monday)

Fuck that guy.... He took all that time off to whore around. Now he doesn't have any time to take for the important matters?
So when will he be able to go to court? At the end of the day, you do need him to be working to give you anything... But he isn't giving you shit now so it kinda cancels out.... Except with a court order, he will be behind and owe.

Oh and again, fuck that guy. (That is like my favorite saying!)


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 638 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, April 22nd (Monday)

They told him if he takes off one more time they'll fire him.

Do you know this for fact, or is he just telling you this to stall the whole thing? It is a free country and he can sue you for whatever he wants, but it will be dismissed as frivolous as you are not responsible for his actions in any way, and you are not responsible for the court schedule.

I agree with little turtle if you can have it postponed for one week or so I would, just because that demonstrates to the court that YOU are trying to be reasonable and may work in your favor, but I wouldn't go any longer than that. If the court says no go, then it is out of your hands anyway.

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 12:57 PM, April 22nd (Monday)]


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1085 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, April 22nd (Monday)

Depends. What's in it for you? Is he the type who will actually be helpful if you are too? (mine was) Or is he just going to try and walk all over you regardless?

Since this is mediation, I suggest you ask him what he'll do for you if you do this for him.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13732 | Registered: Jul 2011
MichelleRenee
Member
Member # 38880
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, April 22nd (Monday)

Do you know this for fact, or is he just telling you this to stall the whole thing?

i know that he is in trouble for missing so much work due to his own b.s., yes. I doubt i can get a mediation date the week after but I guess I can try. I am worried though because my lawyer already got us a court date for after mediation. i am waiting to see what my lawyer says.


Me - 37
lying cheating a-hole - 36
kids - 17,12,10
D-day 3/25/2013
Filed for divorce 3/26/2013

Posts: 66 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Chatsworth, Ca
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, April 22nd (Monday)

Definitely wait and see what your lawyer says. Can stbx's lawyer mediate on his behalf?


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4165 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
damncutekitty
Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, April 22nd (Monday)

WTF-ever. Hew can't sue you over it. It's not your problem that his drug use and whoring around has gotten him in hot water at work.

Considering all the bullying and game-playing on his part, you can NOT afford to put off going to court.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49473 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, April 22nd (Monday)

Considering all the bullying and game-playing on his part, you can NOT afford to put off going to court.
This.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6440 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Mousse242
Member
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, April 22nd (Monday)

^^ yep. I would not postpone. If anything contact your stbx's boss and maybe by you contacting the boss it might help that he needs to take off.

However, also be prepared for the boss to say something along the lines of well, stbx should have thought of that before he was dicking around.


Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
hurtbs
Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, April 22nd (Monday)

He can't sue you. That's an empty threat. Ditto others that his bullying behavior is more dangerous than anything.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 3:56 PM, April 22nd (Monday)]


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15321 | Registered: Jun 2006
MichelleRenee
Member
Member # 38880
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, April 22nd (Monday)

Ok, my lawyer said to absolutely reschedule because he got us a June court date and the judge won't see us without us going to mediation first. so I rescheduled for May 13th.


Me - 37
lying cheating a-hole - 36
kids - 17,12,10
D-day 3/25/2013
Filed for divorce 3/26/2013

Posts: 66 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Chatsworth, Ca
willowiris
Member
Member # 5372
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, April 22nd (Monday)

Nope. Usually if someone has to appear in court, it is required they be let off work. If the court told him no, the answer is no. They're not going to fire him for that. he is only on thin ice because he wasted his work time whoring around.


D-day 09/2004
Filed for divorce 9/2006

We accept the love we think we deserve. "The Perks of Being a Wallflower."


Posts: 12326 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: Margaritaville
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, April 22nd (Monday)

I'm just going to throw this out there. This is April. Your hearing is in May & I don't know if you work or not, but if you go online and fill out emergency SNAP (food stamp) application it might help you tremendously. I did not do this at first bc I thought I could handle everything myself. DUMB MOVE. I later found out I would have gotten 580./mo in snap until there was a court order for child support and I started getting it! When I finally went in AFTER court date, I only got 220/mo. But, once you get SNAP, your children automatically get free lunch and medicaid (which would have really helped me out with some of the copays those first 2 hard years.

I am pretty much on my feet now, but I would have been standing on my own much sooner if I would have accepted help there at the beginning....
Again, I am not implying anyone on here needs this type of aid, but I thought I would let everyone know.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2109 | Registered: Jan 2012
MichelleRenee
Member
Member # 38880
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday)

SNAP (food stamp) application it might help you tremendously.

way ahead of ya =) I applied for that right after I filed for divorce. my lawyer actually recommended that I do so.


Me - 37
lying cheating a-hole - 36
kids - 17,12,10
D-day 3/25/2013
Filed for divorce 3/26/2013

Posts: 66 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Chatsworth, Ca
Topic Posts: 16