|Just Found Out|
Topic: I want to know if there is anything else that he hasn't told me
Member # 39053
| Posted: 2:42 PM, April 22nd (Monday)|
I posted the other day about my husband having sex with a prostitute.
He says it was only the one time. I don't buy it and from what you guys posted to me you don't buy it either.
The question is... How can I find out. He doesn't have a smart phone nor does he have a computer. I have a laptop that we both use.
I can check the history, there is nothing. However the computer does have in private browsing which I have googled and can't figured out how to check.
I tried to install a keylogger but Norton wouldn't let me.
We are going to MC today. I don't know if it will be a waste of time or not. He can lie there just as he can lie here.
How can I find out if there is more?
Posts: 55 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 32554
| Posted: 2:57 PM, April 22nd (Monday)|
Sometimes you cannot find out for sure. Sometimes you can only go by your gut. I know that there's more I don't know about what my STBX was up to. I'll never know, though. He's never admitted anything, he lied through his teeth in MC, and we've since separated. In every instance that my gut was telling me there was more, I've found out there was more. Every single thing I wondered about proved to be true. I only found answers because I thoroughly tossed all of his belongings here in the house and discovered the awful truth for myself.
But I know there's more. I'll probably never know what, though. My gut tells me there's more, but I'll never know it unless he spontaneously begins singing like the proverbial canary.
Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH!
Posts: 7338 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 39001
| Posted: 3:38 PM, April 22nd (Monday)|
My husband initially told me he had seen the same whore twice. Truth comes trickling out since DD 2/19/13. She hasn't been the only one since the first of the year but he hasn't had what it takes to put it all out there. Given that we were only 6 weeks into the year on DD have to say I'm scared to death to find out but I know I can't go forward until I do! I can't even imagine how that's going to feel. I can only tell you what he has told me so far and that's once you start with one (whore) it gets easier & easier.
BS - 57
SAWH - 60 multiple encounters with prostitutes
Married 36 years
D-Day 2-19-13 found the emails
M-Surviving one day at a time
Posts: 312 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 38839
| Posted: 3:51 PM, April 22nd (Monday)|
Personally I waited for a good time to ask. Over the course of a few weeks, I stressed that I wanted the truth, I was tough enough to take it, and I couldn't heal without it. I noticed every time I said something about it, my WH acted somewhat weirdly. I can't explain how it was weird, only that something in his body language tipped me off. One day during a really honest and open conversation, I asked point-blank, "Is there anything else you want to tell me? Remember, the truth will never get you in trouble. I don't want another skeleton to jump out of your closet. I just want the truth and I want it FROM YOU." And he fessed up. And wouldn't ya know it, we both felt like an elephant in the room was gone, and that's when we could really start reconciling.
Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 38337
| Posted: 4:03 PM, April 22nd (Monday)|
He can lie there just as he can lie here
Sadly, they can and do. Based on my experience, I would not do MC until you are at least a few months out from D-day.
Truth is incontrovertible. Panic may resent it, ignorance may deride it, malice may destroy it, but it is still there. Winston Churchill
Posts: 200 | Registered: Feb 2013
Member # 34107
| Posted: 5:21 PM, April 22nd (Monday)|
Hey bf, it all depends on where you want to go with this next. if you are to truly reconcile, there has to be a full accounting eventually. If he can't do that, he is not committed to fixing this.
If that is not your path, then you may have to move on without knowing everything. I've accepted my fate, of not really knowing for sure how much was going on the last couple of years. I can't put any more detail other than I know there were 3-5 OM involved over that time period.
Give it time. Figure out what you want to do first, then figure out what you need to get there.
DDay #1: December 4, 2011
DDay #2: April 20, 2013
Kids: 18 & 16
R for 17 months, turned out to be false R. Starting the D process.
Posts: 56 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 38399
| Posted: 6:36 PM, April 22nd (Monday)|
The way I found out was to look at his cell phone bill and google every single number called and texted. It didn't take long to find the "escorts" online. I stopped at 15 it was just too much
Me BS: 42
DDay- April 17, 2013
Married 22 years
3 children: 18, 15 & 9
Posts: 92 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: 1devastedmom
Member # 38518
| Posted: 8:07 PM, April 22nd (Monday)|
Unfortunately, you're in one of those situations where you really cannot know for sure. And when in one of those situations, your absolute best, #1, ally will be your gut. If you think there are other things, then there are. If by small chance you are wrong, then so what, at least you know he's already been screwing around on you anyway, so that is what you can go off of.
I can say this, as you will read on SI.com and other resources, spouses who seek prostitutes have some very troubling issues, generally FAR beyond 'typical' cheating (not to suggest any cheating is 'normal' or 'OK'. But prostitutes bring a world of other risks and issues that are far deeper than typical one-night-stand-type affairs.
Follow your heart and your gut. Don't be suckered into something that you know in your heart is not right. You'll regret it forever.. I promise!
ME: 33 BH
HER: 32 WW
Married: 8 years
DDay #1: 02/22/2006 (ONS)
DDay #2: 09/23/2012 (EA/PA)
DDay #3: 12/07/2012 (EA/PA)
DDay #4: 01/03/2013 (EA/PA)
DDay #5: 01/24/2013 (EA/PA)
TT until 04/07/2013
100% NC: 04/18/2013
Posts: 190 | Registered: Feb 2013
Member # 32550
| Posted: 1:54 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday)|
Try searching youtube for how to retrieve deleted internet history.
My guess however is he's not using a shared computer for this. I second combing through his cell phone log for suspicious numbers. I also suggest putting some sort of GPS locator on his phone through your cell provider if they offer it (with the non-smartphones, sometimes they can). I also suggest searching for a secret phone - look through his car thoroughly. Last ditch effort VAR in the car, because that takes up so much time going through a lot of nothing to maybe get a little evidence.
If you keep posting to 50 posts or buy SI premium, there is a wealth of info in the Investigative Tips Forum.
I also agree you will likely never know the full story. But I assume you just want to validate your gut that he is lying for your own sanity.
Hang in there.
BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 10.
Posts: 1302 | Registered: Jun 2011
|Topic Posts: 9|| |