New Beginnings
User Topic: Do you think?
Member # 19398
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday)

As we have all moved on from what was probably the most painful experience we have faced in life, do any of you look back and wonder if your WS regrets what happened and would like a "do over"?

Just wondering. It would be nice to know that they would acknowledge the damage they caused.

BS (Me) - 47
Married for 24 years
Together 27 years
2 children (19 and 15)
D-day 3/19/08
Update: Divorced finalized 12/28/12! Yea!

Posts: 412 | Registered: May 2008
Member # 37946
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday)

I would like to think my xh feels that way, but I doubt it. I'm working now on trying to stop figuring out what he's thinking/feeling. It really doesn't matter anymore. But, yeah- in a perfect world, he'd be miserable and full of regret/remorse and begging me to please, please, please give him another chance. And in a perfect world, I'd be indifferent to it!

Me (BS)- 36
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S.
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday)

^^^^^ This!

On a side note: my dad left my mom for his EA. Married the EA and stayed married till she passed away from brain cancer. When my XH left, dad told me that one day he will wake up and look around and ask himself "How the hell did I get here?"

I think that was dad's way of saying I eff'd up. My dad is not one to admit he was wrong.... I took his statement as an "I did wrong" statement.

It's now like he did anything more than that. Nor would my Xs.

Hope this helps...



I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5327 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Sad in AZ
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday)

Don't even go there. Really, who gives a shit? Whether he's found his 'soulmate' or is wallowing in self-pity, it's not my problem anymore. I'm piloting this vessel to strange, new ports and enjoying one hell of a new ride.

You should too

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20322 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 6:18 AM, April 24th (Wednesday)

Let it go.

It doesn't matter.

Think good thoughts about your life instead.

Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12

Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
Member # 27315
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, April 24th (Wednesday)

I don't think about that at all because it is irrelevant to me what he feels, thinks, or wants. He is a part of my hostory that I no longer focus my energy on.

BS (Me) XWH (him) M nearly 16 yrs
1 DD (teens)
D-day #1 12/09, #2 2/10
Divorced 10/6/10

Posts: 3862 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: The Deep (Fried) South
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, April 24th (Wednesday)

I seriously don't care what he thinks/wants etc.

However I would like a do-over

"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1363 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)

"I seriously don't care what he thinks/wants etc."


[This message edited by risingfromashes at 5:53 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)]

There is a wonderful life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1680 | Registered: Mar 2004
Member # 38312
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)

I don't have to look back. What he does now tells he could give a flying crap about me or the kids. So looking back does nothing for me. I prefer to look forward to all the new things, experiences and people that I have yet to meet and create new memories.

Me: 32 y/o, student and mom of two of the best kids in the world
Him: 33 y/o scumbag
Feels good to start laughing and feeling better again...

Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Island
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)

Wasband having an epiphany about how much damage he's caused isn't even on my list of "wouldn't it be nice."

It was on that list for a while, and I think it's a normal part of the healing process to be wondering about it.

Now, however? It might be on my "don't give a shit" list, but I don't care enough to remember where I keep that list.

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25842 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)

I gotta say, I've gotten to the point that I don't give a shit. My life is so happy and fulfilled whereas before he was the deadweight pulling me under.

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4693 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)

Eh, I wonder occasionally. I actually think if he ever let himself acknowledge the real truth of everything he did, he would have a breakdown. Mostly, when I think of it, I just feel sad about the destruction, especially when my kids say something that reminds me how little they trust and respect him. Sad for them, not him.

[This message edited by kernel at 9:13 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)]

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5298 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 2:34 AM, April 25th (Thursday)

I'm finally starting (just starting) to reach the point where I simply don't care what XWH thinks or feels. But it takes time to get there, and I'm just now, two years out, starting to wade into the water...

Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling

Posts: 4620 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:00 AM, April 25th (Thursday)

I too don't give a flying duck what he thinks, does or wants.

I just hope to god he never bothers me with his 'do-over' cooties.

I think I would die laughing. I certainly would crack a rib or two.

I would however prefer him to be healthy for my girls. A part of being healthy would involve him realising what he has done/is doing to them. The most important part for me would not be him having the realisation but him stopping the toxic behaviour.

That would be awesome.

As far as what he did to me and my M? I'd rather just forget I was ever with him or that any of it happened. It is already becoming a faded bad memory.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5619 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 11089
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, April 25th (Thursday)

I think depending on our situation is what determines how we feel...when and X just dissapears we are forced to go on and I think we don't give a shit quicker than the ones that are still around and we have to deal with...I still have to see my X alot because we have a 15 year old we share so sometimes if we have a laugh about something he did I do get a flow of memories and look at him and think if only he were different...Most times I can't stand him but I believe it would be different if he would of just dissapeared!

3 beautiful boys (21,20 & 17)
Update: Moved in to my own apartment 8/7/2012
10/27/2014-Met a wonderful man 9months ago
Divorce final 3/27/2013

Posts: 1098 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Pennsylvania
Sad in AZ
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, April 25th (Thursday)

t/j: SG,

my hostory

Freudian slip?

I think it's HIS hostory...

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20322 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 34677
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, April 25th (Thursday)

Yes, my ex definitely regrets what he did and would love a do-over.

He would love to not feel guilty that he's a cheater. Not feel embarrassed and ashamed at the whore he chose during that time period.

Anything that would take away HIS problems he would be all for it.

As for a do over with me? Hell no he doesn't want that...his was an exit affair, the coward.

[This message edited by I.will.survive at 10:11 AM, April 25th (Thursday)]

Posts: 530 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: east coast
Member # 26367
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

I don't think mine does, because that would mean he'd have to finally own his shit. He's still too busy blaming me for insisting on a divorce and reminding me periodically how incredibly depressed he is because I won't change my mind and take him back...

Me: BW (55)
Him: WH (62)
7/14/11 - Divorced

Posts: 1876 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: another world
Topic Posts: 18