He's lying. A truly remorseful spouse is honest and puts their WS's feelings before their own.
If he is giving you the silent treatment,my guess is it's a manipulation tactic. He is angry that you keep bringing it up(because he has more to hide and every time you bring it up,he's scared his secrets and lies will come out)...so he's punishing you by being silent.
Im sorry but this is cruel. He has shattered your world. He has threatened your health,your life,by exposing you to STD's. He has TT'd you,torturing you and setting you all the way back to square one every time he let's a little of the truth slip out. And now he is silent..when he knows you are in a tremendous amount of pain caused by his actions.
He needs to man up,own his shit,and help you heal through this.
What is he doing to show you he wants to R?
Is he transparent? Do you have full access to all of his online accounts,and his cell? And the passwords?
Is he in IC to figure out why he would do this?
Is he accountable for his time when he's away from you?
And..clearly he is not answering your questions and getting angry and defensive when you need to talk about it. That's bullshit. You NEED to talk about it. You have been traumatized. You need to ask the same questions over and over..for months..or years..because your brain is trying to process what he has done. His anger and defensiveness is selfish..it's wayward thinking. It's all "mememememememe" thinking.
Have you told him your requirements to R?
It takes 3-5 years to heal from infidelity..and that's with no TT...every bit of TT will set your healing back to day 1.
Are you in IC?BS(me)42
M: June 2001
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.