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Just Found Out
User Topic: He Left.
betraydtwice
Member
Member # 38921
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)

We argued this morning because I caught him in a lie. I told him I can't move on if he keeps lying to me. I left and went to my mother's.
I came home and he was gone, all his stuff, his cars everything..gone.

Guess I don't have to wonder anymore...:(


Posts: 148 | Registered: Apr 2013
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)

I'm so sorry.

You know, the most excruciating thing about trying to reconcile is the wondering. Wondering if they're still lying, wondering why they're still there....

You never have to second guess that he's an asshole and you need to move your life in a healthier direction.


(((betraydtwice)))


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17283 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
betraydtwice
Member
Member # 38921
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)

Thank you Jrazz

Posts: 148 | Registered: Apr 2013
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)

At least its crystal clear.

sending you strength
(((betrayedtwice)


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1389 | Registered: Dec 2012
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)

I know it's easy for me to say and probably doesn't do much for your hurting heart. Sending you thoughts of strength and big hugs. Take care of yourself.


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17283 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)

(((betraydtwice)))

I am so sorry!

If you can surround yourself with people who love and support you it will help a bit.

Take care of you. Eat, drink try to take a walk here and there...and make sure to get some sleep.

I hope you know this is not your fault and HE is broken...

(((hugs))) come here to vent when you need to....

And...FTG, cowardly actions!

[This message edited by karmahappens at 9:20 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)]


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3800 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
wontdefineme
Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)

Wonderful that you finally see what was in his head that you couldn't see. BUT, being abandoned and rejected does harm to us and we have to come to the fact that WE kept our promises that we made even after they betrayed us. So instead of hanging on to his failings, hang on to what you did right and know it wasn't personnel. If he had married someone else, he would have done the same thing, something missing inside him that made him turn and run instead of fighting for his family.

Take care of yourself, because the healing will happen, it will take time, don't hurry, learn and grow stronger, and know the further away you get he will become a distant memory. Like the song says, "just somebody that I used to know!"


Posts: 2172 | Registered: Mar 2011
Theradin
Member
Member # 38518
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)

I'm so sorry for your pain. We've all been there.

I can say this, though, at least the 'tough' decision wasn't yours. In a way (you may not see this right now), he made it MUCH easier for you, instead of stringing you along and continuing to lie to you.

I know, it is very painful right now, but at least it's finite. That is, you don't have to stay and wonder for the rest of your life.

Take his opportunity to focus on yourself, to build yourself, to make you the woman you desires to be. This is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself right now.

Be strong. Hold your head high. You did NOTHING wrong. This is 100% him. His loss.


ME: 33 BH
HER: 32 WW
Married: 8 years
Children: Yes
DDay #1: 02/22/2006 (ONS)
DDay #2: 09/23/2012 (EA/PA)
DDay #3: 12/07/2012 (EA/PA)
DDay #4: 01/03/2013 (EA/PA)
DDay #5: 01/24/2013 (EA/PA)
TT until 04/07/2013
100% NC: 04/18/2013

Posts: 190 | Registered: Feb 2013
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:08 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)

I'm sure that it doesn't feel like it right now, but his leaving is a really large *blessing in disguise*.

It's kind of like removing a band-aid. It's going to hurt regardless of which method you choose. You can either just rip that sucker off--and see stars and scream really loudly for a few minutes, or you can remove it millimeter by millimeter--while the tears roll down your face and the pain seems never-ending.

Both ways suck.

{{{{hugs}}}}


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8001 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
isadora
Member
Member # 29130
Default  Posted: 1:12 AM, April 25th (Thursday)

I know this hurts.

you will survive this. Hang in there.


Me: BW Him: WH
Married: 10 yrs
4 children: DDs 6&4; DSs 2& baby
2 Affairs - 2010 year long PA/EA, 2008 2 month online EA
Multiple D-Days

I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.


Posts: 4506 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Back home again in Indiana
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, April 25th (Thursday)

My own False R ended just as abruptly.

It was the kindest thing he had done to me in 5 years. So sad. So true.

His lack of remorse was a gift. It took me a few months to see it as such but it really was.

But that's for later. Right now you are hurting and hurting bad. I remember it well.

Please be gentle with yourself. Read up on the 180/NC and stick to it.

monster attempted many fishing expeditions in those first few months and I had to shut him down completely. It was very difficult and painful but I swore to myself that I would never go through this again. Never.

Try to focus on you right now. Look after yourself. Eat, keep fluids up, make sure you get some sleep (I averaged about 2.5 hours a night in those first few weeks and it made this all much harder to cope with).

Know this - lots of us have been right where you are now. It gets better. A whole LOT better. It won't always hurt this bad.

((betraydtwice))


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5554 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
k9lover1
Member
Member # 8531
Default  Posted: 7:20 AM, April 25th (Thursday)

My guess is that he'll be back. This is all part of the trickle truth and drama that surrounds confrontation.

What you should be doing is taking this time to seriously think about what you want, not what he wants or your neice wants - what do you want. Look at your marriage objectively and decide if it's worth R if he returns (and my guess is he will).

Time to form a plan on what you want the rest of your life to look like. If he returns, he either falls in line or moves on.


D-Day was 10/9/05
He promised NC. He lied. After 4 chances, I kicked him out 1/05/06.
Since then I have survived cancer surgery and a heart attack.
Now he's sorry, but it's too late.

Posts: 8098 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: Wisconsin
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, April 25th (Thursday)

I second K-9 on this one, and add one more tid bit.
He left, he made it clear he's gone by taking his stuff.

CHANGE THE LOCKS. Whe he realizes that it's not all sunshine and roses and shows back up, you dont' want him in your home. Meet on neutral territory from this point forward to discuss anything.

Please take time to care for yourself.
((((and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8443 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
hopefulmother
Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, April 25th (Thursday)

Happy and sorry for you at the same time. I hope you have a great support network to hold you through this. I wish we could just reach out and give you a big hug and real shoulders to cry on.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 9yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 933 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

Thinking about you today.

(((bt)))


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17283 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
SoVerySadNow
Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

I'm so sorry. I agree, change the locks for your own peace of mind.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Topic Posts: 16