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Wayward Side
User Topic: Talking about the past
islesguy
Member
Member # 38090
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

My BW's biggest complaint has been that I never start conversations about the past and the only time she gets information is when she asks questions and she is tired of this. The problem I have is talking about stuff that I know is stuff that is devastating to her and also the ability to continue talking to her when she starts yelling. I know that she can't control her emotions but it immediately makes me want to curl up in the fetal position. I want to give her what she has asked for but I continually fail to be able to do it and I am not sure what to do.


Me: WH - 42
Father of 3 beautiful girls

Posts: 80 | Registered: Jan 2013
hardlessons
Member
Member # 35025
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

I have is talking about stuff that I know is stuff that is devastating to her

I totally understand, when we make the choices we do (cheat) we have to stop being the one to decide what is or is not good for our spouse or so. When I look at why I did that it wasn't out of concern for my wife, it had more to do with my fear.

the ability to continue talking to her when she starts yelling.

This feeds into your first problem, fear. And it doesn't make you curl into fetal position, you choose to. You have to take the bull by the horns and move ie ask her for a set of requirements for R, have you provided her a timeline, what are you reading to educate yourself, are you going to IC?

When our BS's see us active and moving forward they will have less questions to ask because you are answering them with your actions.


Me WH
Wife Tired Girl
3 adult sons
"a wayward...annnnd just a tad betrayed."

Posts: 838 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Arizona
BaxtersBFF
Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, April 26th (Friday)

I second what HL says above.

Another thought, whenever your BW is waiting for you to bring it up, expecting you to do the things she has asked of you, and you don't do it, she probably feels like curling up in a little ball too, but in her case it really is the result of someone else hurting her, not someone who is doing it to avoid facing their own fears.

Just my two cents.


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6047 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
Topic Posts: 3