I'm not sure what I really want to get out here.
I feel I cannot function today. It is day 2 of NC and I am missing him. I haven't contacted him and he hasn't contacted me as I ignored his last message yesterday morning. I am starting to feel bad for ignoring him. I wanted to contact him just to tell him that I am not ignoring him, I just cannot be in touch but I know it is pointless. I have also though of writing to him, ask him if he wants to talk, anything. Again I know it is pointless.
I try to keep thinking of the bad. But this whole thing has just made me feel anxious, nervous and sick constantly.
Considering all he did, I would think this would be easier. I just miss him. Throughout all this that has been happening to my mother, getting a message from him was the only highlight of the day I really had. Now that is gone too.