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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: My mind is just falling apart
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Sad  Posted: 2:52 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

As the date of my divorce "trial" draws near, my mind if simply falling apart. I cannot concentrate. Can't remember anything for shit. Can't sleep. Can't eat. Can't focus. Can't remember what friggin' day it is. Can't wake up when the alarm rings. I'll look at the clock and an hour or more has gone by and I can't account for WTF I've been doing. Not that I'm blacking out or anything, I just... I don't know. I have so much shit that needs to be done. So much. I feel completely overwhelmed. I walk around with tears in my eyes, not necessarily streaming down my cheeks, but just there blurring my vision. I have bills coming out the wahzoo, no friggin' job, and I feel like I'm unwillingly competing with Disney Dad who showers the kids with gifts & outings while I can't even pay for get them a new pair of shoes (again). I'm scared to death of facing STBX in court. I'm scared of seeing him, he scares me so much. I'm scared his nasty lawyer will say mean shit to me & make me cry. FNA, when I meet with my own lawyer I cry.

Fuck, I'm crying right now just typing about crying.

I just want to have a good cry and go to sleep.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9818 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
betrayedfriend
Member
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

ok, here's what i want you to do...stop right now, take 10 long slow deep breaths inhale slowly to a count of ten, exhale to a count of 15. Make yourself or go buy yourself a great cup of whatever your favorite drink is (probably non alcoholic is better) drink it slowly. get a refill if needed, write a list for all the reasons you are divorcing your pos, and remind yourself, hat you have a good attorney, who's paid to fight for you... You have tons of documentation, and lots of evidence, evaluations etc on your side... right now, it's time to try to let go of the out come, recenter yourself, and know that no matter what happens, it's not permanent, if you don't like it, you can go back in a period of time with even more documentation and evidence and get things changed. I'm holding you up in my prayers and thoughts, and want you to know, it's going to be ok. Focus on getting yourself into a calm focused state


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 867 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

Your post made me cry.

Now I'm going to go brew a cup of tea. While I cry.

I wish I could identify where these tears are coming from. Other than just being overwhelmed & scared because I have no money, not even to pay my lawyer.

Going to go brew that tea now...


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9818 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
ChoosingHope
Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

(((NG))) I think the trial is the most terrifying thing in the world to me. I've tried to figure out why. It's because it's public, it will be humiliating, and the outcome is out of our control. (Even though it's hard for us to see this sometimes, you and I have had a lot of control over our situations for the past nearly two years - for example, our children are with us nearly all the time.)

I feel paralyzed by it all, so I completely understand your feelings right now.

(((A million hugs)))


Posts: 1702 | Registered: Oct 2011
Newlease
Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

Try to stop with those negative thoughts. Think of yourself as STRONG, SMART, TOUGH. That's who you really are, you just can't see it for all the negative stuff running through your mind.

As for the money, bills, etc. Make a list, pay what you can, make arrangements on the rest.

Are the shoes absolutely necessary right NOW? If not, let that go for now. You give your children love, shelter, safety, food - that's really all they need right now.

Don't give STBX your power. He cannot take it if you don't give it to him.

Sending you strength and peace.

NL

p.s. Set a certain amount of time and just cry your eyes out - get it all out and then take some deep breaths and start fresh. I used to cry in the shower - it was nice because no one can hear you and you are wet anyway.


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7738 | Registered: Aug 2005
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

I don't know why this is even going to trial. I don't know why we haven't been meeting & negotiating shit. Why is that? I thought when you got divorced you made offers & counter-offers 'n stuff like that. Like a business deal. I don't understand the purpose of a trial. I'm not divorcing him for cause, although Lord knows I could prove it! Actually I did prove it during the custody evaluation. So why are we going to trial? He isn't disputing the custody evaluation. Why can't we just put his list of assets (hundreds of thousands of dollars) next to mine (a couple thousand) and divvy it out to what's fair? Offer, counter offer, and be done. Right? What don't I understand?

Oh, yeah, the support shit. I guess that's part of it too. See? I can't remember anything.

Sipping tea, sipping, sipping, taking a breath...


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9818 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

NG, You've been through so much worse than this - you are going to make it through, you know you are.

Things happen to us when we've lived through horror. Some of us shut down and retreat from the world, others of us remain thinking, feeling human beings.

I have had stress reactions like this about things in my life too. Its like you go to Code Red straight away because you lived under Code Red for so long it becomes a reflex.

You should not have to see him. Its awful and horrible and stressful and it should NOT be this way but it will pass and there is an other side.

Whatever happens when its all over you will be out of this limbo and you'll know exactly where you stand. You will be able to steer your own ship knowing exactly what your position is financially.

You are not competing with that psycho. He is competing with you - he knows there is NO competition but that won't stop him trying. You are the loving, kind, present, interested, nurturing parent. You are the one they will want in their lives beyond childhood.

You've got this NG. Sending you mamma lion strength today. And more hugs than you can stand.

((((((((((NG)))))))))


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
disillusioned12
Member
Member # 37542
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

(((Nature_Girl)))

It is okay to cry. This doesn't make you weak. This makes you a kind, loving, compassionate human being. Just remember how far you have already come. It takes someone with a ton of inner strength to stand up for themselves. You are one strong mama. You will get through this.


BS (Me)
WS (STBXH)
Married 2 yrs; Together 6 yrs

D-Day 11/14/12
EA(PA?)
Limbo 1 month
False R 2 months.
Status: Divorce on hold


Posts: 228 | Registered: Nov 2012
torn2bits
Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

(((Nature girl)))

I am here to hold you up as you have held me up in these hard days.

We all have to get the hurt, anger and loss out of our system.

Remember that your SAWH is fighting just to fight, to see if he can break you. Let all your crying out now, before the trial.

On trial day, make sure you have all your emotions in check. Wear a stength ring, or pull out that paper of what he did to you and get mad.

My SAWH spent $45k on his lawyer so the judge could tell him all along that I was getting CS, 1/2 his wealth because of a 20 + year marriage and I am the custodial parent and I have a good paying job.

Let him try. Its his NPD showing thru, and you know what else your SAWH is going to find out that the law says the income in both houses must be "equalized to what the children were accustomed to when you were together".

Take heart, all will be well.

My sincere prayers are with you. God will provide, he is on your side and knows the truth.

[This message edited by torn2bits at 5:23 PM, April 25th (Thursday)]


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
Lola2kids
Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

My answer to the question, "how did you get through all that? How did you cope?" Was: what else could I do?
This was in reference to my baby girl spending the first 3 months of her life in a hospital while her twin sister was at home.
I got through it because there was no other choice.
You dig deep down and find the strength somewhere. Somehow it all works out.
I think the same thinking can apply here.
Let yourself cry. It's a release.
At least it is for me.
You will be ok. You have to be. There is no other option.
Tons of hugs nature girl.
It's going to be ok.


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1419 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

Oh sweetie, I wish I could give you a real hug and send you off for a nap. ((NG))

Everything you describe is because of STRESS - it is killing you. Figure out what works for you to relieve stress. Google ideas - there are a lot of cheap and easy, healthy things - yoga breathing, long walks, playing with pets, something fun with kids, a glass of wine or hot chocolate, etc. You need a period of time to focus on nothing but relaxing, then get a good night's sleep and go from there. You're locked into this cycle of stress and you need to find a way to give yourself a breather. Seriously, it's really important for your mental and physical health. Call a friend, get a sitter, take care of YOU.

((NG))

[This message edited by kernel at 5:31 PM, April 25th (Thursday)]


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5243 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
CheaterMagnet
Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

((((((HUGS))))))) NG!!!

Sweetie, your post just broke my heart. I wanted so badly to be able to hug you in person and let you just cry and cry and cry. Crying is your souls way of starting the healing and relieving the pressure of too much emotion.

You've got this. You really, truly do. So what if Dirtbag and his L make you cry. Do you think the judge will think better of them because they bullied a woman and made her cry? No.

One day at a time sweetie. Or one hour, or one minute, or one second. Whatever it takes. You've come SO far! This is the homestretch.

We're all holding you. Lean on us.


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 1037 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

(((Nature_Girl)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17800 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

(((((NG)))))

Stress is doing this to you. Fear of an outcome that you have no control over (trial). Deep breaths.

You are going to be okay.

Do you hear me???

You are already so much better off without that crazy ass piece of shit in your life. You remember that crazy mother-fucker...the one that hid shit, that you didn't want to fix drapery rods for fear of what he'd say (if i remember that correctly), what about the nasty keyboards...desk...all the weird shit you've found...

Deep breaths.
You are so much better off.

Take life minute by minute NG...you are going to make it.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4683 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

Nature_Girl ... I am so sorry you are feeling this way!! I want to help you someway ... I wish I could ... I feel so helpless. Everyone has embraced you and lifted you!! I want to join them!

Cry sweetie cry! We ALL need a good cry! Let it out. It hurts ... it fucking hurts. You may not feel it now but WE ALL know how incredibly brave and strong you are! Take deep breaths. What you provide for your children can NEVER be bought!! Remember that. You are giving them YOU! You are going to instill values, life skills ... you are their moral compass. You are amazing! YOU KNOW THIS!!

I don't know what time zone you are in so I hope you ARE sleeping and I hope you feel a tiny bit better tomorrow. Hugs and support!!! dmari


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2268 | Registered: Oct 2012
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

Huge, huge, hugs:

((((((((((N_G)))))))))))))

You can do this. You are strong. You give so many of us hope and wonderful advice. It's okay to be overwhelmed. You wouldn't be a normal, caring being if this whole effed up situation didn't get to you.

But you've got this, and we're here for you.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

Lots and lots of hugs to you girl.

I've been thinking about the negotiating part too. Like maybe I'm supposed to be offering a settlement agreement to get this over with? Perhaps you can talk to your lawyer about this. It might help get your head organized to put down exactly what you want..

You are a gem Nature_Girl. You have been responsible for so much of my healing on here. So many of my laughs and epiphanies have been from your posts, so please know how amazing I think you are.

(((((((NG)))))))


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2304 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Must Survive
Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

NG,

(((hugs)))

Don't worry about the Disney Dad stuff. The kids will know what is going on. My first divorce (no cheating, just x who had major peter pan syndrome). Their dad lavished tons of gifts for Christmas, trips to Hawaii, doing fun stuff when he had them. I on the other hand, was broke, he would be months behind on CS. It was tough. My girls are adults now. They love their dad, but continue to tell me that they knew he was trying to buy them off with all the stuff. These were kids under 10 when this started. Your kids will know what a great mom you are and what you are doing (more important than any gift) to love them, protect them, and raise them to be outstanding adults.

You got this NG!


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 778 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

(((((NG)))))

It sounds like you are falling apart - do you need me to bring some caulk over to help glue you back together?

Cry, the caulk is waterproof...and the crying releases toxins from your system. Since your lessening your exposure to toxins ... it's a good thing you're crying. Get it all out.

You have done so much for so long with so little.. and it is almost over... hang in there... we will be here for you, supporting you and loving you.

He can go suck the end of my caulk gun.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5259 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Helen of Troy
Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, April 26th (Friday)

This is the toughest part and you are one tough Mother.
I agree with setting aside a time limit for tears. When the time is up, compartmentalize.
Are you able to see a doctor for possible ADs or sleep aid to get over this hump?
The Bounce Back book is a quick pick me up that has helped me during dark days.

Posts: 4715 | Registered: Dec 2009
Helen of Troy
Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, April 26th (Friday)

Oh good nutrient rich foods, drinking water and exercising will also do wonders. This works!

Posts: 4715 | Registered: Dec 2009
hathnofury
Member
Member # 32550
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, April 26th (Friday)

I am thinking of you and praying for you during this difficult time. PTSD is a biotch, but you know that and you got this covered. I am honestly not worried about you at all, because you are superwoman as far as I am concerned. I am only worried that when the karma bus comes and obliterates that idiot, that the fallout and collateral damage to you and your kids is as minimal as it can be.

You are my hero. Hang it there, the best is yet to come.


BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Body count in the triple digits. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 11.

Posts: 1484 | Registered: Jun 2011
Take2
Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, April 26th (Friday)

All good advice! I'd also add bring a friend if you can: a snarky friend, one who is equivalent of a back up pair of human bitch boots.

Every time I had to deal with FT I reminded myself that he couldn't do anything worse to me than he had already done - not really...

Find strength where ever you can. A quote from Will Smith's new movie:

"If we are going to survive this, you need to remember, fear is not real. It is a product of the thoughts you create. Now do not misunderstand me; danger is very real. But fear is a choice."

You are so much stronger than you know Naturegirl. Be honest - be real - and let Truth kick some butt!

((Naturegirl))


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4129 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
CharlieFoxtrot
Member
Member # 38010
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, April 26th (Friday)

((((Nature_Girl)))))

You are so much better than you think. One thing I have found helpful is making lists. At first, it was so hard to make just a simple list!!! Then, prioritizing said list?? Difficult. However, after a short period, I found more sanity as all the balls I had up in the air were getting fewer and fewer. I have to admit, I had a legal pad in almost every room of my house because I got so sidetracked in each place... but eventually I made it through and you will, too.

You can do this, I know you can. Take a deep breath, exhale...you've got this. We are all here for you, like someone once said, imagine thousands of your best SI friends behind you with pitchforks and bitchboots!!

You are stronger than you realize. You survived hell, and you will survive climbing out of it. HUGS and HUGS, I wish I could come over and help...


Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, April 26th (Friday)

Thank you so much for the support, my friends!

I managed to get about six hours of sleep last night, more than I've had in ages. Today the sun is shining, the birds are singing, I've had the first of many glasses of homemade citrus water (good for cleansing!), and what's even more astounding, I have a job interview in a couple of hours!

None of my problems have gone away, but it's a new day and I haven't mucked it up yet.

Can I come back here later if I start to get weepy again?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9818 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, April 26th (Friday)

I'm glad today is a better day. Crying is not a bad thing - it releases all sorts of emotions and toxins. Stress can cause all of the symptoms you were describing.

Good mojo coming your way for the interview, and I hope this day is worlds better than yesterday!!


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2601 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, April 26th (Friday)

I ***know*** that crying is good for you. I tell my kids that, too. But I hate doing it. Really hate doing it. It's a FOO issue (all crying met with ridicule, anger & additional punishment) plus a STBX issue (all crying met with ridicule, anger & additional punishment). So crying is not a safe thing for me to do.

Good Lord, is it possible that one day I'll have friends & people in my life who will be okay with me shedding the occasional tear or having a weepy afternoon? If anything, the support here on SI gives me additional hope for my future.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9818 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Take2
Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, April 26th (Friday)

Good Lord, is it possible that one day I'll have friends & people in my life who will be okay with me shedding the occasional tear or having a weepy afternoon?

You already do Naturegirl! You already do!


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4129 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, April 26th (Friday)

You know, in many ways I still feel like a reverse Alice In Wonderland. I have had such a life of abuse due to my dysfunctional thinking, that as I continue to build a new life for myself with healthy thoughts & healthy people, it feels bizarre and foreign.

A few days ago a normally very kind & supportive man at church said something to me that pissed me off & offended me. So I told him, plain & simple, I don't like what you're saying. And he didn't get mad at me or smack me around or insult me. We just agreed to disagree and went on with the conversation. BIZARRE! FOREIGN! But I suspect that that's how it actually is in the real world. I get to speak my mind and people won't emotionally destroy me as a consequence to teach me a lesson & keep me in my place.

I'm Alice! LOL


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9818 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
thebighurt
Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, April 26th (Friday)

((((((NG)))))) I'm glad you got some sleep. And a job interview!! Yahoo!! Hope they realize how amazing you are and how much they need someone like you. At least make it your choice.

We went to court for a preliminary hearing first, then came negotiations. The judge heard the 2 Ls on what there was to divide and gave us 30 days to agree on things. I was terrified to go! Xpos had made all kinds of threats about what he would do to me. He would push it to court to cost me as much as possible (because he had more money). He would see me put out of the house with nothing. I was terrified to face him and his L there, same as you.

For all his bravado in my face, he was not that way in court. He didn't even seem to be "there". He would not look at me, did not look at anyone, just at the walls, the floor, or out the windows. Afterward, he didn't even realize that he had agreed to me getting the house! And he totally looked like shit!!

I'm told all of that came from his guilt. Maybe your WH will behave similarly. Lord knows, he has plenty to feel guilty about! We were given 30 days to work out an agreement or it would go back to court and the judge would decide. And he refused to agree, just to push it back to court as he had promised. When it came down to it, there was a 50/50 split of everything.

If you haven't negotiated at all, be sure your L knows what is your bottom line and make him ask for more. In fact, why not ask for him to pay your L?

I'm glad you are feeling the support from your friends on SI. You have given so much to all of us.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2381 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, April 26th (Friday)

I'm Alice!
I just love this description. You really have been in Bizarro World for so long, honey. The real world? Is so much better.

Sending you tons of mojo for the job interview. Go get 'em, NG!!!


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25707 | Registered: Aug 2011
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, April 26th (Friday)

Good luck on the job interview!!

In my family it is a sin to have hurt feelings. You see unless you have a gun to your head or your life is in mortal danger then you've got nothing to bleat about.

2 months after DD my mum laughed at me - teasing me that EVERYONE knew what monster was up to, "Awwwww, you really were the last to know!" Hahaha.

Not funny at all. Quite cruel actually. Its her version of tough love - she wasn't trying to hurt me, she has just been so hurt so bad and for so long her normal is very unhealthy and the normal I'm building makes no sense to her.

No matter how bizarre or dysfunctional our 'normal' is it is often the place we are most.... comfortable (that's not the word but Its something like that).

Then when we start getting healthy a healthy 'normal' feels uncomfortable, weird to us.

We're training for a marathon NG - we are finding and using new muscles all the time. We are getting better and better and the stretches between being on the floor in agony are getting further and further apart.

Soon our normal will be a healthy one and our muscles won't seize up hurt no matter how long we run.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, April 26th (Friday)

((((NG)))))


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17488 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, April 26th (Friday)

NG, I'll be your friend in real life.

And Alice is a very good description of the feelings.

Hugs, how did the interview go?

More hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5259 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, April 26th (Friday)

((((NG)))

Posts: 500 | Registered: Jun 2012
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, April 26th (Friday)

Alice, I mean NG, I'm so glad today is a better day. Amazing what a good night of sleep will do. I highly recommend giving yourself permission to cry. I used to get so stressed out that I was afraid to take a deep breath for fear of falling to pieces. My chest would just hurt with holding it all in. That's when I knew I needed a good long cry to release the tension. Usually combined with some swearing and yelling, to tell the complete truth. Find a safe place and let it all out.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5243 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
shiloe
Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, April 26th (Friday)

Sunglasses help. I am 2 yrs. out and still cry . . . a lot, will for a long time, PTSD to the max. Walk around with bags under my eyes. Get up at work or class to "go to the bathroom" and cry in the stall. Straighten myself up and get back to work. Just want to let you know you are not alone. Crying comes from the immense hurt, it's normal.
Sunglasses help

[This message edited by shiloe at 9:40 PM, April 26th (Friday)]


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with yet another married ho-worker. Kicked h

Posts: 614 | Registered: Mar 2003
pjkmkjm23
Member
Member # 35778
Default  Posted: 12:47 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

(((NG))) I so sympathize with you. Your first post could have been written by me....word for word. I have piles of papers on my desk that need my attention, I'm behind on bills, I still think about the impending D and STBXWW EVERY.SINGLE.DAY if not hourly sometimes, time seems to disappear on me, and even now I'm supposed to be doing my taxes as the deadline is fast approaching although I know I'm procrastinating by reading/posting here instead. I can't focus, can't remember anything, and SO BADLY just want to wake up to realize this was all just a horrible, terrible nightmare. I really do.

NG, you're one of the posters here I've always looked up to and respected on here since I first arrived and I've always thought highly of you on here. I don't know if this means anything to you but it actually gives me comfort to see you struggling with this too, in that I know I'm not alone or abnormal and that even the people I look up to have their moments where this all seems to much to bare.

One thing I started doing which is helping me tremendously is to use google's calendar to post things I need to do, reminders, etc. (I also document everything about STBXWW on there too.). Since I've been doing that I've been a bit better at staying on top of things. Not perfect...just better. If you're not already doing that (or something similar) have a look at it....it's really simple to use and I hope it benefits you as much as it has me.

As for the crying....I just posted a topic on this board about crying. I'm a man....we're not supposed to do this....yet, I could probably rival a colicky infant at the rate I've been lately....and I don't understand it....I really don't. It's amazing what this whole infidelity and divorce thing does to a person.

I wish you the best NG and lots of strength. It WILL get better....and you've already been doing an amazing job of dealing with all the crap you've been served up....and you've been a huge help to so many people (I happily include myself as one of them).

(((NG)))


Posts: 305 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 38