Just Found Out
User Topic: do i show my true feelings?
New Member
Member # 39046
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

I want to reconcile today. I want to confide my feelings on our marriage. He has not ended the affair as far as I know. I have been trying to focus on rebuilding without admitting it to myself. Its only been barely over a week. We have split everything and tonight we are planning on talking custody. I get short of breath when I think of it. I want to tell him we can fix it and I still love him and I am trying hard to put on a game face, but I miss him so much? Do I bare my soul or hold my cards? He has done nothing that hints of reconciliation.


Posts: 26 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nebraska
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

I am so so sorry for you. It is all so much at once.

Please try and limit yourself to what you want to ask for. Easier said than done I know. You are in flight or fight mode.

He has to show or indicate remorse.

Be as strong and as confident as you can.

We are here. We know the gut wrenching despair you feel.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1214 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

You hold your cards or you open yourself up to limbo and months of pain. Don't give him the opportunity to sit on the fence. It will come at your expense, it will be horrible and it will delay what you need to do for yourself.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's terrifying, confusing and incredibly disorienting. Just know that it does get better. I'm 9 months out and I'm not all the way better but it doesn't consume every thought anymore.

Just remember that no matter how much YOU want to reconcile, no matter how much YOU want to save the marriage, you can't do it without him. It requires two people.

Posts: 1749 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

Your only hope of R is if you walk away now. You have stated that he is still in the A. If you accept him back now, he will cake-eat, & you will not really have him back. If you walk away, it may jolt him out of the fog---- that he will lose you unless he ends his A now.

together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1401 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 4