SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Sense of entitlement
OnceInALifetime
Member
Member # 26023
Angry  Posted: 7:23 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

Isn't a sense of entitlement the fundamental basis of immorality?

I'm just stunned, even now, three years after the divorce, how XW takes little responsibility for her own life. She has no compunction about adding to my burden.

This is something that I continue to wrestle with. How is it that someone can treat someone else in a way that shows zero compassion? I still find myself hoping that she'll wake up and see her own reflection, because I have trouble believing people can be so consistently selfish.

Divorce is a misnomer. When you have kids and a super-entitled ex, there's no such thing.

Divorced with kids feels more entangled than being married. She, the system and my crappy divorce agreement are the gifts that keep on giving.

[This message edited by OnceInALifetime at 7:33 PM, April 25th (Thursday)]


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
ChoosingHope
Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

Isn't a sense of entitlement the fundamental basis of immorality?

Yes. Because people like this act without any sense of responsibility or ethics - they feel like they deserve things at any price to others.

My STBX is a NPD - they have huge senses of entitlement. They are parasites.


Posts: 1579 | Registered: Oct 2011
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

Yeah it sucks. Especially when they still believe that they are entitled to you giving a shit.

That's my ex-shat...he thinks I should still validate him and give a godamn about all the sacrifices he makes.
Fuck that.

That's why I have found NC to be so wonderful. If it's not about our kid or some financial thing...don't talk to me. Don't expect me to respond to anything EXCEPT the issue. No, I don't care that he has to work OT. No, I don't care that he's got bills to pay. No, I don't care that he has a high maintenance stripper whore and bred an OC with her. I don't give a fuck anymore. But for some reason, he thinks I should still care.

Whoa...sorry there OIAL...I went on a mini-rant...I guess you hit a nerve


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4546 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

Hey, OIAL. I can't wrap my mind around it either.

I love my children, but I envy those who can actually walk away from the relationship. The fact that I'm tied to STBX and his whims, future romantic choices who play stepmommy to my kids, and whatever batch of crazy he chooses to serve up in the future is infuriating.

Hang in there. Just remember who you are-- the steady, loving parent who cares about his kids and who will be the calm, reassuring presence that they need when your XW is caught up in her selfish ways.

(((OIAL)))


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3537 | Registered: Oct 2011
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

Isn't a sense of entitlement the fundamental basis of immorality?

It is. Why should they take responsibility when so many others are willing to do it for them. aka helping them out....my middle child and youngest child are the ones my XH passes his responsibility to. And being the helpful children that they are... they accept it.

How is it that someone can treat someone else in a way that shows zero compassion? I still find myself hoping that she'll wake up and see her own reflection, because I have trouble believing people can be so consistently selfish.

BTDT. When they constantly exhibit how low they can go... you will eventually lower your expectations. And sadly they will live up too those lower expectations spectacularly. My XH's behavior is such that if I was standing on the side of a highway, I would not want him to be behind me. My kids also feel this way. My expectation is that he would push me... and I (truthfully) do not think my expectation is out of line.

Divorce is a misnomer. When you have kids and a super-entitled ex, there's no such thing.

Divorced with kids feels more entangled than being married.

Entangled is a choice. You can go NC even with kids. Limit all communication to email. Parenting with the entitled is not coparenting.. it is RE-parenting. We have to undo everything the X taught them so that the kids can grow up to be emotionally healthy human beings.

Remember you are parenting with a muppet and a lower muppet at that. Muppets don't think, they are a puppet to the entitled part of themselves. The right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing... nothing is consistent. etc.

If you get the chance check out the NPD thread in I Can relate... your entitled EX may be NPD.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4840 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
OnceInALifetime
Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

Our contact has been extremely limited. Neither one of us has any urge to speak with the other.

But every now and then something big comes up, like college for the kids or something. That's when it gets entangled, because she adopts that entitled attitude. I could try to detach more, but that's hard when fighting for your own rights.


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, April 26th (Friday)

How are you fighting for your own rights?

I'm not being cheeky - I'm genuinely curious?

I'm reaching a place where I don't see the need to fight anymore. It is a waste of energy.

Kajem is right - lower your expectations so you're not constantly blindsided. Even though I expect the appalling I'm still shocked that he goes there. Shock is better than disappointment. Shock is detached, like watching monkeys eat their own poo. I've read they do it, I've heard people talking about it but seeing it is a whole other kettle of fish.

If its in the divorce agreement you either need to comply or take it to lawyers to try to change it.

If its not in the divorce agreement and she is pulling some fuckery - you can be shocked but don't let yourself be disappointed.

Easier said than done, I know. I'm disappointed for my girls too. Even with these lower-than-a-snakes-belly-button expectations he still seems to fail.

She is entitled to do what she likes and try to pull whatever stunt she wants to pull.

You are entitled to let it get to you.

Whatever it is there is a choice - it sucks arse when we don't like any of the options but we still have a choice.

I will have to change my girls lives significantly shortly thanks to their fathers fuckery. It sucks but beating my head on a brick wall won't make it suck less.

This isn't a 2x4 OIAL - its communion and support. I have another 16 years of this shit. I envy you that you have a few less years. I wish it could be different for both of us - the only way it can be different is in how much we let it impact us.

You can't control the fuckery they pull but you can control how much you let it mess with your head.

((OIAL)) Vent away brother - just don't get stuck here too long.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 10:24 AM, April 26th (Friday)]


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5403 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
torn2bits
Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, April 26th (Friday)

((((OIAL))))

This is exactly what I was talking about in my other thread. Its 3 years later and your XW still doesn't get it.

I say take the advice of the others and don't exptect too much.

Its still hard I know, but we can't change who we chose to have children with.

Stick to your guns and keep NC.


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, April 26th (Friday)

What happened, OIAL?? Can you share so we can get a sense of what is going on?

And..no...I've come to accept that my life will never be smooth when it pertains to STBX. There is simply something fundamentally wrong with him that I cannot change. I just have to accept and stay as detached as possible. That means drawing the boundary lines over and over and over and over.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4015 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
ladies_first
Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

She has no compunction about adding to my burden.

When she shows you who she is, believe her.

I still find myself hoping that she'll wake up and see her own reflection,

Nope!! D.E.T.A.C.H.

Don't
Even
Think
About
Changing
Her

What motivation does she have to become a good person toward you? None...
Any energy you spend "hoping" for her to change is an exercise in futility. DETACH.


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
Topic Posts: 10