(((devastatedone))) those are hugs BTW.
I'm so sorry you are going though this and find yourself here. While this may sound like an oxymoron, I’m glad you are here. Please know you are not alone and also that you've found a great support system to help you through this mess.
Some of this was posted above but it bears repeating because this is a critical time for you right now, both physically and mentally.
1. First & foremost... understand that This Is Not Your Fault... ANY of It. Also, please read the "Healing Library" (yellow box, top left of every page). There is lots of info there to help you understand what you’re going through.
2. Please realize that you are in a state of shock. For that reason it is imperative to take good care of YOU and your body now. Try to drink lots of fluids (preferably water... no booze!). Eat small meals and if your tummy is too upset for that, just eat chips and chocolate as they are easy to get down and also do have some nutritional value. Exercise as much as you can, even if it's just walking around the block. Try and get as much sleep as you can. I know this is hard... but you must try.
3. Do not make any big decisions right now. Being that you are in shock, you're not thinking straight. While it may not seem like it now, there will be ample time down the road for those.
4. Schedule an appointment with your doctor and ask for meds to help you sleep, and for anxiety if need be. Do not feel ashamed or guilty for doing this as most of us here had to in the beginning.
5. Try and refrain from arguing with your WH right now. You are too raw for that in your present state of mind. Focus instead on getting yourself on solid ground both mentally and physically first. Again, there will be ample time down the road for discussions with WH if you choose to... or other courses of action if need be.
6. Come back and post here often. We are a kindred tribe of individuals who are going, or have gone through what you are now. And… we are here to offer our support to others. So post as much as you want and don’t ever feel like it’s too much. I know I wore my fingers to the bone here in the beginning. When you do post, don’t ever be embarrassed to vent, rant, cuss, cry, scream… whatever. Trust me when I say we’ve heard it all. The main thing is for you to get it out to someone who understands and we’re here to listen and help if we can.
That's enough on your plate right now. Except to tell you that you CAN and WILL survive this. We’ll be here for you when you need us.